KIM: Hello, I'm Kim Cox, and this is
Traffic Jam on eoolobby.org.
Today we're coming to you
from T in the Park,
Scotland's biggest
music festival,
with an exclusive
acoustic performance
by U. S. chart toppers, The Make.
Take it away, lads...
TYKO & ADAM:
One, two, three, four.
[GUITAR PLAYING INTRO TO
"YOU INSTEAD"]
He got loved up on the seashore
Kissing with a girl
He'd never met before
The food was sparse
But the drink was plenty
Jack was 16
And Jill had just turned 20
Lying there on the midnight scent
He said he'd give her the sky
If she held his hand
BOTH: She counted every
star In the sky and said
I don't want that
I want you instead
I don't want that
I want you instead
If you don't rearrange us
If you don't rearrange us
If you don't rearrange us
If you don't rearrange
She got loved down on the seashore
Kissing with a boy
She never met before
The food was sparse
But the booze was plenty
Jill was 16
And Jack had just turned 20
Lying there on the midnight sand
He said he'd give her the sky
If she held his hand
She counted every star
In the sky and said
I don't want that I want you instead
I don't want that I want you instead
I don't want that I want you instead
I don't want that I want you instead
I don't want that I want you instead
I don't want that I want you instead
LUCIE:
Oh, shit. Right.
Okay.
The battery's gone flat now.
KIM: You told me you completely
charged it up, you utter moron.
KIRSTY: Check out the wee car.
MORELLO: Hey, do you need a push?
KIRSTY:
Guys?
MORELLO: Is that The Make?
KIM: Can you fuck off?
I said can you fuck off?
We're rolling.
J.J.:
What'd she say? She's what?
KIRSTY:
She just gave me the finger.
She's saying
something about rolling.
Rolling over?
J.J.: Only one thing for it!
ADAM & TYKO:
We won't change
MORELLO:
Are you rolling now?
BOBBY: Whoa! Hey!
MORELLO: Bit more.
BOBBY:
Hey! Whoa!
TYKO:
Hey, guys!
Hey, you, Mr. Lady.
Mr. Lady?
Do you want a gigantic
veiny lawsuit up your fucking ass?
J.J.:
What?
BOBBY: You almost killed my band.
That is attempted murder.
It's unconventional,
but, hey, I feel welcome.
Hey, man, you all right?
You and your slag blowhole
could be going away for a long time.
ADAM: Hey, Bobby, we're fine.
Do you understand me?
Our little eco brownie here
has it all on tape.
Can I get the tape, please?
KIM: No.
BOBBY: Just give me the tape!
TYKO: Bobby, breathe.
So you guys are who?
KIRSTY: The Dirty Pinks.
The Dirty Pinks? Why didn't you
just call yourselves The Vaginae?
BOBBY: That is nice, actually,
because you are gonna get fucked.
Whoa. Hey!
ADAM: What are you doing?
How about I re-tune this guitar
on whoever doesn't piss off?
All right, what's this?
Oi. That was my granddad's.
Take that off.
Sure, when you give me my guitar.
Okay.
KIRSTY: Smash it, go on.
TYKO: She's not gonna.
MORELLO: Give me my jacket!
Give me the guitar.
Put the fucking guitar down.
PROPHET: Stop! Stop! Stop!
BOBBY: Chill the fuck out!
Shame on you people!
If musicians can't get along,
what hope we got?
What hope the planet got?
BOBBY: Sir, excuse me.
You know what we're gonna do?
TYKO: Is he with you?
We're gonna pray.
PROPHET:
Everybody take hands.
Come on. Don't be bashful.
Lord, help me and these idiots
to use the gift
you blessed us with
to come together.
Turn to your neighbour and say,
"Man, I love you".
Man, I love you.
Yeah.
Say I love you.
She just tried to break my guitar.
I'm not saying it to her.
He's a tit.
All right, all right, I got a trick.
What you doing?
PROPHET: I got a real good trick.
TYKO: This guy's a wizard.
What are you doing?
Magic. Magic for musicians.
ADAM: Sir.
MORELLO: Now what?
ADAM:
Can we get the key?
Together.
This guy's good.
He's joking, right?
BOBBY: You got keys?
PROPHET: Let's go.
MORELLO: Where's he going?
ADAM: Okay, he's not
joking No, no, no, no, no!
BOBBY: Hey, Adam!
ADAM: Bobby!
MORELLO: No!
ADAM: Stop that man!
MORELLO:
Stop that buggy!
Stop the buggy!
Ow! Ow! Can you get it off?
Stop that buggy!
Come back!
Where did he go?
BOTH:
Ow!
MORELLO:
Fuck's sake!
SINGER: Can you lot make
some fucking noise?
[PLAYING HEAVY METAL MUSIC]
[CROWD CHEERING]
Where are they?
Where have they gone?
Where have they gone?
They'll be in here.
Can't keep Tyko
from the hospitality.
SECURITY:
Can I see your passes, please?
ADAM: All right.
Ow! That really hurt.
ADAM: Come on.
Thank you.
Can you be aware you are
attached to me, unfortunately?
Can you just be nice? Yeah? No?
No. Ignoring me, wicked.
I don't mind talking to myself.
TYKO: Beautiful. Cheryl? Is that with a Y?
BOBBY: This is a major festival site.
KIRSTY: Oh, my God.
J.J.: Where have you been?
KIRSTY:
We are on in three hours, guys.
Excuse me. Hi. Is there
an events assistant anywhere?
I got you a beer.
Thanks.
ADAM: Can I get a beer, please?
MORELLO: Can you get me one?
That is the funniest thing
I've seen all week.
Apart from the chicken lady,
but she was ill. You can't laugh.
Bolt cutters, anything.
Give me the site manager's number.
ADAM: Will you stop laughing?
Take it easy.
ADAM:
It's not that funny.
[J.J. SIGHS]
I'll have to sit next to you.
ADAM: I guess you will.
MORELLO: Yep.
ADAM: Lucky you.
So I'm Adam.
What's that? "I'm Monkey Girl.
I'm in the world's worst band".
Ow! I am now.
As far as I can see,
The Make only need their right hands.
Whereas you just need
your fists, right?
Simmer down, boy band.
"Boy band".
[HUMMING]
What? I don't...
What are you doing?
Where's your manager?
ADAM: Sorting it out.
Relax. He's taking care of business.
Thanks.
Sure. Hello again.
[IMITATES A MONKEY]
Bollocks, I'm gonna sort this out.
I'm waiting for Bob.
MORELLO: Get up!
ADAM: What the fuck are you doing?
MORELLO: Come on, let's go.
I'm gonna sort this out.
There's gotta be police.
KIRSTY: We have three hours, though.
I don't trust his manager.
[PALOMA FAITH'S "UPSIDE DOWN"
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
BOTH:
Eco Lobby.
Harder.
Harder! More!
Ah!
Shit.
Dynamite's not gonna send
a wood chisel through that.
Here's what you need.
You get a big cold chisel
drop a sledgehammer on it,
you're sorted, man.
Where do we get a cold chisel?
Any blacksmith's.
Moron!
Hey, hey, hey.
Can't hear you!
ADAM: Help us out.
Can you look for some bolt cutters?
I'll be back in a bit. Thank you.
PALOMA:
That I'm no fool, fool, fool, fool
I'm just upside down
Ain't got no cares
I ain't got no rules
I think I like
Living upside down
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
ALL:
Eco Lobby!
We just need a set of bolt cutters.
There's a camping shop.
No, look, this is hardened steel.
We need an industrial-strength tool.
I think I've found one.
Oh, ho, ho.
Really?
A comedian.
ADAM:
Get your hands off me, man.
CREW: Go to Artist Liaisons,
maybe then can help you.
What's wrong with you?
Why would Artists Liaisons
have cutters?
Thank you, T in the Park!
[CROWD CHEERS]
SINGER:
Are you having a good time?
MORELLO: Harder.
ADAM: It's too big. I can't get it in.
LAKE:
Adam?
Don't tell me
this is not what it looks like.
ADAM: What does it look like?
Oh, no.
Like you're handcuffed
to some girl.
Some crazy dude handcuffed us
while we were praying.
I don't know. It's fucked.
He said he was single.
LAKE: What?
Yeah, what?
Said he'd just split from some model
that didn't get him.
Hi. I'm Morello.
You come with me, mister.
Uh. Ow, baby, wait.
Hello again. Yep.
Okay, get these off now.
We're trying.
Where's the key?
If we had a key...
Let's use your catwalk-honed intellect
to break free.
Who is this?
She is this total stranger.
She is incredibly awful.
And promiscuous.
Be..
Baby, wait up.
Ow!
Can you just walk
like a normal person?
You don't have to be like this.
I want no part
of this Malibu Barbie hellscape.
That's it. I'm done.
Come on. Ow!
Ow! Damn, that hurt.
You're gonna have to hold my hand.
All right, you know what?
Baby, where are you gonna be?
Kasabian are about to play
the main stage.
So why are you walking towards it?
Are you holding hands?
Babe, let go.
I will pay you 100
to watch Kasabian.
What?
I'm just trying to work it out.
Just call me when you're single.
Baby. All right, fine.
I'll find you, all right?
Nice girl.
Nice work.
[EDITORS' "PAPILLON"
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
Hey, man.
All right, mate?
You get rid of that bloody gorgon?
Hey, I'm right...
[BRUCE CHUCKLES]
No luck with the bolt cutters?
I thought you were looking.
I'll sort you out first thing.
We gotta solve this now.
BRUCE: I'm busy.
Gotta have something.
MARK: Hey, beautiful.
ADAM: She's got a gig to play.
MORELLO:
OW! Shit!
Jesus Christ.
It's Adam Elva you're handcuffed to.
Hi, man. I'm Mark.
Good to meet you.
Hey, man. Nice to meet you.
Excuse me. Hello!
So, what happened?
I'm sorry about this, man.
For what?
What? Nothing. I don't know. What?
Yeah, that's right.
Nothing happened.
You're trying
to make me jealous because?
Because. I don't know.
Because I'm a dick. Sony, man.
[CHUCKLES]
Don't worry. We'll find a way out.
Leave it with me.
We're gonna figure it out.
MORELLO: I have an
appointment with my band.
MARK: It's just a pair of handcuffs.
MORELLO: I know. I know.
MARK:
Relax. Relax.
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
NEWTON: Now, your motivation to sing along
with this particular piece of music
is that we are all pirates
with rabies!
[NEWTON FAULKNER'S "GONE IN THE
MORNING" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
That is right, ladies and gentlemen.
Pirates with rabies.
Could you do just one more, please?
Eco Lobby.
NEWTON:
And we are 60 feet from shore.
Now, on the shore
are our arch nemeses,
the barbarian hordes.
And we are now 50 feet
away from them.
Fifty feet from battle
and almost certain death.
We are now 40 feet, 40 feet from
battle and almost certain death.
We are now 30 feet from battle
and almost certain death.
We are now 10 feet.
Nine feet!
Eight feet!
Six feet!
Five f ricking feet!
So let's dance some more.
Four, three! Before they're:
ALL:
Gone in the morning
I wanna know
Why they're gone in the morning
I wanna know
Why they're gone in the morning
I wanna know
Why they're gone in the morning
Before they're gone in the morning
I wanna know
Why they're gone in the morning
LUCIE:
Kim, it's The Prodigy.
KIM: Just say the name, Eco Lobby,
promoting our charity
and if you can just
lunge towards lens.
You just need pbbt.
KIM: Yeah, just bang, like that.
Right. I'm Tyko from The Make.
No, she's gonna give it to me.
Okay, cool.
KIM: You know how to lunge?
Hey, Danny! All right, man.
KIM: Do you know...?
That's Danny. He died last year.
Anyway, I'm ready.
Okay. On the count of three.
I'm gonna lunge towards you
at the same time. So we did...
When you're ready.
I'll go "One, two, three".
Okay. One, two, three.
I'm just doing this thing.
Hi, I'm Tyko from The Make.
You're watching Eco Lobby. Check it.
Thank you. Great.
Can you just hold that?
What is Eco Lobby?
You went on the website?
I gave you the website address.
Let's pretend I didn't.
Okay. I'll explain to you.
Do you know how much it costs
to buy an American senator?
I do not.
Hundred thousand dollars, tops.
They'll vote for your tax cut,
construction program.
Whatever you want.
Look it up on the Internet.
For 5 million U.S. dollars
we could pass
a billion-dollar
clean-energy program.
Wow, that's cool.
Hi. We're in the middle
of an interview.
Quick question. Don't touch me.
Don't touch me.
So you raise money
to give to politicians?
It's what all the big businesses do,
so why the bloody hell can't we?
Makes you sound simple.
Really?
Kirsty: Yes.
You nailed it today, man,
but you always do.
Seriously, it was cool.
The boys loved it.
Oh, well, thanks.
You happy?
You happy with management?
Yeah, I think so.
Because horrible manager, I heard.
Because any time.
My dad's been managing me for
the last... Since the beginning, really.
How is he? Is he cool?
Yeah, no, he's very well.
Keeps well. Cool.
Yeah, no, he's very good.
Listen, I gotta shoot,
but there's a card.
Cool. Excellent. Tasteful
Think over.
Thanks. Check you later.
Take care.
Take care, Newton. Cool.
[CHATTERING]
Yeah, but that'd be weird.
ADAM:
There you are.
Hey, man.
I heard about this.
Brought the old
ball and chain, what?
Who you calling a ball, dick?
Yeah, be nice to my orangutan.
Adam.
Stop it, Adam.
Yeah, stop it, Adam.
Lake, this is Mike,
Morello's boyfriend.
Mark.
Mark. Big fan. Ha-ha.
Is that a joke?
No, no, no. You were my screensaver.
Ha, ha, ha.
Are you like a team of stalkers?
Is this what you do?
Mainly I bank.
So you're a banker, eh?
Yeah.
When did you first realize
you were a banker?
So, Lake,
how do you know each other?
We met at rehab.
MORELLO: Yeah, right.
He's obviously slung one up her.
MARK:
Morello.
I'm gonna leave you
with these lovely people.
See you later.
Okay.
MARK:
Brilliant.
MORELLO:
You can't be angry at me for that.
MARK: How many people
are you gonna offend?
I'm fine Are you okay?
What's the matter with you?
Let's not fight.
You know he was gonna be here?
No. I ran into him.
I'm on in 45 minutes.
There has to be a solution.
Why don't you put it on Facebook
or something?
Twitter's so much better
than Facebook.
Catwalk-honed.
How many followers do you have?
Ten thousand.
Three hundred thousand.
Nine hundred thousand.
You do not.
Isn't that the best way
to ask a lot of people for help?
Well, not the best.
TECHNICIAN: Yeah, yeah.
One, two. Yeah. Two, yeah.
Go on!
Go on!
Hello, everybody. I'm really sorry
to barge in on you like this.
Someone bet me
that a woman like me
could never become attached
to a man with a tiny penis.
Yeah!
MORELLO: I was massively tricked.
Oh, look.
It's Adam Elva from The Make.
Yeah, all right, all right. Very funny.
We got hitched together
by some crazy dude backstage.
I'd love to return his beautiful cuffs.
If anyone has any bolt cutters.
MORELLO:
Bolt cutters!
Get off me!
ADAM: All right, all right.
MORELLO: Please.
BRUCE: Easy, guys.
They were just leaving.
Show's over.
MORELLO:
Good luck, boys. Good luck.
J.J.: Oh, my God.
MORELLO: How long have we got?
J.J.: Fifteen minutes.
ADAM: What stage you say you're on?
That way. That way.
KIRSTY: Run.
TYKO: This is fun.
J.J.: Keep him under control.
Keep him under a blanket.
Who's gonna do my solos?
I'll cover you.
ADAM: Welcome to my side project.
TYKO: You're in The Vaginae.
Where I've always wanted to be.
Shut up. Hurry up.
So are all their songs
about vagina?
ALL:
And I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man
Who walks a thousand miles
To fall down at your door
Da, da, da Da, da, da
Da, da, da Da, da, da
LAKE Oh, my God.
Have you seen Twitter? It's crazy.
MARK:
You see?
You were right. You were right, okay?
ADAM: Whoa. Sony, man.
LAKE: Look.
Oh, yeah? All right.
Excuse me.
Can I get a photo with you?
Yeah.
ADAM: You want me to take it?
Guys.
Wait up, wait up.
MORELLO: Hurry up, hurry up.
KIRSTY: Come on.
MORELLO: Can you hurry up?
ADAM: All right.
KIRSTY: Guys, can we just go, please?
MORELLO: Hello!
ADAM: Nice, Tyko.
Got a cheap one in the background.
Guys, come on. I'm on, like, now.
Hey, Morello. Jay played me one
of your songs. They're really good.
I saw one of your poses.
It was transcendent.
LAKE:
Thanks.
MARK: Do you have to be that rude?
ADAM: She's saying you're beautiful.
MORELLO:
Lake, I'm sorry.
[UPBEAT MUSIC
PLAYING IN DISTANCE]
You know what?
I need to go back for five minutes.
Why?
Because I need a restroom.
What? Go on the way.
I said a restroom, not a portaloo.
Don't be such a baby, man.
KIRSTY: Listen, Tintin, focus, okay?
We don't even want you
on our stage.
But we have to play well
or we're not getting invited back.
So if you could lower yourself
to the level of the public,
that would be great.
All right. I can do that.
Let's go. Come on.
LAKE: Really?
MARK: Sophie, it's me. How you doing?
TYKO: I cannot control him.
KIRSTY: Watch and learn, Tyko.
MARK:
Yeah, don't worry about the price.
ADAM: God. Here we go.
MORELLO: They're really not that bad.
MARK: Okay, keep me posted.
ADAM: Oh, I think they are.
All right.
Oh, this is nice.
LAKE:
Ugh. Get off.
ADAM:
Sure you don't wanna come in?
SINGER:
Look after each other, you hear me?
Have you started yet?
I'm going as fast as I can.
Keep your fucking panties on.
Ow! Ow!
You... Fuck.
Aw, did you piss on yourself?
What the fuck are you doing, man?
Ready? Yeah? Wicked.
Can we go to this gig now, please?
[THE DIRTY PINKS PERFORMING
"GIVE IT A GO"]
After trial and error
From the first half fever
Till the cold goodbye
I've broken a few hearts
They ripped mine
Then I say never, never, never again
Only one night stands for me
Then another one comes along
I give in so easily
And I say no, no, no
Gonna give it a go, go, go
I want to know, know, know
How good it feels
To lie in someone's arms
And hear them say baby
[CROWD CHEERING]
Thank you!
Thank you very much.
So you might have noticed
a little change to our usual lineup.
Morello's developed a nasty growth
on her right hand.
FAN: Adam and Morello, you sexy beast!
KIRSTY: Yeah.
Ready, ladies?
J.J.:
One, two, three, four!
Come on!
Ahh
Hello? Bobby, yeah.
Have you got the key?
TYKO: Okay, Bobby, see you later.
BOBBY: Okay, let's get it over here.
Shame on you for trying
To take me down a peg or two
Ohh
Taken the blame for a fairytale
Of forbidden fruit
Ooh
Describe me a position
But I don't wanna play
Realize I should be pretty
And have nothing to say
I will not stay put and obey
He?!
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
Get off!
Dirty Pink covers all manner of sins
The jilted brides that blush on cue
That's just something
A girl like me wouldn't do
I will not wait for you
ADAM:
Sometimes I feel I've got to
Run away
I've got to get away
From the pain you drive
Into the heart of me
The love we share
Seems to go nowhere
And I've lost my light For I toss
and turn I can't sleep at night
Once I ran to you Come on
Now I run from you
BOTH: This tainted love you've given you
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears
And that's not nearly all
Tainted love Ohh
Tainted love
Sometimes I feel I've got to
Dirty Pink covers all manner of sins
Get away I've got to
Hey
Sugar and filth
Isn't all that I have been
The pain you drive
Into the heart of me
The jilted brides that blush on cue
Seems to go nowhere
And I've lost my light
I will not wait for you
Can't sleep at night
BOTH:
Once I ran to you
Now I run from you Ahh
This tainted love you've given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears
And that's not nearly all
[ALL CHEERING]
KIRSTY:
I can't believe you did that.
Hey, baby. You all right?
Sweetheart, that was incredible.
It was great.
TYKO:
Hey, Adam.
MARK: Guys, I've just had good news.
TYKO: Delivery from Bobby.
I have got what are now the world's
most expensive bolt cutters
being taxied in from Edinburgh.
They'll be here in a couple of hours.
Oh, thank the Lord.
MORELLO: Oh, baby!
And that's why he's my man.
Yes, it is.
[ALL TOASTING IN IRISH]
All right.
[GROANS THEN COUGHS]
ADAM: What the fuck was that?
Beer and gin.
Why?
I like it.
That's disgusting.
There's the crazy guy.
The guy.
TYKO: What guy?
KIRSTY: The handcuff guy.
MORELLO: Where, where, where?
KIRSTY:
He's there by that food stall.
Hey! Ha-ha-ha.
MAN:
Do that shit!
Let's go, let's go!
LAKE: Where?
I don't know. Wait.
MORELLO: Why are you being so slow?
ADAM: Okay, okay.
MARK: Guys.
Where?
He's gone off somewhere. Shit.
MORELLO:
You religious pervert!
You class nutter!
Where'd he go?
MORELLO: Where's he gone?
ADAM: I don't know. I can't see him.
MORELLO: Cross man!
MARK: We'll never find him.
There's 100,000 people here.
Listen, it's okay. The taxi's coming
in a couple of hours. Let's chill.
There could be a worse way
to spend a night, right?
Exactly. Let's have a good time.
Let's just go and get a drink.
Let's have some fun, right?
MARK:
See, it's not bad, is it?
It's all right.
MARK: Who wants another one?
I start to come undone
Come on.
Ow!
Sometimes I feel that
It's all too much to take
I look in the mirror
But don't recognize...
Hey.
I know you.
No.
You're Adam.
Sony.
WOMAN: I know you.
It cuts like a knife
What should we do now?
Things will turn out right
So show me the light
And tell me that
Things will turn out right
Remember the night
How we would hold
each other tight
So show me the light
Shall we go on that?
Soon it will be snowing
The sky at night is dark
The stars they all start glowing
So show me the light
Tell me that
Things will turn out right
It cuts like a knife
When you say things...
MORELLO:
Can I have your biggest sausage?
Oh, my God. That's disgusting.
LAKE: You gonna eat that now?
ADAM:
Let's go watch some bands play.
TYKO: Come on!
KIRSTY: Yeah!
[CALVIN HARRIS
SINGING "COLOURS"]
MARK:
Animal!
Animal beginning with E.
Beginning with E.
Emu.
All right.
Drink while you think.
Body pan.
Stan with a U.
Umbilical cord.
Umbilical cord.
MARK:
Animal beginning with E.
Edward.
That's the name of the animal.
[ALL LAUGH]
He happens to be a lemur,
but his name is Edward.
Edward.
[CELL PHONE CHIMES]
MORELLO: I love this game.
You win for that.
Right, that's the taxi arriving
with the bolt cutters.
KIRSTY: Body pan beginning with R.
MARK: Okay, see you all in a minute.
Hi there.
Have you got a package there?
There you are.
This is yours.
What?
Are you kidding me?
Just delivering a package. Sony.
I've gotta cut my girlfriend off
a rock star, not prune the bloody roses!
Fuck.
People, get ready
People, unite
Hey, we'll have to try again
in the morning, all right?
ADAM: What'd you say?
They sent the wrong thing.
DJ: One thing's for sure, let's have
a fucking great time right here.
T in the Park! Come on!
People, get ready
People, unite
Yes
People People
People
ADAM:
Yeah!
Whoo!
Whoo!
Guys, I'm so knackered.
That's it. I'm done.
I've been up since 3 this morning.
This is going to be weird.
What, four in a bed?
No, that's fine. I just.
I never had a guy there before.
[CHUCKLES]
[MUSIC PLAYING IN DISTANCE]
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
TYKO: I'm serious, they're
classic movies, right?
I got the whole back catalog
remastered on Blu-ray.
No way. Really?
Have you ever seen Dumbo
on mushrooms?
I have not done that.
We should do that.
We should, right? We got a plasma
screen on the tour bus, so...
Nice. How big is that?
How many inches are we talking here?
Does that matter to you?
No.
A little, maybe.
I am not sleeping in a tent.
It's a yurt.
Well, I am,
and I'm sleeping with your boyfriend.
I'm not sleeping with yours.
Adam, it's been five days.
ADAM:
What, you just wanna go for it?
LAKE: I got some strong sleeping
pills if you guys want any.
MORELLO:
There will be no sex, ever.
ADAM: Mark, must be a real blow, man.
No monkey sex.
[MORELLO CHUCKLES]
MARK:
What is monkey sex?
We'll call ourselves
The Sidekicks, right?
Let's be The Sidekicks.
TYKO: It's a beautiful
thing we're gonna do.
KIRSTY: It's a very beautiful thing.
Yeah.
KIRSTY: Hey... Yes.
I mean, you're...
You get it, right?
Yeah. I'm gonna come back
in one minute.
Okay.
Okay.
All right.
[MUSIC PLAYING IN DISTANCE]
LAKE: I thought you said we
were staying on a yacht.
I said yurt
ADAM: Yurt. Yurt. Yurt.
You're gonna love this.
MORELLO:
Oh, yes.
MARK: Ready?
MORELLO: Okay.
MARK: Ta-da!
MORELLO: A bed!
See? It's not like a tent
It is like a yurt.
I'm getting out of these Wellies
immediately.
It's not as bad as I thought.
MARK:
Oh, no, don't put those there.
Watch the...
MORELLO: Yes.
Ah!
ADAM: Whoa.
Hello.
This is... Oh, all right.
MARK: Let me take your jacket.
God, how do I get this off? Here.
Ow, ow, ow.
ADAM:
Oh, wait. We need to get.
MORELLO: Okay.
ADAM: this fucking...
Move over, sweetie.
Come here, baby.
This is not really
what I had in mind for the evening.
Never mind.
MARK: I'm falling out of the bed.
MORELLO: Please move up a bit.
ADAM: We can't move up.
LAKE: Adam, move over a bit.
MORELLO: That better be your hand.
MARK: It is my hand.
LAKE:
Do you get animals in here?
[FOUND'S "FREAKY FREAKY RAVING"
PLAYING]
Side by side
I'll just imagine
The times we'd be having
There's no room For napping
Or anything
Freaky freaky raving
So you know what monkey-facing is
but you don't know what pirating is?
[CLEARS THROAT]
Whoa.
[CHUCKLES]
Tyko, hey, wait up.
Where are you going, man?
Exploring.
Do not make it a big night.
We have a gig tomorrow, right?
Remember Coachella?
Relax. They liked it.
Tyko, if you did that in Texas,
it would have been illegal, okay?
Okay, whatever.
Tyko, this is Scotland.
Look at what you're wearing.
They will fucking deep-fly you
out there.
Now, why don't we just
have a couple of drinks,
and go for quick
look around, huh?
TYKO: Okay, we'll make it a quiet one.
That's my boy.
Who's gonna give me a ride
To the after show
Ah! Number two!
Okay.
Three, two, one.
Three, two, one.
[JENNY SQUEALS]
Hello.
Hi. Yeah, it's me.
Sign me, sign me, sign me!
All right.
You're enthusiastic, aren't you?
What's your name?
Jenny.
Jenny with a Y?
Yes. Oh, my God!
All right. I'm gonna sign
the last pan backwards,
so you can read it in the mirror.
All right!
All right.
There we go.
Thank you.
Hey, I'm the manager.
You want me to sign the other one?
GIRL:
No, no, no. Ugh.
I've got warm hands.
You can't do that.
People don't like it.
Oh, come on.
Let's get another drink, huh?
Yeah. You get them.
I'll stay and suck up the fans.
Who wants their titty signed?
Come on.
I'm ready.
Let's get out of here.
[ADAM MOANS]
[WHISPERING] Adam.
Adam.
[WHISPERING] What?
I need the loo.
You could pee in a bottle
or something.
I could pee on your face.
Okay. Yeah.
Let's not do that.
Okay.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
Go on. After you.
Shh. Shh.
[BOTH LAUGH]
ADAM:
Shut up.
MORELLO: Right. I've gotta just
do myself up at the bottom.
I've got, like, this
really annoying body. It's like.
That I've got to do up underneath
like a baby grow.
Why would I wanna know that?
Pretty weird.
Like a toddler.
All right.
Okay. First of all.
I always forget to wash my hands,
actually.
I don't need that much. Go away.
Get your hands under there now.
Yes.
Put them on there.
Put them on?
Put your hands on there.
No, it's that way. It's that way.
We just came from that way,
definitely.
I'm kind of really awake now.
You snore, by the way.
I what?
Snore.
I snore?
You snore.
You sound like a kind of...
Like a chainsaw on speed.
I do not snore.
Yeah, you do.
[SNORTS]
Like little, like, baby snores.
Almost like you've got something stuck.
You know who snores really bad?
You know who snores really bad?
Who?
I to the A to the K to the E.
What?
Lake.
Really? I snore pretty bad as well.
Go on. Here you are.
[CHUCKLES]
Mark speaks in his "sleep".
He speaks in his "sleep"?
He sleep...
Speaks in his sleep?
Speaks in his sleep.
He kind of:
[MUMBLES GIBBERISH]
He wants to give orders
in the morning. Coffee.
MORELLO:
I've still got that song in my head.
I've got to run away
I've got to
You weren't as shit
as I thought you'd be.
ADAM:
Shut up.
BOBBY: Come on. It was a joke.
You've seen me in the flesh.
BOBBY: At least finish your drink.
You haven't seen me play.
You've gotta come
tomorrow night for that.
Hey, Bobby.
I'm cool.
Are you okay?
Yeah.
[MODEST MOUSE'S "THE GOOD TIMES
ARE KILLING ME" PLAYING]
We're kind of trying to have
a moment.
WOMAN:
What the fuck?
TYKO: I'm sorry. That's Bobby.
He's our manager.
Fucking here till Sunday.
Try the veal.
TYKO:
I can't leave him on his own.
Have twenty "one mores"
Oh, it does not relent
The good times are
killing me
What do you wanna do now?
I wanna go on somewhere else.
BOBBY: What's your name? I'm Bobby.
Now you're talking my language.
I don't wanna stay here.
Okay. What do you have in mind?
ADAM: I saw you.
MORELLO: Shh.
What? I'm being quiet.
[WHISPERS] Where have you been?
[MORELLO LAUGHS]
ADAM: Uh, little trip to the restroom.
Together?
ADAM: Well...
MORELLO: Incredible.
[IN NORMAL VOICE] While you leave
me alone with this pervert?
What?
ADAM: Come on, Lake.
Don't "Lake" me.
MORELLO: Why not? It's your name.
Baby, the trick is
to shut out her voice.
I know, she has a voice like
the Elephant Man's face.
Why don't you shut up?
Why don't you shut up?
Why are you such a bitch?
Because I'm worth it.
I've seen your pores. You're not.
MORELLO: Ooh.
Honey.
I've wondered if models
made fun of ordinary-person looks.
You are not an ordinary person.
Ordinary purple... People...
[LAUGHING]
What? Shut up.
Sony. I can't.
Shut up.
I'm trying.
Lake, what are you doing? Lake.
[MORELLO LAUGHING]
Don't... Wait. Baby.
Morello. Morello.
LAKE: It's over, Adam.
ADAM:
Lake, come on.
[MUSIC PLAYING IN DISTANCE]
Baby, come back, all right?
We're just...
Lake.
Wait up. Lake!
Lake, hey, wait up.
Where'd she go?
[SIGHS]
Shit.
That was all my fault.
I'm really sorry.
["GET WHAT YOU PAID 4!
(MARCO BALLEY REMIX)" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
Hey, Bobby, we're gonna move on.
Yeah, I know,
I fucking love this tune.
We should be dancing naked
on a beach, right?
Hey. My jacket.
TYKO:
We got a friend.
BOBBY: I could fuck the
hole in a dolphin's head.
[MUSIC PLAYING IN DISTANCE]
Hey.
All right, Mark.
You know, working in music,
being in a band,
you develop these...
These telepathic connections,
you know?
For that reason alone, I think
it's the best way to spend your life.
You know? For that connection.
That's... That's wealth.
I'm really sorry about Lake.
No. No, no. She was...
We were.
No connection.
MORELLO: I'm sorry.
Nothing compared
to what I have with your girlfriend.
Am I lying? I mean...
You barely know her, man.
I've known her 10 hours
and I have a better connection.
Of course, she'll say otherwise.
That's because you're the fall-back.
What?
Gotta have a fall-back, right?
MORELLO:
Don't listen to him.
Anyway, I need a drink,
so let's go find a bar.
MORELLO:
Just ignore him. Come on.
Mark?
I'm not doing this again, Morello.
It's not happening again.
It's not happening again.
You'd better go with him.
Mark.
Go.
[THE TWILIGHT SAD'S "MAPPED BY
WHAT SURROUNDED THEM" PLAYING]
And these walls And these
walls are filled with blame
And these walls
And these walls
Are filled with blame
And she's sitting
In the primrose garden
And she's playing
with her toys
Just another child-like ghost
The trees and animals cry
[CHATTERING]
My hole I'll get my hole
You got any hobbies?
No.
I'll get my hole
[TYKO & WOMAN MOANING]
It's a choc-choc train
TYKO:
That's great. Yeah.
WOMAN:
Oh, my God.
LUCIE: I charged it up again,
so I can do it all tonight.
And then we can redo the sessions.
KIM:
Hello.
Do you wanna join us?
Sure.
You're Kim, right?
Yeah. Hi. Kim Cox from Eco Lobby.
You're Mark.
Mark. That's it, yeah.
Morello's other half. This is Lucie.
Hi.
She's just off to the toilet.
MARK: Yeah, Morello's other half.
Yeah, well.
LUCIE:
Sony. Excuse me.
Well, I don't think I am,
actually, any more.
Do you wanna sit down?
MARK: Thanks. Thanks.
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
I need a hug.
[JO MANGO'S "THE BLACK SUN"
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
I fell in love
With a starling
He died in my mother's arms
Was buried and exhumed
And now all I think of is
Wings beating
TYKO:
I'll just see where Bobby's gone.
Where's Bobby? Bobby?
BOBBY:
Yeah! Whoo!
Hi, ladies.
Come here. Come here.
We can't keep apart.
We cannot keep apart.
Come on. Come on.
Between my fingers
And the thumb
I looked in his thousandth eye
And saw
Can I just see you
without your glasses?
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah!
Your bones
MACHINE: What a wimp.
Fuck you!
[J.J. AND CHRISTY LAUGHING]
I heard you singing
With tiny lungs
[WOMAN LAUGHS]
WOMAN:
Go away. Leave us alone. Go.
You all right?
I've seen you grown massive
My tiny one
And I feel now your yearning
For the black sun
Oh, I feel that you're yearning
I'm really short-sighted.
For the black sun
[CHUCKLES]
It's okay.
So I told him how I loved
Your bones
When we pulled them one by one
Out the stone
MAN 1: You all right, pal?
Hey, you all right?
MAN 2: I suggest you come
back to the campsite.
MAN 1:
Here, stand up, my man.
You're all right, ain't you?
MAN 3:
Oh, for fuck's sake.
[MUMBLES]
[PIANO ACCORDION
PLAYING MELANCHOLY TUNE]
[SWITCHES TO UPBEAT TUNE]
Yeah, that's my song.
Mm-hm.
How do you do that?
Four chords.
ADAM:
Okay, it's my turn.
Can I borrow your guitar?
You guys seem to get on pretty well.
Yeah, that's what womanizers do.
I'm not a womanizer.
HAZEL: You are.
Play, play, play.
[HUMS]
I just wanna womanize you, baby
[HUMS]
I'll spread your thighs
for you, baby
Mm.
Then say my goodbyes to you, baby
Oh, don't be so shy, little lady
Maybe, maybe tonight
Will be your lucky night, baby
It will be if you
play your cards right
I'm such a womanizer, baby
A womanizer
[LAUGHS]
I'm gonna leave you, baby
No, you're not
[LAUGHS]
She can't go anywhere
I can't get out
I think I'm gonna scream and shout
'Cause I'm a womanizer, baby
Womanizer, baby
Womanize all night long
All night long
[LAUGHS]
[BIRDS CAWING]
[MORELLO & ADAM SCREECHING]
[WITHERED HAND'S
"NO CIGARETTES" PLAYING]
Think me and you
Could maybe use a lost weekend
I've been losing
all my friends
I wave another empty bottle
Oh, God.
Like I'm hitting it hard
But it's just pretend
TYKO:
Bobby?
BOBBY: Tyko?
TYKO: Bobby, is that you?
BOBBY:
Tyko?
Bobby! Oh, Bobby.
BOBBY: Ha-ha-ha.
I went and got lost
Always the back end
Of this pantomime horse
[LAUGHING]
All we seem to do these days
Is wave our arms and yell
Other people are hell
MORELLO:
No! Ahh!
It's getting to me
[CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]
Maestro, a drum roll please
This is the golden age
[PEOPLE SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
[BOTH PANTING]
[LAUGHS]
Where are you gonna go?
I don't know.
I'm getting into the safety position.
This is the safety position. Such...
[BOTH GRUNT]
[SOBBING]
Are you crying? Are you crying?
What's wrong?
What's wrong?
What's it all?
The band I've spent six years
trying to build up,
it's a fucking joke.
I've just been dumped
and womanized.
And now I'm in the mud, people!
It's all right.
MORELLO:
And there's those people in there.
It's all right.
MORELLO:
You smile like a girl.
ADAM:
You're incredibly beautiful.
[STRIKE THE COLOURS'
"IF I DON'T BELONG" PLAYING]
[SHOWER RUNNING]
Be the one that I love
Andi will see your frown
In the furrows of the mud
Make me weak at the knees
Andi will see your eyes
In the bark of the trees
Maybe. Maybe.
Possibly. Maybe.
Lay my head on the ground
There won't be a sound
As the dawn comes down
And the leaking clouds
Will fill up the streams
That'll drown you out
If I don't belong...
Let's go.
Right.
Lay my bones
underneath the trees
And let the wind have my body
Commit each hair
On my head to the sea
I'm sorry
about your granddad's jacket.
Now we fought in it too.
Yeah.
[SIGHS]
[MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS
IN DISTANCE]
SECURITY:
Pass?
Pass, please.
Whoa. Hey, do you know who I am?
Cool. Hey.
I'm the man.
Hey, I'm the manager of The Make.
Tyko! Shit!
Fuck you, you fucking shit blister!
Fuck! Tyko!
SECURITY: Do you know this guy?
I've never seen him
before in my life.
Hey, Tyko!
Get this fucked-up fool off me!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey.
BOBBY: He's trying to fuck me.
TYKO: Hey, man. Excuse me?
I was joking.
It doesn't seem so funny now.
BOBBY: You asswipe!
I got my fucking meds in there!
Bobby. Hang tight, Bobby.
I'll get you in here. Don't move.
BOBBY: You do not have a fucking
job in the morning, sir.
All right.
We got coffee, black.
We got juices, orange,
exotic, brown.
Like vitamin C.
And something called IRN-BRU,
but I think that's a beer.
BOBBY:
Just mix them together
and pour them over my head.
Oh, look.
Hey there, AWOL.
TYKO: Hey, man.
Can you keep it down to a whisper?
ADAM: You okay?
TYKO: It's just been a little heavy.
Have you seen my girls?
I've been looking all over
for you two.
I want my handcuffs back.
MORELLO: What?
Hey, I got other people to cuff.
MORELLO: Where is the key?
I gave the key to this young man.
MORELLO: What?
I gave it to Tyko.
Right, and I gave it to
Mm-mm.
MORELLO: Tyko?
My own pocket.
You knew about this?
So this was a joke to you?
No, it wasn't a joke.
It wasn't a joke.
I don't care.
Can whoever has the key
take these fucking things off me?
Nobody's gonna save the planet
but you folks, you know that?
You cram
100,000 people together,
no music, what do you get?
A riot.
You give them music,
we all in this together.
TYKO: Okay, you're free.
ADAM: Please, let me explain.
Please.
Please, don't.
PROPHET:
Music turns a mob into a movement.
ADAM:
Wait, Morello!
[BOBBY GROANS]
That guy is loud.
[PAOLO NUTINI'S "CANDY"
PLAYING]
Well, I'm some stain there
On your bed sheet
You're my diamond in the rough
Darling
I'll bathe your skin
I'll even wash your clothes
Just give me some candy
Before I go
[CROWD CHEERING]
Oh, darling I'll kiss your eyes
And lay you down on your rug
Just give me some candy
After my hug
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
I know that there are writings
On the wall
Gotta talk to her.
Do you wanna eat?
No. No.
BOBBY:
You are knotted.
Before I go
Darling, I'll kiss your eyes
Lay down on your rug
Just give me some candy
After my hug
Oh, and I'll
The video sequence,
that finishes there, okay?
So if you just change the order.
Yeah, yeah.
[ALL CHEERING]
This is such a beautiful thing, guys.
How are you?
You want me to sign right here?
Be patient. We'll get you all.
CROWD: I want you I want
you instead, I want you
ADAM: Hello.
Hi.
How are you?
I'm all right. How are you?
Oh, my God. Thank you!
Hi. How you doing? All right?
All right, yeah.
TYKO: What's your name, man?
ADAM: What's your name?
Bryan.
Bryan. With a Y?
Come on! All right!
Yeah!
Hi.
TYKO: Hey, pretty.
Hey, man. How are you?
TYKO: That feels amazing.
So many hands on my body.
I like it.
Oh, my God, this is happening.
ADAM:
Will you let me down?
TYKO:
Beautiful.
Thank you, guys.
Fuck this, man.
CROWD:
You let me feel real
ADAM:
Can we get out of here?
TYKO:
Love you. I'll wave.
[CROWD SINGING INDISTINCTLY]
[CROWD CHEERING]
He?!
I came to say good luck.
You got yourself a soft landing.
You wanted me to wait
to get pushed?
For her?
It seemed to me like you barely
even needed the handcuffs.
Have a good show.
Shall we do this, man?
Yeah.
[BOTH SCREAM]
[THE MAKE'S "YOU INSTEAD"
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
She got loved up
On the seashore
Kissing with a girl
He'd never met before
The food was sparse
But the drink was plenty
Jack was 16
And Jill had just turned 20
Lying there on the midnight sand
He said he'd give her the sky
If she held his hand
She counted every star in the sky
And said I don't want that
I want you instead
I want you instead
I want you instead
I want you
["YOU INSTEAD"
PLAYING IN DISTANCE]
He did look good in my jacket,
didn't he?
KIRSTY:
Morello, it's not too late.
Just another imposter.
I want you instead
[CROWD CHEERING]
I want you instead
I want you
I want you instead
Make me feel real
Real
Real
You make me feel real
Real
Real
Real
She got loved up on the seashore
CHORUS:
You make me feel real
Kissing with a girl
He'd never met before
ADAM:
Whoo!
I think we need to go away after this.
Yes.
Go away together for a week.
No boys, no men.
No boys.
Just music.
[CROWD CHEERING]
Morello.
Morello!
I don't know if you heard
about what's been happening.
You know what?
I think I need your help.
Can you help me out?
[ALL CHEERING]
Yeah? You look beautiful, man.
Okay, can we all shout
for Morello, please?
ALL [CHANTING]:
Morello! Morello! Morello!
Morello! Morello! Morello!
Morello! Morello! Morello!
You gotta be louder than that.
Morello! Morello! Morello!
I'm for music.
[CHUCKLES]
Uh...
CROWD:
Morello! Morello! Morello!
[CHANTING CONTINUES]
[CHUCKLES]
J.J.:
Oh, my God.
I don't... I'm just gonna...
I'm just gonna check it out.
ALL:
Morello! Morello! Morello!
I don't know if she's out there,
but, Morello, this is for you.
If you can hear me,
you make me feel more real
than any girl I've ever met.
I screwed up your set yesterday.
Why don't you come screw mine up?
KIRSTY:
Go on.
[THE MAKE'S "DARK ENERGY"
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
Closer we get
Temperatures rise
[SQUEALS]
The look on your face
The fear in your eyes
Tonight you're mine,
You're mine, you're mine
Tonight you're mine,
You're mine, you're mine
Tonight you're mine,
You're mine, you're mine
BRUCE:
Morello coming through.
Tonight you're mine,
You're mine, you're mine
I feel your light shining on me
Whenever you're around me
I'm feeling so alive
[CROWD CHEERING]
I feel your light shining on me
Whenever you're around me
I'm feeling so alive
Tonight you're mine,
You're mine, you're mine
Tonight you're mine,
You're mine, you're mine
Hey, hey!
Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you Morello!
Morello's on-stage!
[SCREAMING]
BOTH:
I feel your light shining on me
Whenever you're around me
I'm feeling so alive
I feel your light shining on me
Whenever you're around me
I'm feeling so alive
[CROWD CHEERING]
TYKO:
Oh, that's beautiful.
All right, you're making me lonely now.
Is there anyone for me?
[GLORIA JONES' "TAINTED LOVE"
PLAYING]
Sometimes I feel I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away from the pain
You drive into the heart of me
The love we share
Seems to go nowhere
And I've lost my right
For I toss and turn
I can't sleep at night
Once I ran to you
Now I'll run from you
This tainted love you've given
I give you all a girl could give you
Take my keep
And that's not nearly all
Tainted love
Now I know I've got to
Run away
I've got to Get away
You don't really want
Any love from me
To make things right
You need someone to hold you tight
And you'll think love is to pray
But I'm sorry I don't pray that way
Once I ran to you
Now I run from you
The tainted love you've given
I give you all a girl could give you
Take my keep
And that's not nearly all
Tainted love
Tainted love
Don't touch me, please
I cannot stand the way you tease
I know you hurt me so
If I do not pack my things and go
Tainted love
Tainted love
Tainted love
Tainted love
Talking about the tainted love
Talking about the tainted love
Talking about the tainted love
Talking about the tainted love
Tainted love
Tainted love
Tainted love
Oh, yeah Tainted love
Tainted love
Tainted love
Tainted love
Yeah, yeah Tainted love
[THE MAKE'S "BLACK CROW"
PLAYING]
Black crow morning
You stole the sun from the sky
Black crow morning
You walked out of my life
You buried deep inside,
The secrets I will find
Can't hide the behind the lies,
No more
My love is your love
My love is yours
My love is your love
My love is yours
ADAM [CHANTING]: Morello. Morello.
Morello. Morello. Morello.
Keep it going, guys!