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White Light/Black Rain: The Destruction Of Hiroshima And Nagasaki (2007)
(c) BitShock.org TEAM
What historical event occurred on August 6, 1945? l don't know. Do you? l'm bad at history. l don't know. l don't know. l don't know. l don't know. Do you? We don't know. Something important happened? An earthquake? For a very long time, l was afraid to talk about my experience. Why did l survive? l was so close to ground zero l've come to realize the reason l'm alive is to tell people what happened, so they'll understand. A popular magazine asked me to create a comic about my life. The response was so great the editor asked me to turn it into a full-length project. That's how ''Barefoot Gen'' got started. The bright flash. We were hit by the blast. l was 6 years old. l remember it so well. lt had such a huge impact on my life. l remember every detail. lf l had to recreate it as a movie set, l could. At the time, l was 10 years old. And l was 9. Our orphanage had about 20 babies. We were the oldest kids, so we had to help with the infants-- washing and folding the diapers. We were friends before the bomb. Since we were little, right? We grew up together. Our bond comes from eating out of the same pot everyday. l was in the first grade when the war began. The war dominates every single memory. l really don't have any happy memories. All l remember is the fear and the running and hiding. The memory of being with my family has faded away. l carried this pain in my heart that l couldn't talk about. Even now, l can't say my sister's name aloud. lt hurts too much. l was 1 3 at the time. No one was allowed to see the emperor's face. He was considered a descendant of God. At school, there was a portrait of him. We would bow and pay our respects. That was the Japanese way. l was 20 years old. l was a university student. As men, lt was our duty to go to war-- to die, to fall like petals off a flower-- that was our destiny. The army was in Hiroshima, so whenever the soldiers passed us we had to bow to them. The air was full of patriotism. Bravely, l left my hometown and went off to war. ln 1945, l was a doctor at Hiroshima Army Hospital. At the start of the war with America many Japanese were excited believing that we were winning. But then... their sons began dying, one after another. Mothers and wives began to feel an increasing anxiety as the war continued. Though the government kept saying we were winning, the people realized Japan couldn't win. Even as kids we understood, we were losing the war. Any fool could see it. We didn't have anything. We needed everything. We didn't even have shoes. How could we win the war? Lets see, at the time, l was 8 years old. During the war, Japan confiscated all of Korea's rice. So there was nothing for Koreans to eat. They had to come here or starve. That's how l encountered the bomb. There was a slogan that said: ''Desire nothing, until we win the war.'' Everyday, combat planes flew over, but we just continued playing. Each airplane had a particular sound. l could tell the difference. Everyday, from morning to night we heard air raid sirens, but Hiroshima wasn't bombed. l wasn't afraid. Even when the B-29s flew over, l would just say, ''Oh, there's an airplane.'' Hiroshima was fairly safe until the atomic bomb. On the day of the bomb, the air raid siren sounded, but then it was cancelled. So everyone came out and went on with the day. l was 14 years old. l was digging out an air raid shelter in preparation for a possible attack so we'd have a place to hide. l was 16 years old at the time. l worked at the post office sorting and delivering the mail. At that moment, l was on my bicycle about to deliver a letter. When l woke up that morning l was already late for work. l had to get back to the hospital. l'd just arrived at school. and l realized l'd forgotten my books. At 8:15, l'd just arrived at school. and l was changing my shoes. Since we were Catholic, we were at church. We had just given confession. My mother was on the second floor putting the laundry on the clothes line. Downstairs, my older sister was getting ready for school. My father was also downstairs reading the newspaper before he went to work. My little brother, Susumu was 4 years old. He was sitting by the front door playing with his toy boats. We were eating and suddenly we saw the flash! Everything was enveloped in this enormous flash. People talk about the flash and the thunderous sound. l didn't hear anything. The light streamed in and filled the room. Suddenly, we felt the blast and were thrown into the air. We tumbled hit the wall. Then l passed out. l was buried under the house and knocked unconscious. The heat blast knocked me down. l flew through the house. l knew l was flying because l could see the floor moving below me. l flew 150 feet, past a field, over a road and into a rice field. My mind was blank. The only thing l knew was l had to find a safe place. Those who saw it up close, they all died. Few people saw it as l did from a safe distance. Out of nowhere, a bright red circle of fire formed. A ring. A white cloud formed. lt grew huge and kept expanding until it touched the ring and turned into a ball of fire. Everyone calls it a mushroom cloud. But it wasn't a cloud. lt was a pillar of fire. A huge pillar of fire. l woke up and looked around. l saw an incredible sight. People with their eyes hanging out. People who were completely burned. Their skin was shredded and hanging off their bodies. ''Please help me, please help me!'' they cried out. People with no arms, no legs, their intestines spilling out, brains spilling out of their crushed skulls. And near ground zero, there were black, carbonized bodies burned beyond recognition. People in unimaginable states. So many dead. One woman was carrying a baby. The baby had no head. l was so scared The woman said, ''Give me water!'' l felt paralyzed. What could l do? l was 10 years old. l had to take care of my sister. So l left the woman and went to help my sister. At our orphanage, there were a lot of little babies Most of them died instantly, crushed when the building collapsed. Although some were alive for awhile, they did not survive. My sister had passed out. l tapped on her head and yelled at her until she came to. She started crying for our mother. Mommy, help us! Mommy, help us! We huddled together, calling ''Mommy!'' We cried for help, but no one came. From under the rubble, my father cried for help. My sister was already dead. She was crushed to death when the house collapsed. My little brother was trapped under the house. Flames swallowed our house. My little brother was screaming, ''Mother! lt's hot! lt's so hot!'' You could hear him as he died. My mother told my brother, ''l will die with you.'' Luckily, a neighbor came by and pulled her away. He said, ''Please, Mrs. Nakazawa, you can't die with them!'' We walked out onto the playground lt was a sea of fire. All Hiroshima was burning. There was no escape, except to the river. The flames were jumping at us so l put my head underwater. The river was full of dead bodies. We stayed there and watched the city burn. When the hysteria died down, l realized my skin was dangling off my arm and the clothes on my back were gone. l said, ''l'm burned'' With all my might l tried to get up, but l couldn't stand, much less walk. Someone carried me on his back and laid me down under a tree. All around me, people were dying. They told us their names. and asked us to contact their families. Then they asked for water and they died. The children were crying. Even though their parents were dead, they still cried for their mothers ''Mama, please give me water!'' Then they'd fall over and suddenly they were silent. That's how l killed two people. l gave them water and they died. You can't drink it that fast when you're completely dehydrated. The body gives out. But l didn't know that. As l was getting the water, black rain started falling. lt covered everything, turning everything black. Of course, we didn't know it was radioactive. l wanted water so badly, but l couldn't speak. When night came, it drizzled. So l licked the water off the tree and fell asleep. The next morning, there was no one alive around me. Back then, during the war, we had water tanks for putting out fires. One after another, people piled in to escape the fire. The tanks were stuffed with bodies. l can't describe what l witnessed. l don't have the words. lt's like, when you burn a fish on the grill. That's what they looked like to me, as a child. The boy's face was swollen. His eyes were gone. His body was completely burned. His skin was shredded and falling off. l couldn't believe it was my brother. We used a wooden door for a stretcher and looked for help. My mother tried to comfort him. My brother was fortunate because he got to hear my mother's voice before he went to heaven. l found the bones of two people-- my mother and my grandmother. Also, my older sister. My older brother disappeared. My other brother too. My little brother and a little sister and one more brother. l'm the only one who lived. We were all Catholics. Ours was the biggest Christian church in Asia. How could they drop the bomb on us? lf there's a God... lt was difficult to identify the bodies. As we searched, we cried, ''Mommy!'' l saw two burnt bodies, not too far away. l saw that one of the bodies had holes where the eyes should be and one gold tooth. My mother had one gold tooth, so l knew it was her. ''Hurry, l found her!'' l yelled to my sister My sister said, ''l'm too scared!'' l said, ''Come here now!'' So my sister ran over Together we looked at the body We reached out and said, ''Mommy!'' Before our eyes, it crumbled into ashes This happened 60 years ago. But l'll never forget it. ''Mommy!'' The only things that moved in Hiroshima were the flies circling over the dead. A godforsaken place covered with dead bodies. At first, you feel completely overwhelmed. Then you become numb and you can't feel anything. One after another, they died. At first, hardly anyone survived. We needed to make room for those who could be saved. l walked among all the dead bodies looking for someone who was alive. Our faces were swollen and bandaged. No one could recognize me. My mother was looking for me but there were so many people. She walked through the entire place whispering my name in people's ears. Finally she found me. This is what l looked like after they took off the bandages and the bleeding stopped. l regained consciousness. You see my burned and infected body. They had to pull the bandages off and on regularly. The pain was so intense, l'd pass out. The worst thing was the maggots eating my flesh. That was pure hell. The patients in the hospital both the adults and the children would hear the nurses coming down the hall and as they approached everyone would beg to be killed. lt hurt so much. l lay in bed immobile for 21 months. l developed wounds from the bed sores. Also on the side of my face. These are my ribs. You can see my heart beating between the ribs. The heat rays melted my arm and my skin was hanging down. My back was burned all the way down. lt hurt everywhere. They ripped the gauze off my back, l tried to bear the pain but at that moment l started yelling at them to kill me. Everyday, the pain was unbearable. All l could think about was dying. The doctors were clueless about how to treat me. They still don't know. After a year and a half, l left the hospital. They drove me to the train station. The station was crowded with people. Suddenly, they noticed my burnt face. They all stared at me with horror. l didn't have the courage to stare back. l just looked down and cried. l hid in a corner until the train arrived. l cried the entire When l got home, l wouldn't leave the house. l wouldn't go outside, ever! l was very stubborn about it. l told my mother that l would rather die. As l cried, my mother looked away. She just ignored me. When my crying turned into a whimper, she swooped in next to me. She said, ''lf it makes you feel better to cry, then cry all you want.'' ''Mommy will be by your side no matter what happens.'' l think it was her love that saved me. But then people who should've been getting better came down with ''atomic bomb disease.'' No doctor had seen this before. l had a high fever but there was no treatment for it. On the outside, people looked normal but they were very lethargic. l'd collapse, lose consciousness. Everything became blurry and l'd faint. There were many strange symptoms-- hair loss, bleeding, purple spots. People said that we had some kind of contagious disease. No one would come near us. So many health problems. l would bleed from my ass, from my gums. My liver swelled up. My kidneys stopped working. A life of sickness. Tens of thousands got sick. And they were dying, left and right. We didn't know what it was. For a doctor, it's frightening not to know what you're treating. My sister, Kuniko, was 1 3. Her gums were bleeding. All of her hair fell out. Her body was covered with purple spots. She was writhing in pain. After the bomb, she seemed fine, so we didn't understand what was happening to her. Then she died. lt was me who convinced my parents that the family should be together in Nagasaki. A few months later they were dead. My siblings never got to try chocolate and the other wonderful things of life. l truly wish l could have died, instead of them. l felt so much guilt. l wanted to kill myself. My sister stopped talking. l told her, ''Hang on, Life is worth living.'' But she missed our mother and fell deeper into despair. She jumped in front of a train going at full speed. l just couldn't go on. So l went to the train tracks and stood where my sister had stood. l heard the train whistle and waited as the train rushed towards me. But l became afraid and jumped aside. l realized there are two kinds of courage-- the courage to live and the courage to die. My sister had the courage to die. Me? l chose the courage to live. Even if l'm alone, l still want to live. l don't hold a grudge. Japan lost the war. But how do we live tomorrow? What do we eat? The basic things. How do we survive? We didn't know about radiation. We called it ''pika don.'' ''Pika don'' was like a dirty word for the bomb. And the ''pika don'' people became the untouchables. We were treated like dirt. But we still had to eat. We stole corn from people's fields. We didn't know everything was irradiated. The only things l didn't eat were cats, mice and humans. There were no mice. The cats were too quick to catch. The humans, well, we wouldn't. Besides, they were covered with maggots after 3 days. We found a way to survive. When l felt like giving up, which l often did, l'd remember l was Catholic and suicide isn't allowed, so l'd better just suck it up. Our shelter was a hole on the side of a mountain with water dripping on us. lt was hard to stay dry or sleep. ln front of our shack they built, an airstrip for the Americans. There were skeletons all over the area. So when they built the airfield, the bones were crushed into dust. When the Americans came, we were scared to see all the jeeps. But they were kind to us. They gave us chocolate and chewing gum. ln no time, we were yelling, ''Hello, hello.'' We were just kids. l asked them, ''Why?'' ''Why did you kill my family?'' ''Why did they deserve to die?'' Of course they didn't understand Japanese. They just smiled at me. ''Give them back to me,'' l shouted. lt pains me to think we were guinea pigs. The American doctors picked us up at school and put us in jeeps. We went into a room and stripped naked. lf you had purple spots or diarrhea they examined you, but they didn't treat us. Even though we survived, we couldn't live or die like human beings. ln Nagasaki, the government did nothing for the survivors. The streets were full of orphans. We had no housing or food. Children were killing themselves. Something needed to be done. Friends l met at the hospital, people hurt like me-- burned, disabled, with missing limbs. We talked about our problems and decided to form an organization for survivors. We proposed that since Japan started the war, it should take responsibility for the victims of the bombings. That's what we wanted. We were angry at the government. So we became activists. The death and destruction was horrible, but sometimes it's harder to survive. Most survivors look fine on the outside, but they live with the bomb everyday. Other people can't begin to understand what they go through. ln Japan, if people find out you're an atomic bomb survivor, nothing good will happen. They face discrimination. They can't get jobs. lf they get married, they could have deformed children. My wife is also a survivor. Thank God, our children are normal, but it could show up later. What about my grandchildren? l still worry. The bomb is still with me. l've had 6 miscarriages because of it. l had abnormalities with my reproductive system and was told l couldn't have children. l've had so many tumors. One turned out to be colon cancer. They found tumors in my pancreas, tumors in my thyroid, tumors on my back. They seem to pop up everywhere. Their children, boys or girls, will face obstacles in marriage, if people find out. This is the reality even today. l'm already 72 years old. lf you ask me, they're just waiting for us to die. Soon, the Japanese government won't have to worry about us. For a long time, l didn't want to think about it. l avoided anything related to the war-- newspaper stories, television shows, lt's over 60 years since the bomb. lt still haunts me. l can't forgive myself for what happened to my brother and sister. Not a single day goes by that l don't think of them. ''l'm sorry, l'm sorry.'' My bones are so thin and brittle, they'll break if l cough violently. l've shown you my wounds because l want you to know this can't happen again. lt's painful how people react when they see me. l can't change what happened. lt doesn't matter how much l cry, my body will never be normal. l must accept this and be part of the world. Since Japan lost the war, the U.S. Occupation force wrote our constitution. Article 9 of the constitution says: ''No navy. No army. No air force. No weapons production.'' lt's an extraordinary document. No matter what, we must protect it. All this pain we carry in our hearts and in our bodies, it must end with us. (c) BitShock.org TEAM |
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