Don't push! - I have to! - Kelly Ann,
you can't push until I tell you to.
We're almost there.
You're doing really well.
Okay, are you ready?
- Aye! - Push!
Good, excellent. Now, again!
One more, come on Kelly,
make this the last one!
And here's Baby.
Is she going to hold the baby?
- No, he's to go straight next door.
Do you want one?
How's she doing?
She's fine.
Kelly Ann...
I've just come from a happy couple
who will make wonderful parents
for that beautiful wee boy.
You made a family today, Kelly Ann.
Going to do us a favour, Father?
- Of course.
Get the hell out of here.
You did the right thing.
He's right.
Don't make the same mistakes as...
- As you?
Kelly Ann, they're here.
The bottles are in the fridge, Mum.
They'll pick them up later. - Right.
I'm away, then.
- Okay.
Kelly, come on!
- Shut up, Louise, I was pumping.
You're still doing that? What for?
They pay me for it.
- Painful for you!
Oh, how would you know?
Morning, Kelly Ann.
Alright there, Father?
Hi David, bit early for you?
Lazy bastard.
I'm not lazy. I'm laid-back.
Aye, must be all that marijuana, eh?
That's fucking sore!
- Good.
Oh come on, don't hit the mascot!
I'm not your mascot!
- You're the wee cute one.
You're the big ugly cow. Maybe you
should be a mascot. - Hit him again!
That's enough of the rough stuff.
It's not funny.
Ah, don't cry, Mark.
- Can't help it, looking at your face.
Shut it!
Louise, did you bring a food bucket
or are you just gonna eat grass?
You know this is Sawney Bean country?
Don't tell me you've never heard
of Sawney Bean? - Nope, never.
Heard of 'Mr Bean'.
- Sawney Bean!
The Scottish cannibal.
Why don't you tell us all about him?
- Well,
way back he used to live in a cave
up in the hills with his wife,
and 14 children...
- Must have been a Catholic!
... and 30 grandchildren.
They were
sort of an inbred cannibal clan
who would ambush travellers, take
them back to the cave and eat them.
They even used to pickle the bodies
to have enough food for winter.
Anyway this went on for years,
with more and more folk
disappearing until one of
Sawney's victims managed to escape
and lead the King's army
back to the cave.
Sawney and his family
were taken to Edinburgh
where they were burnt alive.
They say that Sawney gnawed his
own flesh, while the flames cooked it
just the way he liked it!
No way!
- That's what they say.
They also say that maybe a couple
of Sawney's grandchildren escaped.
And that the people round here
have got the blood of Sawney Bean
running in their veins.
Father!
- Shite!
Right, who's getting the gate?
Mark!
Bunch of fannies!
Hurry up!
Go, Father! Just leave him!
Shit!
That was good, Father. Very funny!
We've got to carry all this shit?
Okay, here are your maps.
You see where we are?
- Aye,
sheep-shagging country.
Don't need a map for that.
Watch out in that woolly sweater,
you might get jumped.
That's enough, David.
We're at the drop-off point we
plotted last week. Have you found it?
I'm sorry, have you found it?
- Aye. - Good.
Consider yourselves dropped off.
Cheerio.
Oh, what's the pick-up point?
What is it?
Noon tomorrow at Blane Home Farm.
At noon? - And where exactly is
Blane Home Farm, when it's at home?
It's on the map. It's also
an excellent bed and breakfast.
I will see you tomorrow...
Maybe.
What a wanker.
- Grow up, David.
Make me!
There it is.
Where?
- There.
Fuck sake, that's miles away!
That's the idea
of a wild country hike, big man.
So what do we do now?
- We start walking.
You coming?
Is that Lee?
- Aye.
No way, I don't believe this.
How did he get here?
Alright, Lee!
- Alright, wee man.
How did you get here?
- I took a train and two buses.
Coming with us, aye?
You've never been on a hike before?
- But I wanted to get my... medal.
What, the Duke of Edinburgh Award?
- The very thing.
Kelly, wait. - Louise, give us
a minute. - He's an arse.
Please, Louise!
- "Please, Louise!"
Kelly, going to slow down a wee bit?
Going to slow down?
How come you've been avoiding me?
I've been avoiding you? You never
came near me when I was pregnant!
That's what you wanted!
- When did I tell you that?
Father Steve told me.
- What?
You wanted to give up the baby and
didn't wanna talk about it. - Did he?
I understand. I was a bit pissed off,
but the baby's in good hands...
Leave him, Kelly, he's not worth it.
Just leave him.
What was that?
- I don't hear anything.
What do you hear, Kelly?
I think it's a baby crying.
No, I don't hear nothing.
Wait, there is something.
It's only sheep.
- Aw, you noticed.
Oh fuck, check this guy out!
Alright, pal?
What's up with him?
Nothing, he tripped. He's fine.
Aren't you? - Never better.
You on a hike?
- Aye.
Overnight?
- Aye.
Where are you camping?
- What's it to you? - Don't know.
We'll find somewhere.
You know any good places? - Oh, aye.
I know lots of places.
Clear up after yourselves, alright?
What was that? Sheep-shaggin' freak!
Cool it, Lee.
He's probably got 2 dozen cannibal
cousins. - They can eat this!
Can you walk?
- Aye.
Fuckin' hell.
Hello?
Mrs Graham?
It's Missy. That's my name and
my marital status. - That's handy.
I mean, that your name's...
- I know. - I'm Steven Gillies.
I believe we spoke on the phone.
I made a reservation. - Good job.
Well, you can see how busy we are!
Come on in.
There we are.
Mark, you're putting it up wrong.
- Shut up, this is a man's job.
You're cooking dinner, ya big jessie!
Delicious.
Dinner's ready.
Oh yes, I'm starvin'.
Cheers.
Not bad, by the way.
Lee, did you bring the...
you know what?
Aye, wait a minute.
Let's try warmin' things up
a wee bit, eh?
Cheers, mate.
Thanks.
Suit yourself.
- What about me?
Sorry, you're too young.
- Aw, come on!
So how far did we walk today, Kelly?
- 13 miles, another 8 to go.
So, er...
what are the sleeping arrangements?
Me and Kelly Ann in one tent,
you guys in the other. - 3 in a tent?
Well, two and a half.
You can be my pillow, wee man.
It's like a fuckin' primary school!
- Give it a rest.
Aye, give it a rest, you wee shite.
- Need a hand with that?
Fuck off!
Lee, if you don't cut the crap,
you'll be wearing this!
Shit, I didn't bring any bog-roll.
You got some?
- I do.
I'm on half of it. - I dunno.
I might not have enough myself.
I feel a bit of diarrhoea coming on.
Fuck off.
Grass works.
- Aye,
watch out for nettles, but!
Lee? You better stop messin'!
Is Lee your boyfriend?
Is she at it? - I don't think so.
- Nice try, Kelly Ann.
D'you think we should...?
Alright.
What's wrong?
You dirty old bastard!
I never touched her.
- He was watching me!
Look, pervert, you better fuck off!
You alright?
We shouldn't stay out here tonight.
Think we can make it in the dark?
No way, I'm staying here.
But what if he comes back
with his cannibal cousins?
Aye, fuck it. Let's go.
He won't come back.
- How can you be sure?
I half hope the bastard comes back.
I'll cut his fuckin' balls off.
- Fuckin' mental man!
Get that to fuck!
What do you think, Kelly?
I don't think some saddo pervert
should chase us away. - I agree.
Aye, me too.
- And me.
So it's settled then?
Louise?
Fine, but I doubt
I'll sleep too good.
Maybe we should set up a watch.
Good idea.
You and me'll take it in shifts.
I'll go first.
Couldn't you sleep?
- Nah. What are you up to?
Listen, Lee,
I'm sorry about...you know.
Do I? I'm tryin' to think what you...
Ah, you mean the boot in the balls?
No bother. I know you like
a bit of the rough stuff.
Wanna do yours?
Right there.
- I don't think so.
Oh aye, what have we here?
You got to be fuckin' kidding me!
Shit! Where I'm I meant to go?
- I don't know. Just fuck off, okay?
Do us this one favour.
Do you know how much of a wanker
you are? Fuckin' freezing out here!
Never mind him. Mark, piss off!
- It's fuckin' alright for some!
That's a liberty.
Desperate men do desperate things.
- Do they now? - Yeah.
Don't suppose there's any chance...
D'you want another boot in the balls?
Alright, calm down for fuck's sake.
Can you hear that?
What?
Kelly Ann, where are you going?
Fuck's sake!
Kelly Ann?
What are you doing?
For fuck's sake!
There's no way I'm going in there.
I tell you, I'm not following you!
Did you see the sign?
- Aye, I seen it.
What the fuck is that smell?
I guess that was our abandoned baby.
Lee, come here, quick!
Shine your torch down there.
What the fuck...?
Hey, what is this place?
Jesus, it is a wee'un!
You alright?
What it is?
No fuckin' way!
Shit!
Let's just take the baby
and get out of here.
Aye, good idea.
Just fuckin' pick him up!
Right, move.
Come on!
I think he's hungry.
Good! Can we get the fuck outta here?
Wait, Lee! - What?
- Give me your jacket. It's freezing.
Shit... that was my mobile!
Let's just get out of here, eh? Go.
Come on!
- Here, hold him.
Here, here.
- Alright!
Get up, wee man. We need to go.
There's a fuckin' head up there!
This is serious, Mark, we need to go.
- Where did you get the baby?
What the fuck?
- Get out, Lee!
The sheep-shagger's head
is up at the castle!
What?
The sheep-shagging pervert is cut up
and Kelly Ann found a baby.
What the fuck is going on, man?
- Where is Kelly Ann?
Cool it, she's in her tent.
- Is this a wind-up?
What the fuck's going on?
What are you doing?
He's hungry.
We should move it, Kelly...
He has to be fed.
What is it?
I think he's got a wee tooth.
What kind of mother leaves
a wee thing like that out to die?
She could have put it up
for adoption. - It's a him.
I want to see this head.
- It's just as ugly as before.
Cut your head off!
- I'm shitting myself! - Shut up,
this is serious. David, your mobile?
It needs to be charged.
- Oh, good!
What's your like?
- I lost it up there.
Oh, good!
Anyone else got one? Louise?
- I left mine at home. - Mark?
We'll just have to get the baby down
and the police up. - So what...
So, let's go!
I am going to boot
that Father Steve's arse.
We're not going the right way.
- We are.
If it's away from that head,
it's the right way.
What was that?
Where's Mark?
- He was right behind me.
Wee man, don't fuck about!
There's his torch.
Oh Jesus!
Louise, stop it!
Leave it...
I've got a baby here! - Louise!
What's she doin' with the baby?
Get off her! - What are you doing,
prick? She could've hurt the baby.
Fuck the baby! Fuck it!
That's my wee brother down there!
What is it?
- Where is it? - There!
Run!
It's coming!
Stand still. - What?
- Just do it. Louise, no!
Louise, stand still!
We have to stay together.
It won't attack us if we're together.
So nobody straggles, nobody gets
separated, nobody gets left behind.
What is that fuckin' thing?
I mean,
what could have done that to him?
Well, maybe it's from a zoo
or a safari park or something.
When was the last time
you were at a safari park, Louise?
A while ago. - Me too, but I'd
remember seeing something like that.
Well, we never got a good look at it.
It could be a lion or something.
Aye, maybe.
But what about the baby?
Maybe it was saving it for later.
Sorry, Kelly.
Whatever it is,
it's not gonna get him now.
I wonder where his parents are?
- Probably in that pile of bones.
D'you think it's still following us?
- I doubt it. - I don't.
Wait.
- What is it?
He's slipping.
Right.
You alright?
Louise!
You okay?
Are you hurt?
- Will you say something, please!
I can't move my arm.
I think it's my shoulder.
What now?
One of us will have to get her.
- We should stick together.
Kelly can't go down with the baby
and we can't leave her there.
Alright, I get it. I'll go.
Make a sling. Use your belt.
She's has to walk up out of there.
- Okay.
I'm coming down, Louise!
Be careful, man.
Help...
Where are you, you bastard?
Oh my God!
Over there!
David, hurry!
David, it's coming, it's over there!
What are we going to do?
Run, you bastard!
Leave her alone!
Go away!
- David, run!
Louise, don't look at it.
- It's going to be okay.
Get to fuck!
Fuck off!
Leave her!
Fuck off!
Louise, don't move.
- Leave her!
Stay still.
It's coming! Quick, David, please!
You better get down there.
I'm not leaving you and the baby.
We're safe up here.
Louise isn't. Go!
David, I'm coming down there!
Louise, don't look at it!
Louise, don't look at it.
- David, move!
Louise, we're coming.
- It's okay.
Hail Mary, full of grace,
the Lord is with thee.
Hurry up!
Holy Mary, mother of God,
pray for us sinners...
David, go!
No, go back!
Look! It's going after Kelly Ann!
Run, run!
Watch out, guys!
It's fucking coming back!
Fucking got it!
It's my fault.
- Don't be daft, Kelly.
Were you supposed to let it
get you and the baby?
It's nobody's fault but that thing's.
It's gonna kill us all.
- Shut up!
We'll never make it down from here.
- I said, shut up!
We'll make it.
- You think so?
Walking miles through the dark?
No chance! It's too clever.
It'll pick us off one by one.
Clever? It's an animal!
He's right, it is clever.
It used Louise to draw both of you
down there so it could come after me.
Well fuck it then, we're all dead!
Not unless we kill it first.
With what?
We've got a knife.
- Aye, one wee knife.
It's got claws and fangs...
and killer halitosis for all we know.
We could sharpen sticks
and makes spears. - Brilliant!
Have you got a better idea, like?
Alright, say we've got our big sticks
and wee knife,
we're still out in the open,
in the middle of nowhere.
You saw how fast that thing moves.
We'll never get near it!
Yes, but... we know where it lives.
You mean go back to the castle?
At least we wouldn't be out
in the open any more.
Maybe we can find a place
to hole up for the night.
A place we can defend.
And maybe we'll get lucky
and kill the fucker!
I don't know about this...
You couldn't stick a whelk
with this thing! - Well...
you're welcome to wait out here.
Me and Lee are going inside, right?
Oh aye.
You alright?
Remember, stick close together.
Not that close!
Sorry.
Is this where you found the baby?
- Aye.
Right down there.
Head's over there.
You were lucky, wee man.
Fuckin' stinks in here.
What are you doing?
- Letting it know who's boss.
Piss on you, you hairy freak!
Watch what you're doing.
- Sorry, mate.
Right, put your dicks away
and come on.
I don't like this. - It's alright
for you, I'm stuck at the back. Move!
I think we'll be safe enough here.
I'm a wee bit thirsty myself.
Watch it, you!
- I was joking.
Well, don't.
It's morning.
We made it through the night.
Not all of us.
Do you think it's still out there?
Oh aye.
Look.
I've got an idea how we can kill it.
What d'you want, eh?
D'you want me?
D'you want him?
You can't have him, ugly bitch!
Now!
Kelly!
Kelly, you alright?
- I think it worked.
Suppose we'd better go and check.
Go on then.
Fuck!
- Die, you bastard!
We've fuckin' done it!
Hey, you!
Oh, fuck!
Fucking run! Come on!
We'll never outrun it.
There!
Go! Go!
Are you up?
- Aye.
Are you alright?
- Aye.
Get it up you, you manky bastard!
Fetch, you hairy bastard! - Leave it!
What d'you mean, leave it?
- It might go away.
What d'you think his name is?
No idea.
Well, what d'you think he looks like?
I think a "Jack".
Aye, Jack. Definitely.
Is that what you
were going to call our baby? - No.
What were you
going to call him? "Lee"?
Father Steve lied to you.
What?
I never told him
I didn't want to see you.
I did want to see you.
I wanted to see you so badly.
Shit, Kelly Ann...
I'm sorry.
I wouldn't have been much of a dad.
- I know that.
You'd have been a great mum, though.
I should have kept him, Lee.
I should have kept my baby.
What do you think?
We better sit tight for a while yet.
Did you hear that?
- Where's it coming from?
It's coming from over there. Come on.
Lee, what are you doing?
The engine must have scared it away.
Come on, Kelly.
Oh my God!
- What? - Over there!
Lee, get it!
We'll make it.
No!
Lee!
- Run, Kelly!
Fuck!
Help! Help me!
Help!
Thank God.
Problems?
We were hiking
and we found this head and a baby...
It was chasing us, it's still
chasing me. I think you scared it.
Aye, aye, what's this?
- No...
I have to go and see about it.
- Don't! Please!
Come back, please, mister!
Come back!
You don't know what it is!
Don't let it be foot-and-mouth.
Anything but foot-and-mouth.
Or mad cow disease...
- Please!
Come back, please!
What the hell...?
What's that?
Father! Father Steve!
- Shit!
Father Steve?
No, there's definitely something up.
You'd better take a run out here.
Alright, Ian. See you then.
About half an hour, they said.
Country policemen!
You alright there, pet?
- I'd like to get cleaned up.
Of course you would. Come on.
Here we are. There's water
in the jug, okay? - Thanks.
I'll take him for you, shall I?
- No. - Okay, I'll be in the kitchen.
Kelly Ann...
Come over here, have a wee seat.
I wondered if there was anything...
before the police got here...
anything you wanted to tell me?
I already told you everything.
Yes, you did.
An incredible story.
You don't believe me?
Where are the others?
Did you ditch them?
They're all dead!
- Right. Or maybe they're in on it?
On what? - I've seen this before with
mothers. I should've been vigilant.
I knew you were depressed,
but I thought you were coping.
What are you trying to say?
- You stole this child, didn't you?
No, I rescued him!
- You rescued him from a wolf?
You listen to me, lady,
this isn't some fairy-tale.
It's real life. How do you think
his mother feels? - I know, remember?
You took my baby away from me!
- That's a terrible thing to say.
I can smell her all over you, y'know?
Who? - Her in the kitchen.
You reek of her.
Missy!
Are you hungry again, eh?
I think you are.
That's a good boy.
It's okay.
You're safe with Mummy.
Missy, did you say anything to Kelly
Ann about last night? - Don't worry,
it'll be our little secret.
But if I'm pregnant,
you're paying for the abortion!
Jesus Christ!
Please, let me in!
Oh God, let me in! Please!
Oh my God!
Kelly Ann, you're right!
It's a wolf! It's a fucking w...