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Wife Vs. Secretary (1936)
- Good morning, Patrick.
- You said it, Mendel. You haven't wakened Mr. Simpson, yet? Their breakfast's on the hot plate. Come in. - I'm sorry, Mr. Simpson. - Taggart, you're late. - I know, Mr. Simpson. My alarm clock. - Get a new one. You might have known I'd have a full day today. - Who won the boxing match, last night? - Rosenblatt, in the third round. Oh, what a pity. Now I owe Finney $3. Come in. - I'm very sorry, Mr. Stanhope. - Simpson, you're late. Yes, sir. Most careless of me, and on the first morning - after your vacation, too. - Oh, forget it. - Say, who won the fight? - Rosenblatt, in the third round. He did? I owe Finney a night off. Well, with your night off and my $3, Finney should do very well, sir. You, too, eh? - Maybe we should get rid of Finney. - The paper, sir? Oh, yes. Now, what about the trout? Do we have them for breakfast? Yes, sir. They're all prepared, just as you ordered, sir. And we... Walls have ear trumpets. - Who do you think this is? - Simpson. No. Try again. Finney? No! Try again. I give up. - Surprised? - A husband. - Yes. - How nice. How did you sleep after that man disappeared? - Deep, deep, deep. - He hated to go. I don't remember him being asked to go. Didn't you hear him chanting, as he went out the door? Chanting? Thank you for a lovely evening My friends! - And I caught every one of them. - You did not. That big one's mine. I caught him on a Parmacheene Belle, and you know it. I do not. He's mine. I caught him on a Professor. I remember taking that Professor out of my hat and saying, "Prof, old boy, if you don't come through..." Jake, he's mine. Remember, I changed from a Silver Donkey to a Parmacheene. Yes, yes, I guess you're right. Parmacheene did it. - You through with your orange juice? - Yes. Oh, he's too much. Well, you claimed him, you eat him. Stop the beefing. Well, I guess I can at that. Jake, what day is today? Monday, November 8th. I'm having some people in tonight, so don't be late. Don't you want to know who they are? Whom are you having in? The Merritts, the Carstairs, Raoul - and Battleship. - Did you hear? Battleship took the count in the third last night. - Rosenblatt got in a lucky punch, I guess. - Oh, I'm sorry. But he wouldn't miss one of your parties. - Then there'll be Vivian and Sylvia... - Hey, that's quite a party. What's the idea? Jake, don't you know what day this is? - Oh, it's our wedding anniversary. - Yes, darling. Seems like only yesterday, doesn't it? You better eat that fish while it's got a fever. Jake. All right. Jake. Darling! Don't you ever ask me to go whale fishing. Well, before I look again... Hey, hey, stop. Stop, please. I'll go quietly, Officer. I don't know a thing about it. No, no, I was just standing here... Did you tell Mr. Stanhope that Finney is waiting with the car? Yes, but she's sitting on his lap, and he hasn't even touched his trout yet. Whether Mr. Stanhope touches his trout or not, - is no concern of yours. - I know... Ellen, as you may have gathered, this is Mr. Stanhope. - Hello, Ellen. Welcome to the institution. - Thank you, sir. What's to prevent me from thinking about you all day? - Wild horses. - What? - Glad to be home? - Sure, I am. Say, that Ellen's a cute dish. Yes. I'll fix it up for you. Fat chance, with this one in the building. Bye. Good morning, Mr. Stanhope. Glad to see you back. Glad to be back, Sam. Good morning, Mr. Stanhope. Glad to see you back. Good morning, Mr... No, no, no, don't tell me, don't tell me. Blakely, Blakely. - Bakewell. - Bakewell. Well, that's close. I'm glad to be back, thank you. Good morning, V.S. Golly, I'm glad to see you back. Hello, Joe. Glad to be back. - Good morning, Miss Spence. - Good morning. Good morning. Glad to be back. - Oh, good morning, Mr. Stanhope. - Good morning, Mary. That's about right. Hand me the hammer, Mary. Why a man would keep such a horrible picture of himself is beyond me. Maybe I've been with him too long, but he must be better-looking than that. I think you're right, Whitey. It doesn't do me justice. - V.S. - The nose isn't exactly brought out. Oh, I'm sorry, V.S., I thought you were Mary. How are you, Whitey? - You been behaving yourself? - Why, certainly. Cross your heart? Have you been true to me? Well, twice. My, how tanned you've gotten, V.S. I didn't allow for that in the color scheme. I'm afraid we'll have to change the office again. - Whitey, it's great. - Do you really like it? I don't see how you did it. - Well, I spent $806. - What? Why, you're Michelangelo, Whitey. That's who you are, Mike M. Angelo. That's paint. They just finished the woodwork this morning. - Oh, is it still wet? - Yes, it is. No, I don't think so. No, it must be dry by now. Nope, it's still wet. How many things have piled up, Whitey? About a million, eh? - Almost. - You know what we're going to do? Have an old-fashioned board meeting, all day long. Knock down, drag out. Clean up everything in five or six hours. - Good idea, eh? - Yes, V.S. Mr. Williams and Mr. Trent may come in now. - Call the staff for a meeting at 3:00. - I thought you'd want it for 11:00. - You mean, you've arranged it for 11:00. - Yes, V.S. Come in. - Hello, Harry. - Hello, V.S. - How are you, Ned? - Oh, you're looking great, V.S. Well, all the trout can breathe easy for another year, huh, V. S? All that's left. What's this? That's Hoppy's cover for the January boudoir. Now, it needs your rush okay for that new color process. That's nice. Very effective. Hoppy must be staying sober again. I'll be interested to see the plates. - All right, thanks, V.S. - All right. Here's the January Mayfair dummy. All right for page proofs? Say, Alice has written a very nice article here, Ned. Let's give it a double spread, and move it up front right after Topics. January's the height of the deb season, and the little darlings might be interested. Otherwise, it's a swell book you always put out. - Thank you, V.S., I like that idea. - All right. If we're meeting at 11:00, get me the quarterly space sales. Yes, V.S. Oh, and by the way, Mr. Farnsworth has a grand new idea to solicit, the Dolly Dane Lipstick account. "Stop! "Do you know what is happening to you?" In Old English type. "Where does your lipstick go when it is gone? "Does it evaporate? No." New paragraph. "There is no nourishment in paint. Use Stick on the Lip Lipstick!" Exclamation mark. "50 cents in the United States and Canada." - That's not bad, Joe. I like it. - Thanks, V.S. - What are you using for art? - Well, I think I've something very effective. - It's a David Bucknall. - I don't know. Well, we can hardly improve on Bucknall, V.S. Well, the picture's all right as a picture, but I'm just wondering if it tells the story we want. Frankly, V.S., well, I think the value lies in the copy and not the picture. Yes, but how do you know they'll read the copy? What's to prevent them from turning the page? The Bucknall girl? Oh, no. Now, two pages ahead of that, there'll probably be a Bucknall girl selling cigarettes, and two pages after, mouthwash. No, that needs some little trick to keep them glued to the page. Read it again. "Stop! "Do you know what is happening to you? "Where does your lipstick go when it is gone? Does it evaporate? No! - "There is no nourishment in paint..." - I think I've got it. We'll use the Bucknall girl, but do you know what she'll be doing? She'll be seated at a drug store counter, a very pretty girl, with a straw in her mouth, and she'll be drinking a soda. Well, that'll give her a chance to pout, and play up her pretty lips. Now, instead of having her straw stuck in a soda, it'll be stuck in a sloppy can of paint. She'll be drinking paint, it'll say so right on the can. - What do you think of that? - I like that very much, V.S. I like it, too, Joe. - You get that, Whitey? - Yes, V.S. Now, straighten it out with Bucknall. What's next? Mr. Harrington, concerning the Pandora Cold Cream account. - On your feet, Hal. - V.S., I think I'm going to bring a depressing note into the proceedings. We've had the Pandora Cold Cream account for nine years, and we've always received the bulk of their appropriation. This year, however, our allowance has been cut exactly in half. They claim they're finding they have to appeal more to the general public, and for the first time in their history, they're contemplating going into a five-cent magazine, - the National Weekly. - Yes, we've had that argument before, Hal. They're not going to get very far trying to sell a $2 jar of cold cream - in a five-cent magazine. - But that's it, V.S. Their $2 cold cream now sells for $1.25. Well, I'll think about it. - That's all, isn't it, Whitey? - That's all. Ladies and gentlemen, I thank you for a very interesting and stimulating afternoon. - Now we'll have to take a vacation. - Simon Legree Stanhope. - It was an interesting meeting. - Yes. - Whitey, you know what I'm going to do? - No. Stanhope Publications are going to buy National Weekly. No, V. S. We're going to make a darn good stab at it. Hal's right, we're losing a lot of advertising to the low-priced publications. National Weekly is a great piece of property right now, and with our editorial and promotion machine, we could build it into the largest five-cent weekly in the country. But will Underwood sell it? Well, Underwood's an old codger, and about ready to hang up his sword. And what about the Hanson House crowd? That's the one danger. If Hanson House should get wind of this, they'd get to Underwood with their bid before I could get organized. So we'll have to start carefully and secretly. And we'll start right now. Get Underwood on the phone. - He's probably at his Oyster Bay place. - Yes, V.S. No, no. No, let's not use our switchboard. Oyster Bay 1-1-7-0. Twenty cents. Hello. Is Mr. Underwood in? Mr. Stanhope calling. He'll see if he's home. One moment, please. Hello? Hello, Mr. Underwood. How are you? I haven't seen you since the convention. How's your back? Oh, that's too bad. Oh, I just thought I'd like to ask you to lunch. It's nothing special, just talk about the weather and life. Here, wait a minute. Wait a minute. - Please. - Oh, pardon. That's rich, J.D. That's very funny. - Hello, Mrs. Stanhope. - Hello, Miss Wilson. - Is Mr. Stanhope in? - Hello, sweet... Mimi, darling! I'm warning you, I don't intend paying any more of your gambling debts. Oh, Van, don't be so silly. What will the young lady think? I keep no secrets from my secretary. - Miss Wilson, my mother. - How do you do, Mrs. Stanhope? How do you do? Your mother would like to see your new office, and so would I. Well, go right in, ladies. Open to the public weekdays, 3:00 to 5:00. Don't stay too long, darling, I'm up to my eyes. We won't stay long. I'm positive I've got some figures on their net circulation in my files. Dig them out, will you? Well, I must say, this isn't exactly my idea of a business office. - Oh, what is it your idea of? - I shouldn't like to say. Why, Mimi, what do you mean? What do you know about such places? No, no, of course. Don't be silly. It's very pretty. Very, very pretty. Whitey did it all while I was away. I don't see why you didn't use Mr. Dorian. He's been our decorator for over 20 years. Because I use Whitey... Miss Wilson, my secretary. - He calls her "Whitey." - Yes, I'm afraid he does. - Look, isn't it comfortable? - Yes, I don't see any reason why he should ever come home at all. - Well, I think of myself as a sort of reason. - Oh, dear. You've done wonders, Miss Whitey. I'm so happy you like it, Mrs. Stanhope. Now then, ladies, as breathtaking and alluring as you both are... Yes, I know. We're going. Come along, Mimi darling, before we're turned out. You know, Whitey, the thing for me to do is to memorize everything we've got on this, and then forget it by tomorrow. Jake, you suppose you could be home by... That old buzzard's as smart as a whip. I'll bet he knows our figures better than we know his. I haven't been one to give you much advice in the past, have I, dear? You've been an absolutely model mother-in-law, Mimi. All right then, I'm going to give you some now. Get rid of that secretary of Van's. Miss Wilson? - Van couldn't live without her. - I hope not with her. I assure you he doesn't. You know, my dear, I've seen much more of the world than you have, and more of the Stanhope men. Van is very like his father: warm-hearted, impulsive, active, and temptation ought not to be put in their way. Mimi darling, all Van's life is spent with attractive women, not only Miss Wilson, but the girls who model dresses, the lovely actresses whose pictures he runs. If once I started to be suspicious... Oh, I don't want you to be suspicious. I only want you to be prudent. I want you to protect yourself and Van against all danger. What's all this red flag-waving? My protection, as you call it, and Van's, too, for that matter, is to love and trust each other more than anything. That's simple and very dear, Mimi darling. You're not a jealous person, are you? I haven't time to be. Besides, if I were, I'd destroy the very thing Van loves in me. I try to make his life smooth and pleasant, the very opposite of all that back there. The worry, action, achievement. I want to be a refuge from all that. To laugh, or just be quiet with him. There's no room for jealousy there, is there? I see your point of view, dear, and it's all very modern and noble. Nevertheless, I advise you to get rid of Miss Wilson. Never. She's as important to him downtown, as I am to him uptown. Well, she's not the sort of person I'd care to see alone - in a telephone booth with my husband. - Why, Mimi! Oh, you're terrible. Van doesn't know any other woman's alive. His father's son? Well, Mr. Paper-reader, why don't you drink your soup with a straw? Oh, don't be silly. How you gonna get the vegetables up? Caught red-handed. A pickpocket. Why, I didn't know it was your pocket, sir. I was just walking down the street... Outside, young lady. - Show it to me now, Dave. - Not until after the show. - Patience, woman, patience. - Well, what's the matter? What is it? Well, he has something to show me. This is his idea of wearing the pants in the family. If and when you ever trick me into marrying you, dear, I'll wear the pants. - What's that? - Nothing. - I said nothing. - Well, say it a little louder, dear, and stop hinting. All you have to do to get a divorce in this family, is just say the word. I know. For the last 10 years, I've been trying to find that word. Hello? Yes, Mr. Stanhope. Holy mackerel, I've never known it to fail. Yes, she's here, Mr. Stanhope. - Hello? - Hello, Whitey. Do you remember if the 240,000 circulation included mailing to newsstands that didn't have delivery? I don't think so, V.S. I think they counted with the newsstands. Oh, I think I'd better go over the whole thing again, Whitey. You run down to the office and get me the folder. It's in the small safe. Thanks. You weren't doing anything tonight, anyway, were you? Well, that's perfectly all right, V.S. If I leave here now, I'll be there within an hour. All right. Well, that's great. Just great. It may be your idea of a good job, it's not mine. You know, if that's happened once, it's happened 20 times. I never saw anybody so inconsiderate. Doesn't it ever occur to him that you might be wanting to go out for a good time or something? Now, Dave, he's got important things on his mind. If you'll just give me my ticket to the theater, I'll be there as soon as I can, and then you can tell me what I've missed. I'm not going out with a girl, I'm going out with a doctor. Except, Stanhope gives birth every 20 minutes. - Miss Wilson? - Yes. I've often spoken to you over the telephone, miss. - Of course. You're Simpson. - Yes, miss. If you'll just be seated. I'll tell Mr. Stanhope you're here. Do you suppose that's on the level, or just for the effect on the visiting firemen? Don't look now, Van, but there's a terribly green-looking girl just behind us. You know what did it, don't you? Just envy. Happy? I don't know. You've never shown me anything else. Sickening. - May I cut in? - How did he get in here? I didn't invite him. Miss Wilson is here, sir. I'll never forgive you for coming this late. - Shall we dance? - I didn't come here to dance. Now, that's interesting. What did you come for? Come on upstairs, Whitey. It'll be quieter there. - Hello, Herb. - Hello. Say, who is this? Why don't you wear that thing at the office? Hello, kids. - Oh, my. - Who was that? - He said his secretary was coming over. - Secretary? I'll be a so-and-so. Relax, dear. This is their third anniversary, not their first. - Hello, Linda. - Have you seen Van? - Yes. - No. Well, that is, I saw him just a few minutes ago with Harvey. How did I know you were going to say no? My mother always used to tell me, "Joan, you should never see the husband." - Simpson. - Yes, madam? Have you seen Mr. Stanhope? Yes, madam. He's just gone upstairs with Miss Wilson. - Thanks, Simpson. - Yes, ma'am. - Excuse me, Raoul. - Certainly. - Oh, good evening, Mrs. Stanhope. - Hello, Miss Wilson. Why, Van, you've taken her away from a party. - Oh, that's all right. - You're going to stay right here. - Oh, no, I... - Yes, you are. I insist on it. - Come on, Whitey, join the party. - I couldn't. I... - I'd only be intruding. - Oh, no. Oh, no. You'd be doing me a favor. There are half a dozen extra men, and we need you. - They need you. - Well, someone's waiting for me at the theater. Well, the theaters are out by now. - Are you sure? - Oh, certainly. Whitey, you're good at this. Thanks, V.S. V. S? No, not when we're dancing. - Thanks, Van. - Better. Hey, Battleship, haven't you ever seen a blonde before? I'm beginning to wonder. I must definitely meet that. I wish my wife would get a sick headache and go home. Gentlemen, I fear that even I could give that little lady dictation. - It was a lovely party, Linda. - Thank you. I think I've discovered your secret with Van. You're not jealous of his business. Well, I don't understand a woman who treats her husband's business as if it were a bad habit she couldn't break him of, and then spends every cent he makes. Isn't she sweet? And what a lovely-looking creature Van's secretary is. You know, Linda, that proves something. Most wives couldn't afford to have a pretty girl like that around all the time, but you're so sure of Van. Well, I don't think Van's the kind of man you have to worry about. Oh, of course not. - Good night, dear. - Good night. Oh, Linda, I know just what you're thinking. You've got nothing to worry about, not with Van. - Good night, sweetie. - Good night, Joan. I just signed the hotel register. Mr. and Mrs. John Smith of Scranton, Pennsyltucky. - Oh, idiot. - Oh, Gwendolyn, if it weren't for the wife whom I love, I'd make an honest woman out of you. But I do love my wife. I'm the best, aren't I? You're the top. The only best, always? You know, someday they're going to put us both in a wheelchair, and then when my lumbago isn't bothering me, honey, you look out. Well, I've worked for a lot of them, but he certainly is one grand guy. What do you think? - He certainly is. - Should say he is. And the missus, she's a pip, too. - You know, I'd do anything for her. - Yes, she's awfully sweet. But him, the way he acts, especially for a big shot, always clowning around and doing the craziest stunts... Hey, what's the matter? Do you want to get run over, you big chump? Does he act like that down in the office? Sometimes. Well, he certainly must get a great kick out of life. Everything he does is all in fun. Yes. It's all in fun. - Good night, Miss Wilson. - Good night, Finney, and thank you. David. David, wake up. You'll be late. Okay, Mom. Oh, hello. - What time is it? - 2:00. - I was going home at 12:00. - I didn't think you'd be waiting. We didn't finish work until 11:00, and I couldn't have got to the theatre on time. That's all right. I might have been able to get there on time, but they asked me to stay. They were having a party. Party? How was it? You can't believe it. Their home, and the people that were there... Fred Evans came up after the show and danced. Kitty Hobart. She's pretty old when she's not on the stage. And Battleship did a double somersault from a chair, and broke his wristwatch. Did he? Gee, that's something. - What's that? - This? It's just a surprise. $75 a week. A $20 raise. What happened? - It's all your fault. - Mine? Yep. I was sitting in the office, looking at a calendar. I must have been looking at it for about an hour. $55 a week, I said. Next year, this time, it'll be $65, and the year after that, it'll be $75. That's two whole years out of my life, out of both of our lives, waiting for that number to come around. Well, I got up and I walked right into Poker Face's office before I had time to think. I knew that was the only way I could do it. And there he was. Oh, I'll never forget it. He was filling his pipe when I came in. And I walked right up to his desk and I said, "Mr. Kemp, I believe I can get $75 a week elsewhere. "Would you be interested in keeping me on here at that figure?" He didn't say anything. He just... Just kept puffing on that match, and then that one went out, and he lit another. He didn't even look at me. I thought maybe he was mad, or maybe he didn't even hear me at all. And then, suddenly, he looked up and said, "$75," and smiled. Old Poker Face. - I bet I was white as a sheet. - Dave. I don't even remember whether I said thank you. I just turned around and walked out of the office. Oh, Dave. Honey, you better hand in your two weeks' notice tomorrow, huh? We could have a servant, Dave. I wouldn't have to give up my job. Now, we've been over all that. It isn't like being married. Why isn't it? It's just an idea that you have. We could live much better on two salaries. On mine alone we could save enough maybe even to go to Europe. Well, you'll be all tired at night. You work late. You got worse hours than I have. We're not giving marriage a fair break. We wanna have a home and kids. Maybe. Like everybody else. Whitey, you're not like the rest of the girls in our crowd that got married. They all had little jobs that weren't interesting, and they didn't mind staying at home. But you've got this good job, and you're getting more used to it every day, and you see parties, like tonight, meet men like Stanhope. Millionaires. Well, that spoils you, honey. You can't help yourself. You'll get so that you won't want a husband, and a home, and kids until it's too late. A girl like you has to make up her mind to have a home with a man. That's natural. What you're doing isn't. Come on. Come on, give Stanhope your notice tomorrow, will you, Whitey? I mean, make it a month's notice if you want to. I can't do that now, Dave. Darling, we'll iron it out. We just don't want to do anything without thinking it's not best for us. You're parked on the wrong side of the street. You've been here for over an hour, and your parking lights are out. - I'm sorry. - You're sorry? Well, sir, if me feet didn't hurt me, I'd write you out the longest ticket you ever saw. My golly, they're killing me. You might get your death of cold with only that bit of rabbit you have around your neck there. Now, let's see, where was I? "The reason I prefer individual contracts is..." Oh, yes. "The reason I prefer individual contracts is because..." "Is because I have found from experience..." I don't know what I've found from experience. - My mind isn't on this. - We can do the rest on the way back. You know, Whitey, I have a lot of respect for Underwood. Do you really think he'll fall for this hooey? Well, he should, if you're convincing enough. Hello, J.D. How are you? How's your back? Never mind that, son. What are you here for? Oh no, no. He's smoother than that. He won't talk business for the first two hours. - Hello, Van. - Hello, J.D. - How's your back? - Never mind that, son. What are you here for? Well, now. I don't care what you're here for. It's more interesting for me to tell you about my back. Van, I've got a brand new kind of a steam cabinet some fellow in Belgium invented, and I tell you, I'm like a kid with a toy. You know, I haven't had a good steam bath in a year. - You haven't? - No. Like it? Wonderful, marvelous. Van, enough beating about the bush. What are you trying to put over on me? J.D., did anybody ever put anything over on you in your entire life? Well, you're not far wrong. Hell, I'll lay my cards on the table. I want your advice. I'm thinking of starting a five-cent weekly. Oh, so you're gonna try to compete with me, eh? Oh, no, no. There's room for us both, I think. Well, you're a clever young gamecock, Van, but I'm not so old a bird that I'm afraid to stay in the pit with you. So take my warning. I hate to throw cold water on you. You're too late. As a matter of fact, if you're thinking of going in for quantity circulation, why don't you think a better idea? - Well, what's that? - Well, why start at scratch? Why not take something already set up? - How do you mean, J. D? - Why not buy National Weekly from me? What? Buy National Weekly? But your price would be prohibitive. Besides, that's your pet sheet. You brought it up from a baby. Oh, I hadn't even thought of it. - You'll have to admit it's an idea. - Why, it's... It's flabbergasting. Well, it takes an old flabbergaster like me to make you smart youngsters see that you haven't got all the ideas in the world. Why the deuce didn't I ever think of that before? Well, it's probably this new steam bath. That sweats out a lot of things. Yeah, that's right. A four million circulation under one man, - that's power, boy. - Can you tie a bow tie? I can tie it on a milk bottle, all right. I can't tie it on myself. - How'd you get dressed this morning? - Linda did it. - How is she? - Fine. - She's too good for you. - I know it. When does your directors meeting come up? About two months. Well, I'll send you all the figures you need, - and you can get used to them. - I can't hold out any hopes, J.D., - those boys are awfully conservative. - Well, you can't tell, they may like it. If they do, maybe we can get together. You run the works, and I'll take a stock allotment, play golf the rest of my life. I could make a living doing that, too. You couldn't believe it. He spent the last 20 minutes trying to talk me into it. It's his idea now. He fell like a ton of bricks. Oh, that's wonderful, V.S. - Finney, take Miss Wilson home. - Yes, sir. Whitey, if the faintest rumor of this ever leaks out... I understand, V.S. - I can't even tell Linda a thing like this. - You can trust me. Well, I wasn't worrying about trusting you. I was only afraid that you might not understand about the secrecy. Good night. Good night. What are we having for dinner? Mr. and Mrs. Barker. Oh, penny-a-point Barker. I'm sure they're both card cheats. - So am I. - But they couldn't be better than us. I was thinking that. I called you at the office and left a message to be called back. Why didn't you? Well, I didn't go back to the office, I was at the club all afternoon. - What'd you want? - Oh, nothing. Come on, now. What was it you wanted to tell me? It's too late, won't talk now. Well, it probably wasn't anything important, anyhow. Well, you're not going to get it out of me that way. Well, what'd you want to tell me? Oh, the mood's gone. It's all different now. Oh, it is, eh? The mood's gone, eh? The mood's gone, eh? It is? You know, the first time you bid three spades tonight, I am definitely going to break that lovely little neck of yours. That tie's been remade since this morning. Hey, you are observant. Well, I was swimming at the club and one of the boys had to do it. The world's divided into two kinds of people. Those who believe that bow-tie ends should be sticking out, and those who don't. Personally I'm very tolerant, ask anybody. But anyone who believes a bow-tie end should stick out, should be deported from this country. Boiling in oil is too good for them. That's the way I feel about it, too. Stand still. Our butcher sends us the most inconsiderate chickens. We never have chicken livers like this. I think Molly puts egg or something in it. Ted, I never saw you looking better in your life. What are you doing with yourself, anyway? What's the matter, dear? What do you want? Simpson. Will you get Anne some more chicken livers, darling? Well, I discovered that to keep in trim, you have to spend some time at it. Now, once a week, now, no matter how busy I am, I take the afternoon off and go to the club. I've been swimming in that pool all afternoon today, and I can tell you I feel like a new man. You ought to get Van to do that. I haven't seen him at the club in months. Thank you. Van, you don't take enough exercise. - You... - I wish you'd let Molly make you up - a little jar of chicken livers. - Oh, thanks. - She'll give you a recipe, too. - Oh, no, Linda. It's no trouble at all. - Want one? - Yes, thanks. Molly, will you make up a little jar of chicken livers for Mrs. Barker, - and then write out the recipe, please? - Yes, yes. But I have no little jar. - Good evening, Mrs. Stanhope. - Good evening, Finney. - Finney, will you run an errand? - Yes, ma'am. You've had your dinner, haven't you? No, ma'am. I took Miss Wilson home after I brought Mr. Stanhope. I see. Don't you want me to run the errand, ma'am? Yes. Yes, Finney. Have your dinner, and then get Molly a little jar. Yes, ma'am. Ted just said that he told Anne tonight he thought we were a couple of card cheats. Oh, no, I didn't mean that. Tighter. You know, I could get you skates. Oh, no. I don't feel like it. I'll just watch. - There you are. - Well, here goes nothing. I wouldn't sit here if I was cold, Linda. I'm all bundled up. How long are we going to stay? Not long. I'm not very crazy about this. They sent me an engraved invitation, so I ought to stay a while. - Good evening, Mrs. Stanhope. - Good evening, Miss Wilson. - Aren't you skating? - No, I don't think I ought to. - I've got an awful cold. - Oh, I'm sorry. - May I borrow your husband? - You're quite welcome. - Thank you. May I? - A privilege and a pleasure. - Keep bundled up, now. - I will. It's marvelous there's a spirit in the organization to have affairs like this. Don't you think, V. S? When we're dancing or skating, I'm not V.S. Yes, Van. - Look, Crack the Whip. Are you game? - Certainly. Oh, my feet. - How did you get out of skating? - I have a cold. Lucky you. - The husband's skating, or the boyfriend? - The husband. So is mine, if I can find him. This is going pretty good. - Were you here last year? - Yes, I skated last year. - How long have you been with Stanhope? - With Stanhope? Oh, three years. Say, there's Stanhope now. - Where? - Over there. The man with the beard? Oh, he's very interesting. That's my husband. Oh, see him? That's Stanhope over there. The good-looking one. He is good-looking, isn't he? Who's that with him? His secretary. He's married, isn't he? So is my husband. But his secretary's 40 if she's a day. Why, you're not going, Linda? Tell Van I'll be waiting for him in the car. - Certainly. - Thank you. Oh, what fun! You know, next year I'd like to surprise them and do some figure skating. Yeah, your figure was doing all right. What do you mean? It went over pretty big with Stanhope, didn't it? Darling, you're kidding, aren't you? I told you once that knowing millionaires like him spoiled you. - For guys like me, anyway. - Dave. Maybe I meant it would eventually spoil you for yourself. You've been sitting here thinking that? I've been a chump. Maybe I should have thought it all along. I've got taxi fare home, Dave. And I don't need your ring, either. I guess you never needed it, or anything. - Linda's waiting for you in the car. - All right. Well, good night, kids. Stay as long as you like. But if any of you are five minutes late tomorrow morning, you're fired. Good old boss. Just a minute. You said you'd give me a minute. Well, what is it? Miss Miller's husband is taking her to Europe, and she's leaving a hole that we won't be able to fill very easily. Now, I thought if Whitey... It's 10:30, ma'am. Thank you, Finney. How's your cold, dear? It wasn't improved any waiting outside. I'm sorry, darling. I didn't realize I was so long. You know, Linda, I was offered a chance to do something unselfish tonight, and I didn't take it. What was it? One of the department heads wants Whitey for an assistant, and I wouldn't let her go. Why not? Well, I'm not really sure it's a promotion. And I've managed to convince myself that she's more valuable as my secretary. Well, I'm being selfish for the good of the company. You know, it's amazing how a man can twist logic to suit his own ends. I think you should give her the promotion. But it'd take years to make another Whitey. Well, I'd appreciate it if you'd give her the job. You gals certainly stick together. You know, you'd rather see Whitey promoted than me comfortable. It's really my own comfort I'm thinking of. Do you know that I sat next to a young lady tonight, who didn't know I was Mrs. Stanhope, and who was convinced that Whitey was one of those secretaries? What? Did somebody say that? Well, after all, Van, she is an uncommonly good-looking girl. I don't know of anyone in our crowd who's as attractive. And people aren't willing to believe that looks go with brains. Well, one of the smallest troubles we've ever had, Linda, thank heaven, is caring what other people think. Shall I tell you something very frankly, Van? I care. Please give her the promotion. Well, I certainly wouldn't give it to her for that reason, because someone thinks something smutty. Then I'll ask it for another reason, as a favor, as though you asked me to dismiss Simpson. But that's not a fair comparison. Whitey's different than a servant. I know, but other people don't understand that. - They think... How different? - Other people? Since when are we concerned with what other people think? Linda, someone hearing you would think you were putting on an act of jealousy. I'm not jealous. Although most wives would have been a long time ago. Oh, darling. This conversation's getting pretty dull, and certainly unpleasant. Aren't you going to do it? No, I'm not, dear. - Take me to the club. - Yes, sir. Just a pair of jacks. Pair of kings. Horseshoe Stanhope. You're holding six cards again, Van. That's the third time, sucker. Come around more often. I don't know how that happened. - Whose deal? - Mine. Mrs. Stanhope on the phone, sir. - I'm out. - Okay. Yes? Van, come home. Darling, I'll be right there. Good night. - Good night. - Good night. Hey, Pat, bring my coat and hat. Hurry up, hurry up. Come on. Hey, taxi! Taxi! Come on, come on, come on! All right. Linda. Darling. It all happened because I love you so much. - No, no, no, darling. It was all my fault. - No, no, it was mine. Honest, it was. No, you were right about Whitey. She gets that new job tomorrow. - She deserves it. - No, no, please. She should be your secretary. You're used to her. Promise me you'll keep her. Darling, we're going on a little vacation: Havana, Bermuda, Nassau. - When? - In a couple of weeks. You get yourself a lot of nice things, and stand by for a two-minute notice. - Oh, my darling. - Oh, sweetie. I shouldn't have left you out in that car so long. My poor little Linda with her little runny nose. You'll catch my cold. Who, me? I never caught a cold in my life. Why, you've got a cold, V.S., and on such a nice morning, it must be maddening. Perfectly all right. It's worth a million dollars. Underwood sent you over the National Weekly data, - and I put it in your little safe. - That's fine. We got most of the figures, but I imagine it'll take us at least a week to get everything together for the board meeting. What is it? What's a matter? Oh, nothing, nothing. I was just noticing something. What? There's an old Chinese proverb that says, "If you want to keep a man honest, never call him a liar." Well, I don't know anything about Chinamen, but I do know you've got a good week's work getting those figures together. It's all right. Set aside an hour every afternoon. And for the final compilation, you better hire your own private little auditor from the outside, - you know. - Yes, V.S. Oh, yes, and look, put all those papers in the little safe. I said I did. One moment, please. Will Mr. Stanhope take the Havana call now? I can't call him for a minute, yet. Ask the operator to hold the call. Give me a total on that. Well, it doesn't look as though the old rascal exaggerated his circulation figures. That it? Well, about. I'm a thousand or so off, I'm afraid. Well, that auditor you're bringing in can give you the real check. Hour's up, Whitey. Let's quit. What do you think your board of directors will think - about your buying National Weekly? - Well, I can handle them. But I'm just thinking. Perhaps that old fox Underwood might be giving me too much rope. - Oh, come on, huh? - Exactly. He finds out whether I'm going to buy or not, and then he submits a proposition to Hanson House, who will probably pay twice as much as we can afford, just to keep Stanhope out of the low-priced field. I wonder. Yes? Well, put him on, please. It's Harrington from Havana. Hello. Hello, Hal. How's your stomachache? Why, it's fine. In fact, I haven't got it anymore. No, no. I have something else, though, but it isn't a stomachache. Well, the doctor says it's appendicitis, and in 20 minutes he's going to take this employee of yours, and put him under ether. I'm sorry it had to happen at a time like this, V.S., with the convention just starting. Don't you worry, Hal. You just relax and take your time about coming back. Yes, you better stay down there a couple of weeks. It'll do you good. That's all right. Keep your fingers crossed. Goodbye. Now, that's tough. Appendicitis. And only yesterday he was sitting here complaining of having a stomachache. Well, who's gonna cover the convention now? I don't know. I'll send Miller, I guess. V.S., I think it might be a good idea for you to go yourself. Me? I haven't done that in years. That's work. Underwood's there, you know. Hey, what's the matter with me? Of course he is. If your worry about Hanson House has any basis, it wouldn't do any harm to follow him around a bit, would it? Whitey, you're a modern Mata Hari. This'll be a good excuse for being there, too. Book me on the first plane to Havana, and call Mrs. Stanhope. Tell her to have my things ready. Yes, sir. - Goodbye, Ellen. - Goodbye, madam. I've been waiting for that call for two weeks. I knew everything I was going to pack. I've been over it in my mind a dozen times. I've a special reason for wanting to go on this trip. Why? Well, we had a fight, sort of. And it was my fault. And you've been so busy, I haven't had a chance to make it up to you. I want this to be a sort of second honeymoon. Oh, my darling. You know, Linda, sometimes I just sit in the office and think about us. And I try to be very fair about it, and I am, too. And I say to myself, "Who are you to think that you're entitled to Linda? "Are you good enough for her?" Then I say to myself, "No." Then I say to myself, "Well, who is entitled to her? "Is anybody good enough for her?" Then I say to myself, "No." Then I say to myself, "Well, you're as little entitled to her as anybody else, so you hold right on." And I'm holding. So you think you're doing the holding, huh? If you ever let go, you'll find out whom's attached to who. How long are we staying in Havana, a whole week? No, dear. Oh, I don't care if it's only a few days. We just won't go to sleep, that's all. Linda, Harrington's having his appendix out in Havana right this minute, and somebody has to be at that advertising convention. Don't say I'm not going. But, darling, this isn't our Havana trip. We're still going to have it, and not for two days, but for two weeks. I don't mind two days. I just feel like going now. Take me along, Jake. Oh, but, darling, I wouldn't have any time for you, not really. I'll have to be at the convention during the day and with Underwood at night. Well, I don't want much time, really. I just wanna see you for five minutes every day while you're shaving. Oh, darling, I'm going to miss you so much. Call me every day. Twice a day. Twice a day. This way, please. - Won't you sit down, Mr. Jenkins? - Thank you. The job is personal auditor for Mr. Stanhope. Have you ever kept books outside of company accounts? Yes, ma'am, for Mr. Harold Stone, the department store man. I have references from him. The agency says you last worked for a publishing concern. Which one? Hanson House. How long were you there? Two weeks. But that's all I was hired for. There were half a dozen of us who had to compile some special data on National Weekly. What sort of work was it? Why, I thought it was similar to a balance sheet, but not exactly. We had the returns from the news agencies throughout the country, and then we went through the advertising of the last two years, in order to find out their revenue as best we could, not knowing their actual contract rates. Yes, I see. That's usual. We do that ourselves. Yes, ma'am. You can start work tomorrow. Miss Conners will take you to the cashier. Thank you, ma'am. Find out the exact time Mr. Stanhope's plane arrives in Havana. I'm sorry, he isn't in yet. The plane might be a few minutes late. One moment, please. Mr. Stanhope's card just came through. He's on his way to his room now. - Will you hold the wire? - Yes, I will. Oh, will you excuse me a moment, Mary? Yes, hello. All right, put them on. Hello? Yes, hello, Whitey. What's the matter? What? Well, what other reason could it be? They could have gotten the net circulation figures from the post office, and they checked up on the advertising space exactly as we did. You're right. You're right. Stay on the wire. - Would you care for some fruit, sir? - No, that's all, boys. - Thank you. - Thank you, sir. - Thank you, sir. - All right, boys. Whitey, you don't mind flying, do you? Oh, no. Well, get all those papers out of the safe, and take the first plane down here. Underwood's here, not New York. And hurry it up, toots. - Well, how'd you like it? - I liked it fine. Oh, my. Well, Whitey, as usual, you've brought the message to Garcia. All in the line of duty, sir. But what's Garcia gonna do? He's going to act like that, sir. Obviously, Underwood's been feeling out Hanson House, the old crook. You and I are going to stop all that. We're going to sweep him right off his feet, - right here in the dust of Havana. - How, V. S? Well, if I should get you every available typewriter, and about a dozen typists, who are willing to die for the cause, do you think that you could turn out a handsomely-bound contract to present to Mr. Underwood by tomorrow night? - We'll have to. - That's all I wanna know. Now, how do you feel? Are you tired? Hungry? I don't know. What time is it? - 1:00. - Then I'm hungry. - Miss Wilson's reservation. - Yes, Mr. Stanhope. Oh, hello, Tom. Why, Van, I never expected to see you covering a convention again. Well, I am. Business is where you can find it these days. Miss Wilson, may I present Tom Axel, representing Hanson House. - You needn't be courteous to him. - How do you do? How do you do? I've spoken to you over the phone. - Yes, I remember. - I'll see you later, Tom. - So long. - So long. Business is where you can find it, and that's no lie. Hey, it's 8:30. What time does that feature-picture go on? - You better call up. - Yeah, I gotta hurry. You can't use the phone, she's expecting a call. - Oh, that was at 7:00. - But it hasn't come through yet. "...to revert to the original corporation." Oh, I can't do any more, Whitey. I'm all fagged out. - Careful of those papers. - All right. You better get some rest. speech at 9:00, and back at it at 11:00. - Do you think we can finish it by tonight? - I think so. You better get some sleep, too. Well, I'll just type some sheets. Why can't they do that? Well, there are some sheets I don't think they should type. Smart girl. You better go to my room. All right. - Good night and good morning. - Sleep tight. ... my profession of advertising, a contribution to American civilization, a great contribution. In every home are a thousand and one necessities. Necessities, mind you, which the world would never have had, without the beneficial force... - When are you going home? - Tomorrow morning. - I'd like to see you tonight. - What about? Something important. Well, your board of directors doesn't meet until next Tuesday. I don't need the board of directors. Goodbye. - Goodbye. - Goodbye. And 15 minutes to spare. - You better get some sleep, Whitey. - Oh, I'm not tired anymore. I was a while back, four or five hours ago, but now I don't think I'll ever sleep again as long as I live. You know, what you need is a good stiff drink. There's something in that. Lots of luck, V.S. Thanks, Whitey. Thanks for everything. It's all a matter of psychology, J.D. If I can go to them Tuesday and tell them that I've closed the deal, they'll want to feel it's all right. But if I've got to put it up to them, they'll start arguing, and deciding, and worrying, and... Well, we'll never get together. I know it, J.D. I've watched it happen a dozen times. Yeah, but to sit here in a hotel room and close a deal as big as this... - We have lawyers in New York. - What good are lawyers? We're making the deal. May I join you, madam? What happened, V.S? I'm so happy for you. I know you are, Whitey. How many drinks has this young lady had? - Four, seor. - Four? Well, bring me one rye with four on the side for the present. Whitey, tonight we let loose. The party doesn't answer. Shall I keep trying? Yes, please. - You probably think I'm drunk, don't you? - No. Well, you should, because I am. Thank you for a lovely evening. Thank you. Good night. Not good. Just fair. I don't think I ought to leave my notes scattered around. Why don't you lie down? You're a bit woozy. It's unlucky to be in bed with your shoes on, but I can't help it. We've had an awful lot to drink. Yes, we have. That's a good idea. You better beat it. Think I'll have something to eat. Send up a pot of black coffee and a club sandwich. Yes, Mr. Stanhope. Mr. Stanhope can take the New York call now. Ma'am, will you take the Havana call now? Yes. Hello? I'll hold on. Yes. Hello? Hello? Even in Havana. - There's your party. - Have you been disconnected? I think so. One moment, please. Yes? Were you disconnected from your New York call? It's a New York call. What? Linda. Get her back on the phone. Please get the New York party back. The number's Regent 4-1-6-4-4. Linda. Linda! Do you hear me? Answer me. The New York operator reports the number temporarily out of order. I'm terribly sorry. That's all right, Whitey. - Good night. - Good night. Good morning, sir. Very glad to see you back, sir. - Is Mrs. Stanhope awake, Simpson? - Yes, sir. Her tray went up 20 minutes ago, sir. Good morning, Ellen. Where's Mrs. Stanhope? She's in the bath, sir. Tell her that I'm waiting for her in the breakfast room. Mrs. Stanhope's had her breakfast, sir. I think Simpson's serving yours in the dining room. Well, tell Mrs. Stanhope that I'm back, and I'd like to see her. Yes, sir. - Good morning. - You going out? Yes, I have an appointment at the hairdresser's at 9:30. Well, it's rather early for you, isn't it? Well, hairdressers are very arrogant, you know. You have to take what you can get. Are you dining at home tonight? Why, yes, naturally. - Yes, madam. - Simpson, tell Molly there'll be dinner for one. I won't be able to plan with her now. I'm late for an appointment. - Yes, madam. - Linda, I wanna talk to you before you go out. - Can't it wait till later? - No, it can't. Linda, why do you treat me like this? - I treat you? - You'll have to listen to me. Helen Wilson flew down to Havana the day after I did. She discovered something about... Well, about my National Weekly deal. I've taken over National Weekly. And, well, it's about the biggest thing I've ever done. And a situation developed whereby, well, I had to close the deal in Havana. Well, you see, we discovered that Hanson House... They're publishers, you know that... That they were investigating the magazine. And Underwood, he's the owner... Won't you try and understand? I could make it clear to you. It is clear. Perfectly clear. You mean you don't care to believe anything I tell you, even if it's the truth? I mean that you haven't touched on the minor point as to why Miss Wilson was in your room at 2:00 in the morning. Linda, I know that looks bad. I know it. And I don't blame you for feeling as you do. But believe me, you're doing that girl a terrible injustice. I'm sorry. But that's the way I feel about it. Linda. Oh, Linda, dear. Hello, Mimi. - Will you put me up for a few days? - Why, of course. Oh, what a pleasure that'll be to have you. - And Van, too? - No, Van can't come. Oh, Mimi, you were so right. Oh, I'm so unhappy. The secretary? Yes. She went to Havana with him. He wouldn't take me. I begged him to. Then he didn't call me for two days. And when I called him at 2:00 in the morning, she answered the phone. From his room at 2:00 in the morning. Oh, you poor child. You poor children. It's horrible. But there, you mustn't be too hard on him. He really loves you. Loves me? You call that love? My dear, men are like that. So honorable, and able, and wise in some things, and just like naughty children in others. You wouldn't blame a little boy for stealing a piece of candy, if left alone in a room with a whole box-full, would you? You have no doubt it's true then? Have you? No. No, I haven't. But I thought maybe you, his own mother... Oh, as his own mother, I wish I thought it might be untrue. But a girl in a man's hotel room at 2:00 in the morning... I could forgive a sudden yielding to temptation, but this was planned, it was arranged. The night before he left for Havana, and the night before that, he told me how much he loved me. What could he have been thinking? How could he have said the things he said, having it in his mind... There, little one. There, child. Mr. Campbell on the phone, madam. Mr. Campbell? I don't know a Mr. Campbell. Oh, maybe it's the storage man. Excuse me, Joan. Hello? I asked you not to call, Van. I won't talk to your lawyers, Linda. I wanna talk to you. I'm entitled to... Good afternoon, Mrs. Stanhope. Good afternoon. Is Mrs. Carstairs ready? She'll be down in a minute. Will you have a seat? Thank you. Don't blame Joan. I made her do it. Van, you're just making us uncomfortable. Linda, you've never really given me a chance. - Please, Van... - Linda, you're destroying something that neither of us will ever find anywhere else. We're in love, Linda. You know we are. We're in love as few people can be. Linda, you still love me. I know you do. You couldn't feel otherwise. Please, Linda. We need each other. Well, I can't do any more. I don't know that I want to. You don't know how bucked up the staff is about this. - They can't wait to get started. - Hello? I don't know what Hanson House is... On the Ile de France? Oh, Mrs. Stanhope. I'll take it. Yes? Mrs. Stanhope wanted an outside stateroom, and we didn't have any. But we've just got a cancellation. Is it all right to move her baggage from the other stateroom? Oh, I'll give you the number where you can reach her. "Butterfield 8-2-0-8-5." You're welcome. You're an editor of almost six million circulation, V.S. Now what else do you want out of life, I'm sorry, boys, but I got some work to do. Come on, Frawley. We've been thrown out of better offices. Where they had better Scotch. - Hello? - Whitey? What is it, Dave? Well, I just thought I'd call. I have to go now, Dave. I'm sorry. Get me a reservation tomorrow for Bermuda. If nothing's sailing tomorrow, the day after. You ever been to Bermuda, Whitey? - No, I haven't. - It's quite a place. How'd you like to go? I need somebody to talk to, somebody with a long grey beard. Yes. Get yourself a stateroom. We'd better clean everything up here tonight. I've gotta see my lawyers now and I'll be back later. Yes. Is it possible, by special delivery, to get this on the Ile de France today? No, it's too late. It sails in a half an hour. So there's no use to send it special delivery? No. Special delivery, please. That'll be 13 cents. Hey, miss, you forgot your change. The French Line Pier. Hurry, please. All ashore who's going ashore! I want to talk to you. - We're leaving in a few minutes. - It'll only take a minute. - Well, I'm not at all interested. - You're going to hear me, though. My husband loves me. He's innocent. You want me to go back to him. What else? But I don't want you to go back to him. I hope he never sees you again. You're frank about it, anyway. All ashore who's going ashore. You'd really better go. If you leave him now, you'll never get him back. Yes. It's occurred to me. He's going to be lonely. His life won't end with you, you know. And when the rebound sets in, he's going to turn to the woman nearest. - And you know who it'll be. - I'm sure I do. Tomorrow he's taking me to Bermuda as a friend. But it won't go on like this. Pretty soon he'll want to buy me things. That's how it always starts. And then it'll be too late. Because if he ever turns to me, I won't turn away. You've only a minute. I'll take him second-best, but he'll be fairly happy. Not as happy as he was, not as happy as you could make him, but as happy as anybody else could make him. You're still going? Yes. You're a fool, for which I am grateful. All ashore who's going ashore. Where were you? I thought the letters better go tonight. I went to the post office. - Have you had anything to eat yet? - No, I haven't. Neither have I. We'll get something later. - Excuse me. - That's all right, Anna. You know, what you better do tomorrow is go out, and get yourself some things, like summer clothes. Charge them to me. No, I couldn't, V. S., really. I've got enough clothes. No woman ever has enough clothes. I'd better make another copy of this. Linda. Van. Whitey! I've been here for three nights. This is the longest fight we ever had. Gosh, all the fighting and worrying people do, it always seems to be about one thing. They don't seem to trust each other. Well, I've found this out. Don't look for trouble where there isn't any, because if you don't find it, you'll make it. Just believe in someone. |
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