- Well?
- Please, I must see Mr. And Mrs. Ballantine.
- What for?
- Well, I've got something to give them.
- They're on now. I'll take it.
- Oh, no!
- I've got to do it myself.
- Not a chance, lady.
Nobody's allowed backstage
but the actors.
That's the rule,
and I ain't gonna break it.
#Train man, train man
on your way #
# For I'm ready to go #
#Train man, train man
on your way #
#To the land of Old BlackJoe #
# Ho, ho, ho #
# Hear that choo-choo
hoppin' along, whoo-whoo #
# I can hear it singin' a song #
# Candied yams and 'Ginia hams
like in the days of yore #
#A little angel waiting
by a little cabin door #
# Lordy, Lordy, how I pine #
#Just to be back in "Caroline" #
#Way down south
of the Mason-Dixon Line #
#With my mammy #
# Oh, way down south #
# Of the Mason and Dixon Line ##
- Oh!
- Flowers. Thank you.
Oh, wonderful.
Look. Pigeons.
Oh, but I've tried.
Why, I've got something to give them.
Oh, why didn't you tell me? A new gig, eh?
Hey, Bill. Take these to 'em.
Here, you can't-
It's a baby. It's a ba-
Did somebody lose a baby?
All right, wise guys.
Who put this baby in the basket, huh?
- Don't look at me. I ain't done nothin'.
- Whose baby is it?
- Is it a new part of your act?
- Somebody's kidding.
Yeah, probably you, huh? Wise guy.
You're comedians- puttin' a baby in a basket.
Is that a laugh, huh? Wait a minute.
Wait a minute. There's a note here.
Oh, sweetie.
"DearJoe and Kit, I've asked my landlady
to bring little Wendy to you.
"The doc says my time's just about up...
"but as long as I know
the baby's in your hands...
I don't mind joining Flossie.
Good-bye. Your Pal."
- It's Barney O'Hara's baby.
- It is Barney's.
But she's got Flossie's eyes.
You remember how pretty she was?
Yeah, she and Barney
were a beautiful team.
Gee, they were marvelous.
Well, what are we gonna do with her?
We're gonna keep her.
# Honi kaua wikiwiki #
# Sweet brown maiden said to me #
#As she gave me language lessons #
# On the beach at Waikiki #
# Honi kaua wikiwiki #
# She repeated playfully #
# Oh, those lips were so inviting #
# On the beach at Waikiki #
# Now everybody is askin'me #
#Who's that bunch of"poison-ality" #
#With a figure like a cow #
# Baby, take a bow #
# Everybody wants to know #
#Where I found this homely Romeo #
#You could haunt a house
and how #
# Baby, take a bow #
# Oh, hear them whispering #
# "Hasn't she got anything" #
#Why, baby, you're a standout #
# Mister, what a bunch of bull
you hand out #
# But I'm gonna stand
right here and say #
#That I wish you were
a million miles away #
# Funny, I feel that way too #
# Is that so
Baby, take a boot #
# Oh, our act was awful up to now #
# Baby, take a bow #
# Everybody's asking me #
#Who's that bunch of personality #
# I'm presenting you right now #
# Daddy, take a bow #
# Everybody wants to know #
#Who's that great big
handsome Romeo #
# I'm presenting you right now #
# Daddy, take a bow #
# Hear them whispering #
# "Hasn't he got everything" #
# He's a standout #
# Listen to the compliments
they hand out #
# Let me stand right up and say #
#Who's the one brings Mother
all his pay #
# I'm presenting you right now #
# Daddy, take a bow ##
You know what I was thinkin'?
First let me get used to the idea
that you've been thinking at all.
- Well, what?
- Remember when they straightened out Barney O'Hara's affairs...
and they found out that he'd made half
the payments on that farm in New England?
Yes, and we're trying to get rid of it.
Well, maybe that's where we're wrong.
Maybe we oughta keep up those payments.
- For what?
- Well, so we could have a place where we could all settle down.
- You know, retire.
- Are you crazy? It takes money to retire.
- We got a bank account, ain't we?
- Thanks to Wendy.
But it's not enough to retire on,
so forget it.
Ah, listen, Kit. Let's give her something
that we've never had- a home, huh?
Maybe that's the way
Barney figured it for Wendy.
Maybe that's why he picked out the farm.
Why, sure it is.
It's up to us to go through with it.
- What do you say, honey?
- It's a pipe dream, Joe.
I can just see you in overalls.
Out busting sods, and nobody to
give you a hand except the cows.
And me in a gingham apron sweeping
and cooking and making beds every day.
Well, maybe we could afford a maid.
We could not.
I guess I can hold up my own end.
- Then you'll go for it, huh?
- Well, we'll talk about it in five years.
- Ah, five years.
- In the meantime, you better start making those payments.
- Look, I'll wire that lawyer tonight.
- You'll write him a letter.
Remember, we're gonna be
New England farmers.
Listen, Wendy, honey, it's gonna be
a little tough for about five years, see?
But after that, wow!
#We've been to London's Piccadilly #
#When it was time for tea #
#We've walked along the Champs-lyses #
#The pride of gay Paree #
#You can rave about your Broadway #
#And Times Square #
# Come on along and let me show you #
#The grandest thoroughfare #
# Hop a bus
Take a car #
# Hail a cab and there you are #
# On Fifth Avenue #
# EveryJoe, everyJane #
#Walks along the dreamers' lane #
# Of Fifth Avenue #
#That's Fifth Avenue #
#Where they stop, window shop #
#And their hopes are so high #
- # Pricing rings #
- # Pretty things #
#That they can't afford to buy #
# But they smile
They don't care #
# Everyone's a millionaire #
#When you're strolling
on Fifth Avenue #
# Easter bonnets #
# Bright and gay #
# New York's finest #
# On St. Patrick's Day #
# Flags are flying #
# See them wave #
# Soldiers marching #
# In memory of the brave #
#There are shouts
There are cheers #
# Mingled with a mother's tears #
# On Fifth Avenue #
# Old Fifth Avenue #
#All the world's on parade #
#Where the fashions are all made #
# On Fifth Avenue
That's Fifth Avenue #
- # Fancy shops #
- # Small cafs #
#A cathedral and then #
- # Central Park #
- # Cartier's #
#And a Woolworth's five-and-ten #
#What a street
What a thrill #
# Say, you haven't lived until #
#You've been strolling on Fifth Avenue #
- #You've been strolling on #
- #You've been strolling on #
# Fifth Avenue ##
Uh, folks, I know you're
very anxious to see the movie...
but if you don't mind, I'd like to-
Oh, Wendy,
you go ahead and tell them.
Ladies and gentlemen-
Oh, just a minute, mister.
Aren't you staying for the picture?
My goodness. He must've come
just to see the vaudeville.
Ladies and gentlemen,
this isn't a regular curtain speech.
You see,
this is our last performance...
and tonight we're saying good-bye
to stage and show business...
and leaving for our farm
up in New England.
But before we go,
we want to say good-bye...
and just this once
show what we think of you.
Will everyone please stand up?
Oh, come on. Everybody get up.
- Come on.
- Just this once. Come on. Everybody up there too.
Up. That's it.
Folks, it's hard to say good-bye
to a good friend...
and that's what you've been
to Dad, Mom and me.
You've applauded when you liked us...
and even given us a little hand
when you didn't.
You've been swell,
and we'll never forget you.
Because, honest to goodness...
we could never have brought you
as much happiness as you've brought us.
So now it's our turn to applaud you.

Well, good-bye, Sam.
Good luck to you.
- Have you got the railroad tickets, Joe?
- Yes, I've got the tickets.
Are you sure the train leaves
at 11:15 and not 10:15?
Is everything down from the hotel?
Did you leave a forwarding address
for the mail?
Will you stop worrying? Leave everything
to me. I'll get you there all right.
- I never forget anything.
- Hey, Dad, don't you remember?
Our dressing room is downstairs.
Come on, Joe. Come on.
All right. All right.
Hiya, Joe.
Gettin' ready for the big outdoors?
- Got your cookbook, Kit?
- Well, if I haven't, we'll starve to death.
Well, by cracky, Lenny,
Farmer Ballantine and her beau.
Well, missy, how's the crop this year?
Well, Ezra, I ain't a-sayin' it's good,
and I ain't a-sayin' it's bad.
I'm just sayin' "mebbe."
You better hurry with your packing, Wendy.
- All right, Mom.
- Ah, she's got the gift of laughter.
It's a crime takin' that kid
out of show business.
- You're throwin'away a great career.
- We're gonna have a career.
We'll just be gatherin' eggs
instead of laying 'em.
I can just see you three as farmers.
It gets awful lonesome
up in them "thar" hills.
After a couple of months on the farm,
you'll be happy to play in Peoria.
We'll be all right. Dad and I have been studying
scientific farming from these pamphlets.
You'll find out there's only one life for you,
and that's show business.
What kind of show business, Dave?
Five and six a day billed under
a double feature and a couple of shorts?
Oh, I know it ain't the paradise
it used to be...
but it's still a pretty good game.
Ah, it ain't the game, Dave.
It's what goes with it.
We've been in every town in the U.S.A.
And been strangers.
When we ride on trains at night,
we see light shining in people's homes.
But where do we live?
In a lower berth.
Listen, we never even had a chance
to vote yet. Not even once.
But now we're goin' to a town where we
ain't gonna be strangers. Understand?
Yes, and Wendy's
gonna lead a normal life.
You know,
grow up like other children...
have a home,
with friends her own age.
Yes, the kid's gonna have neighbors
that she can drop in on.
And Dad's going to be the leading citizen
of the community. Aren't you, Dad?
You said it. Listen. When
the Ballantines walk down the street...
they're gonna wave hello to everybody,
and everybody's gonna wave right back to 'em.
For the first time in our lives,
we're gonna live like real people.
- Your cab's here, Joe.
- Oh, thank you, baby. Well, so long, Hank.
- Best of luck.
- Bye. Don't forget to write.
All right. If you come around our way
at mealtime, drop in.
I'll be doing three shows a day in the kitchen.
And if you don't know our address,
ask for the mayor. That'll be Dad.
That's me.
#We're farmers in the dell #
- Bye.
- W e're farmers in the dell
Board!
I don't see the hired man, Joe.
Oh, he must be around here someplace.
Pardon me, mister, but have you
seen a man named Jeb Sparks?
- I see him every day.
- I mean, here at the station.
He's our farmhand
and was supposed to meet us.
Well, ifJeb's gonna meet you,
he'll be here in- let's see- 30 seconds.
- How do you know?
- The train was early.
- Oh.
- "Theatre."
You must be in the wrong town.
There ain't no theater here.
There isn't? What do you do
for entertainment?
Oh, just sit around and wait
for somebody to make a fool of themselves.
That doesn't sound like much fun.
Maybe 'cause you ain't the one
that's doin' the settin'.
I don't see any town. Where is it?
Right over that hill three miles.
It's a long walk.
- Jeb Sparks?
- Yep.
I'm glad to know you. This is
Mrs. Ballantine. This is little Wendy.
- Howdy.
- Train got here early, didn't it?
- Yep.
- Don't let that worry you, Jeb.
- Nope.
- Say, have you got somebody to deliver these trunks?
Chatterbox. Well, hop in, girls.
- Which way is the farm?
- The other side of town.
- Is it very far?
- No.
- Did you order that list of groceries?
- Yep.
Will we have a good crop this year, Jeb?
Well, I ain't sayin' yep and I ain't sayin' no.
Just sayin' "mebbe."
He's stealing your stuff, honey.
And look. There's the church.
- Do they ring the bells on Sunday, Jeb?
- Yep.
- When they do, it's Sunday school for you, Wendy.
- Yes, Mom.
- Hey, that's the town hall, ain't it, Jeb?
- Yep.
- When's the next town meetin'?
- Tomorrow night.
You hear that, Kit? A town meetin' where
a man could stand up and have his say.
- Real old-fashioned democracy.
- Darn right it's old-fashioned.
This ain't no New Deal country.
What's the matter, Jeb?
- Nothin', 'cept we're here.
- We're here.
- It's beautiful.
- It's even prettier than the picture you showed us.
Look at that barn!
It looks exactly like a- a barn.
Oh, Mommy.
Joe, did you see her face?
Oh, it's wonderful.
Oh, I've got to see my bedroom.
Look! What a fireplace!
I've gotta see my kitchen.
This is it.
Hey, girls! Get a load of this chair!
Oh, man. And the silence!
I've never heard anything like it!
It's all windows! Double exposure!
Wendy! Joe! Come look at
this beautiful stove, with two ovens!
Oh, this is for me.
I think I'll pitch a tent right here.
Yes, sir, this is for me.
#The farmer's in the dell
The farmer's in the dell #
Home.
Kit, wake up! We gotta catch a train!
Come on! Wake up!
Oh, all right.
Oh, Joe, no more trains.
No, Kit, honey.
No more trains. Never.
Oh, what a day. What a day.
Not bad. Not bad.
- Joe?
- What?
We said we'd start out right.
Tell Wendy today.
- Tell her what?
- You know very well what.
About us not being her real parents.
Oh, that. Oh, sure.
Why don't you go ahead and tell her?
Oh, no. You said you'd do it.
Can't I change my mind? You're the guy
that knows human nature better than I do.
- Why don't you tell her?
- Joe Ballantine, you know you're the understanding one.
I'll tell you. We'll toss a coin.
Fine father. Can't even tell
his own child she's an orphan.
Hmm. How would you like to find out maybe after
all these years that I wasn't your husband, huh?
- Will you stop clowning?
- Listen. I ain't clownin'. I'm afraid. That's all.
- Suppose we don't tell her?
- Oh, that's no good.
She'd find out sooner or later
from strangers, and that'd be worse.
- Yes, I know, Joe.
- Well, come on. Call it.
Heads.
Go on in now.
All right. All right. I'll tell her.
You think I'm afraid
to talk to my own kid?
- Listen. I'll just say, "Wendy, the
time has come-" - Don't tell me. Tell her.
All right. All right. I'll tell her-
I gotta get that thing fixed.
Oh, you're up.
Did that rooster wake you too?
- Wendy, the time has come-
- Yes, I know. For breakfast.
I'm starved.
Mom, you look simply scrumptious
in that gingham dress.
You're the prettiest and "bestest" of all.
And you too, Dad.
You look like a million yourself.
In fact, we look like three million.
Listen, Wendy.
This is gonna be tough, honey. Very tough.
Sure. I know.
It's always tough on a farm.
But we can lick it, the three of us.
We've done it before.
- Ah, but, Wendy, listen.
- And we'll do it again.
I'm so happy.
I guess I've never been so happy.
We mustn't let anything spoil it.
Come one, come all!
See and hear The Three Ballantines...
in their latest creation,
"Down on the Farm."
With a mom and dad like you
and this house and the farm and everything...
I'm just about the luckiest girl
in the whole world!
- But, Wendy, honey, I'm trying to tell you-
- What, Dad?
Well, I'm trying to tell you...
that you got a table to set.
Now go on. Get outta here, will ya?
Ah, gee, Kit, I couldn't tell her.
- Oh, I'm glad you didn't.
- You are?
I'm kinda scared
of the way she might take it.
Oh, honey. Well, come on.
Let's have that breakfast.
I can hardly wait to get my hands
on that plow.
All right, laugh, laugh.
Oh, you kill me.
- Well, Jeb, we all set?
- Yep.
Gee, I've been waitin'
a long time for this.
You better let me finish plowing the hill.
You'll find it smoother goin' up on the flat.
Listen, Jeb, this is my farm, and by golly
I'm gonna farm it. Put them things on me.
- Yep.
- You just get on over there and watch.
All right.
Giddap. Oh, yeah,
this is right down my back alley.
I'll probably plow
about 50 or 60 acres today.
Whoa! Whoa, Bessie! Come on, Bessie.
Stay over here in the ballpark.
Throw me out a straight man.
Come on, Bessie, cooperate.
Come around here, will ya?
Hey, you better go that way.
Don't tell me which way to go.
I know where to go.
Come on around here, Bessie.
Hurry! Bess! Come here, Bessie!
Oh, Dad!
Come and get it!
Huh. Anybody can plow
them straight lines.
But when you make 'em round like that,
you can plant more in 'em.
If you don't think so,
you go ahead and measure 'em.
That's what they call scientific farming.
Whoa. Yeah.
Anyway, that plow's crooked.
Ah, this is the life.
A hard day's work in the field,
then home to a great dinner.
Oh, a great dinner. I only hope you'll
be able to eat it. I know it's gonna be awful.
But don't you kids be foolish, because if it
isn't any good, we'll open a can of beans.
Now-
Oh, let's see it.
You open it, Wendy.
I haven't the courage.
Mom, it looks just like the ad
in the Ladies HomeJournal.
Kit! What's the matter?
Oh, I can't help it.
It's the first thing that I ever cooked.
- That's marvelous.
- It's all right.
All right. Come and get it.
We've got to step lively now if we're going
to make that meeting at the town hall.
Howdy, folks. Hello. Hello.
Well, we're here.
Ah, good evening, ladies.
- Good evening.
- Oh.
Isn't it a lovely evening?
They're shy, aren't they?
Oh!
Oh, good evening there, stranger.
Say, tell me. What kind of a crop
do you think they're gonna have this year?
- Ask me in September.
- What is it-
Oh, look.
- I'm awful glad to see you tonight, stranger.
- Huh? Yeah.
We certainly do like
your little town, Mr., uh-
- What did you say your name was?
- I don't think I said.
Chatterbox is quite a character,
ain't he?
- Don't you remember me, Mr. Stationmaster?
- Why, well, yeah.
- Hello, Jeb.
- Hello.
What's the matter with all these people?
- Have they got dyspepsia?
- No.
- Are they always like this?
- Yep.
Good evening, folks.
Makes my blood boil every time
I read that newspaper of his.
Stonefield Democrat.
Going the same way his party.
I suppose he'll start drinking too.
Newspaperman. Huh.
Uh, pardon me, mister. Could you tell me
how soon the meeting begins?
- 8:00. Promptly at 8:00.
- Thank you so much.
You see, we're strangers.
We just moved here. We're the Ballantines.
Oh, sure. Where's your mother and father?
I'd like to get an interview.
Oh, are you a newspaper man?
Well, there seems to be
some question about that.
Mom and Dad are right over there.
I'll introduce you.
If I'd known we were going to be interviewed,
I'd have brought our scrapbook.
But that's all right.
Dad will tell you everything.
You'll like him. Everybody does.
Here's a reporter
who wants to interview us.
Mighty glad to know you,
Mr. Ballantine, Mrs. Ballantine.
I'm Mike Shea of the Democrat,
county's leading weekly.
Democrat up in this part
of New England?
Yes, sir. You're looking at the editor,
reporter and typesetter rolled into one.
- Well, tell me something. Do they read the paper here?
- They've got to.
- Only one in town.
- Mr. Shea, we really don't want any publicity.
Well, Kit, I wouldn't go
so far as to say that. We-
Neither would I.
You see, I promised Mr. Shea-
Why, you're news.
You people are an asset to this town.
- And, believe me, it can certainly use a few assets.
- Thank you very much, my friend.
You might say that we're gonna
try and fulfill our duties-
- Oh, Judy!
- You might also quote me-
He's nice, isn't he?
- Judy, I've got to talk to you.
- I haven't time.
- After the meeting then?
- I'm sorry, but we're staying for the church social.
And after that, we're going to listen
to a little shortwave at my radio store.
I don't thinkJudith
wants to talk to you, Shea.
Ah, now, Freddy,
put yourself in her place.
Why, you'd be just palpitating to talk to me.
Are you palpitating, Judy?
- Not so you could notice it.
- Well, there's your answer.
Fred, please.
I'll be with you in a moment.
- Well, what do you want?
- I want to get this whole mess straightened out, Judy.
You've been dodging me
for a week now.
I don't intend to stand here
and let you insult me.
What if I did print an editorial calling
your Aunt Hester a museum piece?
She is a museum piece. But what I say
about her, no matter what it is...
shouldn't make any difference
between you and me.
Look, Mike, what you said about
my Aunt Hester is only part of it.
It's everything you've been doing
since you took over your father's paper.
- Now wait a minute.
- Oh, I know. You had to print what you pleased.
Save the town from stagnation.
You wouldn't settle down like a normal person.
- No, not you.
- That's not you talking, Judy. That's your Aunt Hester.
Would you like me to elucidate,
young man?
I don't think it'll be necessary,
Aunt Hester.
- Good evening, ladies.
- Good evening.
- Shall we go in, Judith?
- I think we'd better find our seats.
Will you excuse us?
What a shame.
Yeah, the plot's all twisted.
Girl gets wrong boy.
- You'll have to fix that up, Dad.
- If you ask me, that girl could use some good advice.
- You said it.
- Just who, may I ask, could use some good advice?
- I was speaking about a cousin of mine from-
- A cousin we have in Topeka.
He had some trouble
with his mother-in-law.
She must've been weaned on a pickle.
- Come on, Dad. It's town hall tonight!
- Come on. Let's go in.
There seems to be
so much gloom around here.
You don't know enough
to pound sand down a rat hole!
Maybe so. But I know enough
to stop talking once in a while!
Stop your squabbling, Sam.
A man's a right to speak his mind here whether
you agree with him or not. Go ahead, Pete.
This bridge has gotta be repaired
before she collapses.
- How much will it cost?
- Mr. Baldwin calculates it'll cost about $50.
Then I say wait till she collapses!
That fellow's wrong. It'll cost less to repair
the bridge than it would to build a new one.
Sure, Dad. You've got opinions.
Why don't you say something?
Anybody got any more
to say about the proposition?
- Go on, Joe.
- Go on, Dad.
All right then. Matter's deferred till next year.
Well, I guess that finishes the agenda.
Yes, that finishes the agenda.
Now if someone will move
to adjourn the town hall-
- Mr. Moderator?
- Yeah, Mr. Shea?
Folks, you know I couldn't let a meeting
go by without reminding you...
that there are still a few young people
living in Stonefield.
Or should I say vegetating?
Yeah, and most of'em
ain't dry behind the ears yet.
Maybe so. But we don't claim
to be suffering from dry rot.
But we figure that's what ails Stonefield.
Fellow citizens, we've got a real
progressive program for our town...
and it won't cost a great deal of money
to put it into effect.
Seems that bein' progressive and spendin'
other people's money amounts to the same thing.
Now I'll tell you what's keeping us broke.
Tradition. You're all afraid to do anything
any differently than your grandfathers did it.
What's wrong with the way they did it?
Nothing. Only they did it
in another century.
Now I respect tradition
as much as the next man...
but I don't respect it
when it stands in the way of progress.
Now let's get wise to ourselves.
Let's realize that we're not living
on a desert island...
but right spang within the borders
of a big, lively, up-and-coming nation...
the United States.
We've heard all this before, Mr. Shea.
Well, anyway, for the record,
I want to propose our usual resolution-
that a board be appointed, no member
of which may be over 30 years of age...
to promote Stonefield as a tourist center,
to attract new industries here...
and to make our town a more prosperous
and progressive place in which to live.
- Terrific idea there, kid.
- Thanks, but we haven't got a chance.
- Mr. Moderator?
- Miss Appleby?
- Who is she?
- A schoolteacher.
Taught everybody here,
and she's still teaching 'em.
I think it's about time
to put a stop to all this nonsense.
Ever since my forefather, Caleb Appleby,
founded Stonefield...
in the dear, dead, sacrificial days
before the Revolutionary War...
and down through the decades
of American progression...
we've managed to get along very nicely
without factories or tourists...
even without Michael Shea.
However, since Michael
and his supporters were once my pupils...
I still cannot help but feel a certain
responsibility for them.
So, before their harebrained schemes to
get rich quick lead them into serious trouble...
I should like to remind them of the
fundamentals they were taught at school.
There's only one road to prosperity,
and that's the rocky one.
Hard work, diligence and thrift.
Thank you, Miss Appleby.
And now to dispense with the matter.
Mr. Moderator?
Yeah? Mr., uh-
Ballantine. Joe Ballantine. You know.
Dad, give 'em the old cannibal act.
Oh, yes. Gettin' up here tonight-
it's my first night in town-
it kinda makes me feel
like the vegetarian...
that was addressing a bunch of cannibals
that was having him for dinner.
But don't get me wrong, folks.
I'm- I like this town very much...
and I'm really proud and happy
to be a member of your little community.
But the trouble with all you people is-
well, you're still living
in the horse and carriage age.
You go back so far that you think the young
people should be seen and not heard.
That's where you're wrong.
The young people have the bright ideas.
Uh, when young Shea here said that this town
needed waking up, he punched it right on the nose.
Yes, sir. We oughta give
this town a shot in the arm...
put a new coat of paint on it.
- Uh-
- Shoulder to the wheel.
Oh, if we plunge in
and put our shoulders to the wheel...
we'll have people flocking in here
from every state in the Union.
- Standing room only.
- Yes, there'll be standing room only.
By that I mean
that the hotels'll be crowded...
the stores'll be doing
a land office business...
the real estate'll be booming, and, well,
the young folks'll have a chance.
I want you all to know
that we're here to do that very thing.
Yes, sir, you can always call on
The Three Ballantines. We're at your service.
Folks, let us help you use showmanship.
Let us help you bring happiness to the old town.
- Hit it, Dad.
- And I want to tell you that before we're through...
why, we'll turn Stonefield
into a hustling metropolis.
And what I wanna know, folks-
Are you with me?
Thank you. Thank you very much.
- Gee, Dad, that was just like a fireside chat.
- You weren't so bad yourself.
- Mr. Moderator?
- Mr. Dakin?
I reckon Stonefield is lucky...
mighty lucky to have a man
like Mr. Ballantine for a citizen.
It isn't often a stranger can come along
and show folks in a couple of minutes...
how they've been wrong for 150 years.
I think we ought to thank
Mr. Ballantine...
for giving us a shot in the arm,
if you know what I mean.
So I think it's only fittin'
that we appoint Mr. Ballantine...
a one-man chamber of commerce...
to investigate conditions
and report to us.
- Folks, I never dreamed-
- Hey, they don't know they're being ribbed.
I want to assure you that-
well, this is a great thrill for me.
This is a greater thrill to me
than when I played the Palace...
for the first time
in New York City, New York.
Oh, yes. I want you all to know
that I'm your friend.
When you bump into me on the street, I want
you to say, "Hello, Joe. What do you know?"
Ah, Kit, honey, this is it.
Everything we ever dreamed of.
Just think, Joe- a kid of ours growing up like
this, not having to go through what we did.
She'll know everybody, marry
a nice young fellow in town-
maybe the banker's son-
and when she has kids,
they'll grow up here...
get married... maybe.
What do you mean, "maybe"?
I don't know. I guess
I'm just an old sourpuss. That's all.
Don't you think I'm a little young
to be considering getting married?
Here. You're supposed to be asleep.
I know.
You just want to get rid of me.
Selling me off to the first bidder.
Honey, there ain't enough money
in the whole world to buy you.
- Sounds like a song cue.
- Well, not to disappoint you, I think I'll sing.
# I wouldn't take a million #
# For a girl like you #
# I wouldn't take a million #
# For the things you do #
# If they offered me a mansion #
# In the finest part of town #
# If you were not in that mansion #
#Then I would turn it down #
# I wouldn't take a million #
# For the twinkle in your eyes #
# I'd rather win a smile from you #
#Than win the Nobel Prize #
# If I were just a pauper #
#And I didn't have a sou #
# I still would have a million #
# If I just #
# Had #
#You ##
That's what you get for trying to sing a ballad.
Lucas. Hello, Daniel. Hi.
- Hello, folks.
- Oh, look. There's Mrs. Hubbard.
Whoo-hoo.
Looks like no one stays home
on Saturday afternoons.
- Mm-hmm.
- Hello, Mr. Stolbanger.
Not bad, eh? We've been in town
a month. We know everybody.
That's so, Dad. We're irresistible.
- Oh, Joe, do I look all right?
- Honey, you never looked better.
Listen. When that ladies' auxiliary
get a load of you...
they're gonna do nip-ups
all over that church.
Well, listen. You run along.
I'll see you later, honey.
- Hey.
- What?
Wish me luck.
- Here comes Ballantine now.
- Hello, fellas.
Well, now. Any news, neighbor?
How's the chamber of commerce doin'?
I can't wait to tell you about it.
I, uh-
I wouldn't pass it up
for a stack of greenbacks.
- Hello, Mike, my lad.
- Hello, Joe.
My, you're just the one I'm lookin' for.
Wanna tell you I got
the Ballantine Plan all set up...
and ready for the next edition
of your paper.
- It's gonna rock this town like T.N.T.
- That's swell, Mr. Ballantine.
Be the biggest news
the Democrat ever printed.
Yeah, did you tell Dakin that horse
he sold you had the heaves?
Oh, the horse didn't have the heaves.
That's just a bad cold. That's all.
She'll be all right.
We got more important things
to talk about than a horse.
Say, did you sell him
that broken-down nag?
I wouldn't talk if I were you...
not after the way you took him...
with that rock crusher
that wouldn't crack a peanut.
And then- Last year she had
the measles.
Now she's had everything
except the mumps.
- It's my opinion that-
- Wendy had the mumps in Denver two years ago.
We were playing a split week there.
Oh, but strictly the big time,
you understand.
Joe always saw to that.
He used to tell the agent, "Don't bother me
with none of your small-time bookings.
It's nothin' but the best for the Ballantines."
- And it always was.
- I'm sure it was.
Oh, maybe I talk too much
for a new member.
Oh, no.
Most interesting, I assure you.
As I was going to say...
it's my opinion that all epidemics
come from the city.
Nothing happens to Sarah except when
she's been to visit her cousin in the city.
Well, that's something else
forJoe to worry about.
- Joe?
- You see, the whole point of his plan-
He calls it "the Ballantine Plan"-
is to attract city people here,
you know, with fairs...
and ski carnivals and
an apple blossom festival in the spring.
Oh, how exciting.
Your husband's quite a man, Mrs. Ballantine.
How did you happen to marry him?
Well, I tell him that I must
have been under an anesthetic.
But between us girls,
oh, I fell for him like that.
- Uh-
- Oh, dear.
Thank you. He was hoofing then,
on the Gaiety Wheel.
And I was in the chorus-
You know, third from the end.
They picked me out to do
a specialty with him.
Well-
The routine called for a split.
I did a split, all right...
and so did my tights-
right up the back.
Oh, you should have been there.
- It was something, really.
- Why!
Oh, dear. Well, I got off the stage, all right.
I don't know how.
And somehow- I don't know.
The next week we were married- and broke.
But when you're crazy about a man,
money doesn't make any difference.
Nothing does, does it?
And do you feel, Mrs. Ballantine...
that your own experience qualifies you
as an expert on marriage?
I wouldn't go as far as to say that,
but one thing I know-
A girl shouldn't let
a good chance go by.
They only come once in a lifetime.
I always say that men are like ships
that pass in the night.
If a young girl isn't careful, she's liable
to miss the boat, and then where is she?
Where is she? Left on the docks
with the other old maids.
Oh, no offense, Miss Appleby.
Oh, uh, we were talking about germs,
weren't we?
Yes, if I may be permitted
to say, epidemics-
Well, Mom, did you have a good time?
Grand. Girls, it was simply delightful.
What will be the subject next week?
I'm sure you'll be able to decide that.
- Oh, do you mean it's Mom's turn?
- Yes, it is, Wendy.
Oh, thank you.
- Hello, Kit.
- Judy, you two know each other, don't you?
Oh, why don't you kids
kiss and make up, huh?
Remember what I told you, Judy,
about missing the boat.
Too bad Wendy isn't a few years older.
She'd grab Mike herself.
That would gum the plot all up,
wouldn't it, Dad?
Uh-oh. Uh, hello, Miss Appleby.
Well. Mr. Ballantine and little Wendy.
- We were just telling Mike and Judy-
- Yes, I heard.
- We better be gettin' along.
- Might I suggest that the way to get along in Stonefield...
is to keep one's nose
out of other people's affairs.
Come along, Judith.
Well, thanks for
the good intentions, anyway.
Yes, there's a well-known place
that's paved with them.
Well, let's get goin'.
- Your pop.
- Never misses a prop.
I walk into a tree.
How do you like that?
# Flow gently, sweet Afton #
#Among thy green braes #
# Flow gently, I'll sing thee #
#A song in thy praise #
# My Mary's asleep #
By the murmuring stream
Flow gently, sweet Afton
# Disturb not her dream #
T hou dove whose soft echo
- R esounds thro'the glen
- If they go for this corny routine...
wait'll they get a load of what
Wendy's dished up for 'em.
- It'll lay 'em in the aisle.
- Shh!
I hope.
#You wild whistling warblers #
#Your music forbear #
I've hated this song ever since Hester
drummed it into me 10 years ago.
# My slumbering fair ##
Right face. Forward march.
One, two, one, two, one, two, one, two-
-
- Thank you.
As you all know, I have always
been particularly insistent...
that those children so inclined...
be given free rein
to express their talents.
So in a few moments we shall present
this year's entertainment...
under the personal supervision
of Mary Ann Parker.
Oh, Wendy, you look scrumptious.
- I never saw you look so nice.
- Thank you.
- Do you think this safety pin will show, Evelyn?
- No, I don't think so.
Hope my pa don't get mad at me
'cause I took his pants-
- Especially his new ones.
- Don't worry, Jerry.
Just be sure you don't lose 'em.
Come here, kids.
You see, Joe?
We don't need to worry.
- The show is in good hands.
- Look-
There's no reason to be scared.
You'll love going out on the stage,
and there's nothing to worry about...
because they're all there to like you.
And when they do like you,
a tingle goes up and down your spine...
like you never felt before, and-
Oh, well, it's just the biggest thrill
in the whole world.
All right, kids. That's all.
Now let's go out there
and wow them.
Mary Ann, what does this mean?
Miss Appleby!
We wanted to surprise you.
You most certainly have.
What are you doing in this-
this getup?
- It's for the vaudeville show.
- Vaudeville show?
- It was all Wendy's idea, Miss Appleby.
- I'm sure it was.
And her mother's
and father's too, I presume.
You'll like it, Miss Appleby. Honestly,
you will-And so will the audience.
We're using all the surefire routines.
Mom and Dad thought of that.
Well, I think I must thank you for all
the trouble you've gone to with my pupils.
- Oh, it wasn't anything.
- After all, with our experience...
it was only natural
for us to lend a hand.
And wait till you see the show,
Miss Appleby. It's terrific.
Why, I'm positive
it'll tear the house down.
I suppose you're equally positive
that the people of this town...
were serious when they made you
chamber of commerce.
- What are you driving at?
- Just this, Mr. Ballantine.
Your whole existence in this town
has been one big joke.
Many people have found your efforts...
to run this town and everyone in it
exceedingly funny.
But there's a climax to every joke,
and you've reached it.
Well, of all the nerve.
Miss Appleby, I've been
in show business for over 20 years.
In that time I've bumped
into a lot of sour grapes...
but really you take the cake.
Sure. She's down on us because you
stole her thunder at the town meeting.
- Why, that's ridiculous.
- Oh, no, it isn't.
You're losing your grip on this town,
Hester, and you know it.
You don't want this show to go on because
you know that we're gonna get the credit.
I'm sorry for you, Hester, really sorry.
Mary Ann, you may start the performance
as soon as I finish my announcement.
And I'll see to it that you get
all the credit that you deserve.
Oh, shut your blubbering, you big crybaby.
Now let's go out there and show 'em.
- That's a girl.
- That's it, kids. You go out there.
I have a little surprise for you.
I have just discovered that this year,
rather than the children...
Mr. And Mrs. Ballantine
and their daughter, Wendy...
have assumed charge
of the second part of our recital...
and are entirely responsible
for what you are about to see.
I am sure you will fully appreciate
this small sample...
of what our new friends are capable
of doing for Stonefield.
Very good.
- #We're not little babies anymore #
- No!
- #We don't play with dollies on the floor #
- Nah!
#We know how to act our age #
#We have passed the infant stage #
#That's why we are in a rage #
- #We're not little babies anymore #
- More
- #We think children are an awful bore #
- Bore
#You don't realize the fact
that we are growing up #
#And we're not little babies anymore #
#We're young people #
#We are young people #
# Ready to have our dream #
#We're not old yet
We're just in between #
#We're nine and we're 10
Well, that's almost 16 #
- #We're young ladies #
- #And we're their boyfriends #
#And love is a wonderful thing #
# Please don't call me sonny
It makes me blush #
# Stop that baby talk
That "umsie-wumsie" mush #
#The days of bibs and teddy bears
and kiddie cars are gone #
# For time ta-ta, ta-ta marches on #

# Life's a stage
and we are in the show #
#We know everything
there is to know #
#When we're in the parlor
and the lights are low #
# Don't bribe us with a nickel
We refuse to go #
# Sisters, better tell
your romantic gents #
#We have a minimum number charge
of 50 cents #
#We hate to hear a fairy tale
before we go to bed #
#We'd rather have you telling us
what Walter Winchell said #
#We know our table manners
when to use a knife and fork #
#And we know that the Stork
is a nightclub in New York ##
-
- Did you know that my boy was going to do this?
Mr. And Mrs. Ballantine.
Tommy Stinchfield!
Stop that disgraceful exhibition at once
and come down here.

My new pants-
Wait till I get you home, young man.
- Oh, poor Wendy.
- What's the matter?
Oh, Wendy, that's all right, honey.
It was my fault. All my fault.
Wasn't your fault, honey.
It wasn't your fault.
It's their fault.
They're small- small people.
So. You were positive your show
would tear the house down.
Buck up, Joey boy.
You keep on pluggin' away,
and you'll be mayor of this town yet.
Why, with that wife and kid or yours
out stumpin' for you...
you'd be a lead-pipe cinch.
Joe!
All right, Joe.
He had it coming to him.
Come on, Kit and Wendy.
Let's go home.
You all right, Mr. Dakin?
Now that that's settled,
I think we can get back to normal.
Normal? Your idea of normal
is being mean and vindictive.
You've hurt the nicest family
that's ever come here...
and I wouldn't be like you
or the rest of your frozen-faced...
- narrow-minded old-
- Oh, Mike!
Listen, Judy, you wanted me to change,
but now it's your turn.
If you ever make up your mind,
let me know.
Einstein couldn't figure this thing out.
Oh, and I wanted to hear
The Friendly Hour.
It's a fine thing when you gotta
depend on a radio for friendship.
We could use a little friendship around here,
no matter where it comes from.
Aw, you're right, Kit.
But maybe it wasn't their fault.
I guess we just looked like
queer fish to 'em. That's all.
What a life. The most important
audience we ever played to...
and the only one we couldn't crack.
- What are you reading, honey?
- Variety.
I'd nearly forgotten the language.
"Broadway Does Flop-o as Biz Dives."
Hmm. Dave and Fanny Chambers were on
a television program in Los Angeles last week.
- So what?
- I can remember...
when they were billed
under Costello's Trained Seals.
She can remember.
"Bob wows them in Cleveland.
Flicks legit takes back seat."
Remember when we were held over
in Cleveland for three weeks?
I was in school there for so long...
they voted me most apt to succeed.
And that night Dad
got so mad at you, Mom...
he spoiled the finish just because
you bought that new dress.
Spoiled the finish? Me? Kit was just
in a hurry to get off to try it on.
Didn't have a chance.
You sent it back.
- Did I?
- Remember this one, Dad?
# Hop a bus, take a car
Hail a cab and there you are #
# On Fifth Avenue ##
What fun we used to have.
Trains, hotels, dressing rooms,
the old gang-
Mmm. Those were the days.
Those were the days you wanted
the cows and the chickens.
Well, that's the way it goes.
You always want something
you haven't got...
then after you get it,
you don't want it at all.
So you want to go back.
Sure, I want to go back.
And I bet we'll be better than ever.
Oh, you're still
a great little actress, honey.
Your last speech proves that.
- Well, let's start warming up right now.
- Yeah, come on, huh?
Mom, let's make a clean entrance.
- Okay, we'll pick it up where you come on.
- All right.
When you do your specialty, give it to 'em.
Remember? You never missed a tap.
I used to stand in the wings-
Oh, this'll be swell here.
This is a good stage. Now listen.
Do your specialty.
I probably forgot my part.

# Come on along
and let me show you #
#The grandest thoroughfare #
# Hop a bus
Take a car #
# Hail a cab and there you are #
# On Fifth Avenue #
# EveryJoe
EveryJane #
#Walks along that dreamers' lane #
# On Fifth Avenue #
#That's Fifth Avenue #
#Where they stop, window shop #
#And their hopes are so high #
- # Pricing rings #
- # Pretty things #
#That they can't afford to buy #
# But they smile, they don't care #
# Everyone's a millionaire #
#When you're strolling
on Fifth Avenue ##
Okay, that's enough, Wendy.
Gee, it'll be great to get back
into the old routine again, won't it?
- I can't wait.
- Neither can I.
I'm gonna start packing right now.
Aw, gee, Kit. Honey, don't, please.
What do we care if a bunch
of hayseeds don't go for us?
It's not for us I mind. It's for her.
- After all we planned.
- Oh, don't worry about her.
That kid's a trouper.
She'll get along all right.
Anyway, we had no right
to keep her away from a career.
She'll end up a star on Broadway.
That's right, Joe.
Broadway, bright lights-A big star.
That's for her.
"Ballantines Quit Stonefield."
- Well, what do you think of it, Eddie?
- It's a classic.
And this stuff about- "With
the Ballantines goes the spirit of youth"...
hits it right on the nose.
There they are now.
- Hello, Kit.
- Hello, boys. Hello.
- Hello, Joe.
- Mike, Eddie, how are ya?
We just stopped in to say good-bye.
- Look at this, Joe.
- What?
- Oh.
- You should feel highly honored.
Only two extras have ever been
gotten out by the Democrat.
One was when McKinley was shot,
and that's the other.
- That's a great spread, Mike, even if it is for our exit.
- Thanks, Mike.
This'll do a lot of explaining to the old gang
when they start ribbing us about coming back.
That's just what Wendy said
when she came in to say good-bye.
Tell me, Mike, how did she seem to feel?
You know, about going away.
Wendy? Why, she was tickled pink.
She-
Better take it easy, Wendy.
This'll be your fourth.
You sure are looking bluer
than a whetstone.
Oh, it's just the rain, Otis.
It certainly is beating down.
Huh. You can always count
on these contraptions...
to go blooey just as you need them.
"Hurricane."
Well, I know they're leaving today.
Eddie said thatJeb's bringing
their trunks over to the station...
and they're going on the 4:18.
Good riddance to bad rubbish.
Well, I don't like
to cast the first stone...
but I must say,
a body can stand just so much.
Mary Ann.
The idea of those cheap, big-mouth
know-it-alls comin'here...
trying to run us, stirrin'up
the young people and everything.
- Well, Hattie, they didn't really hurt anybody.
- Oh, didn't they?
Why, if it hadn't been
for Hester Appleby-
Yes, if it hadn't been for her,
and people like you...
everybody here would be a lot happier.
Maybe you're glad to see us go...
but you're not half as glad as we are.
You're mean and skimpy-minded.
And besides, my mother and father...
are five million times better
than all of you put together.
Your mother and father-
That's funny, isn't it, Ma?
- Mary Ann.
- Those Ballantines aren't your real folks at all.
You're just adopted. My pa's town clerk,
and he told Ma. Didn't he, Ma?
That your pa died a long time ago
and left you the farm.
And do you know what your real name is?
Wendy O'Hara.
Mary Ann, you shouldn't have.
Let her alone, Bertha. I always said
the child should know anyway.
Hmph. I knew about it all the time.
It's just too bad, Mary Ann...
that your mother didn't
bring you up to be a nicer girl.
You didn't know all the time,
did you?
All they've ever done was for me.
Oh. There they are now.
- Here's my handkerchief.
- Thank you.
- Do I look all right?
- You look fine.
- Good-bye, Judy.
- Good-bye, Wendy.
- You all set, honey?
- Yep.
- Have you been crying again, baby?
- 'Course not, Mom.
We better hurry, Dad,
or we'll have to swim to the station.
Well, take your last look, girls.
I still say it's a sweet little town.
- Dad?
- What?
Did you ever hear
of a man named O'Hara?
O'Hara? What-
- Did you ever hear of a man named O'Hara, Kit?
- Who?
- O'Hara, Mom.
- Oh, O'Hara. Well, who said-
- I mean, why?
- Oh-Oh, nothing.
Sure is rainin'.
Certainly is.
What were you saying
about that man Mr. O'Hara?
Well, I saw Mary Ann in the drug store...
and-and she said he was my father.
I was afraid of this.
Well, you see, honey, we were
gonna tell you all the time...
- onlyJoe thought that-
- Me? I wanted to tell you all the time, honey.
Your mother here-Well, Kit,
she thought it would be better if-
Now, Joe, don't say that.
I mean, we didn't want to spoil anything.
That's right, honey.
We just didn't want to spoil anything.
We were playin' in vaudeville.
We were in Springfield when we-
- Let me tell her, Joe.
- All right.
You see, Wendy, your mother and father
were our best friends.
Real troupers and fine people.
God doesn't make them any better
than Barney and Florence O'Hara.
When your mother died,
it broke your father's heart.
When your father went to join her,
he left you with us.
We couldn't have loved you any more
if you'd been our own baby.
We realized that the time would come
when we would have to tell you the truth.
At first you were too young
to understand...
and later we were afraid
of the way you might take it.
We didn't want to hurt you.
So you see...
you had to find it out like this.
Well, it-it was something of a shock.
Naturally, you can't expect me to-
No, no, honey, we understand.
Mom, Dad,
I love you both more than ever.
# I wouldn't take a million #
# For a mom and dad like you #
# I wouldn't take a million #
# For the little things you do #
# If they offered me a mansion #
# In the finest part of town #
# If you're not in that mansion #
#Then I would turn it down #
# I wouldn't take a million #
# For the moments we have known #
# I'd rather sit upon your knee #
#Than on a royal throne #
# If I could rub Aladdin's lamp #
#To make a wish come true #
# I'd wish that every kid could have #
#A mom and dad #
# Like you ##
Blew it away.
Yeah, that's what you get
for trying to sing a ballad.
Daddy! Daddy!
- Well, now what is it?
- Come on, let's get out, gals.
We gotta hoof it.
Come on, darlin'.
Look!
Floyd Jenkins,
what are you doing here?
- Picking berries.
- We were coming back from picking berries...
- and got lost in the storm.
- There's a house on the hill.
We better take 'em up there.
Hold on to me. We'll go together.
Over here. Keep going.
Come on! Hold on tight!
Wendy and Kit, I thought you were-
We couldn't get to the station.
Sorry to bust in, but we had to
bring the kids in someplace.
If it wasn't for Mr. Ballantine,
we wouldn't have got here at all.
They'll have to stay here tonight.
- Take them into the living room and get the fire lighted.
- All right.
- I'll get the room ready upstairs.
- Gosh, I'm wet.
Come on, kids. Get in there.
Get in by the fire.
Come on now, kids, hurry up
and get off these shoes and stockings.
- All right, Joe, help me.
- It'll be nice and warm in a minute.
Ma'll be sore as a wet hen
when she sees my dress.
- Wish I had some hot chocolate.
- Jerry!
- Susie, where's Jerry?
- I don't know.
Jerry. Jerry.
- Where did Jerry go, Jill?
- He was with you, Frank.
Dad, Jerry hasn't been here all the time.
What?
Jerry. Jerry!
Well-
- Wasn't he with one of you kids?
- I saw him with Tommy.
I was holding his hand till he slipped.
I thought someone picked him up.
Oh, Jerry. I'll go find him.
- I'll go with you.
- No, honey, you stay here with Wendy.
- I'll get him.
- Be careful, Dad.
Yes, darling.
Take care now.
Stay on the road, Joe.
All right, all right, honey.
Don't worry.
Come on.
We'd better go back to the fire.
Oh, I bet he never finds Jerry.
Bet he'll never come back.
Maybe he got "drownded."
Jerry.
Jerry!
I'm scared!
- I wish I'd never come.
- I wish my pa was here!
Don't worry now.
There's nothing to be afraid of.
Jerry! Jerry!
I'm cold.
It's Dad.
Joe.
- Mike.
- Wendy, Kit.
- Did you seeJoe?
- No.
- What are you doing here?
- What do you think I'm doing?
I didn't fight my way through
this hurricane for three hours...
to call on your Aunt Hester.
Phone lines are down. I had to come
and see if there was anything left of you.
I was worried about you, Judy.
Jerry!
You all right, Jerry? Huh?
Let's get you inside.
Operator!
Operator.
Susie, it's all right.
There's nothing to be scared of.
- We're all going to be killed.
- Martha!
I want my ma!
Come on and stop it. Stop it! Stop it!
We must quiet these children.
They're getting hysterical.
Stop it, all of you. We're not fraidy cats.
- I'll take him, Joe.
- Bring him upstairs. Quickly.
Oh, boy, what an entrance.
- Oh.
- Oh, dear.
- Oh, he's hurt.
- No, I'm all right.
Gee, it's a swell day.
If it wasn't for the trees, you wouldn't
know there'd been a storm.
- You was sure scared last night.
- Aw, I was not.
- You was too.
- Hold still, Martha.
- How did that feel, Joe?
- Aw, that's swell, honey.
Oh, honey,
you haven't had much sleep.
Oh, I'm all right, Mom.
Where's your milk, Susie?
Is that it?
Look, you have to drink
every bit of your milk.
- Hello, Judith.
- Hello.
Well, the kids are here, sure enough.
Jerry, son.
Jerry, boy. You all right, son?
- Sure, Pop.
- Say, your ma is just having cat fits.
Aunt Hester, don't you think you should
tell them what the Ballantines are really like?
Don't bother, Judy.
They've had enough trouble
without us causing any more.
- If they don't like us, then-
- Well, Joe, what happened to you?
Did you break your leg taking bows?
- Dad got hurt saving Jerry.
- Never mind, Wendy.
- If it wasn't for him, Dad, I wouldn't be here.
- He saved all of us.
- That's right, Mr. Dakin.
- Well, I didn't mean-
Yes, you did, and you don't have
to try to get out of it now.
We know how you feel, all of you.
Ever since we came here, we wanted you
to like us and we wanted to like you...
but you wouldn't give us a chance.
Well, you don't have to worry.
We're going away, aren't we, Dad?
You can keep your old town
and chamber of commerce.
We're going back to where,
no matter what people are...
they don't try to stop people
from laughing and having a good time...
as if it were wrong.
All you want to be is mean
and say mean things that hurt people.
You're mean and- and full of vinegar.
Now, honey-
...and on Friday night, rather than
our usual educational film...
which was going to be
The Life Cycle of the Earthworm...
we shall give you Tyrone Power
in South Sea Love.
And now I give you the family
who have shown us...
we're never too old to enjoy ourselves.
Our heaven-sent shot in the arm,
The Three Ballantines.
- Ladies and gentlemen-
- Ladies and gentlemen-
That's all right.
I'll handle 'em. I'm used to 'em.
Thank you very much,
ladies and gentlemen.
I could pitch a tent here
and make a lot of long speeches...
but when you're a one-man
chamber of commerce...
you haven't got time
to make long speeches.
- Is that right, Dixon?
- You're right.
Right. You know, I could go on and tell you
how we're gonna reopen the stone quarry.
Yes, sir, we've got enough slate
and granite there to last us for years.
- Is that right, Sam?
- That's right.
Right. I could tell you
a lot of things, folks...
but you know, the main thing is,
we all wanna be happy.
Because that all that counts in life,
believe me, folks, is happiness.
- Isn't that right, Dakin, my pal?
- You're right, Joey.
Thank you, brother. If I'm not mistaken,
neighbor, I think that's your cue.
So, Wendy and Kitty, you ready?
# Heres a little tune that always
helps you when you're blue #
#Just a pretty little ditty
and you ought to learn it too #
# It will cheer you up
whenever skies above are gray #
#When things go wrong #
# It's just the song #
#To chase your cares away #
- #Away #
- #Away #
#And everything will be okay #
#Tra, la, la, la #
#What a merry world we live in #
#Tra, la, la, la #
#All of it is yours and mine #
# So wear a smile
Sing a little while it's raining #
#And through the clouds
every little star will shine #
#Tra, la, la, la #
#What's a little bit of trouble #
#You live and learn
things are going to turn out fine #
#Just feel that way #
#And every little day
will seem like spring #
# If you'll just sing
tra, la, la, tra, la, la, la, la #
- #Tra, la, la #
- #Tra, la, la #
# La, la, la #
So wear a smile sing a little
- W hile it's raining
- P ity, pity patter
A nd through the clouds
every little star will shine
#Tra, la, la, la, la, la, la #
#What's a little bit of trouble #
#You live and you learn
things are gonna turn out fine #
#With a tra, la, la, la, la #
#Just feel that way #
#And every little day
will seem like spring #
# If you will just sing #
#Tra, la, la, la, la, la
la, la, la, la, la #
# Come on, everybody
Swing on down #
#Tra, la, la, la #
#What a merry world we live in #
# It's a very merry old world #
#Tra, la, la, la
All of it is yours and mine #
A II yours and all mine
So wear a smile
Sing a little while it's raining
Sing an hour in the shower
A nd through the clouds
every little star will shine
Shine, shine
W hat's a little pitter-patter
Y ou'll live and learn
things are gonna turn out fine
Super, super, super fine
#Just feel that way and every little day
will seem like spring #
- If you'll just sing
- #Tra, la, la, tra, la, la #
- W e've got to sing
- #Tra, la, la, tra, la, la #
# If you will just sing
tra, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la #
#Tra, la, la ##