1
Stop the Jeep, Sergeant.
What's this all about, Captain?
A little entertainment for the men, sir.
Tonight's Christmas Eve.
These men are moving up tonight,
General Waverly.
They should be lined up
for full inspection.
You're absolutely right. There's
no Christmas in the Army, Captain.
Yes, sir.
There's always a slip-up or two
during a change in command.
The men get a little loose.
- I know I'm leaving them in good hands.
- Thank you, General.
Sergeant, take me
to headquarters immediately.
You'll have those men
turned out on the double.
- Sergeant, take the shortcut.
- Yes, sir.
That's not the way back to headquarters.
Joe, you know that and I know that,
but the general doesn't know it.
At least he won't
for about an hour and a half.
That sergeant will be a private
in the morning.
Yes. Isn't he lucky?
I'm dreaming
Of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the treetops glisten
And children listen
To hear sleigh bells
In the snow
I'm dreaming
Of a white Christmas
With every Christmas card
I write
May your days be merry
And bright
And may all your Christmases
Be white
Well, that just
about wraps it up, fellas.
Certainly too bad General Waverly
couldn't have been here
for this little
Yuletide clambake, but...
'Cause we really had a slam-bang finish
cooked up for him.
I guess you know by now
that he's being replaced
by a new commanding general
fresh out of the Pentagon.
That's not a very nice
Christmas present, is it,
for a division like us that's moving up?
The old man's moving toward the rear.
That's a direction
he's never taken in his entire life.
Well, all I can say is we owe
an awful lot to General Waverly...
Attention!
Captain Wallace, who's responsible
for holding a show
in this advanced area?
- Well, sir, as a matter of fact...
- It was me, sir.
Me, sir. It was my idea, sir.
I mean,
when you've got an entertainer, sir,
of the caliber
of Captain Wallace, sir...
I mean, sir,
it's Christmas Eve, sir, and...
Well, sir, I mean that
if you were in New York, sir,
you'd have to pay $6.60
or even $8.80 to see
or hear a great singer
like Captain Wallace, sir.
I'm well aware
of Captain Wallace's capabilities.
- Who are you?
- Phillip Davis, sir.
Private first class, sir.
- Well, at ease, Davis.
- Yes, sir.
I said, "At ease!"
Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.
This division is now under the command
of General Harold G. Carlton.
I don't want you to forget it,
not that he'll let you.
He's tough,
just what this sIoppy outfit needs.
He'll have you standing inspection
night and day.
You may even learn how to march.
And if you don't give him
everything you've got,
I may come back and...
fight for the enemy.
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
Well, I guess all I can say
is how much I...
What a fine outfit.
How am I going...?
Don't just stand there.
How do I get off?
Just happen to have
a slam-bang finish, sir.
Yes, sir.
We'll follow the old man
Wherever he wants to go
Long as he wants to go
Opposite to the foe
We'll stay with the old man
Wherever he wants to stay
Long as he stays away
From the battle's fray
Because we love him
We love him
Especially when he keeps us on the ball
And we'll tell the kiddies
We answered duty's call
With the grandest son of a soldier
Of them all
We'll stay with the old man
Wherever he wants to stay
Long as he stays away
From the battle's fray
Because we love him
We love him
Especially when he keeps us on the ball
And we'll tell the kiddies
We answered duty's call
With the grandest son of a soldier
Of them all
- Look out. It's about to come down.
- Get down!
Put me down!
You all right, Davis?
Yeah, I'm all right, sir.
It's just my arm, sir.
What do you...?
- This looks pretty bad.
- Yeah, it's nothing but a scratch.
- Hey, Davis, how you feeling?
- Pretty good, Captain.
I just dropped by to thank you
for saving my life.
- Well, it was a life worth saving, sir.
- Well, I appreciate it.
I want you to know something, Davis.
Anytime I can do anything for you,
anytime, any place,
- you just pick up a phone.
- Thank you, sir.
- So long, Davis. Sorry. I'll see you.
- That's all right, Captain.
Captain, you could do
one little tiny favor for me.
- What's that?
- Well, sir,
I've kind of written a little song,
you see,
and I thought perhaps
when we get back to the States,
when this is all over, you know,
I thought maybe if you put this song
in your act,
it might be a big hit for you.
- Why, sure. Just pick up the phone.
- Yeah. Captain,
I just happen to have it
with me right here.
- This it?
- Yeah.
Well, this is for two people.
It's a duet.
Yeah. It needs two people,
two dynamite entertainers.
But I work alone. I do a single.
Who do you figure on
for the other hunk of dynamite?
Well, I happen
to know a fellow, Captain.
He's pretty funny in living rooms, kind
of has a fair voice, you know, and I...
- How about me?
- Well, I do a single, you see.
Yeah, well... That's all right, Captain.
I wouldn't want you to feel
any special obligation in any way.
Oh, well.
OK, Dynamite, we'll give it whirl.
- OK, Captain. Bye.
- Good luck.
We're having a heat wave
A tropical heat wave
Well, now the temperature's rising
It isn't surprising
She certainly can
Can-can
Let me sing a funny song
With crazy words that roll along
And if my song can start you laughing
I'm happy, happy
Blue skies
Blue skies smiling at me
Nothing but blue skies
Blue skies do I see
Bluebirds
Singing a song
Nothing but bluebirds, bluebirds
All day long
I never saw the sun shining so bright
Never saw things going so right
Noticing the days hurrying by
When you're in love
My, my, how they fly
Blue days, all of them gone
Long gone
Nothing but blue skies from now on
Keep it bubbling now, girls.
- Phil, can I see you for a minute?
- Yeah.
- Hello, honey. Hi.
- Hi.
- You know Doris?
- Yeah.
- Hi.
- Hi. Hi. Fine.
On stage, girls! On stage. Finale.
Albert, did you get the notice drawn up?
- Yes, sir. Show lays off tonight.
- Good boy.
Cast and crew get ten days off with pay.
Gee, they'll go wild. Nicest Christmas
present anybody ever had.
Well, they deserve it.
You got the tickets for New York?
Well, a little rough
for the holiday traffic,
but I pulled a few strings,
got you and Mr. Davis on the 1:00 train.
- Tickets are on the way over.
- Good enough.
- Put that on the bulletin board.
- Sign this, Bob.
OK. Say, if you want us
for anything in New York,
we'll be at Radio City.
We'll be rehearsing there
- for the Ed Harrison Television Show.
- Yes, sir.
Too bad you and Mr. Davis
couldn't get a little rest.
Oh, man,
I wasn't about to turn this down.
This is a great big, fat plug
for the show.
- Bring the tickets when they come.
- Yes, sir.
- Edna, the light of my life!
- Bob?
Can I see you a minute?
- You know Doris, friend of Rita's.
- Another one?
- How do you do?
- Mutual, I'm sure.
I thought before train time,
we'd get a bite to eat
- and have a few laughs or something.
- No, I can't make it.
I'm afraid you can't either.
We got some business to take care of.
- What kind of business?
- We got to go look at an act.
- Look at an act?
- Some other time, I hope?
Well, I like that! Without so much
as a "Kiss my foot" or "Have an apple!"
That does it. That's the last time
I'm gonna dig up a date for him.
And from now on,
you can do your dirty work yourself.
Yeah, well, excuse me one minute,
will you, kids?
Wallace, I think it's time
you and I had a little talk.
Yeah, it's a good idea, buster.
If you don't mind, I'll lead off.
- Now, wait a minute.
- You wait a minute.
You know something,
for about three months now,
you've been clumsily trying
to entangle me with some female.
- All I'm trying to do...
- Fat ones, tall ones, thin ones.
Doesn't make any difference,
as long as they're wearing skirts,
a little mascara and still breathing,
you ran them at me.
Believe me, it's for your own good.
- For my own good?
- Yeah. Let's face it, Bob,
- you're a lonely, miserable man.
- What?
And you're unhappy, too,
and when you're unhappy, I'm unhappy.
After all, I feel a strong sense
of responsibility to you, Bob,
- ever since the day I...
- Not again with that life-saving bit.
- Well, if you'd rather forget it...
- How can I? You won't let me.
Since you saved my life,
you decided you had the right to run it.
You've ootzed me along
every step of the way.
You've hammered, drove,
pushed, shoved.
And if that wasn't enough,
you'd look at me
with those great big cow eyes of yours,
point at that phony arm,
and I'd melt and go along!
- I don't expect any gratitude.
- You're gonna get it.
We did great, and I'm grateful.
So, thank you. Thank you, Phil Davis,
from the bottom of my heart.
Now, will you let
the rest of my life alone?
- No, I won't.
- Well, why not?
Because you're a miserable,
lonely, unhappy man.
You're whacky. I'm a very happy man.
Well, then,
you're happy for the wrong reasons.
And that's the same as being lonely
and miserable, except it's worse.
You know something, you're off
your nut about a mile and a half.
I've got everything in life I want.
- I'm off my nut a mile and a half.
- At least.
You've got everything you want
except the most important thing.
- What's this?
- A girl.
Well, I'll get around to that
one of these days.
My dear partner,
when what's left of you
gets around to what's left to be gotten,
what's left to be gotten won't be worth
getting whatever it is you've got left.
When I figure out what that means,
I'll come up with a crushing reply.
- What's back all this, anyway?
- Nothing. Only your happiness.
- My happiness?
- Yeah.
You know, when you get an idea that's
for my sole and ultimate happiness,
there's always lurking behind it
a little angle for you.
- Now, what is it?
- Do you really want to know?
- Yes, I really want to know.
- All right, I'll really tell you.
Then lay it on me, will you?
Ever since the day we became
producers, you were a changed man.
You've gone absolutely berserk
with work.
The strange thing is you liked it.
You like being Rodgers & Hammerstein.
- It was your idea, you know? Yeah.
- Well, sure it was my idea.
But I didn't think
I was going to create a Frankenstein.
From that day on, I haven't had
one minute I could call my own.
What do you want me to do about it?
I want you to get married.
I want you to have nine children.
And if you only spend five minutes
a day with each kid, that's 45 minutes,
and I'd at least have time to go out
and get a massage or something.
You don't expect me to get serious
with the kind of characters
- you and Rita have been throwing at me.
- There've been some nice girls, too.
Yeah, yeah. Like that nuclear scientist
we just met out in the hall.
All right. They didn't go to college.
They didn't go to Smith.
Go to Smith? She couldn't even spell it.
That's very funny. The crooner
is now becoming the comic.
Phil, let me tell you something.
There's a lot of sense in what you say,
and I have to admit it.
But the kind of girls
you and I meet in this business,
they're young and they're ambitious.
They're full of their own careers.
Not interested in getting married,
settling down, raising a family.
That's funny, Bob. I never heard you
open up like that before.
Someday, the right girl
is gonna come along,
and if she'll have me,
we'll get married. We'll settle down.
We'll start having
those nine kids for you.
Forty-five minutes going to be enough?
- If I need any more, I'll tell you.
- Come in!
Your railroad tickets, sir.
Drawing Room A, Car 207.
- Thanks. Grab those, will you, Phil?
- Here.
We'll go right over to the station
from Novello's
- after we audition this act.
- What kind of an act is it?
- It's a sister act.
- We don't need any sister act.
What are we wasting time for?
Well, I got a letter from Benny Haynes.
They're his sisters.
Do you remember Benny Haynes,
the old mess sergeant?
Freckle-Face Haynes,
the dog-faced boy?
- That's the kid. Yeah.
- He's got sisters?
- Claims he's got them.
- Come on now.
How can a guy that ugly
have the nerve to have sisters?
Very brave parents, I guess.
- Bob, will you do me one favor?
- What's that?
Give me one reason, one good reason,
why we should spend
our last two hours in Florida
looking at the sisters of Freckle-Face
Haynes, the dog-faced boy.
Let's just say we're doing it
for a pal in the Army.
Well, it's not good, but it's a reason.
- Hey, Novello.
- Good evening, Mr. Wallace, Mr. Davis.
Say, have the Haynes Sisters
been on yet?
No, sir, not yet.
They'll be on in about 15 minutes.
- Tell them we're here, will you?
- Certainly, Mr. Wallace.
Luigi, show these gentlemen
to their table.
This is ridiculous. We could have
been out with Doris and Rita
having some laughs.
Phil, when are you gonna learn
girls like that are a dime a dozen?
Please, don't quote me the price
when I haven't got the time.
- Who is it?
- It's me. Novello.
Bob Wallace and Phil Davis
are out front to catch your act.
- Wallace and Davis?
- They got a letter from your brother.
He asked them to take a look
and give you some advice.
Come on now. You'd better hurry.
Isn't that fabulous?
Wallace and Davis here to see us.
Yeah, fabulous.
Who'd have thought that of Benny?
What a brother!
- What a sweet, wonderful guy!
- Amazing.
I wonder whatever gave him the idea.
Well, he probably knew we were here,
you know,
and that they were in town
with the big show.
He probably figured
we were too shy to take advantage
of an old Army friendship to call...
Judy, did you read Mother's letter
this morning?
- No. Why?
- Benny's got a job in Alaska.
He's been out of the country
for three months.
Well, he could have written from Alaska.
But he didn't, did he?
- He might have.
- Judy, why did you write the letter?
Well...
Because it's good business.
You can't leave everything up to fate.
Just like honesty needs a little plus,
fate needs a little push.
Judy, next time,
will you talk to me first
before you push us and plus us
right out of show business?
You needn't sound so patronizing.
You sound just like a mother hen
looking after a little chick.
Well, little chick needs
plenty of looking after.
Until someone else comes along
who can do it better,
mother hen's gonna stick pretty close
to the coop.
- All right, girls, five minutes.
- Thank you.
Honey, you look beautiful tonight.
He'll be crazy about you.
Which one?
What does it matter?
They're both famous.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the Haynes Sisters.
Can you imagine Freckle-Face
having sisters as cute as that?
It's incredible!
Sisters, sisters
There were never such devoted sisters
Never had to have a chaperone no, sir
I'm here to keep my eye on her
Caring, sharing
Every little thing that we are wearing
When a certain gentleman
Arrived from Rome
She wore the dress
And I stayed home
All kinds of weather
We stick together
The same in the rain or sun
Two different faces
But in tight places
We think and we act as one
Those who've seen us
Know that not a thing
Could come between us
Many men have tried to split us up
But no one can
Lord help the mister
Who comes between me and my sister
And Lord help the sister
Who comes between me and my man
- How about those big brown eyes?
- No, they're blue.
Brown.
Blue.
Yeah, deep blue.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- Won't you sit down?
- Thank you.
Won't you sit there,
and you sit right here?
There, that's cozier, isn't it?
Boy, girl, boy, girl.
Well, I'm Betty,
and this is my sister, Judy.
And you're Phil Davis,
and you're Mr. Wallace.
- Guilty on both counts, I guess.
- Isn't this nice?
Mr. Wallace was just saying
how remarkable it was
that Benny Haynes' sisters
should have eyes... I mean, blue eyes.
- That is, eyes...
- Nice out.
That's quite an act you kids have there.
It's a funny thing Benny never told us
there's so much talent in the family.
Well, to be perfectly honest...
Benny didn't want to take advantage
of an old Army friendship.
You know how shy he is,
so modest and retiring.
- It's a family characteristic.
- I have a recent snapshot here.
He always was a good-looking kid.
Speaking of families,
I read an article just the other day
about citrus fruit
and its effect on children's teeth.
Are you interested in families
or children
- or things like that, Miss Haynes?
- Yes, I suppose so.
- Oh, man, nix, nix.
- Isn't that amazing?
Imagine a girl in show business today,
wanting to settle down
and raising a family.
- It's so refreshing, isn't it?
- Pushing, pushing.
- Well, would you like a cigarette?
- No, thank you.
I, for one,
would like a little free advice.
Mr. Wallace, do you have
any suggestions for the act?
No. Just keep plugging away.
But there must be something.
Should we both be blondes?
Maybe Betty's hair
should go a shade darker?
Or should she maybe change the style?
A little more off the face?
- No. I wouldn't change a thing.
- Would you care to dance?
- Don't you think we should discuss...
- Let's say it with music.
All right.
Now, promise you won't say anything
important till I get back. Bye, now.
- They look well together, don't they?
- Yes.
Say, I was sure surprised to get
Benny's letter today. I didn't know...
Look, Mr. Wallace, before you
go any further, I must tell you,
you were brought here tonight
under false pretenses.
Benny didn't write the letter,
my sister did.
Judy?
She figured you'd never come
to see us if we asked you,
and you might if Benny did.
As simple as that.
How do you like that? Even little
Judy there's got an angle going.
- She didn't mean anything by it...
- You don't have to apologize.
Everybody's got an angle.
- That's a pretty cynical point of view.
- Come, come now, Miss Haynes.
Surely you knew that everybody's got
a little larceny operating in them.
- Didn't you know?
- Just for the record,
I want you to know that
my sister and I don't play angles.
Well, if that letter wasn't an angle,
I'd like to know what it was.
- I don't like your whole inferences.
- I've got no squawks, no beefs.
The kid played a percentage,
it worked and we're here.
Let's not make
a whole big mish-mosh out of it.
- They're getting along just fine.
- And so quickly, too.
Isn't that nice?
All I'm saying is, when you've been
around show business
as long as I have, you just get used
to people working angles, that's all.
Mr. Wallace, as the chance
of our seeing each other again
is extremely remote, I don't think it's
important for us to go on arguing.
- Well, I'll drink to that.
- Be my guest.
Hey, if this keeps up, we'll practically
be in-laws before the dance is over.
Well, I don't mind, if you don't.
Yeah, it's too bad
we're leaving town tonight.
That is a shame,
but we're leaving tomorrow, anyway.
- Where are you going?
- Vermont.
- We're booked for the holidays.
- Vermont?
Vermont should be beautiful this time
of the year, with all that snow.
- Yeah... You know something?
- What?
Vermont should be beautiful
this time of year.
- All that snow.
- That's what I just said.
We seem to be getting a little mixed up.
- Maybe it's the music.
- Maybe it isn't only the music.
The best things happen
While you're dancing
Things that you would not do at home
Come naturally on the floor
For dancing soon becomes romancing
When you hold a girl in your arms
That you've never held before
Even guys with two left feet
Come out all right if the girl is sweet
If by chance their cheeks should meet
While dancing
Proving that the best things happen
While you dance
The best things
Happen while you're dancing
Things that you would not do at home
Come naturally on the floor
For dancing
Soon becomes romancing
When you hold a girl in your arms
That you've never held before
Even guys with two left feet
Come out all right if the girl is sweet
If by chance their cheeks should meet
While dancing
Just proving that the best things
Happen while you dance
What is this?
The best two out of three?
- I guess I got carried away.
- Yeah, she carried me right with her.
I don't weigh very much.
We'd better change for the last number.
- See you after the show.
- The sheriff's here.
He's in my office with a warrant
to arrest both of you.
- The sheriff?
- What's up? What's the trouble?
The landlord claims
we burnt a hole in the rug,
and he's trying to hold us up for $200.
No, not that old rug routine.
And on top of that,
we sneaked our bags out of our room.
- Where are they?
- In our dressing room.
Dressing room. Look, I'll tell you what.
You girls go and pack.
Bob and I'll take care of this.
No, no, no, no.
We don't want to cause you any trouble.
- It's no trouble, honey.
- I know, but Mr. Wallace already...
Will you stop worrying
about Mr. Wallace?
We like to take care of our friends.
- We're practically strangers.
- We'd like to take care of that, too.
But you might get yourself
in an awful jam. Why should you?
- I mean, what's in it for you?
- Forty-five minutes all to myself.
- What?
- Now, come on. Will you hurry, girls?
Come on. Come on. Go on. You go back
to the office and stall the sheriff.
- But, Mr. Davis, how will I stall...
- Make up a story. Tell him anything.
Tell him the girls have
to finish the show or something.
Bob. All right, Bob, the girls
are in jam. We'll have to help them.
- What's the beef?
- Come on. They're in big trouble now.
- What's the picture?
- Somebody is trying to get... Come on.
Let me ask you something.
Why don't we pay the fellow the $200?
Are you kidding?
Pay off a chiseling rat like that?
Will you send a cab out back,
and I'll meet you in the dressing room?
I don't know how I get mixed up
in these things.
Why do I listen to you?
Give me one good reason.
Let's just say we're doing it
for an old pal in the Army.
- It's not good, but it's a reason.
- Will you go on?
You kids get down to the station
and hop on a train.
- Here, Phil.
- We can't.
Our tickets aren't good until tomorrow.
But you've got to get out tonight.
Tickets. Wait a minute. Here,
take these. Now, get going. Come on.
We can't take your tickets.
What will Mr. Wallace think?
Well, honey, it was his idea.
Now, will you please get going?
- His idea? Are you sure?
- Yeah.
He won't think
it's some kind of an angle?
I told you it was his idea.
Now, come on. Upsy-daisy. Here we go!
That's right.
We'll pay you back.
Where can we reach you?
Don't worry. We'll be in touch. Come on.
Our trunks, our phonograph
and the recording.
Honey, we'll get them to you. Would
you please go? The taxi is coming.
- Don't stop for anything. Bye.
- Bye, Phil.
- Here.
- Here.
- Open the door. Bye.
- Bye, now.
And I can't stall him much longer.
Hey, whatever happened
to paying the $200?
Well, we've got to give the girls
five or ten minutes' start.
Wait a minute, I've got an idea.
If you could just stall him
for just a few minutes.
I'll try, but he's eating me
out of business already.
- Well, keep punching, will you?
- OK.
Come on, Bob, I think this will work.
I got a feeling I'm not gonna like it.
I got a feeling you're gonna hate it.
- What am I doing it for?
- Let's just say
we're doing it for a pal in the Army.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I know. I've heard that...
Listen, Sheriff, I haven't got all night
to wait here while you eat free food.
You got your warrant,
now arrest those girls.
Now, we agreed to let them finish
their show first.
I didn't agree. It was his idea.
I got some rights, too.
You don't get those girls
till after they've done their number.
Well, how long is it going to take?
Well, it'll only be...
Wait a minute, there's their music.
- How's your coffee holding up? Yeah.
- Warm it up a little.
Ladies and gentlemen,
an impromptu surprise for you.
The Haynes Sisters.
Sisters, sisters
There were never such devoted sisters
Never had to have a chaperone no, sir
I'm here to keep my eye on her
Caring, sharing
Every little thing that we are wearing
When a certain gentleman
Arrived from Rome
She wore the dress
And I stayed home
All kinds of weather
We stick together
The same in the rain or sun
Two different faces
But in tight places
We think and we act as one
Those who've seen us
Know that not a thing
Could come between us
Many men have tried to split us up
But no one can
Lord help the mister
Who comes between me and my sister
And Lord help the sister
Who comes between me and my man
Sisters!
Sisters!
Sister, don't come between me
And my man
Hey, we're a smash. Let's take a bow.
Are you crazy? We'll be taking a bow
down at the jailhouse. Come on.
- Hey! Hey, you!
- The sheriff!
- Open up! Come on. Open up.
- You've done it again.
It was your fault.
If we get out of this...
Let's go.
Taxi!
- Boy, girl, boy, girl.
- Let's get over the... Hold this.
Here we go.
You gentlemen made it just in time.
- Is this the right car...
- You say you have space on this train?
Show him the tickets, buster.
- Tickets?
- The tickets.
- Tickets. Yeah.
- Yes.
Hold this just a minute.
- What's the matter with you?
- No. I'm looking for the tickets.
- Get them up.
- I'll get them.
- Railroad tickets...
- Yeah.
I have the... No, it's...
I don't seem to have them.
Maybe you've got them, Bob.
Me? You crazy?
I saw you put them in your pocket.
Well, they're gone. They're gone.
I must have left them in my girdle.
Gentlemen, either you have tickets
or you haven't tickets.
We've got a drawing room.
Every available space
on this train is occupied.
However, if you care
to purchase tickets,
you can sit up all night
in the club car.
Well, that's fine.
How much are two fares to New York?
Now, let me see. $97.24.
- How much more is it to Vermont?
- Vermont? We're going to New York.
It must be beautiful this time of year
in Vermont, Bob. All that snow?
- Two tickets to New York.
- How much more to Vermont?
Vermont? Who cares?
Who's going to Vermont?
We are. I mean, we should.
It'll do us a lot of good, Bob,
all that snow and the fir trees
and the clean fresh air and...
Great change of pace,
just what we need.
- Two tickets to New York.
- It's still $97.24 though.
- OK, buster, get it out. Come on.
- I don't seem to have any cash.
What did you do with that?
Leave it in your snood? Here.
- $97.24.
- OK. There you are.
- Where are you going?
- It's for breakfast.
- Breakfast! Get some peanuts.
- All right.
- Club car's straight ahead.
- OK.
Excuse me, gentlemen.
I certainly don't get this.
We had space in our names.
They're not allowed to give it away
to somebody else.
Well, with the holiday rush and all
there could have been a slip-up.
- Excuse me.
- The club car's in there, I think.
Well, this is great, just great.
We've paid for our tickets twice,
and now we've got to sit up all night.
What are you screaming about?
If we took a plane,
we'd be sitting up all night.
We're not taking a plane.
We're taking a train,
a train on which we had tickets.
Tickets for a drawing room with
two nice, warm, soft comfortable beds,
where, at this very moment, two...
No, you wouldn't do this to me.
- Wouldn't do what?
- After you dressed me up like a dame,
you get me involved with a sheriff.
I almost lose my life
trying to catch a train. I know...
I just know on top of all that,
you wouldn't take away
my nice warm bed
and let me spend the night
out here in a drafty old club car.
You wouldn't do this to old Bob,
would you?
Whatever are you talking about?
I'm going down there to Drawing
Room A, I'm gonna open up that door,
and if I find those two Haynes sisters
there, I'm gonna take them by the hair
and with these two hands I'm...
Mr. Wallace,
how can we ever thank you?
It was really so sweet
and generous of you.
Mr. Davis told us you insisted
on giving us the tickets,
and, well, it was just wonderful of you.
Wasn't there something
you wanted to say to the girls?
Yeah. Won't you have a drink
or a sandwich or something?
- Let's sit down.
- Yeah, sit down.
Can we have some club sandwiches?
- I'd like lemonade, please.
- I'll have a malt, please.
- We're emceeing the joint.
- This is cozy, boy, girl, girl, boy.
Tell me, where are you kids
going to stay in New York?
We're not staying in New York.
We're booked for over the holidays.
- Where?
- The Columbia Inn, Pine Tree, Vermont.
That sounds very Vermont-y.
Should be beautiful this time
of the year in Vermont,
- all that snow and everything.
- Yeah, yeah, beautiful.
The fir trees, the clean pine air.
Very beautiful. Just what we need.
Wonderful. Could you come up
for a couple of days?
Well, I don't know...
I wish you could.
It would be awfully nice.
Miss Haynes,
if you're ever under a falling building
and somebody runs up
and offers to pick you up
and carry you to safety, don't think,
don't pause, don't hesitate a moment,
just spit in his eye.
- What did that mean?
- It means we're going to Vermont.
Oh, boy!
Might not be bad at that, you know.
The snow-covered slopes, the skiing,
Christianas and the stemming
and the platzing and the schussing.
Hot buttered rum,
light on the butter, snow.
- Snow, snow
- Snow, snow
Snow
It won't be long
Before we'll all be there with snow
Snow, snow
I want to wash my hands
My face and hair with snow
Snow, I long to clear a path
And lift a spade of snow
Snow, oh
To see a great big man
Entirely made of snow
Snow
Where it's snowing all winter through
That's where I want to be
Snowball throwing
That's what I'll do
How I'm longing to ski
- Through the snow
- Snow
Those glistening houses
That seem to be built of snow
Snow, oh
To see a mountain covered
With a quilt of snow
- What is Christmas with no snow?
- What is Christmas with no snow?
- No white Christmas with no snow
- No snow
- Snow
- Snow
I'll soon be there with snow
I'll wash my hair with snow
And with a spade of snow
I'll build a man that's made of snow
I'd love to stay up with you
But I recommend a little shuteye
Go to sleep
And dream
- Of snow
- Snow
- Snow, snow
- Snow, snow
Snow
Pine Tree. Coming in to Pine Tree.
- Hi.
- Good morning, merry sunshine.
- How did you sleep?
- Like a baby.
I always love sleeping on trains.
Yeah? You remember
Nanook of the North.
You wound up on the shelf?
Must've lost the toss.
- Let me help you down.
- All right.
- Let's go visit the firemen.
- Yes.
- Your strategy's a little obvious.
- You don't really mind, do you?
- But I got a flash for you.
- What?
She's a real slow mover.
Honey, I got a flash right back for you.
She's in there with the champ.
Looks like our work's cut out for us.
Will you leave it to me?
I've got a whole plan worked out.
Come on, let's go.
Hey! Hey, Bob, Betty, Judy, come here.
I think we took the wrong train.
- What?
- What's the matter?
Well, it's all green out here.
We're still in Carolina.
They must have
grass-covered igloos up here.
- Here, honey.
- Let me help you with that.
- This is warmer than Florida.
- Where's the beach?
We should have brought
our bathing suits.
- You all right, honey?
- Yeah.
Is this Vermont,
New England's winter playground?
- You sure this is the right Vermont?
- This must be southern Vermont.
- I just don't understand it.
- Ask Cisco here.
Where's the snow? This is supposed
to be America's snow playground.
We haven't had snow since
Thanksgiving. Sixty-eight yesterday.
Car for Columbia Inn this way.
- That's us. Let's go.
- Yeah.
Well, must be wonderful up
in Vermont this time of the year.
All that underwear!
Gosh, I hope
I can take the electric blanket back.
- Where do you got that?
- Under the underwear.
You'll get a nice tan.
- Snow, snow
- Snow, snow
Snow
It won't be long
Before we'll all be there with...
Little old snowflakes
Eskimo pie
Chocolate and vanilla for you and I
- Well...
- It's real nice.
- Aren't you glad you came now?
- Very Vermont-y.
You'll be able to do all the schussing
and the platzing and everything, see?
We hope to find the snow here.
Welcome to Columbia Inn. What sort
of accommodations would you like?
I can offer you a fairly wide choice.
Any room in the inn, including mine.
We're not here as guests.
We're the Haynes Sisters.
My friend and I are guests.
We came up for the snow.
- Where are you keeping it?
- Well, we take it in during the day.
I'm terribly sorry, but I'm afraid
we won't be able to use you.
We'll pay you the half salary
for canceling.
Well, are things really that bad?
We're using the ski tow
to hang the wash on.
You aren't gonna stay either, are you?
Well, if the girls are leaving,
I'll just get the luggage here.
Thank you, sir.
General Waverly!
- Sir.
- At ease.
- How are you, Captain?
- I'm fine, General, but...
We just try to keep
the "general" part quiet.
Why? Begging your pardon, sir.
Well, to put it in one sentence,
people don't expect a major general
to carry firewood.
Bob, I was just thinking... Hi. I was...
Private Davis, sir.
At ease, Davis.
General Waverly! A janitor!
- Never thought I'd make it?
- Yes, sir. Sir.
You could do anything
you put your mind to, sir.
But a janitor!
Matter of fact, it's worse than that.
I own this hotel.
- A landlord.
- He got it in a shrewd business move.
If I start the introductions,
- can I get to meet these young ladies?
- Why, sure.
My housekeeper, Miss Emma Allen.
My granddaughter, Susan Waverly.
- Susan.
- Hello.
- We're the Haynes Sisters.
- Your floor show.
Don't worry, I've already told them
we'd have to cancel.
Why? We have a floor, haven't we?
Last time I looked.
But who are they gonna sing to?
Well, even if it's only to you and me,
it'll be well worth it.
Besides, there'll be six inches of snow
tonight. We'll be full up tomorrow.
Is that the weather forecast?
No, but if there was one thing I learned
in the Army, it was to be positive,
especially when you don't know
what you're talking about.
General Waverly, we want you to know
that you needn't feel obligated.
- I mean, since there's no snow...
- Nonsense. We've made a contract.
Your first performance
is tonight at 8:00.
- Be there or I'll sue!
- Here.
Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen,
I'm on KP.
- Yes, sir.
- Yes, sir.
Those who've seen us
Know that not a thing
Could come between us
Many men have tried to split us up
But no one can
Lord help the mister
Who comes between me and my sister
And Lord help the sister
Who comes between me and my man
We ate, and then he ate.
We slept, then he slept.
Yeah, then he woke up
and nobody slept for 48 hours.
Sisters
Sisters
- Hi, girls.
- Hi.
You know what?
I think Bob and I could give you
some pointers on that Sister number.
- I don't like the wardrobe.
- But it's so purdy.
Isn't this awful? It's like
taking money under false pretenses.
Emma, couldn't you talk him into
letting us work for half salary?
Not Light Horse Harry.
"Advance, advance, never retreat."
- He's advancing into bankruptcy.
- How deep's he in here?
He sunk everything,
his pension, his life savings,
everything in remodeling this place!
It used to be a gristmill and a barn.
Now, it's a Tyrolean haunted house.
Well, eat hearty!
There ought to be
something we can do about it.
Well, there is. We're going
to New York in the morning.
- New York?
- But you just got here!
We got some connections there,
some good ones.
We can dig him up a spot somewhere.
Yeah, but that takes too long.
The problem is here, now.
We've got to stay up here
and dream up some way
of getting people
to come into this place.
- What do you suggest?
- I don't know.
It should be something unusual,
some kind of a novelty...
Tell me, brainstorm, what do you think
would be a novelty up here in Vermont?
Who knows?
Maybe we can dig up a Democrat?
They'd stone him!
Well, if you ask me, what this place
really needs is a dynamite act.
Now, you're talking.
If we could get something really big.
- Something sock, like...
- Like Wallace and Davis.
No, honey, you couldn't get them.
They're too big.
Wait a minute. Wallace and Davis.
How about that, Bob?
We could do our old nightclub act,
fit the girls in here and there.
- Might be wonderful. What do you say?
- I think you got something.
It's a great idea.
It's half a great idea, anyhow.
Will you excuse me? Young lady,
get me the New York operator.
OK, Mr. Wallace. This way.
I don't know what he's up to,
but he's got that
Rodgers & Hammerstein look again.
- Is that bad?
- Not bad, but always expensive.
Excuse me.
I know it sounds crazy, Al,
but you're working for crazy people.
Now, get this straight. I want
the whole show up here in three days.
Yeah, the whole show. Sets, costumes
and all the cast you can round up.
Hey, wait a minute.
What's this gonna cost?
Everybody gets an extra week's pay
and you get a bonus, Al.
- What's this gonna cost?
- We open Christmas Eve.
The tab! How much?
Al, what's this gonna set us back?
- Wow!
- How much is "wow"?
Well, OK, Al, do the best you can.
Good luck.
- How much is "wow"?
- We got a big job, buster, a big job.
Whatever acts we can't get,
we fill in with the Haynes Sisters.
- How much is "wow"?
- Right in between "ouch" and "boing."
- Wow! I'm right behind you.
- Come along.
I won't tell the general,
you do it your own way,
but I think bringing your show up here
is just one of the nicest...
How did you know?
Well, like any decent,
self-respecting housekeeper,
I listen in on the other phone.
I just don't know what to say.
- He thought of it.
- Well, it was a lovely thought.
- Wow!
- Let's get hold of yourself. Come on.
Hurry up, kids. Check in the lobby
for your room numbers.
Put your bags backstage.
Everybody grab his own suitcases.
Let's not get mixed up now.
The wardrobe trunk's in the hall.
Let's go, let's go, we got to get
started hanging those drapes.
All right, kids, find your rooms,
get settled.
Get your rehearsal costumes on. We
start rehearsals right after breakfast.
I still don't understand it. You mean
you brought your whole show up here?
- Well, most of it, sir.
- Well, it's still not clear to me. Why?
Well, we have this show. Now,
we have to close down for the holidays,
lay the cast off, and business is bad...
I know about business being bad. Go on.
Well, we figured
since we had a chance to rehearse,
we might as well do
our rehearsing up here.
Why here?
Well, you've got this nice
big empty ski lodge,
and the minute Phil and I saw it, we
decided it was ideal. Didn't we, Phil?
That's right, Bob. Ideal.
That's exactly the word we used, too.
Ideal. We looked at this big ski lodge
and we said, "Isn't it ideal?
- Absolutely ideal." Didn't we?
- Ideal.
We've established the fact
the lodge is ideal.
And it gives us a chance, you see,
sir, to test new material.
- On what?
- On the audience.
We use them like guinea pigs.
Pigs, we can get for you.
I'm not so sure about people.
Well, with all due modesty, sir,
Wallace and Davis never had
any trouble packing them in, sir.
- People that is, not pigs.
- Well, go ahead, if you want to.
Apparently, there's quite a bit about
show business I don't understand.
- It'll come to you, sir.
- Just takes time.
Sure. We wouldn't be
any good as generals.
You weren't any good as privates.
All right, kids,
take it from the top once again.
That's right, that's it.
All right, keep it lively.
All right, let's keep it going.
That's good.
Keep it up there, honey.
Move that lumber over, fellas.
Take it over on the other side.
I'd rather see a minstrel show
Than any other show I know
Oh, those comical folks
With their riddles and jokes
Here is the riddle that I love the best
Why does a chicken go...
- You know the rest
- Yes, sir
I'd pawn my overcoat and vest
To see a minstrel show
Mr. Bones, Mr. Bones
How do you feel, Mr. Bones?
Rattling
Mr. Bones feels rattling
Ha, ha, that's a good one
Tell a little story, Mr. Bones
A funny little story, Mr. Bones
How can you stop an angry dog
From biting you on Monday?
That joke is old
The answer is to kill the dog on Sunday
That's not the way to stop a dog
From biting you on Monday
How would you bring the thing about?
Have the doggie's teeth pulled out
Oh, Mr. Bones, that's terrible
Yes, Mr. Bones, that's terrible
- Mr. Interloc'ter
- What is wrong with you?
- Well, I know of a doctor
- Tell about him, do
Sad to say one day he fell
Right into a great big well
- Oh, that's too bad
- But not at all
Why speak in such a tone?
He should have attended to the sick
And let the well alone
That's a joke
That was told
In the minstrel days we miss
When Georgie Primrose used to sing
And dance to a song like this
Mandy
Mandy
Mandy
Mandy
There's a minister handy
And it sure would be dandy
If we let him make a fee
So don't you linger
Here's a ring for your finger
Isn't it a humdinger?
Come along and let the wedding chimes
Bring happy times for Mandy and me
Mandy, what a gal
Oh, Mandy
There's a minister handy
And it sure would be dandy
If we let him make a fee
He's got his rent to pay
So don't delay
It's not a day to linger
Here's a ring for your finger
Isn't it a humdinger?
We advise to live and love
And honor and obey
Before he gets away
Make it Mandy and me
The wedding chimes
Bring happy times
For Mandy and me
So don't you linger
Here's a ring for your finger
Isn't it a humdinger?
Come along and let the wedding chimes
Bring happy times
For Mandy and me
- Wonderful!
- This will bring business in, Grandpa.
- Loved it!
- Was everything all right, really?
- All right? Wait till tonight...
- It was sensational!
Judy, was the tempo a little slow
for you right here, honey?
Mandy
There's a minister handy
Yeah, but you got to drive it there.
You've got to keep it flowing.
So listen, Mandy
There's a minister hand...
- Isn't that better?
- Yes, I can see that's... better.
That's much better.
Much, much better.
Mandy
There's a minister...
Mandy
There's a minister handy
- Anything wrong?
- No, I'm just restless.
- Anything on your mind?
- Just restless.
Maybe you'd sleep better
if you had something to eat.
No, honey, I'm not hungry.
Emma said she left some sandwiches
down in the snack bar.
- Judy, go to sleep.
- And some buttermilk.
- Good night, Judy.
- Good night.
They say if you eat something right
before you go to bed, it helps to...
- Judy.
- No, no,
it drains the blood from the head,
in case you're thinking of anything
or anybody or just anything.
All right. Fine, OK, swell.
I'll go and get something to eat.
Not because I want something to eat,
but because if I don't get something
to eat, you won't go to sleep.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Hi.
- Well, hello. What's doing?
- I couldn't sleep.
You're a little young for that route,
aren't you?
Well, I heard something
about sandwiches and buttermilk.
Sister, this is the place.
We is loaded here.
We got New England blue plate
or the Vermont smorgasbord.
Not as flashy as Toots Shor's probably,
but I think you'll
find the price is right.
- What'll you have?
- Anything.
Tell me what you want to dream about,
I'll know what to give you.
- What's that?
- I got a whole big theory about it.
Different kinds of food
make for different kinds of dreams.
Now, if I have ham and cheese
on rye like that,
I dream about a tall cool blonde.
Sort of a first sacker type, you know.
Turkey, I dream about a brunette.
A little on the scatback side,
but sexy, sexy.
- What about liverwurst?
- I dream about liverwurst.
- It's a little chilly in here, isn't
- it? I got just the spot for you.
Here, grab the cow,
- and we'll gather round the fire.
- All right.
Got a nice open-hearth job here
with some Vermont logs burning briskly.
- Isn't this nice?
- Wonderful.
- Glad you came?
- It's better than a picnic.
Why, certainly. No sand
or yellow jackets buzzing around.
I can't understand what's wrong with me.
I usually don't
have any trouble sleeping.
Well, you've come to the right fellow.
Here, sit down.
You know,
I have a theory about that, too.
- Would you like to hear it?
- Very much.
When I'm worried and I can't sleep
I count my blessings
Instead of sheep
And I fall asleep
Counting my blessings
When my bankroll is getting small
I think of when I had none at all
And I fall asleep
Counting my blessings
I think about a nursery
And I picture curly heads
And one by one I count them
As they slumber in their beds
If you're worried
And you can't sleep
Just count your blessings
Instead of sheep
And you'll fall asleep
Counting your blessings
Do you mind if I say something
just for the record?
Of course not.
I think what you're doing
for the general
is one of the most decent,
unselfish things I've ever heard of.
- No angle?
- No angle.
I want to apologize
for the way I sounded in Florida.
I guess I've always been
kind of a silly schoolgirl.
You know the bit, the lady fair
and the knight on the white horse.
Let me tell you something,
it's kind of dangerous
putting those knights
up on white horses.
- They're likely to slip off, you know.
- I think mine's here to stay.
That's sure good to know.
Makes a fellow feel a little shaky
to hold up there all alone
on one of those bleached chargers.
- Are you worried?
- Kind of.
If you're worried
And you can't sleep
Just count your blessings
Instead of sheep
And you'll fall asleep
Counting your blessings
Excuse me, I'm sorry.
I was just after a little something
for a sweet tooth.
I see you've beaten me to it.
You'll find the Vermont smorgasbord
very good, General.
- It'll make you sleep like a baby.
- Thank you.
So you know something?
You still haven't eaten anything.
I know exactly what
I'm going to dream about tonight.
Good for you.
Hold your fire, men. I'm coming through.
- Morning, Captain.
- Morning, General.
Looks like you're on active duty.
Yeah, Emma drafted me
for a few chores.
And I picked up the handbills
for the new show.
Look pretty good?
Well, that ought to bring in
quite a few guinea pigs.
You ever hook up with the fellows
in the horseshoe game?
No. No, I'm a little too young
for that sort of thing.
Figure a fellow ought to hold off
on horseshoes
till after the parade's passed him by.
That'll be some time, sir.
- You get it?
- Thank you.
Look, Bob, I still don't know too much
about show business and guinea pigs,
but in case you and Phil
are worried about the welfare
of a certain Vermont innkeeper,
you needn't be.
- His inn-keeping days are numbered.
- I wouldn't say that.
The percentage is gonna catch up
with the weatherman one of these days.
I've been watching those clouds,
and there's snow in them.
Those are cumulus clouds,
elevation 7,000 feet.
Yeah, well, I wouldn't be surprised
if it snowed overnight.
I want to tell you something
I haven't even told the womenfolk.
- I'm going back in the Army.
- Really?
- I've applied for active duty.
- Well, that's wonderful news, sir.
I got an idea they may try to palm off
one of those desk jobs on me,
but they'd better not.
I'm holding out for a training command
or something overseas.
When will you hear, sir?
I expect a letter
from Washington any day now.
Holy smoke, I'm really on the boil!
I got the mail right here,
and I think
there's a letter for you, General.
Yeah. Here it is, from Washington, too.
- It looks like the one.
- War Department, see?
I left my... My glasses are in my room.
I would like to read this by myself,
but I'm a little anxious.
- Read it, son, slowly.
- All right.
I'm starting to play
trombone a little, too.
Let's see if I can get focused in here.
- "Dear Tom, why you dirty old..."
- Skip that word.
"Certainly was a surprise
hearing from you.
Your amusing letter was appreciated
more than you imagine.
Of course, you've got plenty of time
to be amusing,
sitting on that porch, rocking away,
while we put in a full day's work.
You always were a lucky stiff,
and I envy you.
A few years more, I was saying
to Edie the other evening,
and I'll be able
to take it easy like old Tom."
Old Tom.
"Oh, well.
Some people have all the luck.
Everything's fine here.
Carol had the mumps..."
The rest of the letter
is about the family.
He's telling me that they can't use me.
No place for me.
We're not fooling each other.
Bob, it wouldn't be too hard to
learn this game of horseshoes.
Now, would it?
It'd be a cinch.
Begging your pardon, sir,
but there's really
a lot to be said for leisure.
Of course, you've always been active,
but in time...
Never kid a kidder, son.
See you later.
That's a good one!
Fine, fine.
All right, kids, take a rest.
- I'm sure it's a great...
- Bob? Phil?
Ready to run through
the Choreography number.
I'll be with you in a minute.
It's the craziest thing I ever heard of!
How are you gonna get a whole
division up here by Christmas Eve?
So we don't get a whole division.
But there must be enough guys
in New England alone
from the old man's outfit
to fill a town this size.
At least enough guys
to let him know he's not forgotten.
Don't you think
putting the show on will do it?
Phil, if you'd seen the look in his eyes
when he read that letter
you'd know it wouldn't.
It's gonna take five days
to put the show on, is it?
That's right.
How are we gonna get in touch
with all the fellows?
Television. Ed Harrison.
I'm gonna go put a call in to him now.
I'll go on down to New York, and if I
can swing it, I'll get on his show
and make a pitch to the guys myself.
What do you think of it?
I think it's impossible,
ridiculous and insane.
- Anything else?
- Yeah. I wish I'd thought of it first.
You rehearse the number.
I'll put the call in, Bob.
Hey, Johnny, get the kids
for a dress rehearsal, will you?
Emma? Could you put in
a long-distance call for me?
I want to get Ed Harrison,
New York City.
- The television Ed Harrison?
- That's the fellow, yeah.
You'll catch him at Radio City, I think.
And let's keep it quiet.
This is kind of a personal thing.
Sure, sure. Ed Harrison, television.
Radio City, gee.
All right, fellas. From the top.
The theater, the theater
What's happened to the theater
Especially where dancing is concerned?
Chaps
Who did taps
Aren't tapping anymore
They're doing choreography
Chicks
Who did kicks
Aren't kicking anymore
They're doing choreography
Heps
Who did steps
That would stop the show
In days that used to be
Through the air they keep flying
Like a duck that is dying
Instead of dance
It's choreography
Ed, Ed, I know it's a long shot,
but there's no other way
to reach the men in a hurry.
How does it sound?
I love the idea of doing
something for the old man.
If it weren't for him,
I wouldn't know how to peel a potato!
Look, why don't you go all out?
Put the whole show on TV?
I'll come up there myself,
bring the camera, the crew, the works.
- Thanks, Ed, but that's not the idea.
- Well, it's a great idea.
Put the show on the whole network
right from Pine Tree. Play it up big.
A real Christmas Eve show,
all about how you're playing
Santa Claus to the old man, you know.
Plenty of schmaltz, lots of heart.
Would be worth over $100,000
in free advertising for you and Phil.
And, yeah,
we'll put the old boy on himself,
you know, the forgotten-man angle.
Tear their hearts out.
Here's the laundry, Emma.
I'm sorry, Ed. Sorry, but that's out.
We're not commercializing
on the old man's hard luck. No chance.
All I want to do is go on your show
and make a little pitch. OK?
Wonderful. Wonderful.
See you Sunday night then. Bye.
- Take it upstairs, Susan.
- All right.
Emma?
- Was there a telegram for me?
- What?
Yeah! Just an offer
from the Carousel Club in New York,
anytime you and Judy are available.
What's your technique?
Holding them up to the light?
- That's for amateurs. I use steam.
- You're quite a pro.
I'm thinking of turning in my uniform.
Stick your nose
in other people's business
and eventually you find out things
you wish you hadn't.
Anything specific?
Did you know the boys are planning
to put this whole show on television?
- Television?
- Right from here, on Christmas Eve.
I just heard Bob fix it with
Ed Harrison. It's a big deal.
Real schmaltz, I think they called it.
- They're even gonna put the general on.
- I just can't believe it.
That'll make him a pathetic figure
from coast to coast.
What's it gonna do to his pride?
Of course, you know it means
over $200,000 worth of free publicity
- for Davis and Wallace.
- Emma, that's a terrible thing to say.
I didn't say it. Bob Wallace said it.
I just heard him.
No. Bob wouldn't be involved in a thing
like that. I'm sure you're wrong.
Well, if I am, I'll resign as president
of the New England chapter
of Busybodies Anonymous.
Oh, dear, my nerves. It's the phone.
Hi, Betty. Have you seen Bob?
Do you know whether he made that
phone call to New York or not, Emma?
- I understand he did.
- Good.
I hear that television's
entered the picture.
- Then he worked it out?
- Beautifully.
- It's a great, little angle, isn't it?
- Brilliant.
Listen, keep this under your hat,
will you?
We wouldn't want the general
to know about it, because it's...
I can understand that.
Betty, that was Bob. He's waiting
to rehearse in the dining room.
- Anything wrong?
- Tell him I'm on the way.
- Hi, hon. How about some lunch?
- I'm not hungry.
- But Betty...
- I said I'm not hungry.
- What's with her?
- I'm not sure, but I have an idea.
I want to think about it.
Yeah, well, let's think about it over
a sandwich, kid. I'm starving to death.
- Change the routine...
- That other rehearsal's
got me crazy. I don't know...
Let's set up the next number.
Howdy. I was just going over
this Blessings number.
Something we could do together.
Want to try it from the release?
When my bankroll is getting small
I think of when I had none at all
And I fall asleep counting my blessings
What's the matter? A bad key for you?
Look, I don't think
I'm right for this song.
Of course you are. Lays great for you.
Come on, now, let's try it.
- No, I don't think I'm right for it.
- Don't be silly.
What I'm trying to say is
I don't feel like doing this song.
I don't want to do this song. In fact,
I'm not sure I want to do the show.
Well, what is this?
You sleep well last night or what?
I'd rather not discuss last night,
if you don't mind.
Come now, I admit I was
a little carried away and everything,
but there's no use getting all upset
with just a simple little kiss.
Nobody signed a contract.
There's certainly nothing
for you to feel guilty about.
- Look who's talking about guilt.
- What do you mean by that?
I mean, you shouldn't mix fairytales
with liverwurst and buttermilk.
- What did you have for lunch today?
- I didn't have lunch.
Well, maybe you ought to eat something.
Why is everybody suddenly
so concerned about my eating habits?
- Why don't people leave me alone...
- Time, time, cut!
Let's get off the merry-go-round.
If you got something to say, say it.
Otherwise, let's get to work. I got
a lot of details here to take care of.
Well, then, let's just skip all this.
I certainly wouldn't want to interfere
with the business plans
of the great Wallace and Davis.
- That's quite a remark.
- I'm sorry. It's the best I can do.
Look, Betty,
I've got no time for games today.
Now, are you gonna
sing this song or not?
- I don't want to sing the song.
- Well, nobody's twisting your arm.
- Is that all, Mr. Wallace?
- Yes, that's all, Miss Haynes.
Yours ought to be done by now.
- How do you figure that?
- I'm not sure,
but daylight's beginning to glimmer.
Last night she couldn't sleep.
Today she won't eat.
- She's in love.
- If that's love, somebody goofed.
It's love all right, but she's
deliberately putting up barriers.
I'd bet my bottom dollar on it.
- Why?
- Because of me.
She's always felt that she's mother hen
and I'm her little chick.
She'll never leave the roost
until I'm taken care of.
- That's funny. Are you sure?
- I should've known.
She'll never get involved with anyone
until I'm married
- or engaged or something.
- Well, I guess that's the end of that.
Unless I get myself engaged
or something real fast.
That's ridiculous.
Even if it made any sense at all,
you're up here in the wilderness.
There's nobody around here.
I don't know.
Be realistic. Who could you find up here
to get yourself engaged to?
Well, I suppose it ought
to be someone that I know.
That always helps.
- Of course, it's got to be a man.
- That's an absolute must.
No, no, no. I mean a mature man.
One with talent and experience.
- Talent, experience...
- One that's witty,
- gay, charming, attractive.
- Witty, gay, charming, sure.
Where are you gonna find
such a super man?
- Don't be so modest.
- Honey, fellas like that don't...
- Me?
- Well, you're not exactly Superman,
- but you're awfully available.
- Yeah, now, don't get any ideas, Judy.
- I'm not the marrying kind.
- It's just an engagement.
Yeah, well,
I'm not the engaging kind, either.
Well, what kind are you?
Well, I'm more the "I don't mind
pushing my best friend into it,
but I'm scared stiff when I get
anywhere close to it myself" kind.
How terrible could it be for a few days?
- You do like me, don't you?
- Sure, I do.
- I mean, I'm not exactly repulsive.
- Of course not.
And you do find me gay, amusing,
good company, fun to be with?
Sure, but I feel the same way
about my cocker spaniel.
Well, let's just skip it.
I was only thinking of Betty and Bob.
Betty and Bob, yeah.
Look, it would only be temporary?
Well, of course. Well,
you don't think I'm the kind of girl
that goes around throwing myself
at a man, do you?
Of course not. Nobody thinks that.
Well, look, let me figure this out.
Now, it would only last two or three
weeks at the worst. At the most, I mean.
Well, of course.
And we wouldn't have to
announce our engagement
till it was absolutely necessary.
Absolutely necessary.
Well, OK, it's a deal.
But don't you think
we ought to kiss or something?
Not until it's absolutely necessary.
Isn't it a wonderful party?
Bob, would you like to dance?
- I'm game if you are.
- Thank you.
Hey, Betty. How about some exercise?
Come on.
The best things
Happen while you're dancing
Things that you would not do at home
Come naturally on the floor
- For dancing
- Pardon me.
Soon becomes romancing
Hi. OK.
Even guys with two left feet
Come out all right if the girl is sweet
If by chance their cheeks should meet
While dancing
Mr. Herring, this is Miss Lennis.
- How do you do?
- Mutual, I'm sure.
- Bye.
- May I?
- Looks like it's absolutely necessary.
- What... You mean, I...
Hold it a minute, fellas.
Give me a little ching-a-ring, will you?
Folks, I have an announcement to make.
An announcement, and I want you all
to be the first to know.
I don't know whether the best things
happen while you're dancing
or whether they just happen
in Vermont...
...but Judy has just agreed to...
Well, I mean that she just asked me...
That is, she just said...
What I'm trying to say
is that Judy and I are engaged.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
- I sure wish it would happen to me!
- Yeah, I do, too!
It's just wonderful, darling.
I'm so happy for you.
I hoped you would be.
Is everything all right?
Sure, sure, it's all right. I'm fine.
You realize you're getting the best girl
in the whole wide world?
- I... Yeah. Sure.
- You take care of her.
- I'd say this calls for champagne.
- I'll help you, Emma.
- Congratulations, kids!
- Thanks, Bob.
I don't know what you see
in this long drink of charged water,
but, honestly, after you get
to know him, he's almost endurable.
- You're gonna settle down, buster?
- Yeah.
- Pipe, slippers... All the best, boy.
- Yeah. Yeah. Thanks, Bob.
By the way, the water's fine.
Why don't you take a little plunge?
I don't know.
It seemed a little icy today.
That's today. I've a feeling
by tomorrow it'll warm up just fine.
Well, you sold me. I'll go.
Well, don't just stand there.
Aren't you going to kiss the bride?
Kiss... Yes, sir.
Yes, sir!
Now, that didn't hurt too much, did it?
You know, in some ways, you're
far superior to my cocker spaniel.
At ease, General.
- Champagne?
- Yeah, I think I will.
Champagne?
Here. Let's drink to their happiness.
To buttermilk and liverwurst
and getting things back
to where they were yesterday.
I know we always said
we'd never break up the act,
but that wasn't really very realistic.
I mean, well,
we both knew that someday one of us
or both of us would want to be free.
Besides, now that I'm taken care of,
you don't have to feel responsible
for me anymore.
I mean, well, if there's anything
special you want to do,
you can just feel free now
to go ahead and do it.
Isn't that true? I say, isn't that true?
Betty, honey, are you asleep?
Good night.
Thanks, General.
When you get back to the inn,
would you give this to Judy?
It explains everything.
I can't help feeling
this is a tactical error.
I kept watching you and Bob last night.
I say what you two need
is a good talking to.
No, General, this is a private war.
Don't do anything.
I promise. Good luck.
Sure, I know about that,
but on Christmas Eve
we're gonna have a lot
of special trains coming in here,
from Boston, Philadelphia and New York.
Now, can you handle it OK?
I'll call the traffic manager.
Good, but remember,
strictly off the record.
- Yes, Mr. Wallace.
- That's great.
All aboard!
Betty!
What's this?
Where do you think you're going?
- I'm going to New York. I've got a job.
- You've got a job. Where?
Goodbye, Bob. Good luck. I hope
you have great success with the show.
Betty, about yesterday,
if I said anything, I didn't mean it.
Goodbye.
I was so busy with other things,
I must have sounded like an idiot...
- Goodbye.
- ...but I didn't mean... Betty.
Judy. Hey, Judy. John.
Come on up here.
Let's run through the Abraham number.
Watch the tempo on the last part.
Keep it rocking, will you, fellows?
That's wonderful.
That's great, Johnny.
Listen, all right, kids, come on up
here. I want the boys in the back.
Excuse me, Judy.
It's for you from Betty.
- She gave it to Grandpa at the station.
- At the station?
Phil! Phil!
- What's the matter?
- Phil, it's from Betty.
How could you be stupid enough
to try a stunt like this?
Phony engagements
and messing around with people's lives.
You ought to be horse-whipped.
First you, and then you,
and then you again.
Gee whiz, Bob,
I only did it for your own good.
Yeah, because I'm a lonely,
miserable, unhappy man.
That's right, and when you're unhappy,
I'm unhappy. After all, Bob, I...
Oh, no. You're not gonna start again
with that life-saving bit.
Well, I told you,
I don't expect any gratitude.
I'm not even sure you saved my life.
Sometimes I wish
the wall had fallen on me.
- Don't say that.
- And you, her own sister,
how could you do such a thing?
It's always that
she's been a kind of a mother hen...
Yeah, we wanted the mother hen
to leave the roost,
so that the little chick could...
- Well, I guess we laid an egg.
- An egg?
Brother, you laid a Vermont volleyball!
I'm going to New York
and try and square it with Betty.
You ought to consider yourself
plenty lucky.
You might have been stuck
with this weirdsmobile for life!
- Judy!
- Leave the kid alone.
You've got her confused
enough already.
Bob, you don't understand one thing.
Boy, you've mixed
things up beautifully, you have.
- Listen to me...
- No! You listen to me.
I got a job for you to do, if you think
you can get one simple thing straight.
- Try me.
- OK.
The general always listens
to the Ed Harrison Show, right?
- Yeah.
- I'm gonna be on about 9:00.
- 9:00.
- Tell Emma about it.
Maybe she can help you.
But the big thing is
don't let the general anywhere near
that television set. You get me?
Don't worry, Bob. I'll keep him away
from that television set
if I have to break my arm.
Break your arm, your ankle or your neck,
but don't break anything valuable.
OK, Bob. You can depend on me.
Let's see, break the arm...
- Good evening, Mr. Wallace.
- Marcel, how are you?
Fine, thank you.
I have a table all ready for you, sir.
Good.
- Has Betty Haynes been on yet?
- Not yet. In a few minutes.
Good. I'm expecting Eddy Harrison, too.
Show him to the table.
- Certainly, Mr. Wallace.
- Thanks.
- Dick.
- Yes, honey.
Let's not do the number
we rehearsed this afternoon.
Play Blue Skies. Anything.
The number sounded great in rehearsal.
I know it did, but I just...
It's a wonderful number, honey.
Come on. Let's do it. Please, do it.
Love
You didn't do right by me
You planned a romance
That just hadn't a chance
And I'm through
Love
You didn't do right by me
I'm back on the shelf
And I'm blaming myself
But it's you
My one love affair
Didn't get anywhere from the start
To send me a Joe
Who had winter and snow in his heart
Wasn't smart
Love
You didn't do right by me
As they say in the song
You done me wrong
My one love affair
Didn't get anywhere
From the start
To send me a Joe
Who had winter and snow in his heart
Wasn't smart
Oh, love
You didn't do right by me
As they say in the song
You done me wrong
Yes, Mr. Love
You done me wrong
Surprise! What brings you here?
I had a little business
to take care of.
- I see.
- Some of it concerns you.
- Really?
- Yeah. It sort of boils down to this.
You didn't have to break up the act
or run out of town,
because Judy and Phil's engagement
was phony.
A phony?
Seems they were trying
to figure out some way
to get rid of any barriers
between you and the altar.
Seems like they thought you and I
were serious about each other.
It just shows you
how foolish people can be.
Yeah.
Why do people have to stick their noses
in other people's business?
- Well, that's Phil for you, I guess.
- That's Judy for you.
The two of us were having
some laughs together
and they thought we were
in love with each other.
- Ridiculous.
- Sure.
They're sorry about it now,
and Judy wants you to come back.
Matter of fact,
I'd like to see you come back myself.
- Well, I don't know...
- Betty.
I know that knight of yours
has slipped off his charger.
Why, I don't know,
but I'd like to do all I can
to get him back up there again for you.
- Mr. Wallace has been expecting you.
- Thank you very much.
- Bob, come on. It's 8:30.
- This is Ed Harrison. Miss Haynes.
- How do you do?
- Hi.
Boy, what I went through for you,
sponsors, network,
but I finally got it squared away
just the way you wanted it.
- That's swell, Ed. Listen...
- I got a cab waiting. We're late.
Just a second, Ed. I want to...
Looks like I've got to scoot.
Could I see you later tonight maybe?
- I'm sorry, I have a date.
- What about tomorrow?
- No, I'll be busy all day.
- Come on, will you?
You'd better go.
You're keeping Mr. Harrison.
- What will I tell Judy?
- I don't know.
I have to think about it.
Goodbye, Bob.
Think Phil will be able to keep the
old man away from the television set?
I have complete confidence in him.
When it comes to conniving or
finagling, you can't beat this boy.
- Hello, girls.
- Hello.
You have the right station?
- Yeah.
- Sure.
Grandpa, the battery's dead on the Jeep.
It's stuck...
I'll fix it later. I don't want
to miss the Ed Harrison Show.
Judy.
Should be a very good show tonight.
- General, come quickly.
- What's this?
It's a terrible thing. Fell down the
stairs. I tell you it's an awful thing.
Mercy! Go see if you can help him.
What is it? What is it?
Did you fall down the stairs?
- Yes, sir.
- Are you hurt?
I'm all right, sir. Probably just
a small compound fracture, sir.
- There we are. How does it feel?
- It feels pretty good, sir.
- Put your weight on it.
- My weight. Right here, sir.
- Susan, call a doctor.
- Please don't do that, sir.
It's probably just a small
internal muscular hemorrhage, sir.
It'll be all right.
You'll feel better if we take you
where you can be comfortable.
- Yes, sir.
- Let's just go back in here
and you can watch the television.
- Sir.
- I'm going to call a doctor.
Please, sir, don't bother. If you'll
just heIp me back to the bungaIow,
- I'm sure I'll be all right, sir.
- OK.
Thank you, sir. I wouldn't want
to faint in front of the women, sir.
I'll be all right!
- Don't put your weight on it.
- No, no, no, sir.
Fine, sir.
Thank you. Thank you.
And now it's a great privilege
to present my special guest,
an old pal from Army days,
a great guy and a great entertainer,
Bob Wallace!
Bob's got a special message tonight
for all you guys
who were a part of the 151st Division.
It's about someone
who's very close to all of us,
and he's gonna tell you about it
in his own special way.
- Bob?
- Thanks, Eddy.
When the war was over
Why, there were jobs galore
For the GI Josephs
Who were in the war
But for generals
Things were not so grand
And it's not so hard to understand
What can you do with a general
When he stops being a general?
Oh, what can you do
With a general who retires?
Who's got a job for a general
When he stops being a general?
They all get a job
But a general no one hires
They fill his chest with medals
While he's across the foam
And they spread the crimson carpet
When he comes marching home
The next day someone hollers
When he comes into view
"Here comes the general"
And they all say, "General who?"
They're delighted that he came
But they can't recall his name
Nobody thinks of assigning him
When they stop wining and dining him
It seems this country never has enjoyed
So many one and two and three
And four-star generals unemployed
Like Eddy told you,
that song is for the 151st Division.
The officers and the men
under the command
of Major General Tom Waverly.
I hope a lot of you guys were listening,
because I have something
I want you to do for me.
Don't you want to sit down?
No, no, sir. If you'll just walk me
around the barn a few times,
I think it'll be fine, sir. Yes.
It's a little too fast, sir.
If we just slow down a little bit, sir.
I know it's murder asking you to
leave your homes on Christmas Eve,
and certainly
a trip like this is no bargain.
It shouldn't be too tough
for the fellows who live in the
New England area, but remember this,
nobody connected with the show
is getting anything out of it,
nothing at all.
Except what we're offering you,
a chance to give the nicest
Christmas gift he'll ever get
to the nicest guy we'll ever know.
Remember, then,
your objective is Pine Tree, Vermont.
for Operation Waverly.
Hey, listen, men,
when I give you the signal,
I want you to fall in single file
on each side of the stage.
And I want you to fall in at attention
like that day at Montecatini when
Clark came through. You remember?
It was a big day for you. You got a lot
of that stuff hung on you. Remember?
I'm gonna have you face the general.
When I give you the command to march,
I want you to step right out,
just Iike you used to.
- All right, Captain.
- OK, boys.
- Captain, these things have shrunk.
- Your appetite hasn't shrunk.
Who's there?
They're sure gone.
How could you have sent
all my suits to the cleaners?
You've only got two.
Well, I think you'd send
one at a time then, in that case.
- Why can't you wear your uniform?
- Yes!
I won't appear in uniform.
- Please, Gramps.
- Absolutely not.
Very well, I'll explain to Bob and Phil
that you didn't care to
come to the show tonight.
- I'll have you court-martialed.
- Susan. You're not obliged to go.
They haven't done much for you,
hardly anything.
Emma, I'll make my own decisions.
I got along very well in the Army
without you.
It took 15,000 men to take my place.
- Susan.
- Fifteen thousand men.
I hope he comes down.
That'd be awful if he wouldn't.
It's Betty!
- Welcome home, Betty!
- Hello, Emma.
How are you?
- Hi, Susie.
- Hi, Betty.
- Where's Judy?
- She's coming.
- Honey. I'm so glad you came.
- Hello, Judy.
You didn't say anything to Bob, did you?
Hurry up now.
You haven't got much time to get ready.
If I weren't such a mean old biddy,
I'd break right down and cry.
Grandpa!
You look wonderful.
You didn't expect me to
come down in my bathrobe, did you?
No.
Ten-hut!
We'll follow the old man
Wherever he wants to go
Long as he wants to go
Opposite to the foe
We'll stay with the old man
Wherever he wants to stay
Long as he stays away
From the battle's fray
Because we love him
We love him
Especially when he keeps us on the ball
And we'll tell the kiddies
We answered duty's call
With the grandest son of a soldier
Of them all
Because we love him
We love him
Especially when he keeps us on the ball
And we'll tell the kiddies
We answered duty's call
With the grandest son of a soldier
Of them all
Troops are ready for inspection, sir!
Just routine, sir.
I am not satisfied
with the conduct of this division.
Some of you men
are under the impression
having been a non-CO
entitles you not to wear neckties.
Well, you're wrong.
Neckties will be worn in this area.
And look at the rest of your appearance.
You're a disgrace to the outfit.
You're soft. You're sloppy.
You're unruly. You're undisciplined.
And I never saw anything
look so wonderful in my whole life.
Thank you all.
- Thanks, Phil.
- General.
- I'm grateful, Captain.
- You're welcome.
Ten-hut!
When I was mustered out
I thought without a doubt
That I was through
With all my care and strife
I thought that I was then
The happiest of men
But after months of tough civilian life
Gee, I wish I was back in the Army
The Army wasn't really bad at all
Three meals a day, free
For which you didn't pay
Uniforms for winter, spring and fall
There's a lot to be said for the Army
The life without responsibility
A soldier out of luck
Was really never stuck
There's always someone higher up
Where you can pass the buck
Oh, gee, I wish I was back in the Army
Gee, I wish I was back in the Army
The Army was the place to find romance
Soldiers and WACs
The WACs who dressed in slacks
Dancing cheek to cheek
And pants to pants
There's a lot to be said for the Army
A gal was never lost for company
A million handsome guys
With longing in their eyes
And all you had to do was pick the age
The weight, the size
Oh, gee, I wish I was back in the Army
Gee, I wish I was back in the Army
The shows we got, civilians couldn't see
How we would yell
For Dietrich and Cornell
Jolson, Hope and Benny all for free
There's a lot to be said for the Army
The best of doctors
Watched you carefully
A dentist and a clerk
For weeks and weeks they'd work
They'd make a thousand-dollarjob
And give it to a jerk
Oh, gee, I wish I was back in the Army
Three meals a day
For which you didn't pay
A million handsome guys
With longing in their eyes
I thought that I was through
With all my care and strife
But after months and months
Of tough civilian life
Oh, gee
I wish I was back in the Army now
- Buster, lookit here!
- Hey, here it comes.
- This is it.
- Isn't this great?
Come on, Phil.
- Lookit here!
- Isn't this great?
- We may get snowed in here, pal.
- Oh, boy, this is great!
- Snow, snow
- Snow, snow
Snow
Hey! Merry Christmas!
- Merry Christmas!
- Merry Christmas!
Remember, kids, hold those candles up
good and high for me, aren't you?
Keep a nice straight line
when you go out there.
Don't go straggling all over the stage.
- How's your voice, Bobby?
- I'm Bobby.
Pardon me. Well, how's your voice?
You all right?
Give me a nice clear tone.
Let me hear it.
Those were the days.
OK, now, turn around.
We're gonna go on in a minute.
Watch your space. Don't get far apart.
Everybody the same distance. That's it.
Keep the candles up.
Keep them way up high.
OK, Byron.
I'm dreaming
Of a white Christmas
Just like the ones
I used to know
Where the treetops glisten
And children listen
To hear sleigh bells
In the snow
I'm dreaming
Of a white Christmas
With every Christmas card
I write
May your days be merry
And bright
And may all your Christmases
Be white
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the treetops glisten
And children listen
- Who's that?
- Santa Claus.
- Welcome to the family, buster.
- Look at this. Relatives already.
Wallace and Davis are flat, you know.
We've got to get some loot.
We've got to take the show to Chicago.
No, no, no, no. I can't make it.
I'm gonna be very busy here.
Wait a minute, I'll join you.
Merry Christmas!
I'm dreaming
Of a white Christmas
With every Christmas card
I write
May your days be merry
And bright
And may all your
Christmases
Be white
Merry Christmas!