Ah, there's grim news tonight.
Once more the Phantom Gang has struck,
and terror stalks through the city.
Another prominent
citizen has disappeared,
and men are asking
who will be next.
- Don't do that!
- But, sir, I'm worried.
You may be next.
Me? Oh, no, no, nonsense.
There's nothing to worry about.
I'm not worried.
I'm not, not, not...
Where are those detectives?
They promised to be here an hour ago.
"You will be next".
Operator, operator, get me
the Alert Detective Agency.
How should I know the number?
The Alert Detective Agency.
- Help me with this.
- OK.
What's the matter, boys?
Yeah, we've been robbed.
Hey, we gotta get going!
What does your watch say?
Don't say nothing. You gotta look at it.
Get outta here. Answer the phone.
I'll answer it when I'm ready.
Yeah?
I'm ready.
Hello. Oh, yes, Mr. Goodrich.
I'm sorry. We were tied up.
He means we were detained.
We're on our way, though.
That's fine. Thanks. Good-bye.
I feel a lot safer already.
Very neatly done, Nicco. Take him away.
But, sir, Mr. Goodrich phoned.
The detectives are on their way.
Detectives... That's not good.
Don't worry, my sweet.
They won't stay long.
Sleeping pills. The permanent kind.
Stand where you are! We're detectives.
What's going on around here?
- Search the suspect!
- Suspect?
The butler's always a suspect!
Hold it for a still.
- Good.
- OK.
- I think he moved.
- Wait a minute.
- What did you find?
- Only this.
Why you...!
- Hold it.
- Your watch.
Would you step in here, please?
Boy, what a creepy-looking joint.
Swell place for a murder.
- Cut that out.
- Don't talk like that.
Nothing's gonna
happen. Absolutely!
Come on.
He's right. What could happen?
I guess I'm just the
nervous type, I guess.
Hello.
- Oh. Hello.
- Hello.
We're detectives. Mr.
Goodrich sent for us.
Oh? I'm his niece.
The niece is nice.
Hold on! We're here on business.
I mean business.
Wait a minute. Why, you...!
Hold it. You know what this means.
You can't give it to me.
Oh, the glass. I'm framed.
I'm afraid something
dreadful has happened.
- Uncle has disappeared.
- No!
He was sitting right over there.
Suddenly I heard a scream!
- Let go of me, will you?
- Then he was gone.
Well, don't worry.
We'll take care of everything.
We'll find fingerprints!
Get the camera ready! Come on, eagle.
Get busy.
What's the matter?
Nothing. Get that letter.
- Which one?
- That one!
Come on over and look for fingerprints.
Oh, look at that.
He's got that pollen
about the dreadnought,
but I'll fix that.
Stop down a quarter of a mile.
That's about right.
Somebody left some hypo in there.
Oh! Highly polished mahogany.
And termites!
With big blue eyes!
Get outta here.
Fingerprints!
Ready with the camera!
Right. Ready with the camera.
Coming right up.
Smile.
Cut it out.
The fingerprints.
Attend the business!
No! Moe, Larry, help!
There was an ugly-looking
thing staring right at me.
It was horrible.
What do you know? It was you.
You imbecile, we're
getting no place fast.
May I make a suggestion?
- Yeah.
- Sure, sure.
Why not separate and search the place?
What an idea.
- Brilliant.
- Why, certainly.
One of you come with me.
- Yes.
- Come here.
Wait a minute. I heard
what the lady said.
Come on.
Leave us leave, my sweet.
Don't you raise your hand on me.
Now don't you go get
yourselves murdered.
- Oh, don't worry about us.
- Murdered?
Turn me loose! Like I told Shemp
there's nothing to be
afraid of. Not a thing.
- Of course not.
- And spread out!
Okay, I'm raring to go.
Before we start, let's
have a little drink.
Oh, boy, that's for me.
- Now don't go away.
- Oh, I won't.
Nice picture.
Yes, isn't it?
So natural, it looked
like the trees moved.
Yes, sir, I sure enjoy good pictures.
Well, then, I'm sure
you'll like that one.
Oh, yes. Nice, very nice.
But, you know, I like
that one much better.
Oh, you do, do you?
It's by a very famous painter...
the same one who painted that one.
Oh, charming, charming.
But my favorite is that one.
- It is lovely.
- Yes, it is lovely.
Well, cheerio.
A couple of pip pips,
a little barbecue and what have you?
A short life and a merry one.
You ain't kidding.
- How do you feel, kiddo?
- Fine, fine. And you?
Oh, great.
I never felt better in my life.
I'll never forget the...
Take it easy! Kid?
Hey, what happened?
That dame tried to
poison me. She's gone!
Hey, the secret panel.
There must be a secret panel.
- You take that wall!
- Where to?
Go ahead! You look back there!
Shemp, Larry! Shemp!
What's the matter?
Something hit me on the head.
- What?
- I don't know!
- Oh, you think I'm goofy.
- Yeah.
Well, I'll show you. Get over there.
You get over here.
Move that gadget. I'll tell you when.
When!
What's the matter?
Something hit me on the head again.
That picture!
You're crazy. How
could a picture hit you?
Oh, he asked me how could it hit me.
Come here. Right there.
You're right there.
Go ahead. Move it.
That's how.
Why, you!
Let's get outta here!
Hey, who was that guy?
I don't know, but he don't like us.
You know? A guy can
get killed around here.
Yeah, let's scram!
Wait a minute.
- We're private detectives, ain't we?
- Yeah.
In the movies, does a
private eye ever give up?
No.
But you softies want
to quit like cowards
just because you might get killed.
Yeah!
That's a great idea. Let's go!
Hey! The window!
Hey, the phone.
- Let's call the cops.
- Yeah.
Help, help!
It's dead. We're in a tough spot, men.
Yeah, it's gonna take brains
to get us outta here.
That's why I said we're in a tough spot.
Shut up! This is no time for singing!
Let go off my arm!
Why, you...!
What's the matter with you?
Why, you...!
Wait till I get my hands on you!
Give me that gun!
Give me that...!
Hey, Moe, it's me. It's Larry.
Moe! Moe! Moe?
Larry, Larry, is that you?
Larry, say something, you nitwit!
Where are you?
Oh, there you are!
Hey, Moe, where are you going?
He got away from you, didn't he?
That thing, the goon, he's coming!
Hey, what did he say?
Larry.
Moe, come here. Wait
a minute. I'm sorry.
I thought you was the goon.
Say something. Say something.
Numbskull!
Don't you know?
You been around me many years.
Don't you know what I look like?
I'm sorry.
Eyes on the head here!
You're nothing but a nitwit.
Oh, thank you, thank you.
Let go!
I guess that takes
care of Handsome Harold.
- Boy, you're a genius!
- Nice work, kid.
Oh, it's nothing. It's nothing at all.
I'll never forget the first time
I saved a couple of guys.
It was in a pool room.
A guy walks in. He
says: "Stick 'em up!".
I says: "Nothing scares me".
Will you cut it out? Cut it out.
He says: "Yeah?"
I says: "Yeah" right back at him.
I give him the...
What's the matter with you?
I'm tired. Will
you go and...?
Moe, Larry, a corpus, a corpus!
It's old man Goodrich!
Moe, Larry, look!
He's alive! Come on.
Take it easy, mister Goodrich.
- Everything's under control.
- Yeah.
- You're the detectives?
- Yes!
Thank goodness.
What happened? Who snatched you?
The Phantom Gang.
They tortured me to get my money.
The rats.
I am a lover of fine music.
They tied me up and made me
listen to singing commercials.
I thought I'd go mad. Mad!
Okay, oh, there. Okay.
- Get away.
- It was horrible.
There they are! Now get 'em!
Good work, kid! Good work.
Stay where you are. You're all covered.
Who put out the lights?
My furniture! Be careful!
Where are you?
Here I am, Moe.
Shemp, are you okay?
It's all over, boys. You can get up now.
You beat 'em up!
It's wonderful, wonderful.
Tell me, how did you do it?
I did it with my little shovel.
One of them was coming at me.
I let him have it.
Another one kept at me from this side.
I let him have it.
I started to swing left and right.
Five of them started to come at me.
Did that stop me? No!
Hey, hey. Where did everybody go?
Moe! Larry! Wait for me!