Neck!
Neck, pass the ball!
Goal!
Fikol, Neck and Francesco
will make magic on the field!
- Life...
- What's up, Neck?
You know what, Still Frame?
There is nothing worse
in the world,
absolutely nothing,
than losing friends.
You had friends all your life...
and suddenly you are left alone,
and friends...
But you told me you had a wife.
I told you I had a wife...
So what?
She keeps pissing
on pregnancy tests.
- What is she doing?
- She wants a kid.
Her biological clock
started ticking and it's done.
And you know
what it's like with a wife.
When it's fine, then it's good,
and when it's not fine, it's not good.
When you work, make money,
then it's fine, Tommy.
But if you just fail a little...
Fighting and screaming.
What kind of life is that?
What kind of life?
Smile at the world,
and the world will smile back.
I won't smile at anyone!
Yeah, and this guy, look.
Built those wall units along highways
and went to Brussels.
And what kind of colours are these?
So gaudy. And his daughter
is a fashion blogger.
Couldn't she have told him:
"Dad, these colours are pass?"
He ridiculed us
in front of the whole world.
They will ask tourists back at home:
"How was Poland?"
"I didn't see,
just a greenish wall."
SUCKERED IN 2
Look!
See? Rabble on a highway.
Pigs...
The bins are not far.
They could take a few steps,
but no! Drop it on the ground!
Neck, what happened
to your pals? They died?
Worse. Much worse.
Emigrated to London.
Even worse.
They fell in love.
With each other?
With regular broads! With girls.
- They left.
- So what? Is that bad?
And I stayed here alone.
Leo, I know that Miki Mazur's
birthday party
costs a hundred grand,
but it is business.
All my birthdays put together
didn't cost that much.
Miki is the goose
that lays the golden egg,
so we'll pay even
20 per-cent more.
Have you got a present?
A present?
You want to ruin us?
Miki will,
if he fulfils his threat
of looking for inspiration
for a few years.
We must do everything
to keep him by our side.
Our contract is not enough?
Contract my ass! Your present
must make him happy, clear?
Have you got a present?
I'm working on it.
See you at the party.
I know.
I know who you remind me of.
This actor.
Your have the same face.
No one told you?
After three lemon vodkas
I look like most Polish actors.
Facewise.
Still Frame,
have you been working here long?
About two years.
And do you like it?
I studied library science.
I don't mind where I work.
Exactly. I do mind.
Let me try.
Look.
A disabled bitch from Warsaw.
Screw it.
It's a disabled parking place,
and look at her running.
Like a deer.
- I am going to tell her.
- Sit. It's not your job.
And what is?
I work on this highway
and I must do what I can
to ensure law and justice prevail.
I'm going.
Halt!
Show me a document confirming
your movement disorder.
Or other.
Again.
A document confirming
your movement disorder.
Mikolaj!
You killed her?
For illegal parking?
Are you mad?
It wasn't me.
I swear, I didn't do anything.
She was walking and I said "halt".
She stopped, I looked at her
and that was it.
See? You have the evil eye.
By the way,
she's a nice chick, huh?
You are sick. She's dead.
Let's bury her.
No one's gonna know.
Under this bush.
We'll put her in the grave,
stomp the ground
and life goes on.
What happened to me?
You fainted, dear,
but I saved you.
Let me introduce myself.
Staszek Klatka, M.A.
Still Frame for friends.
- I didn't do anything.
- What is your name?
I refuse to talk
without my lawyer.
Tell me!
So my name is Tomasz Zarowny.
I just started working
on this highway.
And you parked
in a disabled parking place.
But if a driver
without the lower limbs came...
Here.
I am going to sue you
for an unprovoked attack
and violating
my physical integrity.
Plus working under the influence
of alcohol is punishable too.
Not to mention your friend,
who is intoxicated
with tetrahydrocannabinol,
or marijuana.
I have a proposition.
I want to hire you.
But I don't work in homes.
I prefer open spaces.
I don't mean cleaning.
You will be an escort.
I realise I am seductive,
but my wife Jadwiga
does not approve...
It's not about sex.
I pay 10 grand a day.
- 10 thousand a day?
- And you don't do anything.
It's hard to decide...
If not, I am calling the police.
Hello?
Police here. Sergeant Jadwiga Zarowny.
How can we help you?
Hello? Is there anyone there?
Sergeant Jadwiga Zarowny.
How can I help you?
I agree.
It's a mistake.
Wrong number.
Idiot...
Not a word
about what happened here.
Keep your mouth shut.
I must disappear for some time.
Sure thing, go.
I'm pregnant!
I'm pregnant!
Christ, I'm pregnant.
Pregnant.
How can this be?
And? Do you like yourself?
What is that?
Who the fuck am I now?
A birthday present.
That is forever.
Nothing is forever.
Well done, my girls!
Just send the photos for approval!
My dear, you will just
meet your newest...
Happy birthday!
He's in our club.
Welcome him cordially. Miki Mazur!
All the best! It's an honour
to play at your birthday!
Let's dance together!
Who is he?
My birthday gift for you.
Your very own
private dead ringer, Miki.
That idiot is supposed to be me?
More sex! More sex!
I look like this?
That's what I am?
Why does everyone think
that he is me?
I thought it was
my birthday, not his.
Whose is it?!
Or maybe I am needless here?
In that case
have fun without me.
I'm leaving. Don't fret,
I'll take the back door.
But...
Mikolaj.
Miki!
Miki, dearest one.
What are you drinking?
Happy birthday, pal.
You're the best thing in my life.
I love you like an uncle,
like a son...
All the best.
Let me introduce.
Dolores Medeiros.
And the famous Miki Mazur.
Happy birthday, Mr. Miki.
Miki, she's my birthday gift for you.
For a week Dolores
won't leave you for a second.
She'll obey your every order.
I'll leave you now.
Excuse me. Are you
by any chance aware
of the location of
Klementyna Licho?
It's your birthday.
He's just a gift.
The greatest people in the world
had their look-alikes.
For fun, for pranks.
I'm your agent.
You can trust me.
When was your last holiday?
When did you have
a week or two only for you?
Sadly I don't know where she is,
but I can look for her.
I am to fulfill your wishes.
You mean every, every wish?
And for example,
will you make me...
a doggy?
Bark then.
Very good.
A perfect imitation, in my opinion.
So why don't you
just stay put here,
and I'll go
and look for Klementyna.
- Can I go with you?
- No.
You've been slaving away
for the last three years.
From movie sets to studios.
Then TV, commercials, dubbing,
parties, events, always working,
always the money.
Then you nap for a few hours
and go to shoot a TV show.
You can't live like that.
I can't help it, I'm sorry.
Of course. Hush now.
It's all right.
I only want to help you.
Imagine there are two of you.
Totally similar,
but nobody knows it.
You can relax,
and I can do twice the work
for twice the money.
Do you finally get
why you need this dead ringer?
It won't work.
With me everything works.
Klementyna, you're here.
I've been looking for you.
Come and kiss... Miki?
What are you doing here?
Where's Dolores?
What Dolores?
Why are you so quiet?
Something I should know?
Have I drunk that much?
I'll explain everything.
Wow. There are two Mister Mikis?
You didn't mention that.
You'll have to pay extra.
- What is your problem?!
- You've brought a hooker here!
An assistant.
Everybody has one.
- I'm sure she's experienced.
- Why did you ruin my birthday?
- It's not my fault.
- I ruined your birthday?
I wanted to free you,
to make you finally happy.
- She's brought you a dead ringer.
- Ring my ass!
Have you got a wish?
I am to fulfil them, remember?
For now take care of him,
I'll be all right in here.
But maybe?
Why don't you bring me a beer?
Great. An order.
You'll go on holiday.
You keep bugging me...
Hi, mousie.
Yes, indeed I did not
come home from work.
Because we've got
some training, you know...
I won't stand it!
I'm fed up with you!
Elements of first aid, marketing.
Different stuff.
I didn't tell you because
it was a last-minute thing.
I am surprised myself.
But when I come back,
I'll surprise you
and we'll go to Hurrahgada
for a week.
I cannot go back,
because it is a field training.
I am currently in Krakow.
The ancient town
of our forefathers.
Firstly, don't shout at me!
If you wanna shout, call your Mum.
What do you mean come back?
You want me to be fired?
Very well. No Hurrahgada.
Bye bye!
Wow, you're naughty.
I will be naughty!
This is my home
and I can do what I want!
Get rid of them.
Okay, lady in strange feathering.
The show is over.
I was hired to play comedy
at this pal's birthday,
which I did.
The lousy atmosphere
is not my fault.
I expect to be paid
and I go home.
Did you break a bottle on my floor?
Yes! I broke a bottle on the floor.
And if you piss me off,
I'll ruin this flat.
I'll turn over every stone.
It's gonna be Hiroshima.
And on my leave I'll make a fire
and it will be very hot.
That's why I implore you to respect
savoy-vivre and antiquette.
Please give me the money due
and I'm out of here.
That was brilliant.
Fiery eyes, the bottle, the voice.
Amazing.
Your character changed
in a split second.
Not many actors can do it.
We had an acting club
at cooking school.
I played Ferdinand the Dog.
My flapping ears were legendary.
Have you seen this?
He's got talent.
In a moment this lapdog
became a pitbull.
How many Polish actors can do that?
Me.
Me.
And maybe... me.
I agree,
he can be my dead ringer.
I'll party, and you sleep.
You are me tomorrow.
I will be an actor?
My mother
did not raise me like this.
Quiet, quiet!
Quiet, I said!
Someone's in the bushes.
Hello? Who's there?
Please stop fooling around at once.
It's private property
and a private party.
Where are your manners?
Let him show his ID.
Come out of there
or I'll cut you.
- He may have a gun.
- So what?
Where's Neck?
What neck?
Jadwiga, it's not like this.
Neck's not here.
He wasn't and he won't be.
There was no neck?
Where have you hidden my Tomek?
He didn't come home from work.
He lied to me that he was
on a training in Krakow.
And I know it's not true.
I can feel it.
And what if...
What if he ran from me?
Where could he have run?
Where can he be hiding?
You must know something.
No.
- Tell me.
- Jadwiga...
- We'll find Neck.
- Why did he do this to me?
We'll find Neck.
We'll find him.
I promise.
That's what friends are for.
Maybe we should call the police?
Well, wakey wakey, Mr. Tomek.
- A moment.
- 100 people are waiting for you.
Downstairs in five minutes.
In the penis?
Before dawn?
- What about me?
- The trunk's too small.
Turn and smile.
Turn and smile.
Your lies disturb me, Alexander.
- Alexander!
- My turn?
I'm quiet because
I'm having my breakfast.
Say only your lines!
You could, for 12 grand a day.
How much?
- Why didn't you teach me the lines?
- Sorry.
Oh my God!
Excuse me.
Your lies disturb me, Alexander.
What? Who?
Not true, I never lied to you,
Natalia. Repeat.
It's not true that I never lied?
But I don't know any Natalia.
Doesn't matter.
Repeat the line!
Don't stare. Make him up.
Let's go.
- A soldier!
- War!
The invasion has started.
A bear!
Hi, Miki, you look wonderful.
Ms. Klementyna, as usual...
In scene 18 we deleted
the word "otherwise",
since in 16 Natalia
already knows about Kate.
- This way, come.
- I never lied to you...
- I try not to lie...
- Natalia!
"History of the Horse", studio 5.
Told you several times.
Hello every one.
Sorry, we are here.
- Quiet, the actor has come!
- Hi, Rachela.
Great, you're here. Sit down.
Focus on yourself.
The things around you don't matter.
An empty, unimportant space.
Your world exploded! Boom!
There was an explosion.
Your world is decomposed.
It's plastic.
- Can't be eaten.
- Look at the honey sandwich.
Impossible. When I was little,
bees stung me
and now I'm afraid of honey.
- You fear honey?
- It may attack me.
- Maybe some jam...
- Jam on the set!
- We have some.
- Here.
Eat the jam sandwich.
The girl says her line.
- Me, yes?
- Yes, you! Not me.
Your lies disturb me, Alexander.
Right.
Well said.
You must have made a mistake.
But I said it correctly.
- I'll spread it evenly.
- Focus, please.
Focus. It's a rehearsal.
- Ready? Say it, please.
- I liked it.
Your lies...
disturb me, Alexander.
- Miki!
- Nice.
- Should I do this?
- Great.
We are rolling.
Please focus. Cameras!
- On!
- Ready?
Action!
Your lies...
disturb me, Alexander.
Not true!
I never lied to you, Natalia.
Nice and easy.
I'll drop dead here! Cut!
I said my line okay.
- Klementyna!
- Yes, dear?
A word.
On the set in five minutes.
Miki, you had your birthday yesterday,
but today is not yesterday.
Because today is today.
This is the day.
The thing is
that when I say my line,
it turns out to be stupid.
And the actress is very funny.
She makes me smile.
- Exactly. She acts too strong.
- We can kill her.
Are you insane? Kill a person?
What do you mean?
In the next episode.
A train or cancer.
Cancer? No, no...
You said she affects your acting.
- I said that? When?
- Now.
No, I mean...
I used certain words
in my statement,
but I meant I'd try harder.
If you give me one more chance.
Please.
- Of course, Miki.
- I know!
You must search for it in yourself.
- Let's go.
- I'll keep searching.
I'm sorry. I don't know
what's going on with him.
Attention!
Thanks, girls. Wonderful.
- Focus, please.
- One moment.
Action!
Your lies disturb me, Alexander.
Not true.
I never lied to you, Natalia.
Excuse me?
I called your boss.
There was no training.
I'm sorry,
but didn't you think
that I do it for you, huh?
Because I love you
and I want to make some money.
Did it occur to you?
That I am tired of your grumbling,
your grudges, your checking on me.
It is hard for me too sometimes.
And I need just regular compassion
from your side, you get it?
Get it?
You could think of me
sometimes, Jadwiga!
Bravo! Well done, Miki!
How long has he worked here?
Not long.
Before, he had worked
in a few restaurants, but...
- But what?
- He quit after a few days.
He couldn't find
a place for himself.
He was in a crisis.
A crisis? But why?
What happened?
He clammed up.
I don't know.
He became different...
Sometimes he would just stop
and gaze into the distance
for a long time.
- In silence. Like...
- Yeah, how?
Like this.
It does not look good.
Miki. You were great.
So they say.
Working with an actor like you
is a true bliss.
- What are you doing?
- Not a word, I saw
the way you looked at me.
I feel the same.
Could you please leave my body?
I have a wife, Jadwiga.
What Jadwiga?
I love you too.
We can't hide it any longer.
I'm sorry.
I think it was
because of you two.
- Why us?
- Yes, you! You and Franek.
What did we do to him?
You did nothing, that's the point.
You left him alone.
Best friends!
You went away.
To Florida. To Zamosc.
Where else did you go?
- Don't cry.
- You left him alone.
Hi, Miki.
Listen. There is
this stupid fitness magazine.
For heterics.
But it sells great.
I'm an artist, I don't get it.
I want to do it the way
nobody has done it before.
- From the air!
- To show your strength.
- Your potential.
- You are a bad boy. Bad Miki!
You'll kick everyone's asses.
They'd better not look at the cover
or you'll punch them!
Yes, you are strong, powerful.
Balls like a cement mixer.
Go!
How do you like this concept?
Great!
Miki, the camera is straight.
Bad camera. Scare it.
Jump at it. Good!
Wonderful.
Again.
Karate!
Yes! Divine!
Attack, attack!
Attack me!
Miki, attack me!
Jump.
You don't know
how to make ends meet?
Don't think too much.
Spidi Kreditos.
Don't think, just take.
Cut! Thanks a lot,
we've got this.
Well done, Miki.
But you know that Spidi Kreditos
are thieves and cheats?
My friend, a chef,
took out their loan,
and after a month
he had 50 grand of just interest.
He was broke.
Debt collectors came.
He had to run to Ireland.
He took up a job
as a shampooer in a dog salon.
And a rottweiler attacked him.
He lost half his face.
He came home.
His wife took the money, but said
she didn't marry a half-face.
She left him with the kids.
He made us believe him!
Neck found a new friend
on the highway.
His name is Still Frame,
he smokes dope.
That's all he told me.
So we made him make friends
with drug addicts.
And losers.
Just great.
Okay, we'll do it like this.
Don't cry.
We need to find Still Frame.
He must know something.
To tell you the truth,
I was worried.
- But you did great.
- Thank you very much.
And now, sleep well.
No more jokes
like the one about Spidi Kreditos.
We have a two-year contract
worth a lot of dough.
I almost had a heart attack.
- What are you doing?
- I love you.
Thank you. It's cool.
But I have a wife, Jadwiga.
I didn't know.
One wife is enough.
Go to bed.
Chop chop. Quickly.
Jesus Christ...
No sexual service here.
Let's talk.
You like it?
- Being a star.
- A star, you say?
It's cool. Cool.
What's so cool about it?
Because you are
the king of the world.
And I wanted to be an actor.
I wanted to be an artist.
And who have I become?
A freak.
What important can I offer people?
Oversweet yoghurts
and unpayable loans.
I can't even
take a tram or a walk.
Someone recognises me
and it starts.
I am fucked.
And what am I to say?
For instance I could not
find a job for three months.
Nowhere.
Mortgage for 400 sq feet
that we can't squeeze in.
My wife is always angry.
No friends.
They went away.
I can't go for a walk either.
Because I owe money to everyone.
I am the one who is fucked, man.
I envy you.
My beauty?
Normality. Common life.
Don't drink any more,
'cause your brain shifted too much.
I mean it.
I'll run far away,
and you will replace me.
No can do.
I'll run too.
Bon voyage.
Oh yeah? We will see.
Hi, Miki. I made you an omelette.
Coffee with milk?
Yes, and definitely some water.
You slept on the terrace.
Here you are.
Listen, tell me...
How come your name
is Dolores Medeiros?
I made it up. Like it?
Super.
In fact I had to change my name
when I became an elf.
You're an elf?
Let me tell you,
I felt something like this...
And I want to be a star, like you.
And a star can't be called
Czeslawa Zwrazdzycka.
Not really. Dolores is better.
- It's American.
- Why do you wanna be a star?
What do you mean?
I want everyone to love me.
I'll rip out his heart
and shove it up his ass
all the way to his throat.
- Who's that?
- Mikolaj ran away.
He texted me this.
There he is! Look!
A cleaning car.
It can be Still Frame's. Make a turn.
Miki Mazur will play
at the National Stadium.
We must corner him.
Cut off his escape path.
He's alive.
I decided to...
give everything up for some time,
I feel burnt out,
I need a break
and some inspiration.
I must find my old flame and...
and rekindle it,
if I want to be a real artist.
I believe you'll manage.
Kisses, Miki Mazur.
Kiss him back from me.
You brought him here, Klementyna.
If you hadn't,
Miki would not have gone
to rekindle his old flame.
Leo, don't panic.
We must think something up
or we will all go to the bottom.
Why don't we call Mr. Miki
and ask him
not to look for old flames
and come back instead?
He switched off his phone.
By the way, have you got
a charger with a thin bolt
for my shitty phone?
The battery is dead.
I know!
We have two Mikis.
That one can replace this one,
and this one will replace
the flame searcher.
The door!
Halt!
Get him!
Miki, Miki!
What's going on?
I love you, Miki.
And? Did you get him?
Shit, what is going on here?
Who are you and what do you want?
We are... the police.
We are looking for Tomasz Zarowny.
He used to work here.
And you're Still Frame.
- I know nothing.
- Listen, amigo.
A good man and a friend is lost.
So if you don't tell me where he is,
I'll have to kill you.
And believe me, compadre,
that killing is deadly boring.
So say it. Please, little boy.
Just say it.
I won't shout.
Hello, one ticket to Tychy, please.
Hello, do we have a contact?
Is a dialog possible?
Yes, I'm sorry.
But Mr. Miki, why Tychy?
There's nothing there.
I want to find out.
There's a train in 40 minutes.
One ticket?
- One, yes.
- First class? 86 zlotys.
Sir, could I ask you
for an autograph?
No problem. 86 zlotys?
I don't have that much now.
Are there any last minutes?
Excuse me. Would you like
to have a photo with me?
'Cause I would.
I would. But you'll let me
make a phone call.
Maybe you have a charger
with a thin bolt?
Girls!
Hey, stop! I'm first!
Neck was depressed
and no one wanted to help him.
He had only me.
His best friends left him.
His marital relations
also weren't good.
She must be an awful woman.
She kept complaining,
bugging him, shouting.
That's what he told me.
I even suspect she beat him.
Bitch.
And that babe from Warsaw
fell in love with Neck.
Instantly.
And he fell for her.
Pretty, slim, rich.
From Warsaw.
Everyone would fall in love,
not to mention Neck.
And so they left together.
That's all.
- Who is she?
- I don't know.
- But you said "from Warsaw".
- She looked it.
- What car did she have?
- A Mercedes. SLS.
Montemagno grey.
- Plates?
- W1 QUEEN.
Sergeant Jadwiga Zarowna.
- Hello, Jadwiga.
- Hey.
You just thought of me?
So you called me?
No, easy. Let's not quarrel.
I'll explain it all.
I know everything.
I get it.
You don't have to explain anything.
No, my wallet is gone.
I can't find it anywhere.
Don't lie to me.
Don't lie! Don't lie!
I'm fed up with your lies.
You have nothing to come back to.
Come on, Jadwiga.
Hugs and kisses! Thank you!
Stay in Warsaw
with whoever you want
and do the first aid
to whoever you want!
Can I have my cell? Thanks.
That Mazur also gives concerts?
- I knew he'd be here!
- Miki, darling...
Out of the way!
Easy, easy.
We'll take care of you.
My Dolores Medeiros.
Nice beads.
Miki, Miki...
- Get up.
- Have you got him?
Great.
A well-known actor and singer
caused quite a stir today.
Miki Mazur gave autographs,
took selfies
and flew at the Warsaw
Central Railway Station.
Miki Mazur wanted to buy
a ticket to Tychy.
I thought he was joking.
A star like this?
To Tychy by train? Impossible.
Should I talk to you
or to the camera? Both?
The police came,
but did not intervene,
because it was a kind of...
artistic happening.
Nobody suffered
and public order
was not in danger.
"Happening" smudged,
that's why I stuttered.
- Miki's awesome!
- We all love him!
He could be doing so many bad things.
Deprave children,
smoke, drink, take or sell drugs,
go into politics.
He does something unmistakably
good for society.
Okay, let's check the web.
Did you see that, my kittens?
Overall. Style straight
from sunny California.
Blue collar clothes rule!
Miki Mazur knows it.
The happening at the station...
3 million clicks at wp.pl.
It can be done.
And the latest single...
15 million clicks at wp.pl!
You are a genius!
Miki is an elf, like me.
I did not think
Neck was such an asshole.
What did you say, you jerk?
What asshole?
Fikol, leave him!
Did you ever
make anyone cry like that?
Women used to cry
because of me for weeks.
Months! So what?
Women are made to cry.
If you didn't smoke so much dope,
you'd know, schmuck.
Jadwiga, let's go back.
It's dark, a storm is coming...
Where am I supposed to go?
I don't know. Home?
I don't have a home now.
Look what I found!
Do you like it?
Shit...
See this?
Here. Check this out.
Here there are two moles...
...and here - three.
Damn it.
Do you understand
what that means?
He's not Miki Mazur.
They replaced him. Get it?
We will be rich.
We'll be rich.
- This week's edition.
- The face is the same,
but the body isn't.
I have a body like this, not him.
- You and such a body?
- Feel it.
Biceps, triceps and butterflies.
At your age
I looked like Bruce Lee.
And maybe nice abs too?
Nice apples? Why not.
Is my phone working?
I've just repaired it for you,
my dear.
Constable?
This is sergeant Jadwiga Zarowny.
Please check a Mercedes SLS for me.
Numbers are W1 QUEEN.
QUEEN. Q-U-E-E-N.
Yes, like a queen.
She kidnapped Neck.
Fikol, wake up.
I's her.
- Let's follow her.
- I'm staying.
Maybe Neck's inside.
How will we follow her?
With our minds?
Think of something.
- She's leaving.
- Quickly, go after her!
- I've got you.
- The taxi!
I have no money!
Follow that car!
I've got you all.
I'm a genius.
Dammit.
You stay with the car.
- Are we going in?
- Wait, idiot.
Could you be a little nicer?
- What?
- Whatever.
Let's go.
- There he is.
- Who?
Vladimir Putin, damn you.
Neck, of course.
True.
He's sitting with teddy bears.
Yeah. Totally out of his mind.
How is he, doctor?
You were right.
Mr. Mikolaj is not at his best.
I love you.
- But he'll be okay?
- Naturally,
but everything takes time.
Time...
Doctor, how about...
this much time?
Is it enough
for Miki to recover?
It is more than ample time
for Mr. Mikolaj
to recover completely.
Right, right...
Can I see him for a moment?
Of course, you are safe.
We gave him drugs.
Wonderful.
Mother dear.
His hair got darker.
Come here.
You're a genius, Barrel.
It starts. You are a genius.
If you are almost Miki Mazur,
you should stay at his house.
But I'm not Miki Mazur.
It's not my house.
Temporarily.
We have to deal with
this disaster of a century.
50 000 people
bought tickets for his concert.
- Delegaste!
- Do you play?
At cooking school our band
played alternative disco.
A friend played the bass.
Drums.
Our interpretation of
"Puff-balls, Kites and Wind".
And Miki couldn't even
play C major.
But he writes songs, albums...
And I am Lady Gaga
posing as a man.
So Lady Gaga is not a man?
I'll show you something else.
Why is it so?
Because of us?
Because of you
and sergeant Jadwiga.
Want a smack?
What can you know, you addict?
Excuse me, but have you phoned Neck
even once the last month?
- I haven't.
- See?
Practically, he only had me.
I worked so hard on your success,
and now you tell me you quit?
You won't sing at the concert?
- I won't.
- Why?
- I'm fed up.
- With what?
The pool, the villa, racing cars,
girls, fame, money, drugs?
Tell me, I don't understand.
Everything.
I can't sing.
They're not my songs.
I'm not a singer. I...
I am...
I was an actor.
And you need to make the most
out of your 15 minutes of fame.
Squeeze it like a lemon,
just like football players.
- I don't play football.
- Careers don't last.
Make money
for the rest of your life!
I can't sing!
You will lip-synch.
Just pretend.
That you can do.
I don't want to lie any more.
That's why you're in the best
psychiatric clinic in Poland.
They will cure you.
And the gig will happen.
You locked me up against my will.
I will sue you.
Sue my ass! I saved you.
You'd end up
under the bridge or worse.
You snake!
Seen that?
Bitch.
You can't use it,
we will take you everywhere,
but it's a nice toy.
Not practical.
A fossil burner.
It could run on natural gas,
but there's no place for a can.
One more thing.
The tricks are over.
No running or disobedience.
We have a contract,
you have your pay.
Otherwise...
Look.
You drugged me!
Be good and your wife
won't find out.
It hurts! My spine...
Easy.
Let's rehearse the concert.
Show me. Easy.
See what show biz is like?
It's not the sticks,
but you'll adapt. Come.
Come to us to Silesia.
We'll see how you cope.
We must rescue him.
Rescue? He's ill.
It's a hospital.
I don't like this hospital.
That's why we'll rescue him.
Neck, move away from the door!
You're alive. It's me, Fikol.
Recognise me?
You don't?
What have they done to you?
What have they done?
Can you walk?
We are evacuating you.
The perimeter is clean.
Let's get out of here.
Sadly, he can't afford us,
but I'm glad
more and more people need us.
Dinner, please come.
Still Frame, you dumbass!
Neck... Just like "One Flew Over
the Cuckoo's Nest".
They have turned him.
I think he's gay.
- No!
- Yes. Get in.
Boss, pedal to the metal.
Go, go!
- The job is clear.
- Don't teach me.
At cooking school we did many gigs.
I come to the mike.
I coax and lure...
A stream of singing,
so to speak,
and the audience is mad.
- So to speak.
- Not enough.
50 000 hot women are waiting.
The hook's in the water.
I can also do some stroking.
You must go crazy,
something must happen.
A kick, a twist, then fists,
understand?
You hold the world in them.
Keep up the momentum...
I won't sing and dance
at the same time, it's ridiculous.
I'm not Berryshnikov.
You are ridiculous.
We have no time.
Let's go to the TV.
The show is tomorrow,
and he can't do a thing!
Don't worry,
we will practice together.
We are together!
Get off, you bitch!
She's my wife!
Seize her! Call the police!
What do you want?
I can...
I can help you.
What?
I can help you.
Help?
Me?
Quiet, please.
Gentlemen, off the set.
- Have I got lipstick on my teeth?
- No more talking.
It is live.
Please everybody, remember it.
Miki, have fun, man.
Laugh, smile, clap your hands.
Attention!
Three, two... action!
Welcome to the first episode
of the 28th season
of "Cooking for Stars".
No one told you that your husband
resembles Miki Mazur?
My husband is a lot more handsome.
What are you saying?
They look identical.
. . . chairman of the jury,
actor, dancer,
TV and Internet star,
idol of teen girls...
- Damn it.
- What?
Check this out.
Neck's on TV.
Indeed. Great!
But it goes live, you imbecile.
Impossible.
Neck's right next to me.
TV lies.
Hi, Jadwiga. Fikol here.
We rescued him, yes.
There's a small problem...
There may be two of them.
Fucking...
So there are two of them.
Where are you now?
We're going there.
Miki, we don't pay you for yawning.
- Sorry.
- One more thing.
Participant 4 loses today.
Whether his food is tasty or not.
Sorry, what?
Participant 4 is out today.
Over, finito.
Sylwester. Number 4.
Well, you have made fish soup.
But have you taken me
on a date to France?
Not necessarily.
Customers need more
than just a by-the-book soup.
You need to take them
on a date to France!
You have not.
I am sorry.
- Michal, please.
- Sylwester...
Miki, don't look like someone
just farted in your face.
I don't know why
the audience loves you.
People love you,
and what have you cooked?
Something terribly ugly.
I give you two points,
and that's a lot.
May I?
The soup is fine.
It wasn't the deal.
Ten point from me!
- Miki, obey.
- The soup is good.
Obey me, you hear?
Fantastic.
All in order. Very good.
Are you eating yours?
Me neither.
Here you are.
Who is this?
What do you mean who?
It's Neck.
Are you out of your mind?
He's not my Neck.
I've never seen him before.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you an outstanding artist,
a great actor, a singer,
Mikolaj Mazur. Bravo!
So... He is not Neck?
No, he's not.
100 per-cent not Neck.
I am sorry, pardon.
I am out of here.
It is too much for me.
I need a drink.
There's beer in the fridge.
Take it all.
Can I smoke in here?
Are you mad? I'll arrest you
for possession of drugs.
At least a beer?
He is of age.
I can get drunk,
but I can't relax
with pure, ecological stuff.
Is it logical?
So nice...
Your playing.
I'm not talking to you,
collaborator, traitor and snake!
Stop it. I am trying
to take care of you.
Tomorrow is your day.
Shall we practice
your dance routine?
Want some avocado salad?
Nothing from you!
You'll drug me, narcotically,
and molest me again.
You know, what will happen?
50 000 teens will come
to see Miki Mazur,
and he's in my flat, drugged,
caressing a rabbit.
I'm not going to any show.
Of course he won't.
Know what that means?
Riots, victims, burning cars.
If we don't act,
Warsaw will burn.
Let's go. Now.
Everybody.
How do we get in?
He will not cooperate.
A real fortress
compared to that madhouse.
I have a plan.
Let's climb over the fence.
Sensors, cameras, guards.
- Heard it?
- You think of something.
Underground.
We'll dig a hole.
What the hell?
They may keep Neck prisoner,
so let's just go in.
As if nothing happened.
Maybe you are thirsty?
I've made some green tea.
- Get her!
- Is it a robbery?
- I must call the police.
- Got her!
Take her phone and lock her up!
- Can you put it online?
- We'll put you in a box.
Jadwiga, mousie...
I will explain everything.
But after the show.
It's very important.
I'm above the stadium.
Loads of people. 124, over.
Roger that.
We have an ambulance.
228, take care of Miki Mazur.
He's coming to the stadium.
I repeat,
he is entering the stadium.
We have a visual.
It starts soon.
I would like to be,
I would like to be myself.
What is this music?
What band is this?
I would like to be,
I would like to be myself.
He deceived us.
So let's stop the show.
Stop the show!
Don't you dare!
Like every morning
I drink some coffee
I eat a bread roll
and I read a paper
I take no orders
I have no bosses
I break the tea glass
and I put my clothes on
I meet the porter
Always a scared man
He doesn't bow
he holds onto his floor broom
I grab his grey cloak
I pull him near
and though he is afraid
I shout straight to his face
I would like to be,
I would like to be myself.
I would like to be,
I would like to be myself.
It's not Miki's number!
Shut up! Look.
People like it.
Good evening.
Welcome cordially to the concert
of Miki Mazur and his band.
The next piece will be
one of those romantic songs...
I dedicate it to my wife, Jadwiga.
You know there are many things
that will try to divide our world
Will there be more tears
out of sorrow or of thrill?
How am I to promise
that things will never
be that bad?
I want you to say just one word
Believe in me again, just you
Only here and only with you
With you I want to start
anew
Anew
Mousie. Mousie, I love you.
And here you can see Miki's manager,
Klementyna Lichon.
Hello everyone.
And his producer, Leo Brant.
Tell me about the dead ringer.
Why did you put Miki
in an asylum against his will?
Against my ass!
Turn off that camera!
And how do you see your career
development after this trick?
It's good.
I... will talk only
in the presence of my lawyer.
From what I know, Miki has already
filed a suit against you.
I cannot be replaced,
can't be someone else,
no one will be fooled.
It's better to be similar.
- I missed you.
- You can't imagine, how I missed you.
I must tell you something.
We're going to be parents.
- Wait... I will be a Daddy?
- Yes.
Little Neck is in there?
You're pregnant?
Neck, how is it possible,
that you are so similar?
They're not.
Maybe he is your lost twin brother?
Their mother must have
given one away at the hospital.
- Why did she do it?
- It happens every day.
In your world, you degenerate.
What do you know about my world,
you drunk.
Slower.
What's going on?
Want me to pull over?
I'm fine. It's normal.
The first trimester.
- Congratulations!
- I will be a Daddy!
To this,
even I will drink with you.
And I'll smoke with you, smartass.