You want me to yell shit out?
Or turn you over and act like
a couple of guys are pinning you down?
Just tell me.
Is it me?
I mean,
cos I think you're a great lay.
And I mean that.
I feel... special coming inside you.
I'm serious.
I'm always going to think of you
as a very special fuck.
I only hope that I can...
Should I be more tender now?
Add some sweetness?
I'd believe that.
I mean,
if I was a chick I'd believe that.
All right.
One more time before she gets here.
Come on. Let's pick up the pace.
Gad, though you laugh now,
'twill be my turn ere long.
Oh, women.
More impertinent, more cunning,
and more mischievous
than their monkeys.
And to me, almost as ugly.
She's been throwing me about
and rifling all I have,
but I'll get into her the back way.
And so rifle her for it.
Oh.
Scene.
OK.
All right.
Your classmate and I have turned this
into a provocative scene. I know that.
But that's always the challenge.
Even with a period piece.
I mean,
what are we looking at here, huh?
Lace and language aside, in the end
it's just men and women. Right?
Just like any other story.
Like every story.
Ultimately,
what do these characters want, hm?
Hm?
I know. It's embarrassing
for you to say, but let's be honest.
They wanna...
fuck.
Correct?
It's always about fucking.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's it. That's it.
That's the one. Oh, yeah.
I'm with you, baby.
That's right. Absolutely.
Can you feel it?
You and I are in...
complete harmony.
Yeah.
Is there any chance
you're gonna shut the fuck up?
- What?
- You're talking in my ear.
I'm losing any sense of concentration.
I'm just...
It's kinda hard to stop in...
Well, keep it to yourself.
I mean, "Can you feel it?"
Your thing is nearly in the back of my
throat. You think I'm gonna miss that?
Let's just do it, OK?
I don't need the narration.
Jeez, what is this?
I'm sorry,
but this is not a travelogue, you know?
Jesus Christ.
This is so fucking...
God.
It's how I feel.
Great. That's great.
Why do we always have to go through
this shit? I've always been that way.
And it's so fucking enjoyable for me,
you know?
I so much as start to breathe, you stop.
What is that?
- It's me.
- Yeah, well, it's fucked.
- You wanna watch TV?
- No, I don't wanna watch...
Why is it that your cunt is like,
and I don't like to use that word but...
Goddamnit. It's like your vagina is tied
directly to my mouth. Why is that, huh?
I crack open my lips for breath
and you're squeezing me off.
It's like our two organs
are on a pull cord here.
And I'm...
You know what? I'm sick of it.
I'll talk as much as I like.
Good. I hope she enjoys it
cos you won't be fucking me.
Fine. That's beautiful.
Can I have my keys, please?
Hey!
- Where are you going?
- Out. I feel like talking, OK?
Come on. Give me the...
We can talk. I just don't want something
up my ass while we're doing it.
- Go fuck yourself.
- Don't give me any ideas.
- Hey.
- What?
Bring me some ice cream
if you go by a store.
So, you wanna know what?
The best lay that I've ever had?
Right?
That's easy. It's me.
Nobody gives me more pleasure
than I give myself. I mean that.
Not that my wife's terrible
or anything.
She's not, she's wonderful. But...
She's just not me.
You know?
I like doing it with her
but the real fireworks take place
when she heads off to the shower.
You know what I mean?
You probably think I'm kidding, but...
I've lived with this hell all my life.
I'm telling you,
nobody makes me come the way I do.
Get on a little bit more.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Come on.
Come on.
Oh...
I'm sorry.
I mean, I...
Oh, God...
Is it me? I need to...
I just got a bad go of it from here.
That's all. Your legs
don't open as cleanly from here.
Is this something you really like,
this side-saddle thing?
Huh?
You feel it's me, don't you?
Hey, honey, I bet Adam and Eve
never did it on their side.
I mean until after
they were thrown out of the Garden.
Or bored, or something.
It's just not a natural...
It's me, isn't it?
Of course it is
or you'd be talking.
We could just start again.
Honey?
Because I'm still quite hard.
Really.
It's completely firmed up down there.
Seriously.
- We could just...
- Please, please be quiet.
- I mean, could you guys be any happier?
- No.
- I mean, it. Look at this.
- No, no. Are you kidding?
No, this is... This place is...
This is heaven. Really, it is.
It's a dream house.
- This is the one, huh?
- Absolutely. No question.
I could see us here 20 years, easy.
Wow. I would love a spot like this.
- Really?
- Hm.
Hm. Interesting.
For the lady of the house.
- I thought we decided...
- It's nothing.
- Is it your birthday?
- No. He just likes to spoil me.
Well, good man.
Oh, honey, a watch.
No, you're not supposed to do that.
It's an antique. It's beautiful.
Hm.
- It's broken.
- That's OK. It's still very...
It's a bracelet, you see?
I mean, yes, it's stopped.
It's meant to.
It's for show.
You wear it as jewellery.
- Haven't you ever seen that?
- Erm... That's so sweet.
Yeah, I've seen that.
You just wear it.
You have?
- How would you know?
- What do you mean?
- Nothing.
- It's just a token.
- No. What?
- Maybe the person's watch had stopped.
Huh?
So, er, what's your point?
I'm not trying to be...
Just cos it's not working...
Their motive behind having it on...
that day...
How could you possibly know that?
That's all I'm saying.
Forget it.
- They're quite big in Europe.
- You'd know.
- It's beautiful.
- You'd know.
- Sorry I didn't get you anything.
- No problem.
Look, I'm just... I was just...
Forget it.
Why would you wear a watch
that doesn't work? Unless you meant to.
Why would you do that?
Let's just forget...
I was just trying to...
I do not get you at all.
Always with the semiotics.
I mean, it's a gift.
It's not fucking Medea.
Can it just be what it is?
It's a bracelet.
Shit.
Sorry.
- Is that gold?
- Yeah.
Plate, I think.
Oh.
- We don't do this enough.
- No, we don't.
- Do you want more wine to go with...
- Yeah.
I opened that other bottle
in the kitchen.
- OK.
- I'll get it.
Watch it. This is doe skin, remember?
Yeah. I bought it for you, remember?
- What?
- Nothing.
This stuff stains really...
Don't rub it in like that.
You kind of blot it.
- That's a little better.
- Thanks.
This place really is great.
Thanks.
- I can't believe it was May that we...
- Yeah, yeah.
We loved seeing you in that play.
- Oh...
- That was...
Thank you. Right.
I don't know how you guys do that.
Getting up in front of all those people.
Shakespeare...
is a gift really.
It's...
- So, how are things?
- Good.
- You?
- Oh, you know, we're fine.
Hm-mm. Great. Us too.
Listen, I need to ask you something.
Can I call you?
Could we get together some time?
You want...
Whenever. You tell me.
Should I get these? The big ones?
- Yeah, get the big ones.
- For the mousse.
So, what should I do with these?
Put some garnishes on?
Yeah, put them on.
Can I just get in touch with you?
Why? You wanna talk?
- Or...
- No.
I'd like to get together with you.
Oh... For...
I mean, we could talk.
Talking, actually would be nice also.
- This is... I mean...
- I know.
If I have to wait a year to see you
and chat over cherry, what, mousse...
I just don't...
You tell me.
I know I'm taking a chance here but...
- Sorry we took so long.
- Yeah, we just got to talking.
- Wow, look at this.
- Wine?
This is like...
You made this?
You're not going to believe
what this woman can do with a cherry.
- Thank you. What a great day.
- Yeah, it was fun.
- Let me walk you to the corner.
- I'll hit the bathroom before I go.
- You remember where it is?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Don't splash. Remember it's doe skin.
- Right. I'll see you guys out there.
May 10th. That's the last time
I saw you. I remember it exactly.
- I remember the date, the time.
- You remember the...
You were wearing a red skirt.
- And a white...
- Blouse.
And you were just such a knockout.
I'm just so...
Why are you doing this?
Because I'm... I'm just...
Tell me you thought about me
because I can't stop thinking about you.
I wanna hold you.
I've thought about you.
Call me tomorrow.
- Hey, are you ready?
- Hey.
Just coming. I borrowed a book. Camus.
Oh, great. Perfect.
It'll really set off the rest.
You have bookshelves in your bathroom.
I'm lucky enough to.
It was great to see you guys again.
We should do something, just you and me.
- We always say that but...
- That'd be great. Later this week?
Really? Lunch maybe?
Great.
We should get together more often.
Right. I can't believe
it was May the last time.
God, it's unbelievable.
- See you.
- Bye.
Bye.
Three-minute cool-down.
It's actually a shitty place to run.
It's a nice, old gym.
It's quiet but there's no girls around.
That's why we can't get in here
during the week.
- I left a message.
- Fuck.
- He's busy.
- Right.
- Papers to grade. What a life.
- True.
He's the smart one.
- It's humid today.
- No shit.
Fucking boiling.
Even with that AC on, you sweat
your dick off, have a heart attack.
Do you wanna meet later?
- Why? We just ran.
- I've got that corporate membership.
- So?
- I can get you in.
Hey, I don't need anybody to get me in.
Especially with those office assholes
at lunchtime.
- No offence. I hate that.
- Hold on a second.
That's all I'm saying.
I'm saying there's a lot of women there.
So?
Are you expecting me to change
my routine for those people? Fat chance.
Ladies want to see us,
they'll quit their designer workouts
and drag their fat cans
over here and run, OK?
Even though I think this is
a fucked place to exercise, I do it.
- To spite them.
- Who?
Everybody.
Hi.
- How are you?
- Fine, thanks.
Is this a part of a collection
or is it...
No, it's just a single piece.
- Nice, isn't it?
- Very.
- First time here?
- Hm-mm. You?
No, I work here.
- Work? Really? Are you an artist?
- No. Artist's assistant.
You mean a secretary, right?
Yeah, that's exactly what I mean. You?
- Writer.
- Oh. Anything I might have...
Not unless you read
the sides of your tampon box.
What brand? I like to keep up.
- Advertising, right?
- Yeah.
- That's great.
- Especially if you're a tampon.
No, it...
It's nice to be good at anything.
- Who said I was good?
- I'm guessing.
This really is a lovely piece.
Yeah, it is.
Can I buy you lunch?
Honey. Should I go for the...
What's this called, loden? Or the...
Er, yeah. No, the salmon, I think.
Yeah, he's right here.
No, I mean in the house. Yeah.
No, I don't want to put him on.
Please, stop.
I have to go. He's coming. Yeah.
OK, yeah, it was good
talking to you too. All right. Bye-bye.
- Who was that?
- Your best friend.
I just talked to him 20 minutes ago.
He didn't want to talk to me?
I told him I'd be there.
I'm the one who invited him.
- Is that pink?
- This? No, it's salmon.
You might wanna put that jacket back on.
Why?
- Where'd you get it?
- My wife gave it to me.
Enough said.
It's past 11.
Where the fuck is everybody?
So, how did this thing turn out?
She say she made a mistake or...
Oh. No. That.
No, I fucked her.
Complete revenge fuck
which are always the best.
Really? You... I mean...
I don't kid about shit like that.
She questioned a decision
I made at work so, you know.
- I had to.
- Sure.
Anyway, I wine her a little,
I dine her a touch.
Get her back to my place.
So, we're in bed.
This just seemed like a good time
to call back.
I wanted to call back.
No, he's over
on the other side of the room
Yeah, that'd be fine.
Yes, I'll be there. It was my idea.
Of course I'll be there.
What do you have on?
No, I don't mean music.
What are you wearing?
I slip my cock out, right?
I mean, completely jerk it right out.
And I turn her back over,
kinda rough, by her hair.
I tell her,
"Get the fuck outta my place."
If she ever does that to a guy again,
crosses one of us in public,
I'll fucking kill her.
I think she believed me.
Jesus.
- You're not making this up?
- Fuck, no. This happened.
I'm not one to be messed with.
I don't give a shit about anybody.
This is my life.
- Oh. Shit. Do you want me to...
- No.
Anyway, I got a letter in the mail.
This was a couple of weeks ago.
Full apology.
She even had one
put in my personnel file.
It was enough to let me know
that I was justified in what I did.
Oh, man.
- What do you want to do?
- Has he told you this story?
No, but I'm sure it's great.
- How would you know that?
- It's incredible.
You'd have taken the same steps.
Common decency dictated the whole thing.
Who cares? It's a sickness anyway.
- What is?
- All of it.
Relationships. Caring.
Love's a disease.
You know, it really is.
Yeah, but it's curable.
- Who said that again?
- I don't remember her name.
It's true though, isn't it?
Oh, yeah.
I'm glad you called.
I'm glad you were home.
I have no idea what happened.
Some thing happened and I don't know
what it was but she just turned on me.
Come on.
She says I talk, OK?
I'm a talker.
I'm accused of speaking.
Fuck me, you know.
I mean, we're screwing for Christ's
sake. We're screwing around.
There's supposed
to be some improvisation.
Isn't there? Jesus.
So, now I... I don't speak. I...
I hold my breath, make love like
we're in a nursing home and she laughs.
Oh, man.
I don't know what to...
You're staying together, right?
I don't know. I suppose.
I mean, we split the rent.
We bought a TV,
a huge fucking bed.
We have investments in this
and I still have feeling there.
Hey, thanks for the ear.
You guys just go, have a good time.
- I appreciate the tip. It sounds great.
- Yeah, it's nice.
- Kinda romantic.
- Uh-huh.
- Say hi to the wife for me, would you?
- Sure.
Why would I even categorize something
as the best that I've had?
That's, that's just absurd.
OK. OK.
I do not store up little sexual tidbits.
No. Not at all.
- Really?
- Come on.
Even though I probably should.
Make a good freelance piece.
But I don't...
I mean, not that there...
Not that there hasn't been a good one.
Or two.
Or that I haven't had a best... fuck.
God, I hate that word. Anyway...
Or anything like that. I have.
I'm sure I have.
I just have to reach back, that's all.
Call it up.
Hi.
- How are you?
- Fine, thanks.
Great.
Is this part of a collection or is it...
No, it's just a single piece.
- Nice, isn't it?
- Very.
- First time here?
- Uh-huh.
- You?
- No, I work here.
- Work. Really? You're an artist?
- No, artist's assistant.
That's terrific.
Listen, I'm gonna be open with you.
I spotted you outside.
You're really great looking.
Maybe we could get a drink or something.
What time are you off?
I bet you're tremendous in bed.
Who's she kidding? Artist's assistant.
I just think we have to keep trying.
I know it's me but we gotta keep at it.
We are gonna open some floodgates here.
I hear what you're saying,
but how about later, OK?
I just think we need to do it...
more often. Not make it so special.
I mean, it'll be special
when it happens.
Is this really the best place for this?
- Do we need vitamin C?
- No, we have enough.
Wanna get some tissue?
I just think right now we need
to treat each other like... meat.
Right? Didn't we read that?
You need to see me as...
a big... a penis.
And you need to be
this huge vagina to me.
It was your book.
What time you got to go to that meeting?
- Hello.
- Hi.
I wasn't sure...
You know, changing the time and all.
No, I'm glad you called.
Yeah, I thought I'd pick somewhere
a little more out of the way.
Yeah, this was a good choice.
- You look great.
- Thanks.
I wore the burgundy that...
That's the skirt.
Was this OK to meet a bit earlier?
Yeah, I just cancelled a seminar.
It's no big thing.
- God, you just look so...
- Good.
I mean, it's erm...
It's nice that you'd do that for me.
So, erm...
- How's, er...
- Don't ask about him.
I mean, if you were going to.
That's just the one thing I don't...
Sorry. He's my friend, that's all.
No, I know,
and I had lunch this week with...
- Right.
- I don't want to conjure them up now.
Yeah, you're right.
Just...
Could you just please...
hold me?
Sure.
It's really too bad.
I wish he'd join us.
I tried his office. No answer.
He teaches a couple of blocks over.
I hardly see him any more.
We get together once in a while.
He calls...
- He calls but I don't see him much.
- Me neither.
That bitch probably doesn't give him
half our messages.
Anyhow, I think he's seeing somebody.
What?
- No. You mean other than his...
- I guess.
He's vague. You know how he is.
The guy's nothing if not vague.
But he said something.
- When was this?
- He alluded to it.
Just a reference but I caught it.
Wow.
The guy thinks he's Byron.
I've always said that.
Yes, you have.
I never really liked her.
She's nice enough but...
Me neither. That time I met her...
- There's something...
- Just a touch unfeminine?
Is that it? Yeah, I caught it.
I dunno, it's something.
- It'll get him out of his rut.
- Maybe he'll join us.
If she's young, he'll have to.
Even if she's not,
intrigue makes that heart pound.
Yes, it does.
What's your ideal...
- What?
- My ideal fuck?
Yeah.
Could we use another name, please?
- What name?
- Is there another name?
Seriously.
Do you mind if I record this?
It's just, erm... It's very...
This place is OK.
Yeah, my boyfriend told me about it.
I still like it.
OK, go ahead.
Testing, testing.
I just know that when I'm making love
to someone, that's what I'm there for.
No matter what else is going on with us.
Right, but... What about with...
- Are you kidding?
- You guys have been together for...
Especially him.
With college professors you get
a critical evaluation on everything.
I'm sure he rates me on the Bell Curve.
See, for me, when I'm with a person,
I figure at that moment I'm doing it
because I want to be doing it.
I don't really wanna chat, you know.
And I could give a shit
how they like the sound of my name.
No, but...
Any talking at all just kills it for me.
Maybe it's just me,
but fucking is fucking.
It's not a time for sharing.
I don't care what anybody says.
Yeah, I feel the same way.
Oh.
See, I didn't make a peep.
Wasn't that great?
I'm really glad
I rushed home from rehearsal.
Next time you get an urge
and I bust my ass getting back here,
do you think you could
possibly add a little movement?
Just to get the whole claymation feel.
What's the matter with you lately?
I do everything you ask
and you're still not satisfied.
I know.
Put it on the Visa, OK?
- I feel optimistic, don't you?
- Yeah.
Why couldn't this work, right?
I mean, if we...
Yeah, it might,
but let's not talk about it.
OK. I just keep
going over it all in my head.
Hang on one second, all right?
Hey, could you do me a favor?
Could you put it on this one instead?
Thanks.
I just thought with the...
I could put it on the school card.
Yeah, I know.
I really, I do feel optimistic.
Well, I'm glad.
You're married to him.
He got there first. I understand that.
But so what?
I mean, that's nothing.
It's like, it's like, er... erm... er...
It's not destiny. It's not law.
Is it? It's just like...
It's just chance, really.
It's not a big deal.
I mean, I see you here with me...
I don't know, I feel...
It feels like fate.
- I just feel very, very...
- Optimistic.
I think he needs you to...
Hey, we don't have to do this now
if you don't want to.
No, no, no. I want to.
I think.
Er...
Let's just not go over it so much.
- It just kinda makes me feel...
- Right. OK.
Thank you.
It's never been like this. Never.
I know that sounds like I'm covering
or... cos this is like... whatever.
This is not me. I'm much more...
hard or...
firm than this.
I just hope we're not blaming here.
Because I've never had this...
Hey, do you mind looking up?
Could you just tell me,
do you feel that it was me?
Huh?
Do you mind?
This is really kind of important.
I just... Cos things were... Everything
was going well downstairs in the lobby,
I mean, I felt really...
Is it my imagination?
I think we both got a little...
Is it, is it me? Cos...
All right, forget it.
It's not a big deal. All right?
I mean, in essence
we're really without sin here.
It's kinda like we're
Adam and Eve in the Garden.
We haven't really made a mistake yet.
Just...
We'll still be good friends.
Please don't.
All right, I just... You know...
- We could maybe still...
- No.
Come on.
Just... Just go away.
OK?
- Maybe we could just...
- Please don't say any more.
Should I be more tender now?
Add some sweetness?
Yeah, I feel special coming inside you.
- I'm serious.
- I'm serious.
I feel special.
Hi.
- How are you?
- Fine, thanks.
- Is this part of a collection or...
- No, it's just a single piece.
- Nice, isn't it?
- Very.
- Your first time here?
- Uh-huh.
- You?
- No, I work here.
Work? Really? You're an artist?
No, artist's assistant.
That's terrific.
Hey, you don't have a gift shop, do you?
I want to buy my wife a little...
We're going away for the...
- No, I'm sorry.
- OK.
Listen, is it me
or is this whole thing sort of...
kinda out of whack?
No, I think it's you.
Really? Because it seems...
No, I'm sure of it. It's you.
How did you find this hotel?
- I asked around. One of the guys.
- Mm.
Maybe we should... try again.
No, I...
I really don't want to right now.
I'm hard though.
Firm. Just relax.
- You're whispering again.
- I'm sorry.
If it's me... I don't want to push this.
Yeah.
I know, yeah.
Harvard Med? Hmm.
Yeah, that's great.
Top of the class too?
Mm.
AIDS research. Super.
Well, hey... Wait a minute.
What the fuck's her name?
I mean, tits like that
have a name, correct?
Yeah? Well, you get right back to me.
OK.
Maybe it's just me,
but fucking is fucking.
It's not a time for sharing.
I don't care what anybody says.
Yeah, I feel the same way.
Editorial note to delete the word
"fucking" before submitting story idea.
- You're saying what?
- I'm asking for the best you ever had.
Can you name her?
- The best?
- Yep.
- Why do you wanna know that?
- It's interesting.
- Come on, we're friends. Be honest.
- Well, what's your best?
- Hey, I asked the question.
- Fuck you too.
If we're gonna be revealing,
let's be fair.
OK. Er...
- Mine would be my wife.
- Bullshit.
Nobody would pick their wife.
Except maybe on a talk show.
That's my answer,
and she's very good, so up yours.
Jesus.
OK. It'd be er...
The fucking best? Why do I
always go first with shit like this?
- I just went.
- Go ahead.
Take a turn if you're so interested.
I just wanna hear yours.
You amuse me.
Listen to this cock. Suddenly
he's got big balls hanging out with us.
- What does that mean?
- Figure it out.
- We're just wondering anyhow.
- Yeah. But...
OK.
Fine. You wanna hear it?
Huh?
Senior year, gym class.
You guys have a co-ed gym?
No.
His name was Timmy Carter.
- Timmy?
- Isn't that a boy's name?
It was a guy
from my high school PE class.
My best fuck.
- What?
- It's the truth.
It was almost spring vacation...
late March.
We'd had about all the shit
we could take from little Timmy.
He turned four of us in during
English exam earlier in the week. So...
when the coach is in the lounge
for a smoke,
we grab his ass,
drag him into the showers...
held him down, tore off his clothes...
and we each took a turn.
I mean, we actually did this guy
up the butt.
I mean, we were some crazy fuckers
at that age.
I was the last one.
So, I don't know if he'd given over
by this time or what, but...
Goddamn, it was...
nice.
How can I explain this? It's...
never been like that with a woman.
As many as I've fucked, never.
Not even close.
He's face down.
And my friends
are holding him spread out.
Timmy and I are making love like we're
on some beach in the Mediterranean.
I kid you not.
Fuck.
It was amazing.
I feel him taking my rhythm,
clenching me off when I get too deep.
Shit, he did everything right.
And I know he came when I did.
I mean, I didn't check or anything
but I could tell.
I shouldn't even be
telling you guys, but...
Fuck, I've never known anything like it.
Ever.
Like I said, there wasn't
too much of the school year left.
Timmy dropped out. I guess.
I mean, he finished from home.
But goddamn him, he never turned us in.
He never said a word about it
to anyone.
I admired him for that.
But I think the reason he kept silent,
and I feel I'm right about this...
is that he felt something special
had happened as well.
Him and me.
Those other guys fucked him
to teach him a lesson. But we...
I know something special happened.
Jesus. Are you making this up?
Fuck, no.
This happened.
I told you before, this is my life.
Yeah, but...
- Has he told you this story?
- No, it's great though, isn't it?
It's incredible.
You'd have taken the same steps.
Common decency dictated the whole thing.
I just didn't expect
to find somebody who, you know...
understood me, is all.
Anyhow, that's mine. Big deal.
At least I got one.
By the way, you guys are crazy
if you think you're getting out of here
without a little reciprocal.
Cos I'm tired
of the sycophantic bullshit here.
So let's hear some. I don't care who.
- I told you mine already.
- Fine. Bullshit.
But fine.
How about you? I think you can climb out
on a limb after what I just coughed up.
- No, I don't wanna.
- What?
- I'm not in the mood. I'm late.
- Well, fuck that and get in the mood.
You were ten minutes ago.
- Right, it's your turn.
- Come on.
Your favorite research assistant?
Fess up.
Seriously, I gotta get to rehearsal.
Go ahead. I thought you said
he was seeing somebody.
Oops.
Come on. Who is it this semester?
- Knock it off.
- Freshman or sophomore?
- What are you doing?
- What?
This is why I hate
when the three of us get together.
What?
You get together with him,
it's like you've had an asshole pill.
We just want the truth.
I thought that was the whole idea.
- What is up with you?
- I just don't want to get into this.
You're not gonna shock us.
Not after what we just...
- So, go on.
- Yeah. Amuse us.
I know it's not
that snatch you live with.
Exactly.
You can talk.
It's not like you're in bed.
- What?
- You were the one complaining about it.
What did you call her the other day
when we were...
It had to do
with the feminine issue.
- Fuck off.
- Come on, we're friends. Be honest.
OK, the best fuck I ever had,
that'd be your wife, that was the best.
That beats my story.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- You're home early.
- Yeah.
You guys have fun?
Yeah, it was good.
- You're smoking again.
- Oh, you know, it's just the one.
- If you're hungry, there's...
- No, I'm fine.
- You OK?
- Yeah.
Shit.
"Hold me."
Is this your work phone?
Oh, your office there. Yeah, I remember.
Great. I just...
had it written down here
with something else.
Right. Maybe you gave it over lunch.
I... I don't remember.
Anyway, you're good?
How's... Terrific.
Listen, like I said,
I kinda just called by accident,
but you wanna get salads or something?
Answer, answer.
Answer. Shit.
You're a tramp.
A prick-fucking teaser.
I don't mind saying it to your face.
You come out and I'll say it
right in your face.
Oh, God!
You lied to me!
Right to my own fucking person!
I'm serious. You are not a nice woman.
I mean, who in the fuck just gets
their period all of a sudden?
It just doesn't happen.
And it's happened all over my bedding.
But, no, you knew that.
And you're twisted to have planned this.
I hope you have
one of those red biohazard bags.
Cos you just bought yourself
a set of linens. 380-thread count.
Bullshit!
What's the matter?
You feeling sick? Huh?
Crampy? How about this?
Try shoving two aspirins up your crack
and never ever fucking call me
in the morning. Got it?
That's my own remedy.
I'm going down to grab a beer
and I guess some fucking 409.
Be gone when I get back. OK?
- God, that was...
- Mm-hm.
You're just...
That's all I can say.
And?
And?
I mean, do I really have to say it?
You couldn't tell?
No, I could. I think I could.
- I just wanted to...
- Hear it?
OK. I loved it. I did.
Thank you.
- What did you like best?
- Oh, Jesus.
- Just so I'll remember.
- You don't have to...
I'm not gonna want our greatest hits
from now on so
do whatever, OK?
But just one... Like one thing.
- Shit.
- Just tell me.
OK.
- You know what I like?
- What?
The silence.
When we were making love,
you were quiet.
I liked that.
Hey.
What happened to you?
We ran late.
I was gonna... I tried your pager
but there wasn't any...
Oh.
I even buzzed you here.
Really?
I didn't leave a message on the machine.
I hung up before the...
Do you think you're good?
- What, a good fuck?
- No. Good.
I'm asking you
if you think you're good.
What do you mean?
What kind of question is that?
I'm asking... I'm saying,
are you, like, a good person?
Hey, I'm eating lunch.
- So?
- So, why'd you invite me here?
- To ask me if I'm good or not?
- I just...
Good.
This girl tried to dump me once.
So I got some hospital stationery.
I sent her a letter informing her
she had appeared on a list
of previous partners of a patient of
mine who had just tested HIV positive.
- You did not do that.
- Oh, yeah.
Come on.
So, you decide. The bitch deserved it.
She never understood me.
And it was a good joke.
But am I good for doing it?
Fuck if I know.
All I do know is I did it.
And I find a certain clarity
in the gesture.
But don't you think
we'll have to, like,
pay for all this in the end?
Possibly.
I mean, if there ends up being a God or
something like the whole eternity thing,
then, yeah, probably so.
I don't know. We'll see.
But until then,
we're on my time. OK?
The interim is mine.
OK. Fine. I'll put it another way.
Take... me.
Oh, Christ, come on.
No, who better I should ask?
You're around me so I'm asking.
Fine. I think you're a marvelous
human being. Now shut up and eat.
Come on. I'm serious.
I've just been thinking a lot lately.
I bet.
You say anything to her about it yet?
No.
I tried a million times but she...
So, if you didn't know me at all...
- Oh, Jesus.
- No, seriously.
- What is this?
- Nothing.
If you go around like this all day,
I'd cheat on you too.
Sorry. Fuck. That wasn't nice.
It's OK. I know you didn't mean it.
Forget about it, man.
It's the best thing, I promise you.
- I just wanted to know.
- That's not something you should do.
Our thespian friend
should think about it.
I'm gonna talk to him.
- It's his girlfriend.
- What are you gonna do?
I think I still got
some of that stationery.
Kidding.
Afternoon.
Hi.
Anything good?
Depends. Can you read?
I came over cos aren't you...
I thought I recognized you.
How are you?
- I'm great.
- That's nice.
- How you doing?
- Well... Couldn't be better.
That's good to hear.
- You looking for a bargain?
- Yeah. I got a tip from...
Isn't that funny? So did I.
I heard him talking about it.
- Small world.
- That is funny.
I half expected to find him in here.
- So...
- Yeah.
So, so, so.
This is odd. Running into
anyone you know in a city this size.
Yeah.
- Like fate.
- God, not fate.
What?
Sorry. I hear that word
thrown around our place a lot, so...
- He loves those Greeks, doesn't he?
- Yeah.
- Anyway...
- Yeah. Anyway.
You wanna get some coffee?
Er... Actually I'm er...
I'm meeting someone, so...
OK.
What about later?
I'd even go for decaf.
Erm...
No, thank you. I have...
Why not?
Huh?
Do you...
Why are you acting like...
Because I want to take you out.
It's just coffee. Don't say no.
I already did.
I could say it again for you. No.
Leave me alone.
OK.
- You're a real piece of work.
- That's great.
Nobody likes you.
You're aware of this?
- Are you for real?
- I don't get your kind.
You give my friend nothing but grief,
coming off like a dyke bitch.
How do you live with yourself?
- What is the matter with you?
- You don't want to have a drink, fine.
I can take it.
I have a healthy self-image.
But you dick around people I know,
one of these days I'm gonna find you
and I'm gonna knock you on your ass.
You are a useless cunt.
Get used to it.
It's just a shitty day.
Fine.
This is great. Did you write this?
- That's cute.
- It's really good.
Oh...
Anyhow, Mondays are still OK, all right?
Monday's still good?
Cos I could change my stuff around.
He's got that class.
He usually runs late.
What if he doesn't?
Why can't you just tell him?
I like the fact that he thinks he's
the only one fucking around. I enjoy it.
- I'm glad I can be of service.
- That's not what I meant.
- Just tell me why.
- Don't question everything, OK?
It's very tiring.
Look, I love you. OK?
Huh?
- I know.
- I do.
But your questions are so useless.
There's so fucking many of them.
I mean, I love being with you.
I've said that.
This isn't a barometer reading.
It lasts.
- I know.
- Believe me.
- I do.
- No, you don't.
Or you wouldn't be
wandering around a grocery store
asking me about the degree
to which I like being with you.
I can't explain it any better than that.
I'm sorry.
Don't be sorry.
You didn't do anything. You just...
You just talk too much. Jesus.
Most of them are young boys.
But when you get to the Restoration,
women finally get a chance to go on
stage but most of them are prostitutes.
Why don't you guys head on
into the Age of Reason, OK?
I'll catch up.
I've got to make a call.
Just right over there
by the... by the Voltaire statue.
- Hi.
- Hello.
Wow, this is...
Erm...
I'm sorry I didn't call you. I was...
Actually I tried to but then
I lost the office number and...
God, this is so...
This is weird. Isn't it?
I'm here with some kids doing research.
Yeah, she's cute.
No, they're students.
Hey, could we...
Do you think we could talk maybe?
- No.
- Just get together and...
- Could we just stop... Come here.
- Please leave me alone.
I need to talk.
At least get some closure.
What you need is the last thing
on Earth I'm interested in.
The same hotel room. The exact same.
Yes, that was... I...
I suggested it to him. He asked and...
- How could you do that?
- I don't know.
How?
I was jealous, OK?
I guess I just...
I mean, I wanted to be there first
with you. I wanted to feel that.
Well, you weren't.
You never were.
I know, but I wanted
to pretend like I was.
Why?
Because. I just... I felt...
I didn't want it to be the same.
That's the only reason
I agreed to it in the first...
I wanted it to be different.
That's the way I wanted it.
That it'd be different.
OK. That's fine. I understand.
That's fair. I just...
Well, I mean... I mean...
We're here now, aren't we?
Aren't we?
The two of us.
That's gotta, like, be... something.
You know, fate or...
Actually I'm here doing a feature for...
Yeah, but how many times a year
do you come here?
I'm hardly ever...
I mean, this is... Shit.
This is just so...
I don't know.
How did things ever get so...
Because life is complicated.
It's a funny world.
People can't communicate.
And you couldn't keep your erection.
I know but that's never...
It's just one big cycle for me.
I keep thinking about this
and we just can't end like this.
Goodbye.
Can we please...
So, what do you think?
- Honey?
- What?
About seeing them again.
- Wouldn't that be nice?
- Hm-mm.
No?
I mean... Yeah, if you want to. Yeah.
Doesn't sound like you do.
Well...
I mean, I'd like to get the house done
a bit more.
Haven't finished much
since the last time they were here.
We could all go out then, maybe.
OK.
- What's the matter?
- Nothing.
You seem nervous.
- Why would I be...
- I don't know.
Well, I'm not. I'm fine.
Yeah, why would you be nervous
about seeing them?
I don't know. Why?
Honey, what is this?
Nothing.
What are you doing?
Not a thing.
You? What have you been doing?
What do you mean?
I've been working on the house.
Trying to.
I've been writing my...
I don't know what you mean "doing".
I made you dinner and I...
What did he say to you?
You tell me.
Why don't you tell me
what he said to me?
I've been waiting to see
if you'd do something about it.
So, is it true?
Mm-hm.
I figured it was. But, you know, the...
the benefit of the doubt.
What do you want me to say?
Nothing.
That pretty much says it all.
It's good bread.
No, no.
You should use it
because it's all behind the eyes.
You got it in the monologue last time.
I'm gonna talk to him for a second.
Why don't you just hang out
in the greenroom for 15 minutes?
I'll be there in a second.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Sorry to interrupt and all.
You never returned my messages so...
Show looks good.
Yeah, it's all right.
It's just a dress rehearsal.
But, thanks. It's... It's Wycherley.
Doesn't matter.
Look, I'm sorry. I mean...
- That's not why I came here.
- No, I should've come to you.
Why? I would've said no.
I don't mean in the beginning.
I just meant I should've talked...
It was a shitty thing to let happen
in the first place and I...
I just... I feel...
Fuck, I don't know how to put this.
I just feel...
Bad?
Bad, exactly. Bad.
I mean, my wife.
I'm sorry.
- The same hotel room even.
- I am sorry.
Yeah.
But I mean I still... feel...
Bad.
Right.
Bad.
So, are you guys talking at all?
No. I don't even know where she's...
- I mean, she'll call.
- Oh, yeah. They always call.
- Has she called you?
- Me? No.
- God, no.
- Right.
I just meant they...
Right.
Do you feel good?
Are you borrowing toiletries
in there or...
No? Yes?
What the fuck?
Look, I know you're nervous
and all, so it's...
But if you use any towels...
Please don't feel...
I always do this.
It's a health thing, really, it is.
Erm...
Take a shower,
wipe yourself off, no problem.
But set anything you do use
off to one side. OK?
I gotta do a wash anyway.
OK?
Hi.
- How are you?
- Fine, thanks.
Great.
Is this part of a collection or is it...
No, that's just a single piece.
- Nice, isn't it?
- Yeah, very.
- Yeah.
- Hm.
- First time here?
- Hm-mm. You?
No, I work here.
Oh, really? Are you an artist or...
- No, I'm the artist's assistant.
- Oh, an assistant. Wow.
Is there anything I can help you with?
Look, I'm the guy that she lives with.
I just thought
I'd introduce myself or...
- You know.
- Who?
Come on.
She told me
that the two of you were together.
Or whatever.
That's what I thought.
Well, look, erm... There's nothing else
I can show you here.
If you're done looking, right?
You could show me why she'd
be interested in somebody like you.
Maybe because I don't say stupid
fucking things like that to people.
I got a call.
Great.
The painting's crooked.
I just feel...
I don't know.
I wanna say this. I need to...
Listen...
We both... I mean, all of this...
What I've done as well,
there've been some mistakes.
Fine.
Because you've done the same...
You know, this whole girl thing.
Fine. That's how you feel. Fine.
But... you aren't coming back, right?
What, that's it? This whole thing
we've had, it's just over?
Look, I know about her.
You know that, right?
What happened.
How you two had your little...
Let's just leave it here because...
- Don't you think I feel...
- Bad?
Of course I do.
He's my best friend.
Don't even fucking use that, all right?
Best friend? That is bullshit.
Try saying friend when you're down there
lapping between his wife's legs.
Come on. It was a mistake.
Why are we doing this?
I never thought this arrangement
would be...
- What do you want, huh?
- I...
We had something nice.
We paid the bills, great.
But now it's...
Look, if you knew, why didn't you
tell me? We could've talked about it.
You started seeing somebody.
It doesn't matter.
I met someone too.
I at least tried to fuck
outside our calling circle.
But hey, if we could've come back
and continued, then
it would've been very sweet
but we can't.
We fucked it.
We fucked up.
- It doesn't have to be like that.
- It's fucked. Wake up.
Hey, hey, hey.
Would you fucking just listen to me?
I'm trying to apologize
and you keep fucking whacking me down.
- I feel like I'm...
- Listen, I don't have time, OK?
It's late so let's just do this.
It's over.
Thanks so much. It was lovely.
I'll get the rest of my stuff later.
Lunch was a mistake.
This is just so
shitty. I mean...
After all...
God, please don't fucking examine...
You are so weird about shit like this.
You just want to turn it all over.
This is not some fucking thesis,
so snap out of it.
Would you be quiet?
That's my advice to you.
Grow the fuck up.
- But this is...
- But...
OK. Do I at least get a number
if you get mail or something?
Sure.
Should I write "hold me",
or anything like that?
- That's not funny.
- Yes, it is.
So, are you...
- You're staying with her now?
- Oh, God, not her too.
- I just can't...
- Can't what?
Why is it so hard to fathom
I'd want to be with a woman?
I wanted to be with you.
Now I want to be with her. That's all.
I know.
It just makes me feel a little...
Oh, fuck. Great. Just forget it.
Forget it, all right?
Is this a moral issue?
Or is this just because
you think I have nice tits?
It's both.
You OK? You want anything or...
OK.
Answer.
Answer.
Answer.
Answer me.
Look, this is not just another question.
I...
Please answer me. Please.
What's your name?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's nice. That's pretty.
Come on. What's going on?
Listen, I...
I gotta go.
No, it's...
Come on.
Shit.
What is the matter?
Oh, God, is it me?
I put it in you, you cry.
I stick it down by your ass, you cry.
Which is fair, I grant you. That hurts.
But I kiss your tits, I touch you,
I so much as fucking rub up against you
and you're weeping in my pillow.
Is it me?
I don't think so.
All right.
Can you just...
just hold me?
I want to make love.
A few more months,
it's not gonna be so easy, you know?
Uh-huh.
We will.
Just a few minutes.
But we will fuck tonight, right?
Yeah.
In a minute.
Jesus.
Fucking watch doesn't even work.
- That's...
- I'll get you another one.
Jesus, you're a mess.
Lay back.
How does that feel?
That's nice.