Mr. Trent's office.
No, I'm sorry, Mr. Trent
can't speak to you.
No, no, still no word.
'Mr. Trent's office.
No, she hasn't been found.'
'Hello? Sorry, I can't
disturb him now.'
'No. No, she hasn't been found.'
'No, Josephine Evans
is still missing.'
(Adam Trent)
'Yes, Mr. Hackle. No, Mr. Hackle.'
I know, Mr. Hackle.
I know she didn't show up.
Yeah, I know you
had to refund the money.
It hurts me 10%
as much as it hurts you.
I'm sorry. Goodbye, Mr. Hackle.
Pittsburgh, too?
- Yes.
- No.
Josephine Evans failed to
appear for lecture. Stop.
Had to refund $4200. Stop.
- Lawyers let her--
- Stop.
- Buffalo, Cleveland and now--
- Pittsburgh.
She can't do this.
Where is she?
Who does she think she is?
I'll sue her. I'll--
Josephine Evans
is on the phone.
Tell them I'm sick.
Tell them I'm dead.
- I'll attach her royalties--
- But it's Josephine Evans.
I don't care who it is.
J-Josephine.
Jo, Jo, honey, where are you?
What do you mean it's a secret?
But you're lecturing
in Detroit tonight.
Oh, I'll kill her.
She can't do this.
Jo..
Jo, honey. Jo, pet.
Darling Jo, remember me?
This is Adam. Adam Trent.
You're faithful old
affectionate agent.
Oh, you just saw a bluebird.
Look, I'll get one
stuffed for you.
Just get on that train.
I know it's autumn.
What about it?
Every year about this time
you get autumn.
Oh, Josephine, you're crazy.
You can't cancel the rest
of your tour. It's impossible.
Jo ,honey. Jo, darling.
Well, what about the children?
You have a duty to them,
haven't you?
Yes, I know.
Oh, I know they can
take care of themselves.
Look Josephine, you've got..
Jo, Jo? Josephine!
Jo.
Oh, Josephine.
Now, what's this
about a bluebird?
- She saw one.
- Where?
She cancelled
the whole tour?
Why?
There's only one thing to do.
Get her kids to help you.
You think so?
Let's face it.
She doesn't run her life.
Neither do you.
The kids are bossing the family.
- She adores them.
- Yeah, the kids.
They're pretty fond of her, too.
I'll go and see them right away.
I've already sent for them.
They should be here by now.
[door opens]
Susan, Jeff.
- What's all this about mother?
- Honey, she's disappeared.
- What?
- Furthermore, she's gone crazy.
Well, stop jibbering.
Give us the facts.
She didn't show up
in the last three towns
she was supposed to lecture in.
Buffalo, Cleveland, Pittsburgh.
They had to refund
$4200 in Pittsburgh.
And then, she phoned me.
She told me she was in a
hideaway on the shore
of a dreamy little lake.
And she'd just seen the last
bluebird of the season
and was writing
a poem about it.
Mother said she was
writing a poem?
Also, she said
she'd made a discovery.
She discovered that autumn
was a shy, lovely thing
so she wants to
cancel the tour.
Now. Just when she
has a best seller.
Well, don't get sore, Adam.
I'm not, it's not the principle
of the thing. It's the money.
She probably couldn't
face another night
in some depressing
hotel room.
Gentlemen, to me
it sounds like love.
- Don't say that.
- Don't be silly, Sue.
Bluebird, plus autumn,
plus poem by mother. Love.
What do you think
we ought to do?
Where was her last lecture?
A little college town.
Digby, Pennsylvania.
- You ever been there?
- Don't get insulting.
- Never mind, we'll find it.
- You bet we will.
We shouldn't have
let her go without us.
Atta boy, tell her
how broken up I am.
Say, I can't see a great talent
buried in obscure hemlock.
Why do you think we're going?
Never mind.
We'll bring her back alive.
[pleasant orchestra music]
Thank you.
Oh, uh..
Say, is, uh, is Miss Josephine
Evans still here?
She's in 211.
Is she alone?
I mean, for the moment.
Yes, the professor's just left.
A professor?
What's our attitude?
Tolerant. Tolerant, but firm.
[whistles]
My darlings.
- Hi, mom.
- Hi, mom.
Oh, bless you.
Well, how, uh--
It's your past
catching up with you.
But what are you doing here?
- You may well ask.
- I do well ask.
Well, Adam was getting frantic--
- People were asking questions.
- So, we tracked you down.
I'm sorry, kids,
but I was writing.
I didn't leave this morning
because I was writing you a big
letter explaining everything.
It would have to be gigantic.
As it is, I'll have to
confess face to face.
Um, you'd better, uh, sit down
because it's a long story.
Brazen, isn't she?
What is this?
Darling, don't you think
we know the whole story?
Since you postponed
the train--
Right up till when
your professor left
without finishing his milk.
[Jo chuckling]
Can't I have any
secrets from you brats?
And you don't object?
- Don't be silly, mother.
- Oh, but this is wonderful.
I was expecting stern
disapproval and instead
I get congratulations.
Well, we didn't exactly
congratulate you.
Come on, we've gotta
get you packed.
There's a train for
New York in an hour.
Oh, wait a minute.
Michael went to the college.
- It opens tomorrow.
- Forget Michael.
- That's no way to talk.
- So you've been in love.
If you hurry,
we can still catch the train.
You can see him for a while
on his next summer vacation.
Sure, maybe even Thanksgiving.
What would you think if I
told you I want to marry him?
- A professor of--
- Of chemistry.
Of chemistry.
Some fellow who's clothes
smell of rotten eggs.
You'd never get
our permission.
Look, kids, for the past ten
days, I have been living
with Michael as a
respectable married woman.
- You didn't.
- I did.
- 'No.'
- Yes.
Mother, you ought to be
ashamed of yourself.
I think it's rather nice.
Nice and scholarly.
You kids should try again
at getting a formal education.
Ah, they'd throw us out.
They always do.
I don't like it.
Too many bright young faces.
You promised you'd be
open minded.
- We are.
- Ah, say bud--
- What are you doing?
- I'm being open minded.
Say, I'm new here.
Ah, would you advise my taking
Professor Kingsley's course?
Brother, you are new.
[all laughing]
Well, maybe he appeals
to the more intellectual type.
Alright, we'll try this one.
Ah, pardon me,
but would you recommend
Professor Kingsley's course?
- I certainly would.
- You see?
He's the most
scholarly man on the campus.
In his class, nothing but
good stimulating work.
- Thank you.
- Yes, we see.
Bye-bye.
We'll give this Michael
one more chance.
Ah, excuse me, do you know
Professor Kingsley?
Oh, Gas-house Mike?
- Gas-house?
- Yes, you know, the chem lab.
He's a drip from way back.
Makes it nice. You'll be known
as Mrs. Gas-house Mike.
[both whistling]
It's amusing.
What is it?
It's your new home.
[whistles]
(Susan) 'This looks like the set
from that play of Freddie's.'
The one about the two old ladies
that murdered their boarders.
They hid the bodies under here.
I can fix it up.
Chintz and things.
Oh, mom, you're not really gonna
give up the nicest apartment
in New York for this.
You just don't belong here.
Now, listen kids.
I hate to go sentimental
on you but have to.
Next to you, this is
the most important thing
that's ever happened to me.
I'm in love with Michael.
And life with him
can be lovely and good.
If you let me make it so.
Well, mom--
Uh, well,
let's explore upstairs.
And, incidentally,
get washed up.
Good idea,
I've got to change, too.
Although, running water seems
too much to hope for.
Jo? Jo?
Yes, Michael.
Hello, darling.
Can I count on a greeting
like this every night?
There'll probably come a time
when I'll just snarl
and say, "Oh, you again."
Think so?
No.
Neither do I.
How do you, uh,
how do you like the place?
It has an air.
Uh, Michael..
Oh, I didn't know you
expected them so soon.
I didn't. They got worried
and trailed me.
Well, let's go up
and meet them.
Uh, in a minute, Michael.
Susan and Jeff maybe a little
difficult to know at first
but you'll make an effort to
like them, won't you?
Is an effort required?
Well, they're not
really difficult.
They had an odd childhood.
Travelling, picking up
too many notions
meeting too many adults.
Out of the way adults,
at that.
I guess I haven't
been much of a mother.
I've been too busy writing,
providing the groceries.
They're your children.
That's all I care about.
Oh.
[footsteps]
- You are Jeff, I presume.
- Uh-huh.
Uh, this on the other hand,
is Susan.
- How do you do?
- How do you do?
How do you do?
- Why don't we, uh..
- Yes.
- Over there, darling..
- Yeah.
It's a nice little
college you have here.
- Oh, thank you.
- Football team any good?
Yes, we won all
our games last year.
Either that or we
lost all our games.
- I, I heard something about--
- That's close enough.
I really don't pay much
attention to football.
It isn't my game.
What is your game?
I rather like chess.
- Chess.
- Chess.
I'm teaching your
mother to play.
(Jeff) 'And, uh, how
is mother coming along?'
I keep forgetting not to put
things where he can take them.
- It takes practice.
- 'Oh, sure, sure.'
You'll be surprised what a
difference ten or fifteen years
can make in your game.
Yes, indeed.
Uh, you, you kids aren't hungry
by any chance, are you?
- No.
- Not me.
No.
I have a surprise for you.
The Dean has asked us
all over for tea.
It's an opportunity for him
to meet Susan and Jeff.
Yes, of course.
So, tea at the Dean's,
on our very first day here.
I bet there's something
doing in Digby
every single minute,
isn't there?
We keep pretty busy.
Like, there's a Monday night
physiological research group.
The Thursday evening
economic forum.
Many other student activities
and let me see..
Oh ,yes. This winter
is a diversion.
We're having a series of
lectures on music appreciation.
Gee, did you hear that, Jeff?
Yeah. Oh, you picked a honey
of a spot to write in, mom.
There's certainly nothing here
to distract you.
He's joking, isn't he?
(Jo)
'How do you mean?'
Surely, you're not going on
with your writing?
Not going writing?
That's a strange notion,
Michael. Where did you get it?
Before, you had to.
To make a living, but now
there's no reason for it.
Well, that's not the point.
There are few
enough good writers
without your crossing
mom off the list.
I intend to support Jo myself.
Well, I'm sorry, but I--
Michael and I will
discuss this later.
Besides, kids,
I'm written out and lectured out
and a vacation will be good.
This graveyard is
getting you already.
Just a minute.
Jo has the right
to live her life.
You can't make her
give up her career.
I did not marry
her career.
It's none of
your business.
- And frankly, I think..
- Stop it.
- But really, mom.
- Stop it, mean it, so help me.
Come dear, we'd better
get ready for the Dean's tea.
Yes, of course.
- Poor mother.
- That's awful.
Yeah.
A genius like mother and
he'd make her stop writing.
Su, we've got to
get her out of this.
Don't be silly, she doesn't
want to get out of it.
Did you see how
she looked at him?
Temporary infatuation.
Can't be anything else.
Jeff, they're married
and that's not temporary.
- It could be.
- Jeff.
Su, for her sake,
we've got to think in terms
of a year or two from now.
By then, she'll be ruined.
Her career, everything.
What are we going to do?
We're going to blow this fellow
up with his own chemicals.
Breakup their marriage.
Right.
Gee, I don't know if we should.
Of course we should.
Do you want to save her or not?
- Of course I do.
- Alright, then you're with me?
I guess so.
You won't get sentimental
and want to back out.
No, it's for mother.
Alright.
Now, this may sound adolescent
but I think we'll
need a password.
Why?
If you do start to go
chicken on me I can
spring it on you and
get you back on the bean.
Okay.
Oh, how about "They scrape
a ton of rust a year
"from an iron bridge
over the Yukon?"
Anything you say Jeff.
There ought to be an answer
to show you get it.
Why not just be offhand and say,
"No doubt you're right."
Okay, now, if you show
signs of weakening, I say
"They scrape a
ton of rust a year--"
"From an iron bridge
over the Yukon--"
And you say..
"No doubt you're right."
I am born in Paris.
Oh, really.
Only I come here
for my education.
Paris was my home
for several years.
[speaking in foreign language]
Could I come sometime,
just to talk?
Ha-ha. In a word, oui.
Oh, merci, madame, merci.
You've done wonders
with the place, darling.
Just talent, dear,
just talent.
Who was at the door?
Oh, a boy with the kids' trunks.
Jo, about Susan and Jeff..
Oh, I think they're sorry about
the way they talked that day.
They've been nice
and quiet for some time now.
Yes, but there's still a
lot of tension between us.
Oh, I'm sorry. They must seem
like little fiends to you.
Jo, sometimes I think you don't
appreciate those kids.
If you did, you couldn't call
them little fiends.
What?
You see, you've got to
understand the adolescent mind.
Our marriage, the sudden
transition to a new home
'must have been a terrific shock
to Susan and Jeff.'
'Naturally, they were
on the defensive.'
And, furthermore, perhaps I was
a little to blame myself.
I'd like to do something to
help them adjust themselves.
I'll go upstairs and
talk to them right now.
That's the answer.
Meet them halfway.
Michael.
Sometimes I think
you're just wonderful.
[knock on door]
Come in.
- Susan, Jeff.
- Yes, Michael.
I just dropped in
for a little chat.
You might call it a
heart to heart talk.
Why, sit down.
Oh ,thank you, Jeff.
Um, I've been thinking about
this little tension that exists
between us and I realize it's
as much my fault as it is yours.
Oh, I wouldn't say that.
Well, I do.
After all, this happened
suddenly and it hasn't been
an easy re-adjustment
for you to make.
That is true, Michael.
So, speaking man to man--
Ah, let's keep it heart to heart
so that she can be in too.
Ah, yeah.
I want you to know,
I'm gonna try and try hard
to make this work out well,
and I...I want to ask you to
meet me half way.
Why? We'll be glad to
meet you half way.
We'll meet you two-thirds
of the way, Michael.
Ah, this may sound silly
and sentimental kids, but..
Put it there.
Now that we're friends.
There's something
I'd like to suggest.
It'll make your mother happy
if you enroll in college here.
Oh, now wait a minute,
friendship is friendship but--
Ah, darling don't be hasty.
Just think of the interesting
facts one can learn in college.
Why just the other day,
a fellow said
"That they scrape
a ton of rust a year
"from an iron bridge,
over the Yukon."
"Oh, no doubt you're right."
Michael, I think
we should go to college.
And you Susan?
Oh, yes, I think education does
add certain of value to you.
Fine, I'll tell the
registrar this morning.
See we're...we're
pulling together already.
- Put it there.
- Ah, ha, ha.
We've got him.
You have something cooked up.
What is it?
[indistinct humming]
Well?
Look.
If I know that faculty
mind up Michaels.
He'll miss the significance
of mothers book completely.
- So?
- All he'll remember.
Is some of the
shocking incidents.
Well, go on.
For instance.
Remember the character, Celeste?
- Celeste, had no character.
- That's the point.
Now listen darling, we get
Michael to read the book.
And then, while he's
still punchy.
We casually let it drop
that Celeste is mother.
Jeff!
And not only Celeste,
Marie and Evon too.
We'll tell him that this is
really mother autobiography.
Jeff, you can't.
Well, who says we can't?
Don't you want to help mother?
- Oh, yes but--
- Alright.
Then look at this way.
It's our duty to use
whatever weapons we've got.
Oh, sometimes your ideas are
so gruesome, you frighten me.
- Can't miss kid.
- Jeff, it's dynamite.
- What if mother finds--
- If mother stays here.
She'll never write another line.
Yes, your right.
When are you gonna
pull it on him?
Right now.
[imitating Michael] "Oh, ah-ah this
may sound silly and sentimental, but.."
"Put her there."
See you in college.
Oh, get a load of this
freshmen manual.
- 68 rules.
- All waiting to be broken.
Um, what's your first class?
Something to do
with physics, I think.
Oh, mine's
contemporary playwright.
Here that probably
means Shakespeare.
Oh, I think this is it.
Well, carry on and no quarter.
It's them or us.
(Jeff)
'By the way.'
You are a co-ed.
You're a venomous thing
to have in the family.
You know that, don't you?
Oh, this is the contemporary
playwright's class, isn't it?
Begins in five minutes.
I can hardly wait.
Cute kid.
Yes-yes that's very interesting
Miss Dough.
Ah, who's that?
That's Mr. Ferrell,
the instructor.
He might be worth
spending a little time on.
Don't build yourself up.
It's against the rules
to date members of the faculty.
That settles it, he'll have
my first free evening.
You wouldn't like to bet
on that, would you?
Save your money,
it's a sure thing.
- Four bucks, says it isn't.
- Six, seven.
We'll give you two weeks
to get a date with him.
Just give me eight hours.
You see, I happen to be
free tonight.
Easy money.
And so, there are two reasons
why the play we just analyzed
marks an important
milestone in the
'history of American Theatre.'
'First.'
'Ah.'
Ah.
First because in it
the author Vincent Leech has
honestly and uncompromisingly
portrayed a group of people
who are the product
of the era in which they lived.
Ah.
I might even go so far
as to say that.
The plot of Leech's play
could not have been written
'in any other era.'
Pardon me.
You don't seem to
approve of my comments.
Oh, that's alright.
Go ahead.
[all laughing]
Now, for the second point.
Do you think the play could've
been written in any other era?
Could have been?
It was.
It was stolen from Morteka, a
15th century Spanish playwright.
[whistling]
Well, there may be some slight
coincidental similarities but--
Oh, it was no coincidence.
Vince said that--
Uh..
- Vince? Did you say Vince?
- Mm-hm.
Vincent Leitch, the author.
He's one of our best friends.
Vince said, he stole everything
but the nails
from Morteka's coffin.
[everyone laughing]
[siren wailing]
That bet's as good
as won right now.
She's got him so burned up
that pulled out a fire truck.
We can discuss Mr. Leitch's
ethics at some future meeting.
Now..
Ah.
Uh, the second reason that
this play important
is that it shows that
a man who has something to say
will write a more honest play
than a man who is writing
merely for money.
What's wrong with that?
The reason Vince stole the play
was he was frantic for money.
Hisfiancwas howling for cash.
'His ex-wife was howling
for alimony.'
His creditors were laying for
him in all his favorite bars.
Also, he wanted
to buy a pool table.
[everyone laughing]
[bell rings]
Class dismissed.
You're cooked. You might
as well concede now.
Don't spend your money yet,
honey. See you outside.
I understand that lost harvest
is on a schedule for tomorrow.
That's right,
Ben Zimmerman's last play.
That'll be interesting.
A couple of weeks ago, Benny
said that anyone who could
interpret his play
was a better man than he was.
Benny?
Wait a minute.
Do you know him too?
Benny? Ever since he was a
reporter on the Bronx home news.
- Oh, wait, Miss..
- Evans.
Miss Evans, wouldn't it
be possible for us
to have a little talk
about the play?
I'd be delighted.
I mean, sometime before
tomorrow's class.
- You can take me to dinner.
- Oh, good.
21 faculty row,
Professor Kingsley's house.
I wouldn't want Kingsley
to see me, there's a rule--
Say you dropped in for a cup
of tea with Mrs. Kingsley.
Eight for me,
and two for you, and..
It's all arranged.
You'll pick me up
at 7:00 for dinner?
Yes, yes, that's a date.
Cute kid.
Yeah.
[whistling]
Ah! What's here?
Well, I'm doing my bit.
How about you?
I just performed
a physics experiment.
Well, how'd it work out?
Did you hear that fire engine
about half hour ago?
- Yes.
- That was my experiment.
Mm-hm, well,
we're doing alright.
Let's go and see how Michael's
coming along with his reading.
Hop!
Oh, hello.
Ah, enjoying the book?
How many of these are there?
- Well, over a 100,000.
- What?
Oh, what's the matter?
Well, in spots it is
awfully frank.
Well, mother was writing about
how recent history caught up
with the simple people in their
own neighborhood of Paris.
To do that, the people
had to be written frankly.
Couldn't you've left out
some details.
For example, incident between
Celeste and the chestnut man.
[Jeff laughing]
'That was the time mother fell
for that cabinet minister.'
Oh, yes.
And the chestnut man
got jealous.
Yeah.
Did you say mother?
Well, yes.
Didn't you recognize her?
That's who Celeste is.
Several of the characters
are autobiographical.
Uh, you remember Marie and Evan?
They're both mother too.
Jeff, maybe, you shouldn't.
Michael might not understand.
I certainly don't.
Even if she were writing
about herself
why should she be
all three characters?
Oh, she had to split herself up.
She said, people wouldn't
believe one woman could cover
so much territory.
Don't misunderstand, Michael.
The atmosphere of Paris
was so infectious.
- You know how Paris used to be.
- You know mother.
She likes to have
a lot of men around.
(Susan) 'She fell into the habit
of inviting men for tea'
'and exchange of ideas.'
Oh, I..
I don't think we should've
mentioned this, Jeff.
Oh, maybe you're right.
Well, so long.
Uh, you won't tell her,
will you, Michael?
Remember, we're all
pulling together.
[door closes]
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
[dramatic music]
[door bell dings]
[dramatic music continues]
(male #7)
[speaking in French]
(Jo)
[speaking in French]
[laughter]
[both talking in French]
What do you want?
I just came by to have
a cup of tea with Mrs. Kingsley.
She's already having
a cup with somebody else.
[loud laughter]
Oh, hello, Michael.
This is Pepe Jerome,
my husband Professor Kingsley.
[speaking French]
Pepe's in the midst
of a wonderful story.
Jo, I wanna talk to you.
Let him finish it.
I'll translate it for you later.
[speaking in French]
Pardon me for speaking in French
but this is the kind of story
that in English is just no good.
[speaking in French]
[imitating horse]
[laughing]
Oh, I'm sorry, darling.
What was it?
I just wanted to say
that I won't be home for dinner.
Excuse me.
Hi.
Would you mind walking
a few steps behind me?
Well, I'll walk
in the opposite direction
if that's your attitude.
It's because of the rules.
Oh, alright.
- Good evening.
- Good evening.
Thinking of some place,
where we won't be seen together.
What's wrong
with your apartment?
That's another rule.
It's either that or spend
the evening single-pile.
A couple of months later,
Benny dropped by
and said his play
had been given the award.
I'm glad you told me
the inside on that.
It'll help in class tomorrow.
Specially, after the way
you assassinated me today.
- Oh, is this yours?
- Mm-hm, it's a play, my first.
How is it?
- It's a good idea.
- I'd like to read it.
No, it's bad the way you knife
your friends work.
You'd murder me.
No, I'd really like
to read it. Right now.
By the way, I could use
an expert's reaction.
Oh, now, wait a minute.
Just knowing a few
assorted of playwrights
doesn't make me a genius.
I warn you,
it's135 pages.
No, I, I can't stand
to watch you suffer.
I'll go find us some food.
[laughs]
[instrumental music]
I think, the idea is wonderful.
And some of the characters
are great but..
I..
I know, it's not developed. It
just doesn't seem to come off.
But when I think about
re-writing it, I..
Well, I don't know
where to begin.
Well, now take
the character of Philip.
Have you ever met
a middleclass Frenchman?
No...no, I guess I haven't,
except in books, but..
Wait a minute, you have.
You lived in France, didn't you?
Are you too proud
to accept a little help.
- No, would you help me?
- I'd love to.
Oh, that would be wonderful,
we'll make a great team.
Only you're taking
an awful chance.
I don't mind.
You don't know, how nice it is
to meet somebody with a...future
instead of a past.
[sighs]
[door opens]
Hello, Michael.
- Hello, still awake?
- Mm-hm.
- Did that raconteur stay long?
- Hm-mm.
He's a sweet boy.
Terribly lonesome.
Michael, why did you bring home
all those copies of my book?
We won't make any money,
if we buy them all ourselves.
If possible, I'd like to prevent
anyone else around here
from reading you.
Is it that dull?
Frankly, Jo, I find
some of the incidents
well...embarrassing.
Michael, don't you see?
The detail isn't important.
The thing that matters
is whether or not
the book leaves
the reader determined
that what I saw happened in
France, won't happen here.
I'm sorry.
It my opinion those incidents
belong in a cheap magazine
but nowhere else.
Goodnight.
Come on, Su.
It's 4 O'clock.
What about it?
4 o'clock is Michael
baiting time.
We can't rest on our laurels.
We gotta keep after him.
He's going to Chemistry
conference this afternoon.
There's nothing we can do,
until he gets back.
We could plan something for him
to worry about while he's gone.
Something on the,
"When the cat's away" theme.
Jeff, maybe we shouldn't
ruin the conference for him.
After all, he only gets his fill
of chemists once a year.
Hey, what's come over you
the last couple of days, Su?
Are you getting soft?
No, I've just been busy,
that's all.
What's with you and this Tom?
Well, I think his play has
something and I wanna help him.
What about your duty to mother?
Jeff, there's something
I wanna ask you.
Do you think we were right
in sending for Adam?
Of course, we're right.
Why?
By the time he's through,
marriage will be a shamble.
Well, that's great, isn't it?
I'm not so sure.
Hey, have you doubted for a
moment that Michael's a squirm?
No, maybe a woman has her right
to pick up the man she wants.
Oh, nonsense.
Mother had a light headed spell
and made a mistake
and we've got to fix it for her.
Hey, "They scrape
a ton of rust a year
"from an iron bridge
over the Yukon."
Well, don't they?
- I guess, you're right.
- That's better. Come on.
Tell me, Michael.
Is this conference really
important to you?
Yes, it is important.
Perhaps, it's worth it,
after all.
- Worth what?
- Worth leaving your home.
- Well, say--
- Say, unprotected.
- You ready, Michael?
- I think so.
[knock on door]
- What do you want?
- Mrs. Kingsley, of course.
[speaks in French]
You can't see her, she's gotta
get me to the station.
Oh, is it
that you're going away?
Yes, it's that I'm going away.
Obviously, it is more convenient
that I come for tea later.
[speaks in French]
[orchestral music]
See, what I mean.
[train chugging]
Michael, I was just thinking,
this is our first parting.
I'd be back in four days.
Oh, even so, I hate having
you leave on this formal note.
Michael, you just can't go off
while we're still being
unpleasant to each other.
I'd be imagining
all kinds of things.
You taking up to some hussy just
for spite, things like that.
Oh, I wouldn't do
anything like that.
- Jo.
- Yes.
I guess, I feel
the same way you do.
Oh, Michael....
I'm awfully glad we made up,
I'm terribly sentimental
about partings.
- Goodbye, darling
- Goodbye, bye.
Bye.
Parting is such a sweet sorrow.
Goodbye.
Goodbye, Susan and Jeff.
Jo.
Aha, reinforcements.
Adam!
It isn't you, it can't be.
It's me, wait till I tell you
about the job
I've hooked up for you.
(male #8)
'All aboard.'
Can't you see how glad
she's to see you, dope.
Kiss her again.
Oh, delighted.
[dramatic music]
[music continues]
[snapping fingers]
[snapping fingers]
Tickets.
Tickets, please.
All the way
to Philadelphia, sir?
No, on the contrary,
I'm getting out the next stop.
If you're looking for
the professor, he's fled.
He went off to Philadelphia
on some kind of an orgy.
I'm Professor Kingsley.
Well, glad to meet you,
professor.
- I'm Adam Trent, Jo's agent.
- How do you do?
- What happened to your party?
- It was not a party.
A meeting of the Society
of American Chemists
and I didn't go
because something else came up.
Anything serious?
I hope not.
You in town long?
- Week, two weeks, three weeks.
- Where are you staying?
Right down the hall from you,
they fixed me up in your study.
Oh, where's Mrs. Kingsley?
Jo? Uh, upstairs.
Getting ready to go out.
Didn't think he'd give up
those chemists for anything.
Hello, Michael.
Wise move, Michael.
Extremely wise move.
You're just in time
for the reunion party.
Where are you going?
The movies are on Wednesday's
and Saturday nights.
Is he kidding?
We're going to a joint
called The Pink Tiger.
That road house,
it's out of bounds.
Sounds well.
I can't be seen there.
Matter of fact,
neither can you.
We've been there before.
One more appearance won't hurt.
Get your hat, Adam.
- Uh, Michael.
- Hm.
Come this side.
Whole thing,
I think I gotta tell you.
You're not handling
this right, Michael.
Jo!
Oh, you look
out of this world.
[Jo chuckles]
How much are you gonna take
from that wolf?
- The what?
- That wolf. That home wrecker.
(Jo)
Michael.
Oh, what happened?
Something came up. I'll tell you
all about it later.
But I'm awfully glad
you're back.
Jo. What do you say, professor,
you're coming?
Or you gonna stay in
with your homework?
[jazz music]
[music continues]
Don't they injure themselves?
I'm afraid your
boyfriend's a square.
Oh, my! Mr. Kingsley.
Not mine!
Babush!
- Party?
- Lead on.
Let's dance, Jo.
Plenty of room.
You remember magazine
called Topics?
Do I? It broke my heart
when it folded.
It's being revived
and I need an editor in chief.
Adam, that's not
the job you mentioned.
- And it's for a big dollar.
- You know, I can't take it.
Oh, don't neglect it in such
short notice, think it over.
They dance well together,
don't they?
They've had
so much practice.
I don't see
what's so good about it.
Adam.
No, let's not talk about it.
Now, just think about it.
Jo.
Just like old times,
we were terrific, weren't we?
Don't mind Adam,
he is insufferably good
at little things, like dancing
and ordering wine.
Just give him something trivial
enough and he'll excel at it.
Something to drink, folks?
Sarsaparilla, sarsaparilla,
scotch and wine water.
Not for me.
I don't drink.
It's probably well,
drinking is one of the things
I excel at, not that
drinking is trivial.
I didn't know,
when you asked me to drink
that you were trying
to start a competition.
Oh, of course, wasn't I?
I just meant, you might absent
mindedly start drinking
drink for drink with me and end
up on to the band stand.
I guess, you've just made
a ridiculous statement.
How...how much do you weigh?
There's 112 pounds
of that is water.
What proof is the
liquor you drink?
Scotch 86.6.
Can you tell,
if that is full strength?
Well, naturally.
That's full strength, alright.
Just give me the..
Thanks.
You're wrong.
It's 63 proof.
Must be diluted.
Wrong bottle, I guess.
It won't happen again.
You see, he's a useful man
to have around.
Your blood pressure?
- Normal.
- Normal.
[murmuring]
Yes, yes.
Speaking not just ideally, but
scientifically I can tell you
we would oxidize,
you and I
the same number of milligrams
of alcohol per minute.
'The amount of scotch
you could consume'
could not possibly exceed what
I could consume by more than..
...three ounces.
Look, but probably,
you don't realize it
but that's like claiming
to be Napoleon.
Your opinion is hardly
an answer to scientific proof.
Would you like to back up
this childish theory?
I certainly would.
(Adam)
'Waiter, a bottle of scotch.'
I've had a couple of drinks.
That'll allow
for the three ounces variation.
But Michael, you're not an
experienced drinker like Adam.
Experience or no experience,
I'm gonna prove to you
that I'm right and he's wrong.
[Jeff whistling]
We will drink in a proximity
of two ounce portions
five minutes apart.
To science.
[coughing]
[orchestral music]
Hold the tiger
Hold the tiger
Hold the tiger
Hold the tiger
Hold the tiger
[people applauding]
[laughing hysterically]
Uh, what's the joke?
I'm laughing because I won.
I'm exactly sober as he is.
It's not that obvious to me,
Michael.
Why not. I can tell.
Why can't you?
A-a-are you sure
you didn't forget
to figure in something, Michael?
Uh, your liver maybe.
My liver's as big as
his was any day.
Of course, it is, darling.
Even bigger, maybe.
Tomorrow morning you'll have
a bigger head too.
Why don't you concede you've
had enough and let's go home.
She's saying that because she
knows I wanna play bull fiddle.
When a man wants
to play bull fiddle.
Who told you I wanted to play
the bull fiddle?
That's my secret.
Michael, there's one way
you can prove your point.
And that is by walking
a straight line.
I shall be delighted.
Uh, thank you, miss.
And you know where the straight
line leads, home.
[orchestral music]
Out of little toot,
eh, professor?
I'm not on a little toot.
I'm devoting the evening
to science.
I wish I had half the science
in me, you have.
Jo!
[orchestral music]
Jo!
- 'Are you ready?'
- All set.
[drum roll]
How'd you like this, big liver?
[people applauding]
That'll teach you to tango
with a man of science.
[everyone laughing]
Where did we leave off?
You were discussing C2H6O.
C2H6O.
You know what that is,
professor?
It's the symbol
for pure alcohol.
[all laugh]
'Will, uh..'
Will the class come to order?
The reason for analyzing C2H6O
is to combine with hydrogen
it forms ether.
A highly useful agent.
Now, will you please, uh,
copy these symbols
I-m-I'm going to put
on the blackboard.
I saw it with my own eyes.
That is a slanderous lie.
Not Kingsley.
If you don't believe me,
watch this.
[laughing]
Hey, Su.
What's the matter?
I can't take much more of this.
We're destroying that poor guy.
Not just his marriage
but his career too.
Well, the end
justifies the means.
- I'm not so sure anymore.
- Oh, look.
The way we're going,
we'll be in New York
in a couple of weeks.
Well, that's another thing
I want to talk to you about.
Whatever happens, I'm not
going back to New York
until the semester's over.
Oh, look, little one, you and I,
better have a nice long talk.
I haven't time. I promised Tom,
I'd drop by with notes.
That's why you don't want
to go to New York?
- That dope playwright.
- He's not a dope.
And he's not a playwright.
However, you'll get
your perspective back
when you get away from this
small town atmosphere.
Look, has it ever occurred
to you that something good
or somebody interesting could
exist outside of a big city?
Yes, it occurred to me.
But I never gave it
a second thought.
Oh, you're impossible.
[knocking on the door]
'Hi, Susan.'
Here's one other research
for the conferencing.
Oh, swell.
I'm almost up to that.
I'll bring you the rest,
this afternoon.
Hey, what's the matter?
You look miserable.
- Michael?
- Mm-hm.
He's gonna be called
on the carpet
of the faculty meeting,
this afternoon.
- There's a rule--
- Rules, rules for the faculty.
- Rules for the students.
- Tom.
If I seem a bit rabid
on this subject
it's because I've been thinking
a lot about them lately.
Eight dried up old trustees
around a table, try to legislate
that I shall never meet you,
and never talk to you
that you must never
enter this apartment.
If I'd paid attention,
I would've missed something
that's very important.
Well, anyway, that's my case
against the rules.
Oh, it's a wonderful case.
Furthermore, I've..
I've broken one rule
they didn't think of.
I've fallen in love with you.
Tom, promise me something.
What?
That you'll think about it.
I have.
[opera music]
I wonder what the trustees
would say about that.
[music continues]
Howdy.
- Well, hello, Jeff.
- Uh, see, Tom, I, uh..
I just happened to be
passing by, and, uh..
Well, Tom, there's something
I think I should tell you.
Oh.
It's a little silly,
but, uh..
I happen to know
Susan's kind of hurt
because you haven't read
mother's latest.
Really? Oh, I've been meaning
to read it, of course, but..
Why is Su hurt?
As though she'd written it.
Oh, no, no, but, uh, well,
so much of it is about her.
- Really?
- Oh, uh..
[everyone laughing]
[speaking in French]
[speaking in French]
[grunting]
You! I have to ask you to leave.
- Michael.
- Very well.
- Don't go, Pepe.
- Bon, I stay.
- Bon, you go.
- Just a minute, Pepe.
I just remembered I left the
water running in the bathtub.
Lovely time.
Au revoir.
- Au revoir. Au revoir.
- Michael cut off--
I'll take this up later.
I wanna have a word with Trent.
- Have two.
- Very well, I will.
Pack! Leave!
Alright, alright,
in a few days.
Today.
If you don't I..
I may be forced to injure you.
- You looking at the fire tongs?
- I am.
Well, perhaps I'd better..
...pack, leave.
Now, perhaps,
you'll explain this tantrum.
Alright, I propose to do
two things.
First, I'm dissolving your
little circle of admirers
before it gets any bigger.
- My circle of what?
- Second.
Unless you change, I'm through.
Unless you stop issuing
ultimatums, I'm through.
If you change,
I still want you.
You still want me?
That's a ray of hope.
What are these changes
you demand?
I want you to stop encouraging
people like that..
...drunkard and that junior
wolf, from hanging around you.
Furthermore, I want you
to adopt English
as the language of the house.
Michael, I-I-I'm trying
very hard to understand.
Can you possibly believe
that there's anything serious
between Adam and me?
Or between Pepe and me?
I don't know whether it's
serious, but I know that you..
...you like
to have men surrounding you.
You like to be admired by them,
flattered by them.
Maybe your life in some cheap
little bohemian sext Paris
but it can't go on here.
- Are you sure about this?
- I ought to be sure.
Your little weakness has cost
the respect of the faculty
my students,
almost my job.
You're convinced
you really know me?
'Of course.'
Michael, what you know about me
wouldn't stuff an olive.
From the time I met you, you've
seemed to me a trifle academic
and well, stuffy.
Outwardly, you've been
in character
as a chemistry professor.
Even to coming home occasionally
smelling a little oddly.
Hydrogen sulfide,
I can't help.
Underneath, I've seen the man
who grabbed me by the hand
and led me to a creature, like
a couple of moonstruck kids.
Made no difference to you, we'd
only known each other few days.
Even though you'd never broken
lose or done anything impetuous
you did it, then,
and it was lovely.
Jo, I was in love with you.
You were in love with me.
I guess that's what's wrong.
You were in love then
and you were different then.
Now, you've gone back to being..
Michael, I just can't take
the man that was talking now.
I asked you for a normal wife,
I can love and trust.
All I want is a husband
who trusts me.
I do trust you, Jo.
If you explain why you encourage
them hang around you always.
I'm not going to explain
anything, Michael.
That's not my definition
of trust.
Is that your last word
in the matter?
Yes, it is.
- No!
- What's the matter with you?
I thought, it might be
that Michael fellow.
He's been threatening to bash
my head with the fire tongs.
Michael?
Nonsense.
Hey, what's going on here?
I'm preparing to escort Jo,
back to New York, for good.
- Huh?
- Jo! New York!
- How did you do it?
- Michael did.
He went berserk
and talked her into it.
Then, she's gonna take
that magazine job?
- Practically?
- Adam, we've done it.
We solid have.
Back to New York.
I can't believe it. I..
Hey, does Susan know about this?
No, she went over that
playwright fella's house.
For the last time, that's fixed.
When she's back, she'll be
anxious as we are
to get out of town.
Come on, help me get ready.
[dramatic music]
Stick close to me.
The mad professor might be
lurking in the halls.
No!
Protect me, lad.
That chemist's there
with the fire tongs.
He's run amok.
Protect you!
I'm the one
who needs protection.
You..
Oh, you mustn't commit
fratricide, darling.
Not until you're 21, anyway.
You double-crossing little worm.
- Don't get excited so--
- What's all the snarling about?
He pulled that book routine
on Tom. Tom fell for it.
He did? He's got a lot of nerve
thinking those things
about a nice girl like you.
You're well rid of him.
Yes, it worked.
I'm through with Tom.
But don't you look so smug.
Because you've accomplished
something you hadn't figured on.
You've made me realize how wrong
we've been about mother.
You did to me
what we're doing to her.
And for my money,
it's a dirty trick.
Well, there's no point
in discussing it now, honey.
Jo's coming to New York
with me, tonight.
What?
She had a brawl with Michael.
They're all washed up.
- I don't believe you.
- Well, ask Jo.
I will.
And furthermore, I'm going
to tell her the whole story.
If I could keep love
outta my business
I'd be a wealthy man.
Hey, we gotta stop her
from spilling the beans.
It's too late now.
[door opens]
Found it on the dresser.
"Dear, kids,
I just can't face another scene
"so by the time you read this,
I'll be on a train.
"Tell Adam I'll phone him
in New York.
"Right now, all I want
is to get away some place.
"Where I can figure out
what hit me.
"You stay here
until I send for you.
"I love you, Jo.
"P.S. Just for the record kids.
"My quarrel with Michael
was not your fault.
"It was about something basic.
"Something with which you two
were not concerned.
"So be nice to him, Jo."
I guess, that tells it, kids.
Well..
So long.
I should have thrown it out
and fried the feathers.
Oh, it's not your fault.
This bird's all muscle.
He never lost a fight.
Ha-ha-ha.
Well, cheer up.
You're doing better
than you did, a week ago.
Jeff, I'm sick
about this whole thing.
And I have a sneaking suspicion
you don't feel too good, either.
Well..
You're late for dinner.
I've been grading
examination papers.
Here, have something to eat.
I guess, I'm not hungry.
Thank you.
Did you happen to notice
if we flunked?
You, uh, passed, I think.
There must be some way
we can patch it up
between you and mother.
I'm afraid not. Anyway, don't
you and Jeff worry about it.
'You did all you could to help.'
What was it you quarreled about?
She started collecting admirers.
'You know, the thing you
warned me about.'
Then it was our fault.
Michael, Jeff and I
are to blame for all this.
- We lied to you.
- What?
Oh, well, maybe we exaggerated
a little.
Shut up.
You and your iron bridge.
We are responsible for this.
We put the doubt in your mind.
There wasn't anything wrong
in having those people for tea.
- I saw it with my own eyes.
- You just imagined it.
She was probably just being
friendly with that student--
I didn't imagine
about that Adam.
"He practically told me
outright, how things stood."
He had one interest.
A new job for her
and 10% for himself.
It's good to make me
feel better.
But since Jo's gone, there's no
point in talking about it.
Oh, Michael, really you've made
a mistake about her.
[door opens]
- Susan, I've to talk to you.
- We have nothing to discuss.
- Come on.
- Let go of me.
- Hand her, you--
- Shut up.
And you keep out of this too.
Susan, I had to..
Sit down.
I'd to talk to you.
I could kill your brother.
Not been able to sleep.
I lie, wondering is it true,
your past was that lurid.
Wondering is it true
about that pawnbroker.
What pawnbroker?
The one that committed suicide
in your mother's book.
Oh, that pawnbroker.
Even though
your own brother told me
I, I can't believe it of you.
Even if I believed it, it won't
matter, because I love you.
Would you mind repeating
that last part again?
I love you.
You're a dope.
But at least you say the
right things at the right time.
- Tom, I got it.
- What, where are you going?
I've got some family problem
to settle.
- Do you mind waiting?
- It'll be a pleasure.
I'm gonna tear that brother
of yours, limb from limb.
- You, you won't object?
- Oh, help yourself.
Michael..
- You want her back, don't you?
- Of course.
It's simple. Get on a train, go
and tell her, you love her.
That's all you'll have to say.
Just plain "I love you."
- Might be worth a try.
- Certainly it is.
It worked on me
and it'll work on her.
Susan, I, I think I will.
I'll go right away.
I'll go tonight.
That's the spirit.
I'll, I'll get it.
Oh, Jeff. Isn't it swell? I know
everything's going to work out.
- What do you want?
- Oh, I have a message from Jo.
Oh.
Hello, Thomas.
You still here?
[Tom laughing]
Did I say something funny?
How are you, Jeff, my lad.
Hello, Susan.
- Adam.
- Is mother with you?
Don't be silly.
Don't think, I'd fumble this.
I've been working on her, since
she left. Everything's great.
You've probably been lying
your head off.
Jo's filed suit for divorce.
- You put her up to that.
- It was nothing really.
(Michael)
'Where is Jo?'
In a little hideaway,
resting up after her ordeal.
I've got to talk to her.
She mentioned that she wouldn't
see you under any circumstance.
It's about the effect
of your face on her nerves.
Mother couldn't have said
anything like that.
Just show up at the court
hearing, professor.
Everything will be arranged.
No fuss, no bother, no waiting.
Unless of course you insist
on alimony.
I think once before I brought
up the subject of injuring you.
You needn't worry about the
fire tongs. This is all I need.
All of a sudden,
I wish, I had done that.
Why don't you admit that they
don't scrape a ton of rust
from that silly bridge.
Oh, Jeff.
There must be some way we can
keep Michael in the family.
Well, it would take
a lot of fixing but..
It could be.
Could be.
Now, Susan?
Oh, Jeff, you're definitely
on Michael's side, aren't you?
Sure, sure.
You wouldn't let any, uh,
any bitterness change your mind?
Of course not.
Alright, done.
Now.
- Joke?
- Huh.
[utensils clattering]
Jeffrey, what are you doing
in the fireplace?
I am imitating a burning log.
Hurry up. We're late.
If you people hadn't wasted half
day on that silly detail.
Detail. How do you like
that guy?
There's the court calendar.
- Uh, Judge Kelly's our man.
- See you later, darling.
- 'I'm sorry, no.'
- 'Please, ma'am.'
We just got to see the judge.
We just go to.
- We just got to, that's all.
- I've told you, he's busy.
I'm sorry.
[dramatic music]
Judge, please.
- 'What's all this?'
- They broke in.
I know we shouldn't have,
but I had to..
- ...for my sister's sake.
- Alright, let 'em come in.
Well, thank you.
Very much.
Go on, explain.
Well, sir, it's about
mommy and daddy.
I guess you'd know them better
as Kingsley versus Kingsley.
What versus?
That means against, Susie.
Kingsley versus Kingsley means,
daddy against mommy.
Oh.
See?
(Jeff)
'Her little heart's breaking.'
Is that the case on my calendar
this afternoon?
- Uh-huh.
- Mm-hm.
Oh, Judge, you can't
let 'em do it.
Now that they're mad at each
other, they don't care about us.
(Jeff)
'Nobody cares about us.'
Each one of them
is gonna take one of us.
We'll be...we'll be
waifs of divorce.
Could you..
Could you tell me..
Tell me why
they wanna leave each other?
Mm-hmm.
You see, every evening while
daddy was reading his paper..
Mom would take a hot bath.
Then when daddy took his bath,
there was never any hot water.
Don't forget the part about
leaving the soap mushy.
Yeah, but it was mostly
about the hot water.
Well, then, one evening,
daddy bored her out.
Louder than usual.
And mom said,
"which would you rather have
"me or a hot bath?"
Daddies like that.
He sure does like a hot bath.
Could you do something, sir?
Your honor, sir.
I'll do the best I can, sonny.
Kingsley versus Kingsley.
Don't be nervous.
This is just a formality.
Just a rubber stamp.
Jo..
[gavel banging]
Everybody rise.
Josephine Kingsley.
(Judge)
'Michael Kingsley.'
You ought to be ashamed
of yourselves.
'Do you realize that
it's couples like you'
'that are rapidly destroying
everything sacred'
in the marriage vows?
Do you realize that you
represent another American home
'being split as sunder
for no sensible reason?'
How can you..
How can you selfishly
bring loneliness
'and heart break
to your children?'
'Leaving them helpless.'
Veritable..
Uh, veritable waifs of divorce.
That's rot. They can take care
of themselves in a lions cage.
That's a fine attitude
for a mother to take.
There's nothing wrong
with her.
Furthermore don't talk
to her that way.
- Michael.
- As long as she is my wife.
Let, let me appeal to you
as sensible people.
As parents.
Doesn't, doesn't the thing
you quarreled about
seem unimportant now?
Yes, it does.
Jo, I was wrong.
Every time I thought
about the way
you described yourself
in your book, it drove me crazy.
Described myself?
Oh, you know,
the character, Celeste.
'The kids said that you were
Marie and Evan too.'
What's all this got to do
with who takes the hot bath?
You got me, Judge.
They, they did say later
that's exaggerated.
Exaggerated?
I'll say they exaggerated.
Oh, darling, no wonder you
thought, what you thought.
- Not okay, Jo.
- 'Oh, you keep out of this.'
Yeah, you keep out of this.
- T-then it is untrue, isn't it?
- Michael, does it matter?
No, it doesn't.
Because I love you.
Oh!
Oh, then I can tell you.
Those little swine
made up the whole thing.
Your honor,
we've made a mistake.
Is it alright, if we asked you
to dismiss the case?
I'll dismiss the case
on one condition.
(Jo)
'Yes.'
From now on, promise to leave
some hot water for your husband.
Well, Judge, if it'll make you
any happier, I'll promise.
(Judge)
'Case dismissed.'
There's just one piece of
unfinished business.
That's for me.
Mm, well, there goes
10% of my life.
When you know the facts,
the divorce can be prevented.
You're right, judge.
I think, I can
congratulate myself
on having restored happiness to
a couple of innocent youngsters.
(Jeff)
Don't! No! Don't!
[indistinct shouting]
No!
[indistinct chatter]
Oh, the most outrageous
performances I've ever seen.
[shouting]
Jeepers! A dead end.
Now, wait a minute, Michael.
Couldn't we talk this over?
- Man to man.
- Mm-hm.
- 'I'll, I'll meet you halfway.'
- Mm-hmm.
Now, look,
no atrocities.
Father!
Hey, stop beating my wife.
Tom!
[orchestral music]