Innokenty Smoktunovsky
Armen Dzhigarkhanyan
A Vladimir Naumov Movie
The White Holiday
Based on the Tonino Guerra's novel "I cento uccelli
- Hundred Birds"
Written by Tonino Guerra
and Vladimir Naumov
Fuck, I'll rip your balls off!
Darling, does the private
detective agency situated here?
Here, here, it's over
there, come in, please.
I'm looking for the private detective agency...
- Hush, neighbors are shit.
I am the president of detective agency.
- Can I come in? Faster!
Your last name?
- Valentine...
Move it down, please.
Valentine Greg.
How can I help you, Valentine?
I want to offer you a job, simple
job, everything can be done in one day.
From dawn till dusk.
Well, what should I do?
You should follow.
- Follow whom?
Me.
I don't understand.
Well, you...
you will have to...
you will have to follow
me on a short distance...
and write down everything I say and do.
Do you take me?
Coffee?
Thank you, but I don't drink coffee.
I didn't understand, what and
where I have to write down?
To the exercise book, to the
notebook, wherever you want to.
All of my actions and
words, just precisely.
Precisely, got it?
No, I'm not suitable for this job.
I'm just a specialist in the
search of missing animals.
Pets.
And, besides, I'm going to the
bathhouse. Got it? To the bathhouse.
To the bathhouse? No, this thing, that I'm asking
for doesn't require particular specialization.
I'm ready to pay for your
efforts in any foreign currency.
Hush... wife is shit.
Payment, of course,
upon completion of work.
I just need... precision.
Absolute precision.
Do you understand me?
Where does he go?
He... slipped... on... the... ice.
What did you wrote down?
He came up to the showcase
and looks at a toy.
At what toy?
It's impossible to determine!
Just came up and looking.
I would ask you to be more observant.
I'm very observant, but
it's impossible to determine.
It is possible...
Well, enough, this work is not for me.
I refuse to do it, I need
to go to the bathhouse.
Please, stop a moment.
Just a moment...
- Well, what else?
You are right. I really don't know
what toy I was looking at. So weird.
Sorry, but you irritate me.
Yes, yes, yes... I irritate many people.
Pardon me.
Where are you going?
Why do you harass me?
I'm going that way.
I'm with you.
Goddammit.
Happy holiday!
What kind of holiday?
- You know, I always forget what it's called.
Ah, maybe it's called "planting of greenery".
- But it's a winter now.
There are puddles everywhere.
I recommend you to take off your
shoes and roll up your pants.
What a strange premises.
Looks like ancient excavations.
- It's a bathhouse.
- A bathhouse?
Stas, give me a smoke.
Oh, I soaked my feet.
What a pity.
- Hi.
- Howdy.
- Client?
- Nope.
- Did you wash them all?
- Yes.
This bitch bitten all my hands.
- Bring them all to me. Owners will start to come at 5 p. m.
- Yes.
- Will you have a drink?
- Yes, let's drink.
- What's the matter, drink this one. - For the
evening, "Anise" is always for the evening. - Oh well.
- Will you have a drink?
- No thanks. I never drink.
- Simulya, wil you have a port? - Thanks,
Stas. - Come on, drink, wet your whistle.
What, do you feel inconvinient? Turn
to the side, like this. Come on, drink.
- Miss, miss...
- What's the matter?
- I came.
- I see that you came. What's next?
- The chair is ready?
- What a chair? Are you crazy, sir?
- Stop it... - A chair with a
broken leg... - ...stand in a queue!
- I see you didn't recognize me, and because of it...
- There are thousands of you, and I'm the only one.
You can stand on my place
and try to recognize anybody.
Your chair is ready.
Plywood door on the right.
They are waiting for you there.
Thank you.
Stand in a queue!
- Twelve hankies I said... - But
I need six! - We don't have six...
- And what about the color?
- The color is only that you can see...
Hey, didn't you see
the old man in the hat?
- Who's there?
- It's me.
Hello. May I come in?
Ah, you came...
- Give him a place to seat. - Let's finish
playing... - Give him a place to seat!
Come in, your chair is ready.
- Will you have a port? - I
never drink. - Never drink...
- Do you play cards? -
No... - You play, you play...
More?
- More.
- More...
Show your cards.
Pip!
The chair.
What chair?
And where is the chair?
And where is the chair? Where?
- You are sitting on it!
You already drank away your brain.
Here it is. Try to break
it. Look how it's done!
Try, try to break!
Skill is stronger than
booze. Now give me the money.
I lost you, don't know...
...what to write down.
- Write this down: he againbought an old chair.
- Why do you need this old chair?
- Excuse me, but it's none of your business. I need it. Let's go.
Give him some air, take
it easy, it's just a spasm.
Just a spasm. It will pass.
- Oh yeah, a spasm, we must go, people are waiting for us. Patient, stand up, stand up, try to stand up.
Look into my eyes. I order
you to look into my eyes.
It's alright. Everything is alright.
Just a spasm. It will pass.
- Let's go, we're expected. Wait, don't you see he's feeling bad?
Try to stand up, patient. Look into my eyes.
- He's already feeling better.
I adjure you, look...
- Everything is allright.
Stay with him, please, and we...
- Open your eyes! Well, he's totally allright. Come on, the car is waitng...
We need to call an ambulance.
It's too late, he's already dead.
Buy a cat. Wonderful, beautiful, champion
of the city of Penza. A joy for...
I'm tired of all these cats.
Professor?
Do you recognize me?
I think, yes...
I was your student.
And how are you?
Fine, great.
And you?
I'm alright...
It's good that the memories remain...
Professor!
No, no, nothing, everything is alright.
And now this fool will write down,
that she said "Everything is alright".
Do you sell vodka?
- Yep.
My mask...
This crone lives in our apartment. The most
shit. I hate her bulging eyes, dammit...
Look, look, what a mug!
And this one comes to her, speculator...
Listen! That one is Simka's
fancy man. Simka's fancy man!
Do you remember Simka? She
was singing in the bathhouse.
Listen! This is Vas'ka with his wife, they
set up a marketing cooperative, bastards...
and now they are raking
in the shekels. Look!
Gravediggers. Here is the wife...
Who painted it?
- Me. Bruegel painted it 500 years ago.
Look! In the middle,
half-face, running somewhere...
Do you see? Maybe that's me...
My chair.
Do you know, Stanislav,
sometimes it seems to me, that
all of us there.
No, rather all of them...
all of them... here.
Let's drink!
Let's get out of here.
And who will pay the money?
- On the way back.
Would you buy this birdcage?
Relese the bird, please...
- I will, it croaked anyway.
What's the matter?
- I feel very cold.
Come on, there is one eatery nearby.
Ah you scabby vile with rancid brains!
I'll get you anyway, stinky sucker!
Bitch! I won't let you get away
from me! Oh, my leg, oh, anyway...
I didn't know that you are a professor.
Tell me, wouldn't you mind some mistakes
in my notes? Grammatical mistakes...
Miss, leave him alone.
This is such a bastard! To
leave him alone? No, never, no!
Filthy scum!
- Now you can lug him as much as you like. Crum!
I'll knit a rope anyway, I'll strangle
him anyway... Oh, my leg hurts...
And who will pay?
- The state will pay!
Oh, my leg hurts... Well,
I'll drop you anyway!
Why do you battering him?
He's made of cast-iron.
If you'd tried to hit him while
he'd been alive, he'd have you...
By the way, what did you do
before you became a detective?
Pensioner.
And before that?
Before?
- Yes. Professor, allow me not to answer this question.
Alright, don't answer.
- Roger that.
So, do they have milk?
- Of course.
Milk and...
- What's the matter? Why are you out of queue? Where are you going?
It's for the professor...
Milk is sour. Sour milk! Bastards!
Suckers!
- Listen, let's get out of here.
Professor, let me ask you to open up?
- But he could hit you!
You can try, but be careful.
Look how furious he is!
Little faggots...
Calm down, my dear, calm down.
Hey, sonny, you better
swallow your stinking tongue.
What did you say, grandpa?
What did you say?
Maybe you want some milk?
Come here, sit down, please.
Why have you opened the umbrella? There is no rain.
- I know that there is no rain, but it's warmer like this.
Wind... smoke...
Are you happy?
- What do you mean?
I didn't understand the
substance of the question.
Well, have you ever been happy?
- No!
There is no need to shout.
Although, maybe once, in a dream.
Or maybe it wasn't a
dream, I don't remember...
How so?
It's very difficult to understand, whether it
really happened to you, or was it just a dream.
I wouldn't hit that guy in the eatery,
if all this wasn't about the milk.
Milk? What milk?
- Milk, milk... Ah, was it sour or what?
What's the odds.
You know, once, in a time of war, I was
drinking milk while lying on my back.
At first we were sleeping...
Suddenly, someone shouted "Wakey!".
In short, we ran to the station, and there, just imagine,
cows bellowing. Packed in cars as rabbits in a warren...
hasn't milked for three days now, udders are
bursting... One thousand of cows, maybe more.
And we rushed to milk these cows, to the floor, in various
ways. All in all, we finished knee-deep in the milk.
On the way back everyone was asleep on
the move. And I accidentally turned back...
How old are you? - Me?
Yes. - I'm fifty years old.
It's 1994 now. So, during the
war, you were one or two year old.
How could you milk cows?
Well, maybe it wasn't me.
Maybe it's my dream. It happens.
Professor, do I need to write down this conversation?
- As you wish. I feel very cold.
Is it genuine?
- The enamel is cracked.
He bent down and examining something on the
pavement. A crack. Asshole [striking this word out]
Why am I crying?
- I don't know, professor.
Maybe because of that crack in the pavement.
- A crack? Well, yes, there, on the pavement.
I don't understand...
-What is happening to me? It's
nothing, it happens to anyone.
You were talking about milk.
- What milk? Ah, yes, yes...
It's so weird, you know,
when I close my eyes...
I see white.
When I close my eyes I see some floating things,
like threads, spots... of indefinite color.
The huge snowfall in my childhood.
Little house was snowed in.
And I'm alone. Alone.
It's like your milk, do you understand?
No, I don't.
It was a terrible day.
The horrible frost.
Trees were cracking.
Why did I ask you to follow me?
- I don't know.
It seems to me, that something will
happen today... something irreparable.
But I don't know what exactly.
I'm afraid, do you understand?
- What are you afraid of?
Myself.
Listen, Professor, you were talking
about the holiday. What's a holiday today?
[words are illegible]
Hey, man!
Oh, Bosch. How much?
- 80, but I would sell it to you for 20.
Wait for me here.
Can I offer you my services?
- No, I don't need it, no...
The day is young, yet...
Hey! Come here.
What's there?
- As if you don't know...
Are you idle?
- Yes.
Wait a second.
What did you wrote down?
- Meeting with a young hooker. Congratulations, professor.
Wait for me, I'll come in half an hour.
Let's go.
Come in.
Have a seat.
Will you have a cognac? Good, french.
- Can I have a glass of water.
What is the price?
The price is high.
Rubles?
- Bucks.
What does this mean? I don't understand.
- Dollars.
Why don't you take off your coat?
- I feel very cold.
Drink some cognac, get warm.
- I don't know who paid for it.
Nobody. You can pay
for it, if you want to.
Classy cognac.
By the way, take into consideration,
they sell stained ethanol in stalls.
Good cognac.
And how much do I owe you?
- As much as you want to.
That's enough?
Yes, that's enough for the whole night.
What? I don't understand...
what did you say?
What's with you?
Calm down.
I was joking, drop it.
What's with you? What's
with you? What's with you?
I'm busy... I'm busy!
Who is it?
- Just one German...
You don't even call them by names?
Nationality is enough. Even
that's too much for them.
Have a seat.
Please, please don't
look at me like that.
OK, fine, I don't like many things too. But I have to live
somehow, I have to adapt somehow. You must understand it.
Everyone lives like this
now. Everyone adapts.
Well, you should wake up at last, you don't see
anything around you, you're like a blind man.
Well, why are you silent?
OK, fine, I'll tell you. I wanted to tell
you long ago, but I couldn't do it somehow.
Do you remember, when I asked you to stroll an hour?
I told you, that I wanted to prepare for the exams...
With that tutor, yes... Well...
I needed a flat, got it? And I was locking
grandpa in the kitchen, now you understand why?
Please, don't close your eyes, I'm scared.
I don't know... what are you seeing there?
Nothing.
The white... color.
Why did you come?
Lena, Lena... Are you happy?
I don't ask myself about it somehow.
However, I was happy
when I gave you this coat.
By the way!
Oh my God! This is...
this is our gramophone.
And I was happy when I bought
this gramophone and these records.
How can this be? Our gramophone...
Yes, mother sold it to the commission
shop, and I againbought it secretly.
Professor?
- Ah? Something sticked to your...
Here, here it is.
Come on, professor, let's go.
Oh, it's you...
- Are you tired? Yes, a little...
Let's stand a couple of minutes.
What have I done to...
deserve such a torment?
Masha, please...
- I don't want to see you anymore. Go away. Don't...
Eight days. I visited all the
morgues, all the hospitals.
I don't want to see you...
- Please, hear me out, Masha...
Please...
- Oh my God, what kind of duds are put on you?
And where is your coat?
Wait, there is a man on
a chair, in your coat.
Masha, Masha...
Sirrah, please, stand up.
Well, this is my husband's coat indeed.
Look, the mark from the laundry, he stole it.
But why do you need this coat? You are
small fellow, it is too big for you.
Take it off, quickly,
or I'll call the police.
Masha...
- Though, now one can't get any sense out of it. I have changed clothes with him.
What?
- I have changed clothes... How so? Who is this person with a chir?
This is a detective... - Detective?
Yes. - What kind of a detective?
And whom is he looking for?
- He doesn't look for, he watches.
For whom?
- For me.
You're both crazy. Leave me alone.
And who is it? - What?
Who is it? - Write down...
What is this person constantly writing? Why
did you come back? What do you want from me?
Masha, please, hear me out. I must tell you the most important thing...
- Well, just tell it to me.
Tell... - Today, now... Later I might haven't got
the time... I must tell it to you today. - Tell me!
Forgive me.
- What?
Forgive me.
And that's all you wanted to tell me?
- Forgive...
Throw out this schlock.
- Schlock? This is not a schlock!
Wait, this is my jacket!
Be careful, don't tear it.
Take it... and get the hell out of here.
- I'm on duty!
Forgive me.
- Now you go away, and I'll never see you again.
Forgive me.
Holiday.
Wait for me here.
Wait for me here.
- You're quite something, professor.
This is your letter, and
I remember it by heart
Someone's hand erased everything from anything. We are no
longer reflecting in mirrors, and mirrors no longer reflect us.
How can this be?
Look, this is my face.
Why are you silent?
You wrote that it depends not on
the mirrors, but on ourselves...
that we send blurred images...
with erased faces.
You wrote, that we don't
look like our fathers.
No, dad, you're wrong. It's just
a mirror... reflection is so dim...
Look at me! I look like you.
I have the same eyes. I am... you.
But you've got some secret.
And I don't understand
what you wrote here.
What is twisted cannot be straightened;
what is lacking cannot be counted.
You know something I don't.
Dad, what kind of
strange balls are these?
Let's set this place on fire, let's...
How much?
For such money I would let you screw myself.
- Asshole. Shit.
Look, some bozo came up. Apparently a big shot, with the bodyguard.
- What? Bodyguard? It's a hobo!
Lena, Lena, help me, throw it all there.
Help us! Throw it all there.
Hey, man, don't stand
still, come here, help us.
Hey! What are you doing? Have you all gone mad?
- Throw, throw!
Bastards, hooligans, what are you doing? I'll call the police!
- That's enough.
Lena... Help me.
Do you have matches?
- Daddy, are you serious?
Daddy, don't do it, please.
- Professor, what are you doing?
Please, daddy, don't do it, please.
Damn, it cannot be extinguished by milk.
Oh my God! What's happening? This
place is on fire! Call the police!
I will not overpass it! [name is illegible] did that, he had been coming yesterday...
- Fuck, what have you done?
Come here quickly,
quickly! Give it to me!
Dad, go away, dad...
What have you done, dad?
What do you think... there, on
the second floor... aquarium...
Dad, dad go away, dad... What have you done,
dad? You'll be in trouble, go away, dad!
You think I'm crazy?
No. You're just too tired.
Aquarium...
- Professor, we need to take off, the police will be here soon. You gave us a lot of troubles. Let's go.
Where are we going, Professor? Now
you see something that will amaze you.
This is the last role of the great
Russian actor Innokenty Smoktunovsky.
Fansubbed by tROXXY, June
2012 Sorry for the grammar:)