1
Fuck, why didn't we get
a motel room before, huh?
This is fucking great.
Danielle was a lucky girl.
If I had you, I'd never
let you leave the bedroom.
What are you talking about?
You are Danielle.
Sorry stud, I'm Sharon.
You're a great fuck, Nick.
But I don't like loose ends.
Cut!
Oh, my God, he's drenched.
And that, ladies and gentlemen,
is a wrap
on Crystal Force 15 Blood Angel.
Oh, my God, I'm never working
in ultra low budget again.
It's gonna take a Silkwood shower
to get all of this blood off of us.
Good job, Shelley.
Thanks.
Can you go get our celebratory
items from the craft services table?
Ooo, champagne.
Can you afford that on this budget?
I mean, seriously.
I'll do as many of these as you want.
I mean, I survived, so I get to be
in Crystal Force 16, right?
Well.
Dude, get up.
He said cut.
You said you needed
a ride to acting class.
And I have to go to my acting class.
So come on, get up, let's go.
What the fuck!
The answer to your question, Shelley.
I don't think you're gonna
make it to the sequel.
Holy shit, is he dead!
Yes, Shelley, he's dead.
God, she's so intuitive.
Which is what makes you
such a great actress.
That was sarcasm by the way.
What is going on?
What do you have the cheese knife
from the craft services table?
Get off of me, you fucking rapist.
What is going on here?
Do you know why Crystal Force
is such a successful horror franchise?
One of the most successful in history?
Strong scripts?
Hardly.
Good direction?
I'm flattered, but no.
High value on such a low budget.
Now, you just fucking with me.
No, Shelley, the reason Crystal Force
is such a successful franchise is
because we practice what we preach.
So at the end of every film, which is
my favorite cast party,
we cut out your fucking heart.
And deliver it to the Master,
who is also our executive producer.
He casts a spell on it and bam!
Direct to video gold.
You can't kill me.
My agent got me this gig.
She knows where I am.
And if I don't answer her
texts about auditions,
she's gonna know this is
the last job I ever worked.
God, she talks a lot.
Your agent, my dear,
is part of the coven.
And you didn't quite book
enough gigs this year.
Please, I'll join your coven.
I'll do anything you want.
That's a wrap.
So, should we have a friendly wager
on whether or not I'm gonna have
to save your ass from these witches
covens in the third film?
Actually, I'm kind of hoping
I get to be an evil witch this time.
So hopefully you'll be
saving someone else's ass from me.
I think I saved your ass from
a witches coven, twice,
Detective Gilmore,
aka worst detective ever.
I think I saved
both your assess in two movies.
So, simmer down Greg Andrews,
aka worst
warlock witch hunter ever.
I totally hope
I get killed again in this one.
Me too.
Killed again dance
And doing the killed again dance
I'd actually like to
live through one for once.
It's okay.
Hey, where's Shelley?
You guys remember her?
Didn't she play Danielle in Blood Angel?
Yeah, isn't she in this one two?
We sort of bonded on Blood Angel
but then I never saw her again,
very strange.
I've literally kept up with three people
I've met on set, over the past 10 years.
We just go our own ways.
Yeah, I know.
But I ran into almost all you guys
at auditions this last year.
She just sort of vanished.
Won't even answer her texts.
Maybe she just went home.
Plenty of people just give up and bail.
Maybe, it's just weird.
I'll tell you what's weird.
Check out the IMDB listings for almost
any actor in any Crystal Force movie.
And see how many listings
they have after that.
Like, a lot?
Like zero.
It's the Crystal Force curse.
You do one Crystal Force movie
and you're done.
Greta, what are you talking about?
We've all done more than one
Crystal Force film.
We did two, back to back, last summer.
And we're about to do a table read for 16.
I'm just saying,
from Crystal Force to Crystal Force 13,
almost all those actors have disappeared.
You stick around long enough,
you hear stories.
Then why are you here?
I didn't know about the curse
until after I started shooting 14.
When they asked me to do this one,
I thought, "Keep your friends close
"and your enemies closer."
I wonder what happened
to all those other actors?
Yeah, what do you think happened?
Do you think they actually
got killed in those films?
That's insane.
You're insane.
I'm just saying.
Everyone, settle down.
Your director extraordinaire,
Jamal is here.
Come on in, Jamal.
Give him a round of applause.
Come on in, Jamal.
Hey, Jamal.
I took care of it.
Hey, everybody.
Hey!
Sorry about that.
Welcome back to Crystal Force.
All right, so... congrats.
Crystal Force 14 and 15
did so well on VLD
and auxiliary revenue streams,
that the executive producer
wants to reboot the series.
- All right!
- All right!
And he wants to use, all of you.
- Yeah.
- High five.
High five.
So, what we have, I believe,
did you send out
the shooting scrips, obviously?
Anyone missing any?
Could I?
All right, so, what you have there
is Crystal Force 16 Freshman Year.
How about we just give it a read
and then we can talk about all
the pertinent production details.
Sorry, guys.
I love, I love, I love how,
I have your undivided attention.
Damn it, I'm so sorry,
it's a call back for a regular series.
It's a gig.
I wouldn't even ask but the producers
want to see me right now.
And it's really important.
Okay, all right, sure.
Just keep an eye on your email
for the shooting schedule.
- Okay, thanks Jamal.
- Hmm.
You guys have a good read.
I'll see you on the set.
- Good luck.
- Bye.
Anybody else?
Phone calls, emails.
- All right, shut your phone off please.
- Yeah.
All right, okay,
let's turn to page one.
Let's start at the top.
I'll read all the stage directions.
Crystal Force, origins by yours truly.
Producer, director, now screenwriter?
Is there anything this man can't do?
Bring a movie in under budget.
You know what?
Just for that,
I'm gonna kill your character
off first in the re-write.
All right, all right, back to business.
"Fade in, interior, suburban home.
"Day, Greg Andrews is putting
"the finishing touches on killing a witch,
"in a huge house,
in Orange County, California."
You want naughty nurse?
I'll give you naughty nurse.
Doctor, superhero, waitress, nurse.
Nice try, Pazuza.
If you're the most powerful
witch in the coven,
you're gonna have a lot of trouble
keeping the door open, guaranteed.
"Burn their bones.
"Then scatter the ashes
from here to Orange County.
"The remains of the coven
must be separated
"to prevent
the resurrection of the Master.
"But now that even the Master is gone,
"his apocalypse are legion.
"With your newfound powers
comes responsibility.
"You must ever be vigilant, because
"now you're Oxnard's first line of defense
"against the dark arts.
"Best of luck."
"Greg Andrews turns and walks
"into the sunset,
leaving Brittney and Chelsea
"standing over the bodies of the coven.
- "As we fade to black."
- Yeah.
Okay, since Origins kind of folds
back on itself, um, you have the...
Yeah, the DVDs.
Thank you.
I thought it would be great
to reference some of the older
Crystal Force movies.
So you guys should maybe team together
and check them out.
Let me introduce you to, DVDs.
Guys and sel-a-mon.
Got it.
Ooo, Crystal Force 10
Headmistress of Magic, spooky.
I'm actually in that one.
Shut up.
And this one,
Crystal Force School The New Class.
Unfairly overlooked for
an Oscar nomination, if you ask me.
All right, keep an eye on your emails
for rehearsal schedule and call sheets.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
You're welcome.
Don't die.
Don't die.
- All right.
- You gonna need any specialty items
for the craft service, or anything?
Yeah, we'll take care of it later.
All right.
Think they're gonna watch
the movies or not?
A lot of times you give them things
they just say they're gonna watch them.
I'll know when they watch them or not.
They better watch them.
I gotta take care of something.
They don't know who you are,
you're extraordinaire Jamal.
Wow, looks like Henry gets a reprieval.
Despite the fact that we killed
his ass in Crystal Force.
I can take it.
Do it!
Ahhhhhh!
Do it, Rose!
Ahhhhh!
Well, the fans demanded my return, so.
Yeah, well, you wanna come over
and watch them then?
Seeing as how we're gonna be
playing Henry and Linda again.
Flashback to Linda and Henry.
Yeah, whatever,
flashback to Henry and Linda.
So you wanna come over and watch?
Sure but, my soap opera on camera class
let's out at 7:00,
so how about eightish?
All right, that'll work.
I have a cold read for commercial class
that gets out at 6:30.
I can just swing by the store
and get something to eat.
- Awesome.
- All right.
Hey, come on in.
Thanks for having me over.
I brought this.
Hmm, fancy.
I happen to know that
this bottle of wine
costs about $10.
Well, only the best.
Speaking of fancy,
how can you afford this place?
Two things.
My grandma left it to me,
right after she passed.
And it was pretty much all paid off then.
Second, you remember that
Little Christy's commercial?
The one with the little girl
and the kitten?
It aired like,
a billion times a day in the 80s.
And then that same little girl
was on all the packaging?
- That was you?
- Yep.
I ended up putting it all
in a trust fund.
And paying it off when I turned 18.
I made fucking bank off that shit.
Well, here's to child labor.
Child labor and... shitty $10 wine.
I have cheap tastes.
Hmmm, speaking of,
are you ready for the main event?
Crystal Force 315 million.
I have high hopes.
This is actually not half bad.
I wonder what happened
to these... actors?
Hmm, who knows?
You can make a pretty decent living
off of commercials and
random guest spots on TV
and still remain pretty invisible.
Where are they?
Where are we?
I don't see them anymore.
Come on, Rose.
Carter?
Carter.
- Honey.
- Don't resist me, you know you want it.
I can't, can't do this.
Stan, Kelly, anybody?
Oh, what's happening to me!
Greetings Will Spanner.
It's you, you're the demon Abadon.
I don't fear you, go away.
Master promises to spare, all the others
if you return your allegiance to him,
where it belongs.
You go back to hell and you tell him,
he will never have me voluntarily.
Oh, God, no!
How come the guys never get naked?
No, I don't know,
they have better agents.
You see that?
See what?
- Hey.
- Master Abadon.
Hey what?
It's pretty hot, don't you think?
Well, yeah, if you like watching
naked people have sex is incredibly hot.
That's the funny thing though.
I love watching naked people have sex.
Whoa, what are you doing?
Research.
For what?
For our sex scene in the film.
We don't have a sex scene in the film.
But we should, shouldn't we?
Okay, okay, wait, hold on.
I'm totally into this.
And I mean totally into what I think
is about to happen here, but I wanna
be sure for both of our sake that
you're not just drunk off
of this shitty wine.
Or secretly on drugs, or something
that make you out of your mind
to want to have sex with me.
You wanna do this, right?
What's the matter, baby?
You never pulled a we-and before?
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
Sharon.
Jamal?
Jamal? What are you doing here?
Oh, oh, God.
Here.
Sharon, Sharon.
Sharon, look at me.
Sharon, do you remember what happened?
Yes, Samuel and I, we were,
we were watching the movie and then,
and then something
started happening to the screen.
And then Samuel couldn't see the screen.
And then something
started to take over me.
I don't know how to explain it.
And then I wanted to kill Samuel.
And then I was happy
that it was happening.
And then, Samuel's dead.
Is this terrible?
No, no, it's not.
Sharon, what I'm about to tell you
is gonna sound absolutely insane.
But it's 100% true.
The Crystal Force movie are hexed.
I know, because I helped hex them.
You, you what?
Sharon, I'm part of a very powerful
group of witches and warlocks.
We use the Crystal Force movies to
find others of our kind.
Those people who were born
with dark magic powers.
The hex helps bring those powers to light.
I'm a witch.
Yes, you are.
And that's a very good thing.
Our coven is growing.
Soon we'll be one of the most powerful
covens on the East coast.
And now, you're a part of that.
This is what we're gonna do.
I'm gonna take you back to
my place to get cleaned up.
And you'll get some rest.
And then some of the coven members
will come and clean your house.
Yes, even Samuel's body.
And then I can answer any questions
that you may have.
And we'll go from there.
Is that okay?
Or, I can just call the cops.
And you can go to jail for murder.
So, my place?
God, I love doughnuts.
Never touch them.
Wait, is that you saying that?
Or are you doing
some cop detective character work?
If you couldn't tell, I'm a genius.
Sure.
This is the Witch School
16 Freshman Year set, right?
Ah.
Yeah. Sort of,
in the broad sense of the word.
Great, I'm looking for Jamal,
the director.
Ah.
He's in there shooting a scene.
Oh, shit, that means I'm late.
You're in a scene?
Yeah, I'm playing Henry.
Patrick.
Garner.
Lutz.
Nice to meet you both.
The set's up there?
Thanks.
Holy shit.
That is one good looking man.
And I'm not even gay.
Understatement of the century.
But isn't Samuel playing Henry again?
Maybe he's got
his character name mixed up.
He wasn't at the read through.
That's weird, I'll text Samuel
and see if he's got
a bigger gig or something.
Wait, you're not gay?
No.
Huh, hmm.
Go ahead and say the first line.
Let me hear it.
"Uh-huh, I don't know what you mean.
"What power are you talking about?"
Okay, now, remember, she really
- wants him to help her, but not really.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Hi, Jamal?
- Hi.
- Apologies for being late.
No problem, none at all,
we're just setting up a scene
with a few lights.
Rose, this is Patrick, he will be
taking over for Samuel
in the role of Henry.
Yes, you are.
I mean, hi.
- Hi.
- Hello.
Have you had a chance
to look over the scene?
- Okay.
- All right.
So, why don't we rehearse a little bit
while Brian continues to set up lights.
And we'll go from there.
So, as a reminder, this was the first
seduction scene between Iris and Henry.
Now, remember, Iris is the mother
of your character in Crystal Force 14
and 15, so, let that inform you and use
whatever choices you wanna
make in this scene.
- Of course.
- Okay.
Let's have you move over just slightly.
- There, a little bit, right there.
- Okay.
And let's have you go over here.
These are your first positions.
- Okay.
- Let's give it a try.
I can feel your power,
just standing here.
I don't know what you mean.
What power are you talking about?
The talent you possess inside you.
Locked away, forced down, by generations
of weak willed men and women.
Who were frightened of
their true potential.
I don't know what you're talking about.
There's nothing special about me.
I have no talents, I'm powerless.
You are not powerless.
Let me show you.
You scare me.
I should, let me in.
Allow me to free the power inside you.
I'm afraid.
Of course you are.
Will it hurt?
Yes.
Release me.
Open yourself to the power within you.
Free yourself.
Ahhhhhhh!
That coffee
cold enough for you yet?
Huh?
The coffee, that
you've been meticulously
preparing for the last 10 minutes.
Oh, no, it's fine.
Sorry, I'm a little spacey at the moment.
I need to get back in there.
For what?
Jamal wrapped us 15 minutes ago.
But I have a scene to shoot.
Girl, you already shot your scene today.
What's going on here?
Are you using?
What?
No, oh, my God, no, no, I hate drugs.
I just, sorry, I'm just tired.
My day job's killing me.
We'll check the call sheet.
You may have a couple days off.
I think Jamal is hosting
a screening for one
of the films, tomorrow at some point,
you should come.
I will, thanks.
All right, well, I'm outie.
I'll walk out with you.
- It's officially weird.
- What?
Samuel and I aren't great friends,
but we hung out a couple of times
since the last shoot.
He hasn't answered my texts
or my phone calls
since being replaced on the film.
Well, maybe he got a location gig
and he's on a plane right now.
Here's another weird thing.
Greta is being replaced in the film.
That's what Ivan told me.
Oh, she got the pilot,
well, good for her.
She only had a nine day shoot,
with only three scenes.
How could they find
a replacement so fast?
I have no idea.
I guess she's right about the curse.
Garner!
Look, we've got two cast members
getting gigs and then disappearing
right before the shoot date.
And Jamal happens to find
a replacement for Samuel?
Doesn't that seem kind of fishy to you?
Well, welcome to
low budget film production.
- So...
- So, we should investigate, seriously.
Please, I beg of you, stop doing
all this Uta Hagen,
background character work.
This is Crystal Force 16,
trust me, you're good.
This is legit,
this isn't character work.
Whatever, I'm going for a drink.
Are you coming?
No, I got stuff to do.
Okay, see you.
Hey, you did a great job today.
I see why you came
so highly recommended.
Yeah. It was easy,
she was ripe for it.
We've been cultivating
her since Crystal Force 14.
Really?
Yes, we've been here before.
And it hasn't worked out well.
There have been a lot of faith
placed on your assurances.
You can bring this to fruition for us.
I won't disappoint.
I can guarantee that.
What about Greta?
She took the other offer.
What about the role?
Do you have someone else to replace her?
I don't need to.
Look it was just a minor role.
I can do a rewrite.
Done, I think it's much tighter now.
I cleaned up some
extraneous action in act three.
Very clever, very clever.
The times for the coven's ascension
is almost upon us.
You have eight more days,
to call the most powerful,
from your production.
Then we're right on schedule.
Good, I must leave you now.
I mustn't be late.
Is there a coven meeting
I don't know about?
Actors showcase.
Thinking about changing
my representation.
All right then, till next time.
All right, where was I?
Sharon,
Sharon,
Sharon?
Jamal?
Are you ready?
Yes, I've been
studying my lines all night.
Are you ready to do
the Masters bidding?
Oh, that, yes, I'm ready.
Tomorrow, you will choose
the strongest.
Tomorrow, you will choose
the next member of the coven.
This is gonna be good.
Tomorrow I will choose the strongest.
Okay, what the fuck!
Did you get my messages?
Yes, I got your 500 messages.
Why do you think I'm here?
And today was my day off.
And, spoiler alert, I wasn't planning
on spending them with you.
What took you so long?
The line was out the door.
Can we just get to the part where
you tell me why we're meeting
in a random parking lot?
Because I've got
something very important
to talk to you about,
isn't quite enough.
Do you remember what Greta said about
all the Crystal Force curses?
I'm leaving.
I know how it sounds,
but look at this, look at this.
Okay, this is a list of all the actors
who appeared in
all the Crystal Force films.
Why are most of the names
crossed off?
Most of the names are crossed off
because 90% of
all the actors quit the business.
Okay, so?
So, don't you think that's weird?
Not really, actors quit all the time.
Granted, but you know what?
I did my research and
this is what I found.
I'm on the edge of my seat.
None of the actors who quit
the Crystal Force films,
have a Facebook page.
None of them except Samuel.
And he hasn't touched his since
the day before he disappeared.
Okay, I'm gonna ask you this
and I need you to
ell me the truth, okay?
Absolutely.
Are you on drugs?
No, I'm not on drugs.
I promise, I'm not on drugs.
This is real.
Well, I don't know what to tell you.
This is Jamal.
We worked with him before.
What are you gonna do,
quit the movie?
I don't know.
Don't quit the movie,
don't be dumb.
Go home and get some rest
and we can talk about this later.
Hey, guys, Crystal Force sequel screening
tonight at Sharon's, who's in?
Don't go.
Garner.
Don't go.
What am I going to tell him?
I don't know?
Tell him that two actors want to
do their scene together.
What director wouldn't want
their actors to rehearse?
Oh, my God, fine.
Can't make it, Garner and
I working on scenes, send.
Thank you.
You owe me.
You're taking me out tonight,
your treat.
So, go home, get some rest,
and come get me at 7:00.
Fucking actors!
I don't know,
this role feels different.
Different, how?
Like it's part of me.
Like it was written for me.
I know that sounds
completely pretentious.
No, it makes perfect sense.
We're a part of
something bigger now.
Exactly, we're a part of something
that's more than just us.
And doesn't it, it feels amazing.
Yes, like...
Like we're taking charge.
Like we're not just waiting around
for someone to tell us
what to do anymore.
Like this city is our bitch.
Yes, I'm crazy, right?
Negative, absolutely sane.
Okay, I didn't want to tell you,
but I have it on good authority
that Crystal Force is going to be
huge for the both of us.
What do you mean?
Did Jamal say something?
Are we talking theatrical distribution?
Sundance?
No, I mean, I'm talking about something
absolutely life changing.
Tell me.
Uh uh uh, you're gonna have to wait.
But just for a little bit longer.
Oh, I can't wait.
Damn, why am I so wired?
I feel like I could run
a marathon right now.
Hey, you.
Hey.
Come on.
Look who it is,
Will Tanner, aka Spanner.
Hey, Will.
Hey, ladies, nice to see you again.
You ready to watch
the next Crystal Force movie?
- Absolutely.
- Oh...
Jamal sends his regrets.
He's caught up in production again.
It looks like we're gonna have
to watch the movie without him, or not.
Yeah, you guys are fun, I think.
Eww.
Or different idea, we can watch
a separate Crystal Force.
I was just kidding, obviously.
I mean, unless you're into it.
I wouldn't be joking at all, then.
And scene, okay, guys, movie time.
I've already seen this one.
So, I can go grab
some snacks or drinks.
Beer?
Check.
Wine, red.
Check and chuck.
I'll be back in a flash.
Thank God, she's gone, am I right?
Hey, no punching.
Watch the movie, dumb ass.
Oh, my God, Garner,
- I can't, even, with you right now.
- Shhh.
Keep it down.
Why?
He's not here.
He's at Sharon's watching a DVD.
Which is where we should be,
instead of
at the production office.
Would you keep it down?
The people on the street
are gonna hear us.
And we're gonna get arrested
for breaking and entering.
I need to go through this stuff
so, I can prove the Crystal Force curse.
Uh, first of all, we're not
breaking and entering anything.
I have the key.
I'm the associate producer.
- And secondly, there is no Crystal Force curse.
- Shhh. Aha!
Oh, my God, you found it.
Garner, you found a prop.
Really, then how do you explain this?
Each name at the top of the page
is the name of an actor
that has disappeared
from the Crystal Force films.
You're the one.
You bet I am.
- God, Kaley. Oh, yes, yes.
- Oh...
Awkward.
Ah, yeah.
And they're done in red ink.
Which you think is?
Blood.
That's what I thought.
This book is full of drawings
made of actors that have disappeared
from the Crystal Force films.
And what makes
you think that this is blood?
That's what witches do.
Jesus Christ, Garner!
Do you know that the prop department
is gonna come in their pants,
when they realize that you thought
this thing was real?
It's just a fun little thing,
that they write
the names of the actors
from the past films in,
that we know about,
but nobody else knows about,
so we can talk about it on
the DVD commentary track.
Really, then how do you explain this?
Whoa.
You see that?
What the fuck is that?
The Master will only let
the strongest serve the coven.
All others will be slaughtered by Adul.
Fight, fight for your right
to serve the coven.
Fight for your right
to serve the Master.
What's happened to me?
The first Crystal Force movies,
they were just an audition.
And now, you're at
the call back for your life.
I feel so strong.
Yes.
I feel like I could do anything.
Yes!
I feel like
the fucking executive producer.
Yes!
Sorry, Spanner, you're a nice guy,
but the coven doesn't need
a character actor.
Go Rose!
You bitch!
Go Spanner!
Did you get a video of that, Sharon?
Best fail video ever.
You need better tag lights,
sweetheart.
Wonderful job, Spanner.
Master will be impressed.
Now, finish her off.
And then we'll go get some cold,
pressed juice.
You know I never leave
my work unfinished.
Hollywood could use
one less mediocre actress.
And actor with hair plugs.
You've done good work, ladies.
The Master will be pleased.
Thank you, Jamal.
You're a credit to the coven.
Thank you.
Keep an eye out
for your email, for the upcoming
shoot schedule and call sheets.
- Copy that.
- Copy that.
I still don't understand
why you haven't quit the movie,
if you're so convinced Jamal
is some warlock mastermind.
Because if he's some warlock mastermind
I wanna be able to see him.
If he's gonna use some ceremonial
knife and use my blood as his ink,
I want him to do it in my face.
And if he's not,
you still want the credit.
I'm a professional,
I made a commitment.
Hello, actor people.
Hey, there, looking forward to
our big scene today.
I know, right?
I love getting killed in horror movies.
Except you don't get to
come back for the sequel.
Not true, I was decapitated
in Heads will Roll,
and they brought
me back as a living
head in a jar,
for Heads will Roll Two, Giving Head.
Nice.
How about you, Garner?
You ready to act the shit out of
some shady witch business today?
It's sure a shame
Greta has to miss it though.
Garner!
Greta?
Yes, she was originally in this scene.
Was she?
I don't remember that.
I thought they weren't
bringing her back for the sequel?
You don't remember her
at the table read?
There were like, 12 people there.
I would have remembered.
Are you fucking with me?
No, just be careful in there.
Of course, wait, what?
What's up with you?
I'm just saying that there might
be a certain force in the studio.
And I just want you to watch your back.
Is this some character thing
he's doing?
I can't even.
Hello, stars.
- Hey, Jamal.
- Hey, Jamal.
I think we're ready
to rehearse this scene.
Come on back.
All right, welcome to set.
Come on in.
Wow, this looks familiar.
Yes, we saved the set
from Crystal Force 14.
A total Roger Korman move.
Oh, thrifty, nice.
All right, so let's have you
- step up over here, hop up.
- Up.
Are you comfy?
- Yep.
- All right.
Okay, now on the day that we film
we're gonna strap you
in this puppy.
But we know you're used to that.
Garner, you get the big toy.
Isn't this the cheese knife
from craft services?
Yes, but it's the evil cheese knife
from craft services.
Okay, so we're gonna rehearse this
from the top of the scene.
Uh, Lutz, you don't come in
until page two.
So, sit this one out for a little bit.
You got it, boss.
All right, awesome.
I'm gonna start from
the top of the third act.
Now, I know you guys
know where that is
because you are professionals.
And you studied your scripts,
like good little actors.
Yes, Jamal.
So, Detective Donahue,
you have been possessed by
the evil Master,
who is also the leader of the coven.
Now, he is about to
sacrifice this young lady.
Who has been kidnapped by
the coven.
But not before Detective Donahue
comes in
and snaps him out.
Right, keep the energy up.
And let's rehearse this one out.
Detective, stop, it's me.
If you're still in there,
if the real Detective Gilmore
can still hear me, don't do this.
Fight it, detective, fight it.
How dare you talk to me
in that manner.
I am no mortal,
I am no man of flesh,
and blood, and mercy.
And your please are useless.
Wait, what's going on?
What happened to the lights?
Jamal?
There is no Jamal, only the Master.
Garner, what are you doing?
Oh, my God,
what happened to your eyes?
I finally see a groveling whore,
I finally see.
Jamal, this isn't funny.
I don't need you scaring
the shit out of me.
I'm not a method actress.
Your pathetic cries
nurture my dark soul, whore.
Your tears quench my thirst.
And your blood will nurture our coven.
Garner, stop, seriously stop.
I don't know what
Jamal put you up to,
but this isn't funny.
No!
Hey, time to go, nice work today.
Wait, Lutz, what's going on?
What do you mean?
Well, I don't remember.
Spit it out, Stanley Stutter.
I have a class to get to.
Where's Tara?
Home, I assume,
she left a couple hours ago.
Come on, move it.
Jamal asked me to lock up.
Actually I got to pull
some stuff together,
I wrap some of my wardrobe.
I just lock it, right?
Or will it lock up behind me
when I leave?
Sure, just make sure
and check it
before you walk away.
Jamal will shit a brick,
if he finds out
it was unlocked overnight.
Got it.
Later.
Hey, Patrick, what's up?
I was just about to
ask you the same thing.
Didn't you guys wrap an hour ago?
Oh, yeah, man, long day.
Just wanted to come in here
and chill out for a little bit.
And then I realized that
I forgot tomorrow's call sheet.
So, I came in here to grab one.
Doesn't Jamal email them
during lunch each day?
Yeah, man, it's like,
you know, it sucks,
those spam filters.
You know man, they just like,
so, I just, what brings you in here?
Well, I'm an associate producer.
You're the associate producer too?
I have certain skills
that are useful
for productions like this.
Jamal just lucked out
when he cast me, I guess.
- Oh, that makes sense.
- Yeah.
Well, you know, I just came in
to jump on some stuff for tomorrow,
while it's quiet in here.
Mmm, okay, uh, you know man,
it's been a long day.
So, I'm gonna hit the road.
You know, I'll see you later man.
Have a good one.
Have a good one.
Hey, Garner, what now?
Did you catch Jamal killing a goat
in a pentagram,
while drinking a virgin's blood?
Hey, Lutz, you know that Patrick guy?
Samuel replacement?
Only that he's fucking gorgeous.
Yeah, he's the associate producer
of Crystal Force 16 Freshman Year.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Oh, my God, I'm gonna kill Jamal.
My agent got me that credit
because he's still paying me shit,
after all these films.
And then, I made him give me a key
because an AP should have a key, right?
I mean, yes, I might wanna have sex
on that set sometime, but still.
Lutz.
What did this guy do
to get an AP credit?
He said he had quote,
"Certain skills."
Holy shit, he's blowing Jamal.
I had no idea that guy was gay.
But that's not the big news.
That's pretty big news.
I took the leather book
from the office.
What?
I took the leather book from the office
and there's a new drawing in there.
And you know who's name is
at the top of the page?
Tara's.
Why did you take that book?
Garner, you need to take
that book back, seriously.
You need to take the book
back to the set.
So, you believe me now.
Give me that!
What the hell did you think
you were doing?
Alex, that's evidence.
We need to take it to the police.
And do what?
Tell them that the cast of a long,
running, direct to video horror franchise
is being murdered, one by one,
by the executive producer?
Something like that.
Because that works so well
in the Crystal Force films.
Why are you so worked up over
this book?
Yesterday, you were treating it
as a prop.
It is a prop,
a very important prop.
I knew that.
You didn't know it.
This is a prop, but it isn't a book.
What?
This is a demon.
A demon, as in?
Yes, and this building
is a gateway to Hades.
You mean this yoga studio
is a gateway to hell.
Okay, when you say it
like that it sounds dumb,
but it's true.
Back up.
If you'd really done your research,
you would have realized that
this piece of land
was used as a location
in every single Crystal Force film.
And before that,
it was the location
of a gruesome,
ritual murder by students
of the black arts.
And this book, as you call it,
was born in this building.
The cover is the flesh
of a day player
on the first Crystal Force film.
The blood of all the actors
adorns all its pages.
Their souls are embedded in the earth
beneath this building.
And in the walls,
and between the covers of this book.
We have to return it.
How do you know all this?
Because I'm the fucking Master,
that's why.
You're the Master?
Didn't you wonder why
I was in so many of these movies?
You're the Master?
Why are you asking me like that?
Because I'm a woman?
No, because you're
the associate producer.
Oh, oh, no, that's just a fake title
to keep people off my trail.
I know, you killed Samuel,
you killed Greta,
and you killed Tara.
And Spanner.
Holy shit.
Well, not hands on.
My minion, Jamal,
here did most of the dirty work.
And Sharon and Rose helped.
And of course, Ivan, and Brian.
But why?
The dark arts have
a firm grip on Hollywood, my friend.
There are thousands
of magic practitioners
all through Los Angeles
and, ugh, the Valley.
The Valley witches are the worst.
Agreed, our coven is
one of the strongest.
But still too weak to
really control the region.
So, tonight, courtesy of this book,
and your soul,
we are going to
awaken the dark powers of
every unsuspecting witch within 10 miles.
To what end?
We're going to build a witch army.
And then we're going to
take over this town.
And we're gonna rule it
in true Hollywood style,
from the studios.
You're insane.
Um, I prefer creative genius.
Jamal, bind his feet to the floor.
Alex, don't, we're friends.
Are we?
I would say we're more friendly.
Enough, Jamal, take your place.
And we begin.
Can you feel that?
It worked, it worked.
What the hell?
Who did that?
Who did that?
Who killed my minion?
Hello, Lutz.
Are you kidding me?
I knew you were the Master.
I totally called that one.
Oh, my God, liar!
You so thought it was Ivan, that DP.
Yes, I'm the Master,
and who are you?
I am the Master.
Impossible.
Just like an actress.
All covens have Masters.
I am the Orange County Master.
We control everything outside
of Los Angeles County.
And I'm here to add
Hollywood to that list.
And what are you two dumb asses doing?
I turned you.
What, are you gonna tell me
that you're his now?
Don't call me a dumb ass.
I'm a witch now too.
I have powers.
Sharon?
I belong to no one.
I'm with Patrick, because,
well, he's the strongest.
We'll see about that.
You may be the Orange County Master
but we do things differently,
here in the big city.
There's an order to things.
Good effort,
Orange County Master.
It's nice to see
we have such talent
for the supporting roles.
It's three against to one, Lutz.
You're right, you did make me.
But that means I'm just as powerful.
God damn it.
And there's one other thing,
I'm younger.
What are you doing?
How did you learn that?
Aw, Patrick taught me.
She's a quick study.
I see big things for her.
Uh-huh, thank you.
Now, let's finish this.
No, don't, you don't know
what you're doing.
Patrick, you can stop this.
And that's a wrap, on the Master.
Hmm. What do we do now?
Take over Hollywood.
Oh, my God,
this is so exciting.
Yeah, but what are we gonna do
about all the witches and warlocks
that were affected by Lutz's spell?
They'll find their way to us,
don't worry.
Patrick what's going on?
I don't know.
Lutz, oh, my God,
thank God, you're okay.
Okay, I know the box was overkill.
I was just trying to impress Patrick, huh.
So, here we are, alone at last.
Apparently, we seem to
have lost all of our minions.
I can always send out
another casting call.
One great thing about Hollywood,
minions are an endlessly
renewable resource.
Spoken like a true producer.
Now, back to work.
Enough, we're obviously equal in power.
There's no reason we should fight.
What we should be doing
is working together.
The Los Angeles coven and
the Orange County coven?
When was the last time anybody from LA
had anything good to say
about the Orange County?
As they say,
"Keep your friends close."
We have a whole city full of witches
and warlocks to bring into the fold.
Our dark arts army will be too big
for only one Master.
Keep talking.
Besides, I'll need help recasting
and re-crewing
Crystal Force 16 Freshman Year.
What's my credit?
Above the title cast,
producer credit, no points.
What?
Prove yourself on this one
and we'll offer you points
on the next one.
If I survive the next one.
Unfortunately, story may dictate
that you do not make the sequel.
I guess I'll take my chances.
At least something for my reel.
Deal.
By the way, you do realize,
killing Jamal has set us
back even further?
Now we have to find a warlock
that knows how to direct.
Hmmm, how about demons.
Sadly, they tend to kill the extras.
Let's go have a drink.