1
So, we meet
in a train station.
Jack.
You know anything about birds, Jack?
Why do you ask?
It's just a simple question.
Don't worry.
I've heard the phrase,
"Birds of a feather flock together."
Yes.
A perceived fundamental.
There are, of course, exceptions.
You've been seen with birds.
Farm birds.
For a while, I lived near a farm.
Look at me!
Are my pupils dilated?
You're avoiding the question.
Listen to me.
If my train was on time,
I wouldn't even be here now.
Now, you listen.
You've been seen with chickens,
associating with chickens.
But you said...
I know what I said.
You are a strong-arm man?
You could say that.
I just did.
Well, there is no Santa Claus.
I won't be here for Christmas.
But the ladies have been talking, Jack.
What?
Right. With the Easter Bunny, I suppose.
Is that what you want me to believe?
You'll not get a free lunch around here.
I read the papers.
Tell me about Toototabon.
You can burn in hell.
Don't you ever wonder about anything?
The wonder was in my heart,
but you wouldn't understand
something like that.
There's an elephant in the room.
I'd like you to start talking turkey.
I ordered coffee about a half hour ago.
Do you play for keeps?
Is there any other way?
All right, two coffees.
Keep the change.
Aw, thanks, hotshot.
Sorry it took so long.
All the outgoing trains are stopped.
The place is crawling
with hungry passengers and cops.
It seems there's a murderer on the loose.
Cops?
Are you now or have you ever been
a card-carrying member
of the Communist Party?
Let me tell you a story.
My father was a pipefitter
for the DeWitt family.
I'm not shitting you.
I would've laid my life on the line
for any chicken
or rooster.
You ever ride the rodeo?
Who told you that? Sally?
I'm a plastic bag specialist.
Is that so?
A jack of many trades.
You ever do farm work?
There you go again.
You'd toss an animal up on a roof
just to see the look on its face.
My place was raided,
set to fire.
I'm lucky to have my life,
let alone the hair on my body.
Are you going to drink your coffee?
Maybe I will, maybe I won't.
They found feathers.
Bullshit.
Are you calling me a liar?
I know why the chicken crossed the road.
This conversation just came
to a screeching halt.
Be a man, Jack, and tell me about her.
Go climb a tree.
Getting nervous?
What?
You think you just rolled a seven?
Maybe.
Well, think again.
I used to hang out with clowns like you.
Where, in Bristol?
Never mention that place to me again.
Don't you have any sense of decency?
You were wrong, you know.
No one was with her that night.
She was all alone, waiting for you.
You were so sure she was with someone
that you never showed.
Don't you know that she cried
all night long over you?
Right or wrong, she loved you.
You're brewing a poisonous batch.
This thing is bigger than both of us.
I'm telling you how it was for real.
Think back.
You have no proof Max left the club.
Don't need proof.
I have the police report.
No matter. I saw it all in her eyes.
So you admit it.
You saw her that night.
I saw her from the window when
she leaned out to see him get his tab.
I saw Max.
And that's when you shot him.
Prove it.
We have Sally.
Who's gonna believe an orangutan?
Maybe a jury, big boy.
I'll see you and raise you five.
I don't bluff.
Yeah, and you don't smoke.
Takes two to tango, Jack.
Oh, so now we're dancing.
The party is over, cowboy,
and everyone's gone home.
The musicians are packing up,
and the janitor is standing by
with his whore named Sally.
Did anyone ever question him?
His name is Shelby Tidsworth.
Shelby was banging Sally
like there was no tomorrow
and yesterday was gone.
And he had his eye on Toototabon.
I don't own a gun.
I have a Buck knife which I only use
going into the wild.
I once sliced a gator
that was going after a rabbit friend.
There was blood everywhere.
Before that mess,
I'd only seen a red rabbit in a dream.
The janitor, huh?
Am I all alone here?
Yeah.
Shelby.
Suffers from advanced stages of gonorrhea.
His left arm weighs 75 pounds.
He could have shot Max that night.
Okay, let's go back to the beginning.
Life in those times was hard.
Hard enough to crack a coconut.
For argument's sake,
let's say I was a horse.
Even so, it'd be hard to imagine
how hard my first wife rode my ass.
I'm a small man,
and not necessarily of what you could call
good health.
But I took it from her for six long years.
Finally some banshee killed her
out in the bush.
I thought I'd died and gone to heaven.
The freedom I felt was extraordinary.
That's when I met Toototabon...
and fell head over heels.
Looking back,
she really was my first love.
Real love, it was.
They say real love is a banana,
sweet with a golden hue.
Yes...
Toototabon was a hen.
A chicken.
I'd never been with a chicken before.
In my mind's eye, I can still see her.
What happened, Jack?
I don't know.
It's all like a crazy nightmare to me now.
But let me tell you,
you get your hands
up under those feathers
and feel those full breasts...
There's nothing like it in this world.
She was the love of my life.
I'm not shitting you.
She and I lit the flame of love.
True love's flame
Burns so bright
It's love's delight
Oh...
Once upon a time we danced
Once upon a time we took a chance
And fell
In love
Once upon a time
Now I long to know
The glow
Oh, I wish to know
To be with her and know again
The glow
Of true love's flame
Toototabon!
Toototabon!
My love! My love!
Get him, boys.
Hands up against the wall, Jack.
You're under arrest
for the murder of Max Clegg.
Cuff him, boys, and take him in.
Toototabon!
Toototabon!