Girls, girls, girls.
Mr. Sage, where do you find
all these beautiful girls?
- You follow Mr. Ziegfeld sometime.
- I tried that once, but he lost me.
- I almost forgot. Mr. Zieg...
- He's been trying to get me on the phone.
What is it about a telephone
makes you want to answer it?
- Good morning, Mr. Sage.
- Good morning, Mr. Sage.
Mr. Ziegfeld's been calling you
all morning.
What have I done
to Alexander Graham Bell?
- I don't mind telegrams. They don't ring.
- Take off your hat and smile.
I don't mind him calling.
That's why he underpays me.
- Be here tomorrow at 11.
- But he calls me...
...and gets me up at 2 in the morning
out of a sound sleep. I get insomnia.
Take off your hat, smile winningly.
- Mr. Slayton, Miss Sawyer.
- How do you do, Miss Sawyer?
- How do?
- Take off your hat, smile winningly.
Yes, sir.
- Just my hat?
- Yes, just your hat.
You think you're picking them.
The boss is on one of the greatest
voyages of discovery...
...since the days of Americus Vespucci.
He found one on a Staten Island Ferry,
one on the Bronx Express...
...two in an all-night laundry.
- Fine. Be here tomorrow at 11.
Oh, well, don't you want to see
my legs?
That's not our department, honey.
- Did you call me "honey"?
- He calls everybody honey.
- What's biting you, honey?
- Now you're doing it too!
I've been warned.
Look, kid, the Follies are life,
and life is a cafeteria.
You look at the pretty dishes, pick out
what you want, but you've got to pay for it.
There are signs up all over the place,
"Not responsible for valuables."
Get it, honey?
Yes. Yes, I do.
Are you sure you know
what we're driving at?
- It's kind of subtle.
- Yes.
Keep on saying that
and see where it gets you.
Hello? Yes, Mr. Ziegfeld.
It's for you, Mr. Sage.
I'll be there in 20 minutes.
Where are you?
Yes, Mr. Ziegfeld.
- Suits and furs.
- Second floor, first elevator.
So he looks me over,
and when he gets to my feet, he says:
"You'll do,
and I like my ankles slim too."
- Yeah, and how'd you come back?
- Hard. I said, "How do you like your heels?"
- Gee, that's terrific.
- Yeah. He said he was Florenz Ziegfeld.
What a nerve!
When you're quite ready, miss.
Hey, wait for papa!
- Surprised to see me, Red?
- Gosh, what if it was Ziegfeld?
Mezzanine.
- Stationery?
- Two on the aisle.
I mean, two aisles over.
If this happens, it's the biggest thing
that ever happened to us.
- Second floor. Coats, furs, Paris gowns.
- Second? Thank you.
- Gil, stop. Listen...
- Okay, okay.
There, we're stopped.
Baby, I'm practically a success.
The boss says to me today, he says:
- "I've been watching..."
- Why shouldn't he pick me out?
What? Anyways, he says,
"I've been watching you.
You're slated for a job that's twice as good
as the one you work."
And I says, "Twice?"
He says, "Next week, you go from
the 21/2-ton trucks to the 5-ton trucks."
- Oh, that's great, Gil.
- Then he says...
Listen, a man came in here
a little while ago...
...and said he was Florenz Ziegfeld.
Well, I thought he was just being fresh,
so I was fresh right back.
Well, now, honey, what would he
be doing in an elevator?
I don't know.
Maybe going up and down
in here got you dizzy, huh?
Why?
If a girl gets into the Ziegfeld Follies,
she's made.
Oh, Gil, I'm sorry.
- I think it's swell about the truck.
- Yeah, yeah.
Wouldn't you think I'd get used
to going down in this elevator?
But when you kiss me...
No kidding? You feel like
you're going down in an elevator?
How do you feel when I kiss you?
Feel like I'm going up in an elevator.
- What's the matter, stuck?
- Yeah, and we like it.
Miss Regan, come with me, please.
Take the car.
This gentleman wants to speak to you.
Miss Regan, Mr. Sage.
- Hey, that wasn't her fault back there.
- You're a very lucky girl, my dear.
- What's your full name, Miss Regan?
- Sheila Regan. That full enough?
Too full for Mr. Ziegfeld,
but he can change it.
Where do you live?
Brace yourself, pal. Brooklyn.
What is your phone number?
Flatbush 7098.
I suppose Mr. Ziegfeld
can change that too, huh?
- Yes, to Butterfield, pal.
- Oh, now, wait!
You will be at Mr. Ziegfeld's office
tomorrow morning at 11:00.
Nod once if you've heard me.
Very lucky girl, my dear.
Hey, what's the matter?
Well, tomorrow morning at 11:00...
...l'm a Ziegfeld girl.
Just like that.
Hey! Order me three of these
in different colors.
They don't come in different colors.
Think the leopard will change
its spots for you?
What else?
Well, Gil, how do I look?
You look all right, Red.
Don't sound so good.
Thank you.
Yes, Mr. Ziegfeld.
Miss Gallagher of Ed Gallagher
and Company?
That's me!
Mr. Ziegfeld will try to see
your act tonight.
He'll try.
You'd think he had to fight his way
into the theater.
It'll take a miracle
to make him catch our act.
This is the place they dish
those miracles out, honey.
They ran a fresh one up for me.
Mind if I touch you?
Maybe those miracles
are catching, like measles.
- Oh, Miss Gallagher?
- What?
Mr. Ziegfeld wants to know
where you're playing tonight.
Oh, the...
...Harlem Opera House.
Well, I'll give that Ziegfeld bird
just five minutes to get here.
- lf he doesn't show, he's lost me.
- Pop, give him a few minutes longer.
Not a second. When he gets here,
that's our cue to be hard to get.
- Right now, I feel awful easy to get.
- Don't ever be.
You got everything your mother had,
and she was bigtime...
...after I ironed out the kinks
in her technique.
Gosh, I hope he liked our act.
I'm getting so tired of tank towns
and trained seals.
For you and me both.
Not that I haven't known some
very charming seals, but...
- It's him! That's him.
- He just got in under the wire.
Won't you come in?
You're Ed Gallagher and Company?
In the flesh, my man.
As big as life and twice as natural.
I'm Noble Sage,
Mr. Ziegfeld's strong right arm.
Oh, come on in, come on in.
Here, have a chair.
Thanks. I've got one.
Mr. Ziegfeld saw
your performance tonight.
Did he like it?
Did he say he liked it?
How is Ziggy?
- You know Mr. Ziegfeld?
- No. He never had the pleasure.
You're very lucky. Mr. Ziegfeld would
like to see you in his office tomorrow.
Right! What time?
- How about 11:00?
- Right.
- That's the New Amsterdam Theatre.
- Right.
- 42nd Street.
- Right.
And say, tell Ziggy he's getting
the best act in vaudeville.
- Who should know better than me?
- Oh, Mr. Gallagher...
...Mr. Ziegfeld isn't interested in the act,
only your daughter.
- Right.
- No, wrong.
I won't be there at 11:00,
Mr. Sage, or ever.
I couldn't. Not without my father.
Why, without him, I'm nothing at all.
If Mr. Ziegfeld can't understand that,
how could I work for him?
I couldn't respect him.
No. Tell him thanks very much,
but I can't accept.
Susie. I said, right.
I mean right, Mr. Sage.
My kid will be there.
Right.
And tell Ziggy he's getting a break
he don't deserve.
I'll be right behind her showing her how
every step of the way.
Right!
Oh, Pop.
Don't worry, baby.
You'll be all right.
Our act's like a snake. You cut it
in half and both ends wiggle.
Chin up, shoulders relaxed...
...and don't forget to smile.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Hey, hey, hey!
Come up out of that hole, baby.
- You're not a showgirl.
- I'm sorry.
Good thing you outgrew
those knock-knees.
Jerry!
I hate to admit it,
but this is my kid brother.
- Jerry, this is Susan Gallagher.
- Hello.
Hiya, Susie.
Pony-size, huh?
Ma made you lunch.
Says you got to keep up your strength.
You'll need it to fight off
those stagedoor Johnnies.
What do you know about them?
I was born in a theatrical trunk,
but the lid wasn't shut.
I think my pop left it open on purpose.
He says it's what you don't know
that can hurt you.
Now, what could you learn
out of a book?
- Hiya, John.
- Hello, honey.
That's Frank Merton.
He's one of the stars of the show.
- He's got the most beautiful voice.
- Yeah?
Cucaracha. Look at that one.
She looks better all wrapped up
than the rest of them do unwrapped.
Auditions. All ready for the auditions.
Don't be so nervous, darling.
All the conductor can say is yes or no.
But he can also say,
"Who let you in here?"
Musical director is ready
to hear you, Mr. Kolter.
No, Franz. The job
isn't good enough for you.
I ask you, can such an artist as you
play second fiddle in a Ziegfeld orchestra?
- Yes.
- Yes.
No. It's a disgrace to your violin
to make jazz music.
- Where is your violin?
- Well...
...the pawnbroker is holding it for ransom.
It was a question of food or music.
Franz was too hungry to play,
and I was too hungry to listen.
- All right. Use mine.
- All right, Mr. Kolter.
Wear this for luck, darling.
How can the heart be so full
when the stomach is so empty?
I don't understand it.
- What are you waiting for?
- I'm sorry, girls...
Oh, Sage, come here.
You want credit for a great discovery?
What is the matter?
What's the matter?
Mr. Zieg...
- Well! Well, what are you doing here?
- Why, I'm just waiting...
You're waiting?
You mean Mr. Ziegfeld's waiting!
- Oh, but I can't...
- Well, well, well!
- Darling.
- Sandra, where did you go?
I was so worried, I didn't even realize
Mischa was lending me a dollar for dinner.
Well?
- I didn't get the job.
- I'm glad you didn't. Mischa was right.
- The job wasn't good enough for you.
- So the conductor thought.
Oh, he was very kind.
He said I belong in Carnegie Hall.
I play well, he said.
I play too well.
I am a classicist, he said.
That's like being dead and buried,
but with your feet sticking out.
Oh, but we're not dead yet. Look!
But, Sandra,
where did you get this money?
An advance. I have a job.
I'm going to be a showgirl
in the Follies.
The Follies? A showgirl?
It is a little silly. You just
put on some beads or something...
...and walk up and down.
Like this. See?
Now.
That's all. Just like that.
And people pay money
to look at you.
- How did all this happen?
- Well...
...I was standing there,
listening to you play, and...
Oh, darling, you played beautifully.
When a funny little man...
The one I saw didn't look
so funny or so little.
Oh, not that one. There were two.
They were both funny...
...but the funniest one
pushed me through a door...
...and there I was
in a room filled with flowers...
...and deep carpet...
...and...
And then I heard a voice
from behind the flowers saying:
"Figure, okay. Face, okay. Smile, okay.
Seventy-five a week." Next.
Next?
- What's next?
- Well...
...next you congratulate me.
I should congratulate myself.
My wife has a job.
Franz, you're ridiculous.
- All failures are ridiculous.
- But, darling, you're not a failure.
No?
Well, what is it you want me to do,
give up the job?
I know it's a rather foolish way
to earn money, but, Franz, we need it!
Do you really imagine I would stand by
while you showed yourself to other men?
Why, Franz...
...you're jealous.
- Jealous?
Don't you think I see the men who look
at you when you pass them on the street?
Do you think I'm jealous
of them? No.
I'm afraid.
That's not fear.
That's distrust of me.
If I weren't always beside you,
sooner or later, they wouldn't pass you by.
They would stop. They would talk to you.
They would go your way.
They could stop and talk to me,
they could even go my way...
...but, darling,
it still would be my way.
I know. Pretty soon,
it will be their way.
So we never really had the thing
I thought we had...
...faith in each other.
If you have that,
you don't mind about the other things.
You don't even know
you haven't got them.
All of a sudden,
I realize we haven't got them.
All right! Take the job!
Be a showgirl!
But, Franz...
It's one or the other, Sandra.
Me or the job.
Nervous?
Oh, Jenny, I can't even
put on my lipstick.
Relax, honey.
They won't be looking at your mouth.
- Well!
- I'm sorry.
I've been peeking at the audience.
The women look like Christmas trees,
and the men look like penguins.
Why should you be worried, baby?
You're an old performer.
At the Harlem Opera House, I had
four chances a day to make them like me.
- Here, it's once and out.
- Nothing to it.
It's walking down stairs
like you never had to climb them again.
Take lots of time walking down,
and you'll gather plenty of moss.
Coming in, girls!
Let me fix that, Flatbush!
You'll have it looking like an ice pack.
- Having trouble, Flatbush?
- Only above the neck.
Listen, kids!
I've got something important
to say to you.
Except for a couple of hardened veterans,
you're all new to the big time.
In a few minutes, you're going on
in your first number.
Do you know what that means?
It means you're Ziegfeld girls.
You're going to have
all the opportunities of a lifetime...
...crowded into a couple of hours.
And all the temptations.
Some of you are gonna wind up
with your names in electric lights.
Some of you are gonna wind up
with a husband and kids.
And some of you
are gonna wind up...
Well, not so good.
I know what I'm talking about
because I've seen all three happen.
Whatever it is,
don't blame the Follies...
...because it would've happened even if you
were still where Mr. Ziegfeld found you.
It just might have taken a little longer.
So remember this, kids,
and it comes straight from Mr. Ziegfeld:
"The Follies is life in one stiff jolt,
life running instead of walking...
...life speeded up to a mile a minute.
But if you've got the right stuff,
the pace won't bother you.
And if you haven't,
you'll come a cropper.
It's strictly up to you."
Dream number.
Places for the dream number.
All right, girls!
And good luck.
So you like paprika too, eh, Geoffrey?
That's Sheila Hale.
Want to meet the young lady,
as it were?
She'll be met.
Well, my little brood,
we're up to your hips in a terrific hit.
Oh, Susie, run out and rescue the actors
from your old man, will you?
He's trying to explain to our comics
how they should have put over their stuff.
If they listen to Pop, they're in.
- Hello.
- Oh, hello.
- We're stepping out and high!
- Really? Did Pop say so?
Well, he's going along.
- Name your poison.
- How about an ice-cream soda?
Oh, big shot!
- All right, all right, cut me down.
- Oh, don't be silly. Come on.
Girls, the boss is throwing a big
coming-out party tonight for one and all.
- I know we can count on you.
- Oh, yes.
Will you be there, lovely?
Will you be there!
Frank is waiting for you.
When that canary holds out his hand,
there's something in it.
How about you, Flatbush?
No, no. My boyfriend's waiting outside,
with a 21/2-ton truck.
Well, maybe even a 5-ton job,
if I'm lucky.
You've got the right angle, honey.
You marry for love.
- I did.
- All five times.
- And you still have another arm.
- Yeah, and I wish I was an octopus.
You are.
Slip me that handcuff, will you, honey?
The big one.
For you, Flatbush.
For me?
- Who's Geoffrey Collis?
- A patron of the arts, my dear...
...and a guy with more potatoes
than they grow in Idaho.
Good hunting, kid. Only...
...don't shoot until you see the whites
of the eyes on those potatoes.
Here's one, Pa,
and about time. Listen.
"Another new glorified girl
who made an impression was Sheila Hale.
This one used to run an elevator.
Confidentially, boys, she gave me a lift."
Sheila Hale.
How can I brag to the boys
when they know my name is Regan?
Well, maybe we could
change our name to Hale.
Ma! Pa! She's up. Sheila's up.
I fed her some grapefruit juice.
Gee, Ma, you should have seen her
come down them steps. Like this.
Well! I hope I didn't raise my boy
to be a Ziegfeld girl.
You should have heard the tune
they played. Special for her.
Here it is. Listen.
I'm as proud of you
as I am of me uniform.
Well, you can put it away
in mothballs.
From now on,
we're gonna have lots of...
...potatoes.
- Irish potatoes?
Sure. Only kind I'd eat if I could eat any.
Mr. Ziegfeld's put me on a diet.
- Fine, if it's for building you up.
- Tearing me down.
He says if I don't watch my figure,
nobody else will.
Sheila, look at me being an actress!
Would you walk me to the corner,
Mrs. Bernhardt?
You're gonna put away
some bacon and eggs.
And you can tell that Mr. Ziegfeld
I said so.
Diet!
Showgirls should be seen and not heard.
You'll pull in your ears
when you read my notices.
I pulled them in when I heard you
singing. Look, look. Look at this.
There she is.
- Gil, you've got it. You got your truck.
- Yeah. Five tons if she's an ounce.
- Did you get the raise?
- No.
No, but I got twice as much
responsibility there.
Twice as much weight to carry
around for the same paycheck.
- Look, Red, we got things to talk about.
- Gil, don't I look different this morning?
I feel different.
You never look different to me. A diamond
don't have to be in no Tiffany setting...
...before I can see it.
- Meaning who?
I mean those guys that hang
around down by the stage door.
The ones with the moneybags under their
eyes. I saw them looking at you last night.
How, Gil?
How did they look?
Well, in such a way as to give me an awful
good excuse to punch them in the jaw.
Here. Yeah, here's a little item
you dropped.
That's "I like you very much.
Call me sometime. Geoffrey Collis."
Hey, where does he get off,
asking you to call him?
A gent never forces himself on a lady.
Oh, Gil, what are you so sore about?
- You took me home last night, didn't you?
- Well, the body anyway.
Listen, Red,
I've got something to suggest.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
I seen it coming from a long way off.
- You want me to quit, for instance.
- Yeah, for instance, I do.
Yeah, and for instance, I won't.
Not even if we get married?
Oh, Gil, I'm in it now. I'm a Ziegfeld girl.
You sound like a bottle of milk
that just got certified.
Oh, Gil, don't spoil things.
I just gotta see it through, don't I?
What will I tell our grandkids if I don't?
Dames is just like traffic. Sometimes you
gotta stop, sometimes you gotta go.
Yeah, but a smart driver
don't beat the lights.
Okay. So you know your own strength.
You ain't exactly anemic
yourself, you know.
Show's out at 11:30.
I'll be there at 11:28.
And if I have to push one of them
limousines out of the way with my truck...
...I can do that too.
Bye.
- Hi, beautiful.
- Hello, Flatbush.
- Hello.
- Hello, Merton.
- Good evening, Mr. Collis.
- You certainly look wonderful.
You don't look so bad yourself.
- Shall we dance to our table?
- Love to.
See you later.
- Good evening.
- Hello.
Good evening, Sandra.
How are you, Sandra?
- Hello, Sandra. How are you?
- Fine, thank you.
I'm beginning to think I'm quite a guy.
- What delayed you?
- All those wolves with envy in their eyes.
Who do you pick to go out with?
- That's because you're so safe.
- Me, safe?
Certainly. We're both married,
and we both know it.
Isn't there a word for it?
Insurance.
I don't feel like such a good risk.
Oh, I wish my husband could know you.
He was so afraid I'd meet
nothing but wolves.
I'm only wolf on my father's side.
- How about it. Hungry?
- I could eat a horse.
- Only I suppose the things are fattening.
- How many calories in a horse?
Enough for a day at least, monsieur.
Perhaps madame would like some
delicious rognons de veau grill.
Or perhaps foie gras au porto?
See anything about me that makes
you think I could understand French?
But, yes, madame. Plenty.
Think I better order by ear.
Bring me a stack of wheat.
Crepes suzette for the lady.
A stack of wheats for the lady!
They serve them
sort of folded up here, Sheila.
- Which? The ladies?
- No. The hotcakes.
Okay. Fold up some for me.
Maybe with a French accent,
they're not fattening.
You know, I like you.
You're kind of a novelty to me.
Shall we drink to that?
- Oh, no, I have a lot left.
- Why don't you drink it up.
What for? I figure it's always more fun to
be conscious when you have a good time.
And you and Gil have
good times together, huh?
When we're not battling.
You know, a place like this takes
all the fight right out of me.
And after 20 years of developing
a good left hook.
Tell me...
...what are you going to do
with the rest of your life?
Live it. What else is there to do with it?
Don't tell me you're the one woman
who doesn't think she has talent?
Oh, I have talent, all right.
- Being good company.
- Which should be rewarded.
Here we are. How about this?
Look.
Gee, looks good enough
to eat with a spoon.
Well, try it on.
- It'll fit.
- Come on. Let's make sure, shall we?
Are you making a pass at me?
It appears that I am, Sheila.
A forward pass?
Very forward.
Well?
Do I complete it?
Nobody's blocking you.
Oh, it's time to wake up.
Now, look, honey. You want to see your
name out there in 6-foot lights, right?
Then you've got to give until it hurts, right?
But don't you have to think
of the people's eardrums?
It's about time for me and you
to do a little arithmetic, I guess.
- How old are you?
- Seventeen, but when we travel by train...
...you try to shade it.
- I know.
- How long have you been in show business?
- Taking time off for school, about 10 years.
- How old am I?
- Forty-two.
It's okay. Nobody's listening.
How old am I?
- Fifty-five.
- How long have I been in show business?
- Fifty-five years.
- Right!
So when I ask you to peddle a song,
peddle it. Like this:
You see how I sock it across?
Now I'm going after them!
You see? I got them right in my pocket.
You see what I mean, honey?
I give all I've got!
But isn't that just a little bit
too much, Pop?
No? Okay. All right. Well, we'll try
it again, and I'll give all I've got.
Good!
- Hello, Sandra.
- Hello, Jerry.
Listen to the kid sling her larynx around.
Susie, you're good!
- Good? You're terrific!
- Oh, thanks.
Gosh, I got a public.
If you'd only seen her sell it,
then you'd really buy it!
Who's selling what?
- I'm in a buying mood.
- Hello, sis.
- Hello.
- Listen. I just discovered Susie can sing.
You gotta get her to Ziggy. You can do it.
You can do anything.
Oh. Well, I don't know about anything,
but I'll do my best.
My best is pretty good, huh?
Say, where did you people
ever find this joint?
It's cheap and it's near our work.
Say, Sandra, help me pick out
an apartment.
I'd probably wind up with something
pretty awful. Too many ruffles or...
You're worried about ruffles,
what's the matter with Flatbush?
Come on, you two kids, and I'll buy you
a soda. Dutch treat.
Make mine a cone.
- Too many ruffles on a soda.
- Well, we'll be right back.
Well, Geoffrey says that I ought
to be near my work too.
I only met Gil once...
...but I liked him.
Well, what's so smart
about what you're doing?
I'm not trying to be smart.
With every guy sitting up
on his hindlegs and barking...
...you pick out one that sings
for his supper.
Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
I'm always popping off.
I only meant you're not going to get
anywhere with that tenor.
Why do you think he keeps a wife around?
Because wives are handy.
Oh, it's just that I don't want him
to put anything over on you.
It's easy to handle a man...
...if you're not too much in love with him.
- Oh, love. There's that silly word again.
Gee, Sandra, why can't the men
you want have the things you want?
I beg your pardon, Miss Hale.
Mr. Collis told me to pick you up here.
Oh, all right. Thank you.
See what I mean?
"What little redhead made a world's
record standing broad jump...
...from Flatbush to Park Avenue?"
When she finished, wonder
if she landed on her feet.
That kind of gal always does.
They keep printing that stuff, and a guy's
double life won't be his own anymore.
- Take it down, Buck.
- What for?
- I thought you liked it. This one anyway.
- Take it down, or I'll take you down.
Hey! Why sock a guy who's
only playing around with a picture?
- Anybody else got an eye for pictures?
- I'm an art critic!
- Wait a minute!
- Wait. He started it.
Come on! Break it up here!
What's the matter with you?!
Screwiest way of getting yourself
waked up I ever saw. By a fancy smell.
Not if you've been used
to the 7:20 garbage wagon. What's new?
Nothing much, except your folks is coming
home from Yellowstone Park next week.
They liked the bears all right,
but they didn't like the geezers.
Geysers.
Say, how do you know? Been working
that Ouija board of yours again?
No. You got a telegram
from your ma this morning.
- And you read it?
- Just casually glanced a little.
Say, why didn't your brother
go along with your folks?
Oh, I don't know.
Jerry's got ideas of his own.
And I don't pry into them.
Well, that trip must have
cost you a wad of money.
Well, what's money for?
Whose money was it?
Yours, honey.
- Hey! Deliveries in the rear.
- I'm not delivering. I'm collecting.
- Gil!
- Yeah.
Imagine seeing me here.
Where did you get that? Walk into a door
someplace else without knocking?
No.
Going-away present from a pal.
- Nice place you've got here.
- Some people might like it.
- Got the address from Jerry.
- Took you long enough to use it.
I thought maybe I might not have to.
How is Jerry?
Jerry's fine.
Those music lessons sure are taking
your place with him.
I guess Jerry and me
is just two of a kind.
The dumb kind.
I got something here to prove it.
A marriage license.
Remember?
Oh, Gil.
I wasn't sure about exactly
how old you are.
I put down "over the age of consent."
Guess you are, all right.
- Are you making a crack?
- lf the shoe fits, put it on.
Well, I'm getting tired
of playing Cinderella.
People who wear glass slippers
shouldn't walk on rocks.
Look, Red.
Suppose I was to tell you
I've developed a blind spot?
Suppose I'm not seeing any of this?
We're not here at all.
We're in Coney Island that first night
we met, you remember?
You remember?
A pretty good moon,
and you let me kiss you...
...after only slapping me twice.
- Three times.
- Okay, three.
And then I tell you you'll do for me.
And you tell me I'll do for you.
- But this isn't Coney Island, Gil.
- Let's make it like it is.
Now is it Coney Island, Red?
It's still Park Avenue, Gil.
Gil, come here.
I want to show you something.
I want to show you why it's Park Avenue.
Why it's different from any place
I've ever been.
Gil...
...did you ever go to a party
when you were a kid...
...and have them run out of ice cream
and cake before they got to you?
Well, that's the way I've felt
all my life, until now.
Look, Gil.
Take a look at all those shoes.
Why, I don't even have to have
the heels fixed anymore.
And here.
Look at all these dresses.
I mean, frocks. They get dirty,
I throw them away.
Gil?
Remember how I saved and scrimped
for that genuine wolf collar.
And then it smelled like
a dog when it got wet?
Well...
...now I can walk on fur if I want to.
But not on me, baby!
I'm no rug. I don't come wrapped up
in no mink coat either.
Gil! Gil!
Annie!
- Annie, did he go?
- Fast, and I hope far.
If that guy's a gent, I'll never get
a seat in the subway. What's the matter?
Do I look like anything's the matter?
You look sunk.
Yeah, he'd like to think I was sunk.
Without a trace.
Well, you better come to the surface.
Mr. Geoff's coming over pretty soon.
- I know.
- And Mr. Geoff likes you full of zip.
Annie?
What goes on with life anyway?
- Why does it get so messed up?
- Life don't. People does.
Neat, but not gaudy.
Now, you know I don't like that stuff.
Tastes like cough syrup.
Old Four Oaks is good for what ails you.
What is it ails me, Annie?
You got two guys and only one address.
It don't work out.
Hi there, Gil.
Oh, hello, Nick. What are you
doing so far away from Brooklyn?
Brooklyn? Where's Brooklyn?
- Have a drink. Waiter.
- I had a drink.
- Have another.
- Had another.
Okay. Then sit down
and straighten your halo.
All right. Give me a shot of bourbon.
I've been wanting to get next
to a good, pure truck driver.
Ex-truck.
- Bounced?
- Yeah.
Yeah, I got this when I hit the ceiling.
I got a truck that ain't
been unwrapped yet.
- I got a fleet of trucks.
- Yeah. Heard all about them.
Also heard what they haul.
- Those loads pay off.
- Yeah, with a bullet in the belly.
You got a tender belly?
If I can take this,
what can a bullet do to my belly?
- What do you get for wheeling a truck?
- Twenty-five.
A day?
No, a week.
How would you like to collect
What, for wheeling a truck?
That and other things.
- Of course, if I'm boring you, I'll...
- No, no, no.
No, if my mouth was wide open, it wasn't
because I was yawning. No. Sit down, Nick.
I got a special use for some big dough.
All right, break it up.
Ten minutes rest.
Just because we're taking the show on
the road, you can't start letting down.
You either gotta get me a mink coat
or put steam heat in my apartment.
Oh, boy, I wish I was going
where that trunk's going!
That's a cinch, honey.
Just get to be a Ziegfeld girl.
- Hello, Susie.
- Hello, Al. What are you doing here?
Hello, Ed. I heard you were here,
and I got a proposition.
No time for propositions.
We're due right now for an audition.
This is Susan's big chance.
Then we're going to Palm Beach...
Listen, Ed, I got a routine
that's money in the mattress.
I gotta have a guy to do it with so we can
get the bookings. Who did I think of?
- Me, naturally.
- Sure.
- How about Mabel?
- I'm tired of her. She don't wear well.
That's it! Take the best years
of a girl's life!
Shut up, Mabel.
Us men is talking business.
So I thought maybe if you
were getting tired of this clambake...
I don't know. I've been working
my fingers to the bone, grooming Susan.
Pop, maybe we'd better go with Al.
Susie! Slayton's waiting, honey,
and I don't think he'll wait very long.
- Oh, I can't sing!
- Nonsense!
- My throat's closed up.
- Come on, or I'll close an eye for you!
Here's the kid that's gonna
knock you in the eye!
- I'll try and keep my feet under me.
- He's like a cat that way.
Well, commence.
Come on, honey. Louder and bigger does it!
Great performer, my kid. Makes me proud.
Like looking in a mirror.
Quiet, girls. Quiet!
Come on, honey.
Hook them right in the gills!
Hold it!
Don't you know they quit beating
a song to death 10 years ago?
- Oh, another intellectual.
- Won't do, honey, won't do.
You don't slug an audience
from the front nowadays.
You kind of sneak up on it from behind.
Say, you're not gonna count this kid out
with only one strike on her, are you?
Wait a minute.
- You know that song, boys.
- Surely.
Give her a little help, will you?
Just... Just a little slower, please.
I understand.
Oh, Susie!
Get Ziegfeld, will you, kid? I found
something worth listening to for a change!
- You found?
- Who's found?
Great stuff, kid.
After you hoed the corn.
Thank you.
Susie! That was wonderful!
- Pop!
- Susie, that was wonderful!
Thanks. Thanks a lot.
Pop, wait for me!
Better take your woolens.
It's awful cold in Detroit.
Don't worry, honey. Al and me will frame
up an act hot enough to fry an egg on.
Gee, this is the first time we've
ever been separated, isn't it?
Remember when I was
going to school?
You wouldn't take bookings out of town.
Even when you could get them.
Nobody could ever separate us,
could they?
You wouldn't be trying to soften me up,
would you, honey?
Give me that armor plate.
Don't you know it's awfully cold
in Detroit?
Oh, Pop! Pop!
Take me with you, Pop!
Take me with you!
I don't want this job anyway.
Oh, I don't mean that.
I do want the job.
But I hope I didn't make
you feel bad today.
Mr. Slayton liked the way I sang.
Slayton! He's just a Johnny-newcomer.
There's nothing solid
about his technique.
He's a flash in the pan.
He's all wrong.
Wrong for you maybe, Pop,
but right for me maybe?
Maybe.
- Then you're not mad at me?
- Mad?
How could I be mad at anybody
for doing what I would have done myself?
- Oh, Pop!
- I'm not mad. I'm proud.
You stood there
and made them like it, honey.
- So long.
- Do you have to go?
Yeah, just like you had to do
what you did today.
And don't forget,
we're a couple of troupers.
And I ain't worried about
leaving you alone, Susie...
...because you're no ordinary kid.
- You know why that is?
- I do know, Pop. I do.
- Why?
- It's because...
...you're no ordinary father.
Right.
Pop?
Pop?
Blow, honey.
Thanks.
What you got to cry about?
By the time you get back from Florida,
Pop will be home, and you'll be laughing.
You're a cinch for a specialty
in the next Follies.
I heard Slayton popping off.
- Do you think so?
- Why, sure.
Hey, Susie?
You suppose you could kind of keep an eye
on Sheila while you're down in Florida?
She needs someone like you around.
Don't worry, Jerry.
Every time I think of you...
...l'll be looking after Sheila.
That means I'll be looking
after her a lot.
Seems the lady's having trouble
with the language again.
I give lessons, you know.
You finish the word like this.
FRANK
Funny. They taught me
To finish it this way.
You probably drove your teachers crazy.
With my spelling?
No. Not with your spelling.
Sandra, you've gotta make up my mind.
You've gotta tell me whether I'm
sitting, standing, crawling or flying.
Must I worry about your mind too?
I have enough trouble with my own.
I'm glad to hear that.
Sometimes, I think
I'll never learn to spell.
I believe you will.
You're a pretty smart girl.
If not knowing what you want
is being smart...
...then I'm smart.
I'm having a little trouble
with the language myself.
Write it for me.
A smart girl never puts anything
in writing.
- Sheila?
- I'm in here, Susie.
Do you mind if I park in here
for a minute?
The girls took over my room
for a feed. Thanks.
- Another one of those pep talks from Pop?
- Yeah.
Says, "Last week, we broke
the house record in Omaha."
That means they probably established
a new all-time low.
To Pop and Al,
and a coat of shellac for Mabel.
You know, when Pop sounds cheerful,
that's the time to fret.
He's going to prove he's a success
if he has to starve to death doing it.
Gosh, if I could just hurry
and make good myself...
To Pop, Al, Mabel and Susie.
Oh, I can't stand to fret about you too.
Oh, I apologize to your orchids.
Sheila, you've got to keep your head
if you want to get anyplace.
My head's the one thing I have kept.
It's gotten me everything I've wanted.
So now, if you'll pardon me,
I'll launch myself.
Oh, that's Geoff.
Let him in, will you, Susie?
Sure.
Sure.
- Hello, Mr. Collis.
- Oh, Susie.
This is Annie's night out. I'm
pinch-hitting for her. Let me take that.
- Oh, thanks.
- Sheila's... She'll be ready in a minute.
Oh, all right.
- Well, how are you, Susie?
- Oh, fine. Fine.
- Can I get you a drink or something?
- No, thanks.
Here, let me.
- There.
- Thanks.
It's all right.
- Sit over here. It's much more comfortable.
- This is all right.
No, this is more comfortable. You'll like
this chair better. Here, sit over here.
- You comfortable?
- Oh, fine, thanks.
That's good.
You know something?
- Sheila's a swell girl.
- Oh, I know.
She's got a heart of gold.
She's awfully good to her mother.
She takes care of her whole family,
you know.
Of course, she's not so good
at taking care of herself. Is she?
Well, isn't she?
I don't know. I mean, I always felt...
...that she kind of needed someone
around to take care of her.
I don't mean just to buy
her pretty things.
I mean to really take care of her.
You know, I've been thinking to myself,
Mr. Collis. You're a nice man.
You're an awfully nice man, probably one
of the nicest men I've ever met.
- It's very rare, isn't it?
- What? Nice men?
Oh, no. I mean for such a nice man
to meet such a nice girl...
...like you and Sheila, I mean.
Oh, oh, I see.
Makes me happy just to know
that it can happen.
It's made me very happy too.
Oh, here.
Thanks.
It will be awfully sad, won't it?
- What?
- I mean, when two such nice people...
...like you and Sheila
just sort of drift apart...
...like people do.
That's life, Susie.
It doesn't have to be. There's a way
to stop from drifting apart.
- What, have they discovered something new?
- Well, no, it's not exactly new.
People have been doing it
for quite some time.
Getting married, I mean.
What's so funny about that?
Pop says there's nothing funny
about marriage.
Just ask the man who owns one.
You're a very sweet child, Susie.
You'll make a wonderful father-in-law.
As a matter of fact, I've examined
my intentions toward Sheila...
...and strangely enough, I find them
to be perfectly honorable.
What do you mean, "strangely enough"?
I mean, strangely enough,
I see her true value too.
I'll be a very lucky man
if she accepts me.
You mean you're proposing? Marriage?
What do you think
about asking her tonight?
Tonight?
Oh, I can't think. I'm so happy!
Do you mind if I say
this is so sudden?
I don't think I'll mind
anything you say, Susie.
Oh, gee.
Give me room. Come on, dice!
There she goes. Come on.
That's it, babies!
Who's the little tomato
with the rebel yell?
Come on, dice.
She's coming out, and it's a six.
It's a cinch.
Whoa, nine, and the lady wins again.
- Luck be a lady. Try it once more?
- No more.
Next lucky shooter. Get them down.
I hope I'm as lucky as you are, lady.
How about trying a little chemin de fer?
Oh, no, not me.
I don't feel like gambling tonight.
Here, Geoff. You go down
and double it for me.
All right.
- When did they put in this flight of stairs?
- Try holding on to the banister, darling.
Oh, now, Geoff.
Sheila, I got something
to ask you tonight...
...something important...
...so don't drink any more, will you?
- All right, I won't.
Promise?
- Cross my heart.
- Thanks.
Double cross it.
- Waiter.
- Yes, madame?
Waiter, the wine list, please.
Yes, madame.
Well, well, and how are you?
- All of a sudden, I got a headache.
- Yeah.
I seen you with him at the crap table.
You're the greatest female crapshooter
I ever saw.
Thanks.
Now that you know just who I am,
who are you?
Jimmy Walters...
...as if you didn't know.
You seen me when I done it.
- Done what?
- Grabbed the title.
Well, what do you know?
I seen you when you done it.
How do you know I did?
Because I spotted you in the second row
at the fight.
Had your headache
with you that night too.
I hope he ain't chronic.
- What will we drink, huh?
- Never touch it, except when I'm on the job.
Soon as I saw you, I said to myself,
"There's a hot-looking little number."
Well, don't let it throw you, champ.
I'm 20 degrees cooler than you think.
One of them refrigerator dames, huh?
That's right. You're not the guy
to defrost me either.
Sorry if that's hitting below the belt, but
that's how you got to be champ, isn't it?
Chin up, you glorified girl.
The stairs are your specialty.
Shoulders relaxed...
...and don't forget to smile.
Okay, Al. See you next week.
I want you to tell the skipper
as soon as he gets to Nassau...
Gil!
Gil.
Hello, Red.
Gil.
Gil!
Gil.
Well, you wouldn't pass up
an old pal, would you?
Boys, Sheila Hale. The Ziegfeld Follies.
- How do you do?
- Hiya.
Hello.
The guy with the cigar is Nick Capalini.
- See you at the boat, Gil.
- Okay, Nick, in a minute.
- Gil...
- I said, a minute.
Isn't that Capalini the gangster?
Well, Nick likes "bootlegger" better.
Nick's sensitive.
- Is that what you are?
- Sensitive? No.
Bootlegger? Yeah.
- Risky, isn't it?
- So is every business that pays off big.
Have you seen the folks, Gil?
How are they?
They're okay. They fixed up the house
till it's the eyesore of Brooklyn.
Every time they get lonesome,
they buy a new piece of furniture.
And Jerry. How's Jerry?
Jerry's fine.
Last time I saw him, he asked me how's
about you and this Geoffrey guy.
Wanted to know what I thought
of long engagements.
What do you think?
I didn't tell him.
Big of you.
You look swell, Gil. In the money.
Oh, I look swell, huh?
Me in Palm Beach, in a 100-buck suit,
and Sheila Hale says I look swell.
And it don't mean a thing.
Look, Gil...
...make out like it isn't Palm Beach.
It's Coney Island, remember?
No.
It's Coney, and there's
a pretty good moon.
And I let you kiss me.
Only this time,
I won't even slap you once.
It's still Palm Beach.
So you want a little of both, huh?
Me and the fur coats.
Well, I could give you the fur coats
on my own now, but I don't want to.
I thought I would, but I don't.
So you've got over me, huh?
Well, I'll believe you
when you kiss me goodbye.
Wouldn't be that it's kind of tough to do,
would it?
That wasn't any goodbye.
Don't you know
when you've been turned down?
I did.
Sheila.
Yes, Geoffrey?
What do you think I did
with your winnings?
Ran them up to 5000.
- Oh, you're sweet, Geoffrey.
- Is that the word for it?
- But you look tired.
- Maybe I'm getting old.
Old wines are best, they say.
That is, them that drinks it say so.
- Only I wouldn't know, would I?
- No, you wouldn't know.
No, don't, Sheila.
Why not?
I get a bang out of you,
and you get a bang out of me.
Sheila...
Geoffrey, you said you had something
to tell me tonight, something important.
I thought it was important,
but it isn't really.
Maybe nothing ever is.
You know what I'd like, on account
of me keeping my promise?
What?
A nice, long drink.
Okay, break it up, break it up.
That's enough.
And remember, we've got
an opening tonight...
...so be back here on time
and all in one piece.
Tonight's the night, your night.
But don't start worrying about it now.
Oh, I wish Pop was here.
I wish my pop was here.
I wish my doctor was here.
Well, well, well.
Oh, I sound like a crow with adenoids.
Sandra, do girls' voices change too?
Only for the better, baby.
I hope you're right.
Well, the town criers were right for once.
You are beautiful.
I'm Mrs. Frank Merton.
- You knew Frank had a wife, didn't you?
- Of course. How do you do? I'm...
And you're Sandra...
...the current town topic,
the glamour gal of the year.
You make me sound very silly.
Sour grapes, my dear.
See, that's how they used to bill me.
Doesn't Ziggy ever change this setup?
I came down a stairway just like this
the year I won my Z.
- But I'm not here for old home week, am I?
- Aren't you? Then why?
Maybe to say, "Bless you, my children."
You know, I always wanted to play
a big scene sitting on one of these things.
What makes you think this is
going to be a big scene?
For one thing, I hear you're
going to marry my husband.
- You hear? From whom?
- From him.
He's crazy about you,
and I can see his point.
I'll make my sad story short,
if not sweet.
Frank and I have been married
for 10 years. Count them, 10.
I kicked my own career out
of the window to help Frank keep his.
And I don't regret it.
He's a great guy, in spots.
He's always played around a little,
and I've known it.
It wasn't fun knowing it...
...but I got by because he
always came home.
But it looks like he's not coming home
this time.
After seeing you, I know why
he wouldn't want to.
Mrs. Merton...
...you love him very much, don't you?
Probably not the way you do.
I love the way he thinks I like his singing
when I really don't, you know.
Do you ever listen to his speaking voice?
He can do more to me with that
than a Caruso.
I love the way he blames me
when he's got a cold...
...because then I laugh.
He never knows why.
And the funny way his hair curls up
off his neck when he needs a haircut.
And the way he grumbles
when the coffee's not just right.
And the way he makes you laugh
when you're just about to cry.
And all the crazy little things
that you think you'll change in him...
...but that really make him yours.
You're not talking about Frank.
No, I'm not...
...but we seem to be talking
about the same thing, don't we?
Maybe I'm the one to say,
"Bless you, my children."
We're the same kind of idiot, I guess.
I won't pretend I'm not glad.
Sandra.
Here is Franz's violin.
- Pawnbroker wept to see it go.
- Oh, Mischa.
All right, I'll do what you told me to,
but I don't like it.
I'll give the violin back to Franz...
...and I'll tell him that's your way
of saying goodbye. Is that it?
No, Mischa, no. That's all wrong.
- Why, are you crazy?
- I have been, but I'm not anymore.
Mischa, did something ever happen
to you...
...that all of a sudden,
made everything clear?
You knew what you wanted all at once.
Did that ever happen to you?
Like a hit on the head?
Not lately. I've been divorced for years.
Poor Mischa.
- What?
- I'm so sorry.
- Why?
- About your uncle.
- What uncle?
- The one in Philadelphia.
I have no uncle,
and he does not live in Philadelphia.
- Poor Mischa.
- What?
You'll probably lose your job...
...unless, of course, you have
a very good violinist to take your place...
...while you're in Philadelphia
for the funeral.
Sandra, what are you driving for?
You are crazy.
I tell you, you are crazy.
Oh, Mischa.
And so am I.
All right.
I've got an uncle.
- Hey, Grandpa, did you get Sheila?
- No, she wasn't there.
She's not here. Get out and find her.
Look in every speakeasy like a barfly.
- When I get hold of her, I'll...
- Kick her. Kick her hard.
But kick her where it won't show.
With that costume she wears,
it's impossible.
You have five minutes, miss.
Yeah, I'll have three left over.
Well? A gentleman gets up
when a lady comes into a room.
This is a room, all right.
I'm too busy to argue the rest of it.
Where do you get off
not wanting to see me?
A dumb truck driver in the clink
on account of bootlegging.
You've got the nerve to make me
practically break in to see you.
In the old days, when you got sore,
it used to bother me.
Look, I'm only trying to help you get out.
Yeah, and then when you used to go soft,
that bothered me more.
Oh, will you stop rolling those things?
They tell me I gotta learn
a trade where I'm going.
All right. Go ahead.
Take the rap for those crooks
you call your friends.
Your pal Nick Capalini.
Every racket's got its own
kind of payoff.
Look, why don't you get smart.
You can get out of this.
You can get a new trial.
You can do things in this town
if you know the right people.
Yeah, yeah. Only I don't. Do you?
I haven't seen Geoffrey Collis
for months.
I hear the guy walked out on you.
True or false?
True.
Gil?
Don't you honestly care about me
anymore?
Yeah, sure.
Only now I can roll a cigarette
while I tell you about it.
Could you believe that
I still care about you?
Yeah, why not?
And I can still roll a cigarette.
You know, it's a funny thing.
What's happened to you always happens to
people that try and be two places at once.
And they wind up not being anyplace.
Gil...
...Geoff would help us. He's a good guy.
Hey, bud, take me back
to my cell, will you?
- Okay.
- Guy can't live very long on no fresh air.
- Hey, what's going on in here?
- Where can a lady get a drink?
There's a little joint around the corner.
Good liquor too.
Thanks.
Theater's been calling you all afternoon.
Wants to know why you wasn't there
for dress rehearsals.
I can walk down a flight of steps tonight
without rehearsing all afternoon, I guess.
- Pour me a drink, will you, Annie?
- Sure.
Guess I'm a little low.
You're up, you're down.
What is this, a prize fight?
Don't you know I'm never down?
I'm always up.
Geoffrey likes me that way.
Pardon me.
Used to like.
I forgot. Your kid brother's in there.
Been hanging around about an hour.
- Jerry?
- Yeah.
Why didn't you tell me?
Well, hello, big boy.
- What are you doing east of Broadway?
- Kind of wanted to see you.
I gotta talk to you, Sheila.
It's important.
All right.
What's the matter?
Smash up your new car?
No, I took it back.
Well, how about the music lessons?
I quit them. I got a job.
Not on a truck, by any chance?
No.
I got a job in a pool hall.
Sheila, I'm getting too old to let a woman
put up for cars and music lessons for me.
Is your old age the only reason?
What else?
Gosh, Sheila, I don't believe a word
of what they're saying.
Who's saying what about who?
Oh, them cats that hang
over the fences in every back yard.
Well, that's who.
Now let's have the what.
Things I wouldn't repeat
in front of a lady.
Thanks.
- Things about me?
- Yeah.
And it's sure got me on the jump
keeping it from the folks too.
So you don't believe it...
...the folks don't even hear it.
- Did Dad send you here?
- He don't know nothing about this.
Listen, Sheila, I know you got
a nice place here...
...and that you never cared
for it much in Brooklyn.
But if you could just come
home to live, maybe...
- I might stop those cats from meowing?
- Well, yes.
That'd make it okay again
about the car and music lessons?
You know I don't mean that.
We don't want anything
except having you around.
And I'm supposed to believe that!
You've taken things from me
for months, all of you!
- It was the same then, only more so.
- But listen...
Now I gotta go home
to cover up for the neighbors!
You're yelling me down. The louder
you yell, the less you got to yell about.
People aren't talking any more now
than they were then.
If I was good enough to support you then,
I'm bad enough to stop now.
If you ask me, I think Gil's the one
that's really got something to yell about.
All right. Let Dad take care of you,
like he used to, working his heart out.
Have the rent collector on your neck
and no new dresses for Ma.
You hanging around pool halls.
And Betty growing up to run an elevator.
You were all right
till you stopped running one.
Okay.
You do it your way.
Only let me alone!
Let me do it my way.
Now get out!
Go on!
All right.
Here.
You think of everything, don't you?
Show opens in a couple of hours.
Get some rest.
What for? I'm full of pep.
I'm always full of pep.
Always full anyway.
Annie...
...how many fur coats have I got?
Well, counting that new ermine, six.
Yeah, and how many of these
service stripes have we collected?
Adding Mr. Geoff's signing-off present
and deducting that one we pawned...
...I make seven.
- Seven.
Think of it. I'm a very lucky girl.
Six fur coats, seven diamond bracelets,
an apartment on Park Avenue...
- What are you trying to do to yourself?
- What am I trying to do?
Don't you know?
I'm counting my blessings, Annie.
Counting my blessings!
Overture. Overture.
Overture.
- It's too bad about Mischa's uncle, isn't it?
- Yes. It's too bad about most people.
Little Patsy's picture's out of the lobby,
and little Patsy's out of the show.
And this is the first time in five years
I haven't been the June bride.
But don't fret, Jenny. Patsy's okay.
You know, I think I'll settle down
and adopt a baby, a boy about 21.
There's nothing wrong with Patsy
a good marriage won't fix, eh, Flatbush?
Places for the Trinidad number.
Where do you think you're going? Slayton
told you to stay off. You're plastered.
Sure I am. And a beautiful pink.
- Listen, you're leading with your chin.
- Yeah? Who are you to talk?
The best horrible example
you'll ever see.
Yeah, I know I look funny
on a soapbox...
...but you're so darn much like
I used to be. I hate to see you...
Listen, honey, being a Ziegfeld girl
is swell...
...but at most, it's only a few years
out of a lifetime.
And what are you gonna have after that?
I'd give my right arm,
yeah, and everything on it...
...for a guy with an ice-cream wagon,
if he really loved me.
And you've got a guy with a truck.
Come on back, honey.
Back to what?
Why didn't somebody stop her?
I don't know. I just opened my eyes,
and there she was.
- Are you all right?
- Leave me alone!
- You better go on the wagon.
- You better take the pledge.
I'm all right.
- Didn't I tell you not to go on?
- Well, l...
Sure, sure. That's right.
Here, Jenny.
Pour her back in that bottle
and send her home for good.
Come on, kids. Don't be so nosy. Make
your change for the next act. Hurry up!
Gosh! How can a girl
do that to her career?
How can a girl do that to herself?
Poor Sheila.
Sandra!
Franz.
Oh, Franz!
- Sandra.
- Very good, my boy. Very good.
See you in Carnegie Hall.
Did he say Carnegie Hall?
Yes. Why not?
Wear this for luck, darling.
Orders is orders.
But if you ask me, honey...
...you looked better falling down them stairs
than the rest of them do strutting down.
Do you suppose Prohibition
will ever get around to sodas?
I'm sorry it never got around to alcohol.
You heard from Sheila yet, Jerry?
Nothing but a loud popping of corks,
and we can't seem to track them down.
How about your dad?
He's still knocking them stiff in Omaha.
That is, stiffer than they were.
I almost forgot.
Funny, I didn't.
- Pinning a blue ribbon on me?
- Why not?
Aren't you the best of your class?
I'm sorry, miss. It's a phony.
I'll give you $ 10 for the setting.
Ten dollars?
Well, what am I kicking about?
I never thought you'd
quit the show, beautiful.
You can't do this to me, honey.
I got my pride.
What's this longhaired husband
of yours got that I ain't got?
A fiddle.
Well, now I've heard everything!
You're walking out on a Ziegfeld
contract to do an act in Hoboken.
Well there's nothing else I can do.
I've got a name now.
We can get bookings.
Isn't there any other way of helping your
pop without cutting your throat so publicly?
Try and see it his way.
He's worked all his life to be what he is,
and if he can't go on believing in that...
...what's he got?
Why don't you hire him
as your instructor or something.
And then don't listen to him.
I've tried that.
He knows it's a phony.
Then pension him off.
Put him out to pasture somewhere.
You're talking about my pop,
not a fire horse.
Get him a little job. Anything.
Like in the Follies, maybe.
- Oh, Mr. Sage!
- No, Mr. Sage!
It would be wonderful! Can't you
see how wonderful it would be?
- For who?
- For everybody! Pop would wow them!
- Anyway, I'd like him.
- Send Pop around to see Slayton.
Send him?
Why, he's waiting right outside.
- We were on our way to Hoboken.
- Well, bring him in!
And leave Hoboken where it is.
Might be easier to bring Hoboken here.
Pop's got a mind of his own.
You know, honestly, Mr. Sage,
I don't think I noticed it before...
...but I guess that you're really one
of the great men of the century.
The century is still young.
We couldn't let our star attraction
walk out on us.
You're paying a bitter price
to keep her.
That old guy smells with lace on,
and you know it.
- We'd have to fumigate after every show.
- No. Just after the first performance, pal.
Stick him in on the opening night.
Put him in front of a drop in one.
Give him two minutes.
Next night, he isn't there.
And the kid's with him in Hoboken.
Well, I'll have to think
of an answer to that.
- Hello, kid.
- Hello, Joe.
That nag looks like a cinch in the fifth.
Let's see that sheet.
Brandy, George.
Give it a twin.
Cash or credit, Miss Hale?
- Well...
- I'm sorry, but the boss says no.
No more credit.
Two Manhattans.
Good try anyway, kid.
Jimmy Walters.
- Remember?
- How could I forget?
- Seen you when you done it.
- Yeah.
You look like you got a different kind
of headache these days.
Yeah.
You look good and defrosted.
Yeah...
...but you're still on ice.
You know what I mean?
I got enough left for a couple of beers
if you can stand the old ear.
Okay, champ.
Couple of beers.
Draw two.
They got booths in this dump for ladies.
Two beers.
Now...
...when I was a champ, you gave me
the fisheye and a lot of fast lip.
Now I'm a tramp, you're willing to drink
my beer because you're a tramp too.
The only difference between you
and me is, you was a tramp then.
I'm not that thirsty.
The winner and still champion!
And still hitting...
...below the belt.
Somebody give me a hand! Quick!
Hurry up! Somebody!
Somebody come here, quick! Hurry up!
When you're through,
Sheila wants the paper.
- I was only looking at the stock market.
- See who it is.
- Hello, Gil. How are you?
- Hello, Jerry.
Gil, we're so glad to see you back.
Sheila will want to see you.
- Wait a minute. I'll tell her you're here.
- Fine.
- Boy, Gil, how's it feel to be out?
- How's it feel to be in?
- All right.
- What'd the doc say?
- You didn't give much over the phone.
- Well, Sheila's a little run-down.
- She's gotta stay in bed a couple of days.
- How long?
Well, a couple of weeks.
You're not a very good liar, are you, kid?
Your tie is crooked.
She ain't so good at all, Gil.
Doctor says her heart
just ain't there anymore.
All right, Gil.
Gil, Sheila don't know how it is.
Nobody does but me. Now you.
Well, nurse, how's the patient?
Giving you any trouble?
She won't take her soup.
Says it's not on her diet.
You better run along. Time somebody
took charge around here.
Won't eat the soup, huh?
Well, yeah.
It's too good for her. Here.
You better have a bib.
Now open the kisser.
Hello, Red.
Hello, Gil.
I got your flowers.
How'd you know
they were from me?
Well, who else would send a girl
roses wrapped in butcher paper?
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
There you are.
How's your pal Capalini?
Oh, well...
...when I came out of the clink,
I passed him going in.
We nodded.
That could mean a lot of things.
"Hello. Goodbye.
See you next year..."
Yeah. Yeah. It can also mean,
"I'm glad to have met you."
Or, "Go break your legs."
What did you miss most in jail, Gil?
Beer.
What next?
Dames.
Any dame in particular?
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Three or four.
Very particular.
Well, did it ever narrow down?
Yeah.
Yeah.
To a razor edge.
Anyone I'd know?
Well, very slightly.
Oh, Red.
I'm still in that elevator...
...going down.
I'm right with you, Red,
only I'm going up.
Gil...
...we're gonna have so much
to tell our grandkids.
Or maybe we'd better
skip some of it, huh?
Yeah. Yeah.
Kids gotta have some respect for us.
Sure. We wouldn't want them to think
that we were just a couple of dopes...
...that met at a roller coaster.
- No. No.
We won't tell them nothing
except about the ducks.
- What ducks?
- Genuine, milk-fed, sugar-cured...
...aluminum-coated, predigested
Long Island ducks.
You know the kind that
are always on the menus?
I don't like ducks.
They won't like you very much when
they find out you're raising them for menus.
- Am I raising ducks?
- We're raising ducks.
Beginning day before yesterday.
Red, there's a fortune in it.
Well, it's a living anyway.
Will they be yellow ducks?
Because if it's gotta be ducks...
...I want little, yellow, fuzzy ones.
- Okay.
If they don't come in yellow,
I'll paint them for you.
Of course, I don't believe
a word of this.
A word of what, honey?
What's happening.
It's too good for me, like Mom's soup.
There's nothing too good for you, Red.
Gil?
- Do you still have the wedding license?
- Oh, yeah.
It ran out.
- The poor little thing.
- Well, I can get a new one, though.
No. I like this one.
Look, Red, you'd better rest now.
I feel fine.
- I'm not tired.
- No, now look, I'm taking over here.
- Put that over here.
- Gil?
Gil, how far away from 42nd Street...
...would you be if you had a duck farm?
An hour or two maybe.
That's not very far
if you happen to like ducks, is it?
And it's not very far to get back if
you happen to like other things too...
...like 42nd Street.
You know, don't you, Gil?
You know what's wrong with me.
I'm two people.
And that just makes you twice
as good as anybody else, Red.
No, Gil.
I'm two people.
- Neither one of them is any good.
- You're all right, Red. You're all right.
Maybe you got mixed up
in the wrong business for a while.
But that's not it, Gil.
The Follies didn't hurt
Sandra and Susan.
Slayton told us.
He said that the same things
would happen to us...
...even if we were still where
Mr. Ziegfeld found us...
...that it was strictly up to us.
You know something, Gil?
I'll hate to miss
this opening night.
You just go to sleep.
Dream about the ducks, huh?
And this?
Yeah.
I love you, Red.
Put that in your dream too, will you?
Come on, girls. Hurry up.
Make your change.
Don't worry, Pop. Take it easy.
Look them in the eye like they were tigers.
- lf you lay an egg, do me a favor.
- What?
Cackle. That will be my signal
to catch a boat.
Say, boy, run out and get a double Bromo.
And split it between the two of you.
Hey! There's your music.
Where's Al? You're on.
Don't worry. He can smell a cue
from here to breakfast.
Hold her for me. If you find her slipping,
rub her head against yours. It's lucky.
- When did the Follies start?
- 1907.
For the first time, they're gonna
get their money's worth. Come on.
Gee! Am I too late?
- Yeah. To stop them.
- How's Sheila, Jerry?
She's gonna be okay.
It's Mr. Gallagher
It's Mr. Gallagher
As I live
Why, it's my old pal Mr. Shean
- How long have you been here?
- I've been over here a year
It's the strangest country
That I've ever seen
Oh, Mr. Shean
Oh, Mr. Shean
Over here
Why, we can both live European
- Yes?
- Ride around on camels' backs
And we'll pay no income tax
- Positively, Mr. Gallagher
- Absolutely, Mr. Shean
But it's in the balcony.
Oh, that's fine, Ted.
Oh, no, I couldn't let you pay
for a ticket. Mr. Ziegfeld wouldn't like it.
Thanks.
Mr. Gallagher
Mr. Gallagher
I understand one day
You saved a lady's life
In a rowboat out at sea
You were a hero then to me
Someone said that
You had made this girl your wife
Oh, Mr. Shean
Oh, Mr. Shean
When she sank
I dove down like a submarine
Dragged her out upon the shore
Now she's mine forevermore.
- Who, the lady, Mr. Gallagher?
- No, the rowboat, Mr. Shean
- Could it be that we're wrong?
- It's happened before.
Oh, Mr. Gallagher
Mr. Gallagher
At the Follies
You will see some wonderful sights
Are you the redhead on the end?
I'd like to be your friend
How about a little date with me tonight?
Oh, Mr. Shean
Oh, Mr. Shean
Why, you haven't got a look-in
With that queen
- Why not?
- She has millionaires untold
Who have lavished her with gold
- To keep her friendship, Mr. Gallagher?
- To keep her mouth shut, Mr. Shean
Oh, Mr. Gallagher
Mr. Gallagher
- Today I paid a visit to a gallery
- A gallery?
Of all the statues that they show
I think Venus de Milo
Is the greatest in all Greek mythology
Oh, Mr. Shean
Oh, Mr. Shean
- For de Milos' Venus, I'm not very keen.
- Why not?
For the thing that spoils her charms
Are the pair of broken arms
- I didn't see them, Mr. Gallagher
- Where were you looking, Mr. Shean?
- Pop!
- Pretty good, eh?
Take another bow! Take another bow!
Oh, Jerry!
Don't leave me holding the bag.
You did it, Pop!
You knocked them in the aisle.
I just softened them up for you.
You keep them that way.
All right. Oh, I gotta get
my costume on.
- Right?
- Right.
There's something I wanna ask you
about Susan.
The answer is yes, Mr. Regan.
But you got to wait five years to hear it.
Mr. Sage, something's happened outside.
Excuse me.
Phone that doctor again
and find out if he's left yet.
Yes, sir.
Oh, Sheila.
Hello...
...beautiful.
Hello, Flatbush.
Did you hear about me and Gil?
No. Tell me about it.
We're gonna raise ducks.
And grandkids.
Little, yellow, fuzzy ones.