(dramatic orchestral
music plays)
Man's voice:
My name is Lance clayton.
My biggest fear in life is
that I'm going to end up all alone.
I'm a writer.
I'm a writer, but so far
nothing I've written
has ever been published.
Ernest Hemingway
once said
all he wanted to do was
write one true sentence.
He also tried to scratch
an itch on the back of his head
with a shotgun.
- (game-show music playing)
- (applause)
I've always dreamed
of being a famous author,
of creating
an important work...
Ooh la la la la la la la
La la la la la la
Saa la la la la
la la la...
...something that connected
with people and helped them
as they suffered through
the human condition...
Ooh la la la...
...also something that made
a shitload of cash.
(slot machine dinging,
coins dropping)
(champagne cork pops)
Ooh la la la la la...
(coins dropping)
I've written novels,
books, magazine articles,
and even
children's stories.
- All have been rejected.
- (printer humming)
I did sell a few
greeting cards once, though.
It felt pretty good.
I don't find
the creative process
in itself rewarding enough.
I have to be honest...
I want to reach an audience.
This is my fifth novel.
I've promised myself that
if this one is rejected,
I'll give up writing.
- (knocks)
- Come on, boy, we're late.
Hey, buddy, l...
Kyle?
Oh, fuc...
what the fuck?
- God! Kyle?
- D-Dad?
- What are you doing?
- What are you doing?
- God, I was coming, you fag!
- Jesus christ.
- I thought you were dead.
- Do you knock? Please!
I knocked.
Okay, yep.
- Out!
- God, l...
- Get out of my room!
- I'm out. I'm going.
- I'm out of here.
- You ever heard of privacy?
- You freak!
- Yeah, I'm the weird one.
Yeah. Oh, God.
(sighs)
What the fuck?
(rock music playing)
Dad?
- Dad!
- Oh, yeah. Right.
Radio: What do you do?
Where do you go?
(turns off)
You were up early.
- You're not funny.
- Okay.
What a Monday.
Somewhere else...
Why are we
listening to this?
'Cause I like
Bruce Hornsby.
(turns off)
Stop it.
Bruce Hornsby is a fag.
- He's got kids, Kyle.
- You have a kid.
- Mmm.
- And you're a fag.
- Why? Because I like Bruce Hornsby?
- Yeah.
Well, put on some music
you like. Okay?
No, I fucking hate music.
- You hate music?
- Yeah.
- All music?
- Yes.
The only thing queerer than music
are the people who like it.
All music is gay now?
What about heavy metal?
That's probably the faggiest
of all the fag music out there.
Kyle, you could have
died this morning.
Well...
of embarrassment.
What you're doing
is dangerous.
What? Beating off?
No no... not...
we all have needs, Kyle.
Needs? What...
what are you talking about?
Masturbation is natural, okay?
- You know what's not natural?
- What?
Talking about jerking off
with your dad. That's not natural.
- Shit.
- Don't do that, please, okay?
- Why?
- Because your feet are dirty.
Because I said so.
(sighs)
- Whoa, let me out here.
- Let me park in the lot.
Lance, I'm gonna look like a dillweed
walking in with you, all right?
It's bad for my rep.
Don't call me Lance.
It's your name,
isn't it? Lance?
What do you do?
Where do you go?
What do you say?
And how do you know?
I'll say who cares
When people stare
I will make myself
invisible
Yes, I will, yes, I will
Mm-hmm
Mm-hmm hmm...
Slow down, boys.
When I feel like a freak...
'Morning.
When I'm on the other end
of someone's mean streak
People make fun,
I've got to lose myself...
Danny.
Take my thin skin
and move it somewhere else
I'm setting myself up
for the future
Looking for the chance that something
good might lie ahead
I guess I'm looking
for the possibilities
And in my mind
I've got this skin
I can shed...
What do you do?
Where do you go?
- Good morning, Lance.
- 'Morning Principal Anderson.
- What was that?
- Oh, personal mail,
but I used
my own postage.
- Mmm. Good.
- Right.
May I speak with you
for a moment?
Sure.
Your poetry course...
it's not very popular.
- Neither is poetry, sir.
- Mmm.
But the few who take it,
they get a lot out of it.
Yes yes,
I'm sure they do.
But I am sorry...
if your class enrollment
doesn't improve by next semester,
we're going to have to drop it.
We're only budgeted
for one English elective,
and Mike Lane's creative-writing
course is quite the hit.
I just wanted to give you
a heads up.
Well, thank you, sir.
(jazz playing)
- Hey, what's going on, Mr. L?
- Hey, how you doin', man?
- Good. How are you?
- Ready for tonight's game?
- Yeah, you gonna be there?
- I'll be there. Of course.
- Good.
- Throw a touchdown for me, all right?
- Of course!
- Hey, Lancelot!
- What's up, buddy?
- Not much, Mike.
All right.
'Morning, Miss Reed.
- Hello, Mr. Clayton.
- How are you?
- Good. How are you?
- Mmm.
Ahh, my favorite.
I thought teachers weren't
supposed to have favorites.
Not favorite students.
(giggles)
I'm a lucky guy.
How does a lump like me
get a dame like you?
Don't insult my taste.
I'm the lucky guy.
You finished?
Yeah. I wanted you to be
the first to read it.
I'm honored.
Really?
Maybe I'll take you
someplace fancy for dinner.
How about you come over to my place
for something hot and spicy?
- Is that a double entendre?
- No.
- I was just going to make you my chili.
- Oh.
And then bang you.
- Great!
- (footsteps)
You have a very
professional day, Miss Reed.
Right back at you,
Mr. Clayton.
- Take care.
- Extremely professional day.
(bell rings)
Andrew, I want
to show you something.
What is it?
Ew, is that woman
being crapped on?
Happy birthday.
It's fucking German schizer porn.
All right, dude?
It's fucking hot, right, yo?
No, dude, what the fuck
is wrong with you, yo?
Nothing.
You wouldn't say that
if you lived in Europe.
I mean, these Europeans
are much more broadminded
than these uptight Americans.
Shit's huge in Germany.
Yeah, well, we're not in Europe
and I don't like that kind of stuff.
Yeah, I know,
that's 'cause you're a fag.
Dude, it's gross.
I'd do it...
to someone.
- Oh.
- I would.
I'd chili-dog her.
Hi, Jennifer.
Come on, baby,
that pussy's not gonna eat itself.
What the fuck
did you just say?
Uh, nothing.
You're a fucking pig.
Wow, okay.
Hold that.
(grunts)
(crowd reacting)
- (grunting)
- Get off me, you dumb jock!
What are you talking about?
I don't even play sports.
- You...
- Hey!
Come on, guys, knock it off.
Knock it off.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's right, bitch.
Oh, you're gonna help me up?
- Come on.
- Can't you control that animal?
Now come on,
tough guy, let's go.
Let's go, guys.
Come on.
Principal: Kyle,
what did you say
to Jennifer?
Nothing.
He said that her pussy
is not going to eat itself.
Do you hear that?
You are... that is rude.
- And you're a pervert.
- Be quiet.
Kyle, is that
what you said?
No.
Jennifer, chris,
get back to class.
Kyle, I need to speak
with you and your father.
Kyle, right now you're
on academic probation
and your grades show
no sign of improvement.
If you don't straighten up,
I'm going
to have to expel you.
- Do you understand?
- Yes, Mr. Anderson.
I do understand.
Now get out of here.
And no more trouble.
Wait for me outside.
Lance,
this isn't easy for me.
What isn't easy,
Mr. Anderson?
How's Kyle been acting
at home?
I mean, does he seem
normal to you?
Oh, yeah.
Oh. You and I both know
that sometimes
these things take
a long time to surface.
What things?
Well, I think that Kyle's
poor grades and acting out
show signs of a serious
development problem.
He belongs in
a special-needs school
where he can get the proper attention
and care that he requires.
- What?
- That's nothing to be ashamed of.
Sir, he's... he's not slow.
He's just being a pain.
Give him another chance.
Well, I have.
I've given him many chances.
That's true.
(sighs)
All right.
All right, but he'd better start showing
signs of improvement and quickly.
And he's got to stop
disturbing the other students.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you.
Thank you.
- You're grounded.
- I'll run away.
Oh, and live
with your mother?
And her boy-toy Todd?
That's a great idea.
- I'll take away your computer.
- No, you won't.
Yes, I will.
Jesus christ, Kyle,
what did I do
to deserve this?
I didn't ask to be born.
Neither did I.
Boo hoo.
Woman:
You are so funny!
Wait, read from here.
Starting there.
- What are you reading?
- "We don't experience it
as a restriction!"
- What's that?
- Oh, God, you are so funny.
It's... come here.
Give it to me.
- Oh, this is embarrassing.
- Mike got published
- in "The New Yorker."
- "New Yorker"!
- Hello!
- "The New Yorker"?
Woman: It's about
the first robot that joins the NBA.
- It's like a parody about racism.
- Miss Reed: Racism.
- It's hysterical.
- No, it isn't.
No, it is seriously so good.
Called "I, Forward."
Get it?
Yeah, like "I, Robot."
- Right, but "I, Forward."
- Yeah.
It's... it's really hard
getting in "The New Yorker."
- It is?
- Yeah, really.
It's the first thing
I submitted.
Woman: That's amaz...
I'm amazed.
The first thing? No.
- That's great. Good for you.
- What's that?
Mike got published
in "The New Yorker."
You don't say!
May I see it?
- Sure.
- It's about racism.
Hot dog! Now don't go
getting too famous on us.
- (all laughing)
- What's that?
Mike published an article
in "The New Yorker."
- Take a look at that.
- Ho ho!
Right on.
You dog, you dog!
- Yeah!
- (all cheering)
This should be read
at assembly.
Now that is a great idea.
Mike, would you read it
at the assembly?
If you twist my arm,
all right.
(all cheering)
May I take this
with me?
- Yeah, sure.
- Can I read it after him?
That's awesome.
Congratulations.
Hey, blow my whistle.
Come on..."The New Yorker"!
For "The New Yorker"!
Yeah!
(all cheering)
Wow, I cannot wait
to get my own copy.
"New Yorker."
It's not a national,
- but that's amazing.
- No.
Actually, it is
a national magazine.
- It's national.
- Really?
Whoa, I didn't know that.
Mmm.
How's Kyle?
Great.
Raising a son is so hard.
Don't get me wrong, my Hunter is
the best thing that ever happened to me.
But man, can he be a handful.
- How old is he?
- Two, going on 20.
Oh, God.
The kid's a player.
Well, I wonder where
he gets that from.
- I have no idea.
- (laughs)
How's he dealing
with the separation?
Real well.
I didn't know
you were separated.
Yeah.
It's been tough,
but his mother and I were supposed
to make a baby together.
We just weren't supposed
to live together.
- That's so sad.
- Yeah.
Thanks.
How often do you see him?
Every other weekend.
They're not kidding when
they say that raising a child
is the toughest job
you'll ever love.
Mmm. Well, you sound
like a great dad.
Ah, well,
I try my best.
(chuckles)
(laughing)
(rockets firing)
Hi, Andrew.
Hey.
I enjoy our little chats.
Woman's voice:
Oh, yeah.
- Kyle?
- Hi... hi, Dad.
- What are you doing?
- What? Nothing.
What's Andrew doing here?
What, Andr... don't bother
Andrew, all right? He has asthma.
Then he shouldn't be
having milk products.
- What?
- Listen, you're grounded.
- Send him home.
- I can't send him home, Dad!
God, man, you never
listen to me.
I told you,
he doesn't have a father
and he has a mother
who's an alcoholic.
Kyle, send him home. You don't get
to have friends over.
Fine, you know what?
You can send him home.
I'm not gonna do that
to this guy.
Okay? You don't care about
anyone but yourself.
- Kyle?
- You're so... what?
- What do you want?
- Do you want to do some homework?
I would love to, but I can't.
You have to go home.
Why?
Oh, well, that's a question
for my father.
Fine, Andrew can stay.
You can do homework.
Oh, you can stay now!
You can...
go on, get in. Shut up.
Oh, you're gonna tell me
to shut up now.
- Yeah, I am.
- Prick.
(distant dog barking)
Mr. Clayton, do you
have anything to eat?
Sure, Andrew.
Uh, I'm a vegetarian.
(laughs)
Here you go, Andrew.
It's just cheese.
I hope you're okay
with that.
- Be careful. It's hot.
- Thanks, Mr. Clayton.
Kyle, let's see
how much you've got here.
Oh, online. Well,
"Farmers relied on good soil,
worker animals,
sunshine and...
perspiration."
You mean like sweat?
No, perspiration...
when it rains!
Uh, that's...
that's precipitation.
- (Andrew exhaling)
- No, I meant "sweat."
Oh.
It's hot. You want
something to drink, Andrew?
No.
You okay?
I'm trying to write.
- Sorry.
- Please.
- (cell phone ringing)
- Hello?
- Lance: Hey.
- Hi.
As soon as I finish helping Kyle
with his homework,
I'm coming over to your house
and putting my penis in your vagina.
(laughs)
That's a single entendre.
Oh, I should have
called you earlier.
I didn't get to the store
so I didn't make chili.
Oh. Well, I'll
take you out to dinner.
Oh, I don't know
if that's a good idea.
I mean, we really shouldn't go out
where students might see us.
Well, you know what? I'll pick up
some takeout and bring it over.
Oh, would you just hate me
if we did this tomorrow night instead?
I'm just not feeling that great,
and it's already kind of late.
No. No, tomorrow
night'll be great.
Okay.
Are you sure you're
not mad at me?
No, not at all.
Okay.
Then good night, sugar.
Good night, popsicle.
(sighs)
Let's see how you're doing
on that report, huh?
- It's good.
- Yeah.
See, Kyle?
What are you doing?
- Cool down.
- Oh.
What time do you
have to be home, Andrew?
It doesn't matter.
Well, you know,
it's just 9:30.
We can go to a video store,
get a movie.
Are you stupid?
I hate watching movies.
You used to like watching
movies when you were a kid.
Yeah, only 'cause
you wanted me to.
Movies are for losers
and art fags.
Oh.
What would you like to do?
Um...
can Andrew and I play "Doom"
on my computer?
Yeah.
Just "Doom," nothing else.
I like your dad.
My dad?
He's a fucking idiot.
Boy:
"Insanity laughs
Under pressure we're cracking
can't we give ourselves
one more chance?
Why can't we give love
One more chance?
Why can't we give love
Give love
Give love..."
Stop.
Jason, you didn't
write that.
That's a Queen/Bowie song:
"Under Pressure."
What were you thinking?
I didn't think
you knew that one.
Jason, I'm white.
- Oh, boy.
- Sit down.
Thank you.
Guys, why are you here
if you're not gonna even try?
Poetry is about saying
something from your heart,
something personal.
Okay?
Yes, Ginger?
I have something
that's kind of personal.
Great. Go ahead.
"It was raining
yesterday afternoon
Water dripping off the lilac bushes
my mother loves
And as I sat and watched the blood
pour out from between my legs
And felt the pain
of motherhood myself
I wondered if it would have
been a boy or a girl."
Thank you.
That was very personal.
Thanks.
If you ever need to talk
to someone, I'm here.
Why?
- (kids laughing)
- (bell rings)
Woman singing:
Yes, it's a good day
For singing a song
And it's a good day
For moving along
Yes, it's a good day
How could anything
be wrong?
A good day
from morning till night
And it's a good day
For shining your shoes
And it's a good day...
Hello, lamb chop.
Hello, honeydew melon.
What's wrong?
Nothing.
Something's bothering you.
Do you like Mike?
What are you talking about?
Don't get mad. I mean,
I know we've never talked
about not seeing
anyone else.
I'm sorry I said that.
L...
are we still on for dinner?
I've got a gal
that's always late
Every time we have a date
But I love her
Yes, I love her
I'm gonna walk right up
to her gate
And see
if I can get it straight
'cause I want her
I'm gonna ask her
I'm gonna say,
"Is you is or is you ain't
My baby?
The way you're acting
lately makes me doubt..."
(phone ringing)
- Hello?
- Miss Reed: Hello, jerk.
I am so sorry.
Yeah, you're
a real shitbird.
Don't let it
happen again.
I am such a jerk.
And it will never
happen again.
(laughing)
Mmm, a woman
is a creature...
- Hello?
- I'm in here!
That has always been
strange
Just when you're
sure of one
You find she's gone
and made a change...
Oh, great. Thanks.
Is you is or is you ain't...
That's great.
It's an interesting piece.
- Yeah? You're an interesting piece.
- Oh!
(both moaning)
This is just
like high school, right?
Ah. Except I didn't have
any girlfriends in high school.
Oh, well, those girls
were idiots.
I would have
been your girlfriend.
Oh.
If we had a time machine,
let's see...
mmm...
I'd be in high school
and you'd be a fetus.
- I think that's...
- No, that's not cool.
No, not cool.
(both muttering)
Ala la la la.
Girl:
Weekend summary:
We did nothing,
followed by nothing,
with a grand finale
of nothing.
About time, Felter.
I think they're doing it.
What?
You... you think
that they're fucking?
Andrew, Andrew, look,
you have to know that fucking pussy
is virgin shit, all right?
When I'm with a bitch,
I just go straight for the brown-eye.
- What?
- I stick my cock in her asshole.
I got that part, but you've never
been with a woman.
Fuck you.
Kyle, I'm always with you.
I know.
No, you're not always with me.
- Yes, I am.
- No, you're not.
Loser.
Oh, you're fucking fucked!
- You're fucking...
- Let it go, Kyle. They're not worth it.
"Aha," yeah. That's right,
laugh it up, you fucking whores.
(Kyle moans)
Don't be shy.
There you go.
Ahh, yeah.
Oh.
Lance:
Hey, buddy, what you doin'?
I'm doing my homework.
What does it look like I'm doing?
Oh.
What?
Nothing. Need a hand?
You know, your report, or...
No. No, it's... no.
Okay.
Hey, listen, I'm going
on a date tonight.
And if you're hungry, I could fix you
some food before I go.
You're going on a date
with who?
Well, no one's
supposed to know
because it could cause
problems at school.
Claire.
Claire?
Do I know this claire?
Miss Reed. Hmm?
Really? You're going out
with the TILF, that's great.
- The what?
- TILF...
- "Teacher I'd like to fuck."
- Nice mouth.
Hey, it's just what the other
kids at school call her.
What do you think
about Miss Reed?
Well, she's got a hot body,
helmet's okay.
- Do her from behind.
- Hey, come on now!
Kyle, when did you become
such a pervert?
You sound like
your uncle Pete.
There's more
to a woman than that.
What do you think about
her personality?
Oh, um, nah.
She's pretty stuck-up
and she's a phony.
Why do I even
tell you these things?
(phone beeps)
(ringing)
- Hello?
- Hey.
- Hi.
- We still on for some vittles?
Oh, I'm so sorry
I didn't call you sooner.
My mother is having
a nervous breakdown.
Her dog got burnt
by a hair crimper.
They were playing fetch or something...
she's fucking bananas.
Ahh.
I'm so sorry about tonight.
You're not mad, are you?
Mmm, not at all.
Okay, good night, cupcakes.
Good night,
watermelon sherbet.
When I get high
This world's so nice
When I get high
It's paradise...
(woman coughing)
Your pot smells like shit.
- Oh. Oh, sorry.
- That's okay.
- Would you like some?
- Are you kidding?
- I can barely breathe.
- (inhaler spurts)
Oh, I'm really sorry.
Oh.
(coughing)
However,
if you were to offer me
some pot brownies,
I wouldn't say no.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Tonight when you're
getting changed,
would you mind pulling
your bedroom drapes?
Why?
I think my son watches you.
Get out of here.
No no. I think
he watches you change.
Your son?
Mm-hmm.
I thought he was a zombie.
I wish. I like zombies.
Oh, yeah, you do?
Me too. I do.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Oh, I like the early zombie movies
like "Night of the Living Dead."
- Me too.
- Oh, yeah, don't watch that one alone.
- I don't like the new ones.
- No.
- Zombies are too fast, you know?
- Yeah, too fast. Yeah.
I believe, like Simon Pegg said,
that death is an impediment,
not an energy drink.
(laughing)
(funk music playing)
What you doing?
Jesus, Dad.
You almost made me crap.
Did you get
your homework done?
Yeah, a long time ago.
Yeah.
- Yeah.
- What...
are you stoned?
No.
Seriously, you smell like pot.
Are you smoking pot?
- No.
- You can tell me.
- No.
- You're not using grass?
No, you don't use grass.
No.
Then what's...
what's that smell?
What smell?
It's probably a skunk outside
or something, you know.
Oh yeah, sure, a skunk.
Hey, you know what?
Why don't we do something
together tomorrow?
Why?
'Cause you feel bad?
Yeah. No.
I mean, it'd be just fun to do
something together, you know?
- Okay.
- Mmm.
Yeah. Yeah,
like build a rocket.
Sure, if you want to.
That's retarded.
Yeah.
- What do you want to do?
- Nothing.
Oh, come on now, Kyle, you must be
passionate about something.
- You want to know what I like?
- Yeah.
- I like looking at vaginas...
- Ahh.
...all day long.
(laughs)
- There you go.
- Yeah.
But maybe do something
non-vagina related.
You know, outside the vagina.
Okay, uh,
we could go to the mall.
Okay. And then
we'll catch a movie.
Yeah, sure,
at the mall, you know?
And then we'll maybe
look for a new computer.
No no, we'll just hang.
Dad, did I tell you that
we had to buy a new computer?
No, I said... if you
were listening to me...
that we could look
for a new computer, okay?
And then we'll go
to your movie.
Okay. But we're not buying
a new computer.
Yeah, all right.
Sounds fun.
This isn't
the biggest screen.
Jesus christ,
how about a "thank you"?
Are you on your period
or something?
Can I not say anything?
Hey, isn't that... isn't that
Mike with Miss Reed?
Yeah, it is.
Dude, I wouldn't let
my bitch treat me that way.
- You don't have a "bitch."
- How do you know?
- Hi, Kyle.
- Hey.
- Mr. Clayton.
- Hello, Andrew.
Oh, wow, so he got it
for you. Sweet.
Not that sweet.
It's not the biggest one.
What... Dad, we're gonna
go home and hook this up.
What about going
to the movies?
Dad, we'll go
to dinner later!
Okay, fine.
Uh, what are you
gonna do, Mr. Clayton?
Oh, probably go to the movies
by myself, Andrew.
Andrew!
What are you doing?
You're carrying that
the rest of the way.
What, are you gonna cry?
Fucking pussy.
God damn it.
(cell phone ringing)
- Hello?
- Hey, it's me.
What did you do today?
I was with Mike. He was having
a breakdown about his divorce.
He was depressed 'cause
he had to go to this wedding,
so I went with him to the mall
and helped him pick up a suit to wear.
I know, I saw you two there.
You did?
Why didn't you say hi?
I don't know.
It seemed weird.
Does it bother you
that I have male friends?
No, it bothers me you keep
our relationship secret
and you're out
in public with him.
Okay. What are you
doing tonight, hmm?
Let's go out.
We'll go out someplace fancy,
someplace the world
can see us.
How about
Outback Steakhouse?
Oh.
Anyone who's anybody
will be there.
You know, we can have
Aussie-Tizers...
You know, wait, I can't.
I promised Kyle I'd take him out.
Let me take
both of you out.
- It'll be my treat.
- Really?
Oh. That's so nice.
- Hey, Kyle.
- I'm in here.
Why do you always
tip over this photo?
'Cause I hate it.
I look inbred.
I think you look handsome.
We're going out to dinner
tonight with claire.
What? No.
- No, we're not.
- Oh, come on.
- I thought she was seeing Mr. Lane.
- No no.
They're just friends and she's trying
to help him out through a tough time.
Why am I explaining
this to you, Kyle?
Dad, okay, look,
it's bad enough being
seen with a teacher as a dad,
but being seen
with two teachers is AIDS.
Okay, get dressed.
Put on something nice.
If you don't act right at dinner,
I'll stab you in the face.
So what do you like
to do, Kyle?
Nothing.
Nothing? You must like
to do something.
No.
Kyle just got a new monitor
for his computer.
So what do you like
to do on the computer?
Oh, well, you know,
it's funny you ask.
- I like...
- Games, mostly.
- Kyle, who are you texting?
- Andrew.
Why don't you give it a break
while we're eating, son?
No, I can't do that.
It's important.
Put it away.
(chuckles)
So, Kyle,
do you have a girlfriend?
I'm not gonna talk to you
about my personal affairs.
- Okay.
- Ooh.
Watch out.
Are you guys doing it?
Yeah, all the time.
Non-stop.
I'm hurting right now.
(laughs)
Let's not make me
throw up.
So do you play sports?
No no.
I'm a big spaz like my dad.
Well, I was on the dive team
in college.
Diving is not really
a sport, it's falling.
I'm sorry.
No offense.
It's just funny.
Hey, why don't we rent
a movie after dinner?
Sure, as long as
it's not horror.
- Really?
- I do not like horror.
Zombies? Are you
okay with zombies?
- No.
- Oh.
Do you like musicals?
I love musicals.
Bob Fosse
was a great director.
He did "Sweet charity"
- and "All That Jazz."
- "Cabaret."
One of the great
Nazi musicals of all time,
besides "The Sound
of Music," you know?
Then he did "Star 80."
That was not a musical, but...
- I only like the musicals.
- Oh, well.
- Me too.
- "Willy Wonka."
- Which one?
- Lance: Well, Gene Wilder.
- (beeping)
- I like Johnny Depp.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
- But you know what?
I like Gene Wilder...
- (beeps)
...in "Young...
- Both: Frankenstein."
"What hump?"
Did you see it?
- No.
- Oh, you should.
- It's amazing.
- Really wonderful.
Yeah.
Everybody's seen it.
- I'm sure.
- Yeah.
- Night, Miss Reed.
- Good night, Kyle.
Do you think you're gonna
hit that shit tonight?
- Shut up!
- Come on, dude.
That shit's tight, dude.
Seriously, if you don't nail her...
hey hey, if you don't nail her,
dude, you're...
- you're an asshole.
- Will you stop it?
Don't act like you don't think
about pussy all the time too.
- I know you do.
- Kyle.
You're dropping me off first,
I get it. You want me to go.
I just wanna say good night
to her alone.
- Okay?
- With your cock.
Kyle, you ruin everything.
Would you
just shut the fuck up?
Jesus, man. You fucking
need to get laid. Go over there.
I'll be right back.
All right. Don't do anything
I wouldn't do, okay?
Short of killing her,
that leaves me a lot of room.
Hey, baby.
See you tomorrow, Kyle.
Night, whore.
Hey.
- That was fun.
- The kiss?
- Mm-hmm.
- I'll show you something, come on.
- Not tonight.
- Wow.
Are you shooting
me down?
Listen, I'd love to stay,
but I promised Kyle I'd be right back.
Kyle doesn't like me.
Oh no.
He likes you a lot.
- No.
- Mm-hmm.
He told me that
when I dropped him off.
- He did?
- Yeah.
He said I was a lucky guy.
No, I'm the lucky guy.
I gotta go.
Oh, come on.
He's almost an adult.
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
Whoa.
How are you gonna drive
home with that boner, huh?
I don't know. There's a stick-shift
joke there somewhere
but I can't find it 'cause
all the blood's leaving my brain.
- Sleep well.
- Hey.
Oh, that's sweet.
Mmm.
- I'll call you tomorrow.
- Oh. Boo.
- You're mean.
- Good night, sweet pea.
Good night,
cream cheese.
You know l... oh!
- Hmm?
- Damn you.
You sure?
I'm back.
Kyle.
Hey, Kyle.
Oh, Kyle.
I told you to stop doing that.
Kyle?
Don't be afraid
It's only love
Don't be afraid
It's only love
Don't be afraid
It's only love
Don't be afraid
It's only love
Love is simple
Don't be afraid
You're already dead
Don't be afraid
You're already dead
Don't be afraid
You're already dead
Don't be afraid
You're already dead
Love is simple
La la la la la
La la la la la.
Welcome back, Lance.
Hi.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
If you need more time off,
take it.
Nobody here would
fault you for that.
No, I'm okay.
Thanks.
Ginger.
Hey, Mike.
It's good to have
you back, Lancelot.
Thanks.
Mr. Clayton.
Andrew.
How are you doing?
Okay.
I'm really sorry.
Thanks.
And I'm sorry
about my mom.
- Why?
- 'Cause she threw up in your planter
at that thing at your house
after the funeral.
I wondered who did that.
She drinks too much.
I know.
Don't worry, Andrew.
It meant a lot to me
that you came.
Thanks, Mr. Clayton.
Mr. Clayton.
Something doesn't make
sense to me.
What, Andrew?
Did Kyle seem
that bummed out to you?
What do you mean?
To do what he did.
He just...
it's just, he didn't
seem that sad.
Andrew, Kyle was
a complex guy.
Yeah, I'll say.
- Hey.
- Hey.
How are you?
I'm okay.
Good.
I want to apologize that I haven't
been there more for you.
It's just that
I don't do death well.
Don't worry about it,
you know, l...
I've been kind of a zombie
lately anyway.
I'm really sorry.
Please don't be mad.
I'm not.
Let's do something soon,
all right?
All right.
Cheer up, pumpkin.
I like you.
Thanks.
(door closes)
Anderson:
Hardly anyone came to the funeral.
I felt bad.
I should have gone.
Don't blame yourself.
It was a weekday.
(door opens)
Lance,
this is Mr. Pentola.
- Mr. Pentola.
- Dr. Pentola.
Oh, Doctor.
Nice to meet you, Mr. Clayton.
I'm very sorry for your loss.
Thank you.
Dr. Pentola is a therapist.
We called him in
because we were afraid
Kyle's death may
trigger other suicides.
He's a grief counselor.
Oh.
Before we begin,
I've read a lot of suicide notes,
and this one seemed...
deep.
Really?
I need to ask you
a question.
And I want you to be
completely honest with me.
Of course.
Did Kyle have any friends?
Excuse me?
Well, it's just
no one's come to see me.
You'd have to know Kyle.
Well, I shouldn't say
no one.
A couple of kids came in
with age-appropriate depression,
eating disorders.
One kid came in
with head lice.
I know him.
Not really my area
of expertise.
But no one's come to talk
about Kyle.
Hmm.
- Oh.
- Who were his friends?
- Andrew Troutman.
- And who else?
That's it.
Kyle was kind
of a Ioner.
A lone wolf.
Uh, I'll have to ask Andrew
to come and see me.
And, Lance,
that goes for you too.
If you need to talk, if you wanna
get anything off your chest,
please, just come
and see me.
Of course, Doc, I will.
Thank you, Lance.
You're welcome,
Mr. Anderson.
All right, guys,
who wants to read next?
- Right here!
- All right.
Who's gonna
give me $20?
- AIl: Oh.
- Oh, come on now.
- (laughing)
- Mike: All right. Okay.
Jason.
Go ahead.
"Negro?
I may be young
but I'm not your boy
I won't pick your cotton
or pick up your dishes
Yeah, I sing, I dance
But I do it with the dignity
of my ancestors
I am not your monkey."
Right on.
Stay black, y'all.
Anybody else
have their haiku?
(sobbing)
(beeps)
(ringing)
- Claire: Hello?
- Hey, sweet tarts.
- Hey.
- How are you?
- What are you doing?
- I'm watching Mike play basketball.
Oh.
- You okay?
- Oh, yeah.
- You sure?
- Oh, yeah.
- (gasps) Oh my God!
- What?
I gotta go. Mike just won
the basketball game.
(cheering)
Yeah, Mike!
- Hi.
- Hi.
I made you something.
What?
- Those brownies.
- Oh.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
Well, I'll come over
and have some.
I was thinking maybe I could come in
and we'd eat them together.
No, I can't.
- Why not?
- I'm busy.
Bonnie, I really need
to talk to somebody.
I don't like people
in my apartment.
My apartment is a little
sad right now, you know?
If l... if I let you in,
you can't tell anybody.
- Okay.
- Okay.
So...
- Brownies, huh?
- Yeah.
- Come in.
- Ah.
Please, don't tell
anybody, okay?
Because l... I don't wanna get
thrown out of here.
- Oh, I promise.
- Thanks.
I-I know
it's a fire hazard
and I know it's not
rational, but...
I feel that
if I throw anything out,
something terrible
will happen.
- No, I understand that.
- Good.
What's wrong, sweetie?
I know my son was a jerk,
but I miss him.
Hey.
- Of course you do.
- Mmm.
It'll get better.
It doesn't feel like it
right now.
Do you know that
I have read every one
of your books?
- How?
- How?
You threw 'em out.
Oh, yeah.
You are very talented.
Really?
Honest.
You have a gift.
And you can't give up.
I won't.
Listen,
they're gonna have a zombie
marathon on television
and I cordially
invite you, sir.
Oh, well, bless you, madam.
- Uh-huh.
- It's a date.
Good.
Don't forget the brownies.
- I won't forget.
- No.
Your dog's staring at me.
What dog?
(laughs)
I got ya.
- Lance!
- Oh.
- I'm glad I caught you.
- What's up?
You know that while we respect
individual privacy,
we also respect freedom of speech
and expression here at school?
- Yeah.
- Well, one of the kids on the paper
went online and they found
Kyle's police report...
the report of his death. And now they've
gone and published his suicide note.
- Oh my God.
- Yeah. I just found out about it.
I thought you should know.
It's all over campus.
- Really?
- Yeah.
You... are you
gonna be all right?
Sure.
I'm really sorry
about this, Lance.
It's that goddamn
first amendment, huh?
Yeah.
Lance's voice:
"To all those I hate,
I don't know why
I'm writing this.
You never cared about what I thought
or felt while I was alive.
Besides you're all too shallow
to comprehend the pain I feel."
I hope
I become a ghost
I hope I can see
the end of time
I hope I become
a ghost
And make sure
the future turns out fine
I hope
I become a ghost
Oh, when the world
is said and done
The stars will become
so close
And there will be nowhere
that I can't run
Ooh ooh ooh ooh
I hope
I become a ghost
And watch all my
grandchildren growing old
Some they will
remember me
And others through the stories
they've been told
Now I don't intend
to frighten you
I just wanna see
if what I think is true
'cause then and only then
we'll know
If it was worth
to become a ghost
Ooh ooh ooh ooh
There's nothing
sad about it
There's
nothing sad about it...
Lance's voice:
"Which brings me to you, Dad.
Lance and Kyle's voices:
Don't blame yourself.
You tried hard and were
the best dad a kid could want.
I blame me doing this
on a defect in me...
Kyle's voice:
...in my soul.
I'm sorry."
Now that I've become
a ghost
I don't get to laugh
with friends like you
There's nothing sad
about it
There's nothing
sad about it.
I love you, Dad.
Has anyone seen
carl or Steven?
Mm-hmm.
Oh, you have?
So they're in school?
Yeah, I saw 'em
this morning.
First of all I want to thank you all
for being here,
especially the newcomers.
It means a lot to me.
Who has experience
with writing poetry?
- Yes, Heather.
- Can I ask a question?
Sure.
What was Kyle's
favorite band?
Uh...
he liked
Bruce Hornsby.
Yes, Ray?
Did he listen
to any metal?
- A little Ozzy.
- I knew it.
Anybody have any questions
about poetry or...
Yes, Jason?
Did the boy know Jesus
before he went?
Well, I would say
he was an agnostic.
But I think he was spiritual
in his own way.
Yeah... yes, Heather?
What's his sign?
Oh, he was born
April 18th, so...
Aries.
I can't believe
you didn't know that.
You know, anybody know
Ezra Pound?
Lawrence Ferlinghetti?
You know
what Kyle really liked?
Emily Dickinson.
What band is that?
It wasn't a band.
She was a poet.
- She hot?
- Um, she was a Victorian.
If you like your buttoned-down
girl, she was one of 'em.
- Nice.
- (bell ringing)
- Mr. Clayton.
- Peter.
- Can I talk to you?
- Sure.
It's about Kyle's note.
It... it affected me a lot.
Well, it seemed to affect
a lot of students.
- I'm not happy, Mr. Clayton.
- Mm-hmm.
I'm living a lie. I'm gay.
And Kyle's suicide note,
it's helped me get
the courage to come out finally.
Well, are you sure
you want to do that?
I'm misunderstood too,
just like he was.
I just want to be happy.
Good for you, Peter.
I-I wish you the best.
Thank you.
Hey, Mr. Clayton.
- Mr. Clayton.
- Ginger.
Kyle was right.
Emily Dickinson's great.
Isn't she?
- Mr. Clayton?
- Yes.
- I wrote another poem.
- Can't wait to hear it, Heather.
- John. Doctor.
- Hey.
Claire.
Mr. C., what's up?
"Milky white skin
and hair so brown
I wish I had known
how bad you hurt
I could have held you
while you cried
You were too sweet
to stay
In this harsh world
But I will always
keep you close to my heart
- My angel in cargo pants."
- Boy: Oh, wow.
(applauding)
He was such a sweet kid.
And kind.
Oh, please.
They're everywhere.
(sighs)
As a father,
I don't know what I'd do
if Hunter did something like this.
My heart really goes
out to you, Lance.
Thanks.
It's so sad. I didn't know
he was such a good writer.
Did he write anything else?
Yeah, he did.
I know it's really personal,
but do you think I could read it?
Well, if you came over
to my apartment.
I just don't want his stuff
out there, you know, floating around.
Sure.
How about tonight?
Great.
My playoff game's tonight.
All right.
Not the lip.
You know I can't
take the lip.
Oh, thanks, Mike.
What time?
I'm gonna need a little time because,
you know, I haven't cleaned.
Yeah, I understand.
- Well, 8:00?
- That's great.
Good luck tonight.
Thanks.
If you think this is
a bad idea...
No no no.
Not at all.
I found something
Kyle wrote
and I really think
you need to hear it.
Okay.
This is from his journal.
"I went out to dinner
with my dad and claire tonight.
I'm so happy for him,
but at the same time
seeing them together
only proves that I'll
never be happy.
I know I'll never find
a woman like her...
so pretty, so perfect.
She seems to complete him.
I hope they make it.
I hope they last.
I hope I'm leaving
my dad in good hands.
No one could ever get me.
I don't even get me."
Oh.
I didn't know anyone
could feel that way about me.
He did like me.
He really did.
He did.
He really did.
I thought you were lying
to make me feel better.
No. I'd never do that.
- Really?
- Really.
(moaning)
Mr. Clayton.
- Good morning, Heather.
- Yes.
Good morning.
Do you have anything
of Kyle's?
What?
That I could have?
- No.
- Oh.
Wait a second.
Here you go.
Bruce Hornsby?
That was his favorite.
Thank you.
I need to talk
about last night.
Yeah, I need to talk
about last night too.
- Yeah.
- (sighs)
I'm tired of hiding
our relationship.
Mmm.
- Dan.
- Lance.
- Ginger.
- Mr. Clayton, look at this.
Oh.
Heather.
Hey, Mr. C.
Oh, Peter.
- Don't leave me hanging.
- Oh.
I don't know
if Kyle ever told you,
but he and I were
kinda bros.
I'm gonna win this game
tonight in his honor.
Great, Peter.
Andrew:
Mr. Clayton?
Andrew.
It doesn't seem right,
does it?
What doesn't seem right?
How everyone is acting.
Like they liked Kyle.
No, it doesn't.
You know what else
is weird?
- What?
- Kyle's suicide note.
In what way?
That stuff about being
an insignificant molecule
bouncing around in a meaningless
godless universe.
Don't take this the wrong way,
but Kyle was...
What?
Kinda dumb.
Ha. No.
Kyle was actually smart, Andrew.
You know, he just pretended
to be dumb, even around you
so, you know, people
wouldn't pick on him.
Yeah, maybe.
- Heather: It's mine!
- Ginger: Let go, you crazy...
Hey!
Oh! Get off!
You didn't even like Kyle!
You didn't like Kyle!
Shut up, whore!
Bruce Hornsby?
Lance:
I need to talk to someone.
That's why I'm here.
I feel terrible.
Suicide leaves
many victims.
Don't beat yourself up.
Kyle may have been suffering
from a chemical imbalance.
And I know that the note
being published
has caused you some
distress,
but in many ways
it's been a very positive thing.
Students are
coming to see me.
It's the breakthrough
I've been waiting for.
Who knows how many
of these kids
I can help because they're
reaching out for the first time?
You have to remember
the part where Kyle writes:
"I love you, Dad."
But what if he didn't
really feel that way?
But he did.
Lance, suicide
is a permanent solution
to temporary problems.
And who knows
how many kids we won't lose
because of that note?
Keep your chin up knowing
that Kyle may have not
died in vain.
In light of all
I've learned so far
I don't believe
I'm so strange
In spite of all
this time I spend
calling the air
by a name
When the first light
goes over the trees
He will be
singing with me
And if I feel like
singing alone
He always
leaves me be
I'm shaking
my shadow hand
As the sun moves
round the bend
With an imaginary man
And we'll make-believe
around and around again
I'm shaking
my shadow hand...
Lance:
Dr. Pentola.
Lance, you don't look
so good.
Well, I had kind
of a rough weekend.
I did a lot of soul
searching
and I thought about what you said
about Kyle's note
and the effect
on the other kids,
and...
this is Kyle's journal.
I brought it to you to read.
I want you to read it, and if you think
it'll be of value to the other kids,
I wanna publish it
and hand it out to them.
- I'll see if I can't give it a look.
- Oh, thanks.
Lance:
Well?
(sighs)
It's so sad.
Yeah.
I mean, Kyle was such
a strong powerful writer.
So tortured.
Yes, he was.
What are you
gonna call it?
I was thinking
"I Am What I Hate."
What?
"I Am What I Hate."
Kyle wrote that in chapter six.
Oh.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I don't like it at all.
Why?
- To me, a better title...
- Mm-hmm.
...would be
"You Don't Know Me."
- Oh.
- You know?
Because
we didn't know him.
But he didn't write
that though, I mean...
Yeah, but he felt that.
- You're inferring that from him.
- Yes.
Oh.
"I Am What I Hate" doesn't
make sense as a title.
Give me a kiss. Aw.
- Come here.
- Oh.
Everybody wants
to be a genius
You're not the only one
With all the things that
you might do
Which one of them
will you get to?
Tomorrow when
you wake up
Then you'll show them
Nobody wants
to break your heart
You do it on your own
There's nothing wrong
with you today
Nothing you had
that they took away
But all the time
you've waited for
What is owed to you
You wanna fight,
they will fight you blue
You wanna lie,
who will lie with you?
You're the only one
waiting for a sign
So you're the only one
So you're
the only one
Everyone's had
some situation
Keep it to yourself
There's no need
to answer questions
Your lies have spoiled
two confessions
And all the time
you've waited
Won't come back to you
You wanna fight,
they will fight you blue
You wanna lie,
who will lie with you?
You're the only one
waiting for a sign...
(inaudible)
So you're the only one
So you're
the only one
Everybody wants to be
a genius.
(moaning)
Everybody loves the book.
Yes, they do.
- You did the right thing.
- Yeah. Yeah.
Fuck me.
- I am.
- Harder.
No no no.
From behind.
Okay. Okay.
- Like that?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- To the left.
To the left.
My left. My left.
Okay.
Yeah!
Yeah.
Don't stop.
Don't stop.
Don't stop!
- Stop! Stop. Stop.
- Okay. Sorry.
- Pull my hair.
- Like that?
- Not... not so hard.
- Oh, okay.
Are you ready
for our undead marathon?
Lance: Well, that's the thing.
Something came up.
Kind of an emergency.
I can't make it.
- Sorry.
- Oh. No, it's okay.
- Can I take a rain check?
- Oh yeah, dear. Good.
Yeah, listen l...
I hope everything's okay.
Oh, yeah.
It's just a small emergency.
- Okay. See you.
- Sorry. Bye.
Mike:
Everything okay there, pal?
Yeah, great.
- Here you go.
- Thanks.
You know what line
really blew me away,
is when Kyle wrote:
"America is one of the finest
countries anyone ever stole."
That was brilliant.
He reminds me
of my Hunter.
Lance, I have
a confession to make.
I lured you out here
under false pretenses.
I need to ask you
something.
Would it be all right with you
if we renamed the library
the Kyle clayton
memorial library?
But you were gonna put him
in a special-needs class.
Yeah.
Yeah, and I feel
really bad about that.
- Oh.
- He wasn't slow.
Obviously
he was brilliant.
He was just bored.
You know, we had him
totally wrong.
I just hope to God that our mistake
didn't have anything to do with...
well, with what happened.
I'm pretty sure it didn't.
Thanks, Lance.
Your saying that
means a lot.
This tribute will be
an inspiration to other students
and it'll help keep
Kyle's memory alive.
Sure, sir. Wyatt.
Thanks, Lance.
Thanks.
Oh!
Just like my prom night,
nothing went in the hole.
No, it's good. It's gonna be
a tasteful dedication.
Very tasteful.
- (cell phone ringing)
- (beeps)
Hello?
You're kidding me.
Thank you so much.
- Wow.
- What?
Pentola... he sent
Kyle's journal to Dr. Dana.
She loves it. She wants me
to be on the show.
She's gonna fly me to L.A.
- What's Dr. Dana?
- She's like Oprah.
Well, she's not
as big as Oprah.
I mean, it's a good show,
you know?
Women seem to really like it.
(knocking on door)
- Andrew.
- Are you busy, Mr. Clayton?
Oh, no no.
Just packing for my trip.
Yeah, that TV show.
"Dr. Dana."
What's up?
I feel bad.
I wish I knew
he was that depressed.
You and me both.
You know what's strange
about the book?
What?
Kyle never talks
about vaginas, anal sex,
fisting, felching
or rim jobs.
It is a little light on the felching
area, you're right.
But I think it's there,
Andrew, in its own way.
I was his best friend.
The book is so smart and sad.
He never talked
with me like that.
I wish he did. Maybe he wouldn't
have done what he did.
Don't blame yourself,
Andrew.
One thing I know,
he liked you.
Then why didn't he
talk to me?
What do you want me
to tell you, Andrew?
Maybe it's like
I told you before,
he was super smart.
He didn't want people to know
because he was afraid
of being treated differently.
But it doesn't make sense.
He was already treated like a freak.
If he was that smart he would have
loved to rub their noses in it.
Oh, Jesus christ, Andrew.
Why can't you let it go, okay?
No wonder
your mother drinks.
You know one of the last
things Kyle said to me?
He said that you're
a stupid fucking idiot.
Have a good time
on your TV show.
Kyle's still dead.
Andrew.
Are you almost ready?
I think we should get going.
Claire: I think you should
keep your pants on.
I think you should put
your pants on.
I'm not going
to wear pants.
Oh. I'm really nervous.
Yeah, you should be.
Mmm. Thanks.
I'm using backward
psychology.
It's not working.
I have to pee again.
(knocking on door)
- Hello.
- Mr. Clayton,
I don't wanna be rude
but the show called again
- and we really should be leaving.
- Okay, thank you very much.
Baby, that was the driver.
He said the show called.
- We gotta get going, okay?
- (sighs)
Oh, you look gorgeous.
Let's get going, come on.
- Does this make my ass look big?
- No no. Not at all.
- You can't see your ass.
- What do you mean?
- I mean...
- So you're saying I don't have an ass?
I'm saying your ass is there,
but it's not too much.
- I'm changing again.
- No.
You know, sweetheart,
I really should get over there
so I could sit down with the producer
and go over with what
I'm gonna say.
That would
really help me a lot.
- All right.
- Okay.
- What do you think?
- Fabulous.
- I really...
- Nope.
I like that dress.
Sometimes people on the way,
they throw up in my car.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Okay, let's go.
- You look pretty.
- Thank you. You're so sweet.
Thanks. Which one of you
is on the show?
- I am.
- Oh.
- No, you're gonna do great.
- Thanks.
Hi, Lance clayton
for the "Dr. Dana" show.
- Hi, guys.
- Dr. P.
Lance, hi. Jerry Klein...
we spoke on the phone.
- Mm-hmm.
- We can let them in.
Follow me. We can go right in.
We're running a little late.
- You guys hit some traffic, huh?
- Oh, yeah.
- Ah, wonderful.
- This is claire, my girlfriend.
- Hi, claudia. Jerry Klein.
- Claire.
We're not gonna have time
to go through the notes
in the greenroom
as we planned,
- so we're gonna do it in makeup.
- Makeup?
- And that's this way. Claudia?
- Claire.
Thank you so much for sending
the photos of Kyle. They're beautiful.
- And also the book.
- I sent the book.
Is she gonna be holding up
the back of the book?
That's a director question.
I'm a segment producer.
How do we know
when the camera is on me?
You're gonna be
in the friends-and-family section.
- (audience applauding)
- Could you grab a seat?
Okay, yeah. Sure.
I just have a couple of issues
to discuss with Lance.
- Lance, do you have questions?
- No no.
- Look over here, please.
- Good. Good.
So, Lance, if you should start
to talk about your son...
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
...and begin to cry, or well up...
- Okay.
...just go with it.
Don't be ashamed, okay?
- Yeah.
- And if you cry...
- Mm-hmm.
...look up.
- No, look down, please.
- Oh.
- Don't look down. Look up.
- Can you look down?
- Don't tuck your chin.
- Oh.
And above all,
don't be nervous.
Lance, hi.
- Look this way, please.
- I don't mean to bug you right now.
My name is Bert Green.
I'm with with McKenna Artist.
- Hi, Bert.
- Your son's memoir is so strong.
My God, it's so moving.
My heart goes out to you.
Mm-hmm.
- Oh, thank you.
- Have you been talking to publishers?
- No.
- Because I honestly think this could be
the biggest posthumous
autobiography
since "The Diary
of Anne Frank," honestly.
- Really?
- Oh my God.
You know
what she's done for...
Yes.
Yeah, that's huge.
Look, I'm gonna get out
of your hair right now.
But if any of this
interests you,
- give me a call, okay?
- Okay.
Just give me a ring.
It's great to meet you.
Great to meet you.
Go out there and kill 'em.
- Do it.
- Okay.
- Now I'm nervous.
- Oh, great.
- It's go time, all right?
- Okay.
So again, Lance,
I'm so sorry for your loss.
And let's have a great show.
(audience applauding)
My guest today
is Mr. Lance clayton.
Lance's 15-year-old son
Kyle tragically took his own life.
But from this terrible
story of loss
arose one of hope.
Here he is to share this powerful
story, Mr. Lance clayton.
- Thanks so much forjoining us.
- Thank you, Doctor.
We know it takes great
courage for you to do this.
- Thank you.
- Thank you so much.
Now, Lance...
is it all right
if I call you Lance?
Yes, that's my name.
(woman giggles)
One of the most difficult things
is for a parent to lose a child.
Yes. Yes it is.
Tell us about
your son Kyle.
It's difficult, isn't it?
Yeah.
He was a sweet boy.
Kind.
I'm sorry.
He was a sweet boy.
(laughs)
I'm sorry.
But there was
a lot brewing underneath?
The tragedy is I didn't
know until his death
how sad he was
or profound.
- Mmm.
- (laughing)
Here's a tissue
for you.
Profound.
Indeed profound.
Indeed.
"You don't know me."
This is so beautifully
written.
I just...
you know, the thing is,
I didn't know... I'm so proud of him.
He was a great writer.
Yes, this is really
remarkable work.
No matter what page
I turn to,
there's something here
that really moves me.
- I want to read this.
- Okay.
"Is it more important
for me to be a good person
or to be thought
of as a good person?
I'm so sick
of living a life in fear
of being found out
for the phony I am,
a life where I don't trust
anyone's intentions,
including my own."
Wow, that is really deep.
Hard to imagine that it was
written by a 15-year-old.
- He was an old soul.
- Mmm.
You know, I'm not gonna pretend
that I know what's going on
in the mind of a teenager.
All I'm saying is,
Kyle made a mistake.
If you're that depressed,
reach out to someone.
And remember, suicide
is a permanent solution
to temporary problems.
- You want my job?
- No. Please, Dana, no. Thank you.
Again, the book,
"You Don't Know Me."
And my guest has been
Lance clayton.
- (audience applauding)
- Thank you.
You were so good!
Thanks, doll.
And I'm so glad
you used my title.
It's a great title.
(phone ringing)
Hello?
Lance, hi.
It's Bert Green.
- Hi.
- You were so great on "Dr. Dana."
Oh, thanks, Bert.
It was like...
it was like watching a ballet.
Hey, do you have time
to meet tomorrow?
Because there's
a number of publishers
who are dying
- to meet with you.
- Well, really, no.
Actually we have
to head back tomorrow.
They're dedicating
the school library in Kyle's honor.
Good for him.
I mean, good for you.
That's good.
Hey, let's do it soon.
Because this book is hot.
It's like a volcano
on the sun.
Wow. That's a lot of heat.
I'm gonna get a hold
of you soon.
Okay? Bye.
Lance, Lance.
Oh, God.
I'm glad I caught you.
Oh, your book
is on fire.
- Oh.
- It is.
This is...
this is Bill Tobin.
- Hi.
- From Simon & Simon.
- Carl Klienman from Howard Publishing.
- Hi.
And this is George Kenny,
from Kaufmann Press.
They love your book
and they wanna meet with you.
- It's true.
- Really.
We're not gonna bother
with that right now.
They're gonna have a chance to talk
with you after the dedication, okay?
- Good.
- Okay?
And they also want
a book of yours too.
- That's amazing.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- See you in there.
I'm so proud of you,
lamb chop.
Thanks.
Mr. Clayton.
Bruce Hornsby.
We wrote Mr. Hornsby
and he came.
Hey, man, when I heard
what a fan Kyle was
I thought,
how can I say no?
All: Aw.
- Thanks.
- Girl: God, he's so sweet.
Girl:
Bruce Hornsby.
I'd like to dedicate
this song to my biggest fan,
- Kyle clayton.
- (applauding)
(playing piano)
Another song
came and went
Like the times
that we spent
Hiding out
from the rain
Under the carnival tent
I laughed
and she'd smile
It would last
for awhile
You don't know
what you got
Till you lose it
all again
Listen to
the mandolin rain
Listen to the music
on the lake
Listen to
my heart break
Every time
she runs away
Listen to
the banjo wind
A sad song
drifting low
Listen to
the tears roll
Down my face
as she turns to go
Listen to the tears
as they roll
Down my face
as she turns to go.
Mr. Clayton,
I want you to know that
I've always felt
not enough.
My dad
rides me all the time.
He calls me a loser.
I almost killed myself
until Kyle's note
and book came out.
It saved my life.
I know he's looking
down on you so proud.
Thanks, Pete.
(applause)
Thank you,
Bruce Hornsby.
Welcome students,
faculty
and guests.
Today
we celebrate Kyle.
Kyle has shown us
so many things;
how fleeting the time
we spend on this earth
really is.
Kyle did not die in vain.
Through his book and through
our hearts he will live on.
Today we dedicate
this library
in his spirit...
a tribute to his deep
intelligence
and to the profound impact
he made on all of us
in the brief time we were
fortunate enough to know him.
And now to accept
this honor on his behalf,
I give you his father,
Mr. Lance clayton.
(crowd cheering)
You guys
didn't like Kyle.
But that's okay,
I didn't either.
I loved him.
He was my son,
but he was also
a douche bag.
He wasn't very smart
and he didn't kill
himself.
Kyle died accidentally
while masturbating.
I made it look like
a suicide
and I wrote
a suicide note.
I also wrote his journal.
Thank you.
Thanks.
You are an asshole.
Yeah.
Lance's voice: I used to think
the worst thing in life
was to end up all alone.
It's not.
The worst thing in life
is ending up with people
who make you feel
all alone.
Pressure pushing down
on me
Pressing down on you,
no man asked for
Under pressure
That burns
a building down
Splits a family in two
Puts people on streets
Um ba ba be
De day da,
ee day da
It's the terror
of knowing
What this world
is about
Watching some good friends
screaming, "Let me out"
Pray tomorrow
gets me higher
Pressure on people,
people on streets
Day day de mm hm
Da da da ba ba
okay
chippin' around
Kick my brains
around the floor
These are the days
it never rains but it pours
Ee do ba be
ee da ba ba ba
Um bo bo be lap
People on streets,
ee da de da de
People on streets,
ee da de da de da de da
It's the terror of knowing
what this world is about
Watching some good friends
screaming, "Let me out"
Pray tomorrow
gets me higher high high
Pressure on people,
people on streets
Turned away from it all
like a blind man
Sat on a fence
but it don't work
Keep coming up
with love
But it's so slashed
and torn
Why?
Why? Why?
Love love love
love love
Insanity laughs
under pressure we're breaking
can't we give ourselves
one more chance?
Why can't we give love
that one more chance?
Why can't we give love
give love give love give love
Give love give love give love
give love give love
'cause love's
such an old-fashioned word
And love dares you to care
For the people on the edge
of the night
And love dares
you to change our way
Of caring about ourselves
This is our last dance
This is ourselves
Under pressure
Pressure.
I knew you
wrote the book.
I liked it.
- Really?
- You're a good writer.
I think
you should keep writing.
Thanks, Andrew. I will.
Hey, Andrew.
- What are you doing?
- Nothing.
Do you want something
to eat?
I'd like that
very much, sir.
I'm vegetarian.
I know.
Yeah
I've always been
this way
Never known
any other way to feel
Got the right of way
And all of the others
must yield
Now I'm naked
And I'm in school
I can't make it
To the door
Yeah
Try to understand
That an oyster can only
make a pearl
From a grain of sand
But from what I don't know
makes a girl
But I'm trying
Not to laugh
Inside I'm dying
- When we break
- When we will break
- Apart
- Apart
- Then you take
- Then you take
- Back your heart
- Back your heart
And it aches in the dark
But it makes
A tiny spark
I've always been this way
Never known
any other way to feel
Got the right of way
And all of the others
must yield
Now I'm naked
And I'm in school
I can't make it
To the door
We were lying
In the grass
I was trying
Oh, not to laugh
I was drowning
In the past.
I know the way
To lose my cares
When this boy's burdens
Are too much to bear
I'm up in a cloud
Flying in the sky
I float away
When I get high
high high
Folks toss and turn
And walk the floor
When that old wolf
aooh aooh aooh!
Is outside the door
I'll roll the reefer
If wolfy brings the rye
Let's drink and puff,
yeah yeah
When I get high...
come on, Mr. Wolf,
let's blow this house down.
- (trumpet playing)
- Oh, is that the best you can do?
Aha. Back off, son,
let me try.
(puffing)
Ahh. Yeah!
I don't even care
about pigs.
I don't care
about anything.
When things are tough
And I've had enough
When life gets rough
I just light up
Blues can't catch me
They don't even try
I just look down
laughing
When I get high
high high
I get high!
Oh-ho-ho, I must be wearing
my elevator shoes.